Kilogold

Hey beebee, This sounds tough. I'm sure we've all been there in one way or another... Under these situations, venting needs to be one of the first things we should do. Let it out of your system. Tell us a little more about your story. It's not only helpful for you, but it's helpful for the rest of us to know where you are physically and emotionally. That's where real help and healing begins. It feels like this is above all an extremely emotional situation for you and you little girl at the moment, is that correct? If so, would you be able to tell us more about it?

Hi all! I'm here to offer my buddy-ness to the cause. Firends and family have kept me together in this first year of diagnosis, and I'm here to pay it forward. Message me if you need a friend! (I'm looking at you, @seeker) I know some of you might live in relatively obscure places, so if any of you need an H-Buddy in Puerto Rico, here I am! Say hi, and let's chat :D

DAMN! Just what I was looking for! I COMPLETELY agree with the outcome of this disclosure, it's really not a big a deal as we think others might believe. The truth is, since we are usually quiet, and keep this within inner circles, we rarely ever get to see it in the proving grounds. Thanks so much for sharing bro. I don't see many male to female disclosures. This is gold!

I've been wanting to go for a while. It's quite a journey for me (I'm from Puerto Rico). Are you a regular? I could probably try it out next year.

My outbreaks usually last around 1- 2 weeks, with no medication. Sometimes I use Acyclovir cream to speed up the process, but it's usually not by much.

@WCSDancer2010 @willow @myfiercecalm @Yadira Thanks for sharing! I know this helps me realize that I can have that satisfying sex life again so I can focus more on the other important things in life. I feel this is really helpful for those who think they'll have to now live in celibacy or never have that sex-on-a-regular-basis life. I know it helped me for sure! :D Thanks all! Active or inactive, keep them coming! We want to know both sides of the coin

Hi all, I know most of us will soon come to realize that aside from our own outlook, barely anything in life really changes after our diagnosis. Then there's that one little (big) thing... The thing we all end up craving that got us into our current situations; a healthy sex life. I'm hoping to see how others have experienced changes in their life. Seeing as I am starting the thread, I'll go first. I have been single, and used to be sexually active (around once to thrice a month or two). After my diagnosis about 9 months ago, I have not had a complete sexual encounter. I've fooled around only once, and it wasn't too far either. As the guy, it's up to me to escalate the situation, and everything was set to allow for things to happen, yet the thought of having to disclose at a moment like that was enough to stop me in my tracks, so I left it as simply fooling around. I only got that far because I put my condition entirely out of my mind, so that I could focus on being attractive. I guess eventually that tactic bit me in the ass. I don't know if this means I'm still working up to it, but the main topic remains... How is your sex life post-diagnosis?

Thank you all for sharing this. Today I had an unusually mild breakout, and I was as surprised as I was distraught. Thank you for sharing your experience, your wisdom, and your struggles. This calmed me a great deal. This is for all three of you. You are all strong people, and your condition has truly made you stronger. Kudos!

"the virus doesn't live very long outside the body or in the presence of soap and it's again only spread by DIRECT, prolonged contact especially when you are not having an OB." ------- Hold on... don't you mean.. "especially when you ARE having an OB" ?

Just by seeing people simply talk about these feelings is so empowering. These posts always keep me coming back. Thank you for your efforts, Adrial. Cicily, I applaud your courage. Thank you for sharing!

Thank you! Will do. :)

Hi all, Quick question... I am subscribed to receive emails in order to acquire the ebook, but I cant even seem to find it in my spam folder. I also tried registering a secondary email address, yet same result. Is there any alternative way to acquire the ebook? Thanks in advance!

@WCSDancer2010, you are absolutely right. You are definitely "Forum Mom" in the best possible sense. I don't know at what point I am crossing the lines between eluding myself and creating an empowering perspective. Sometimes I ask myself if they are one in the same. I don't think it ultimately matters, as everyone's reality is subjective, but it makes me twitch. I've known to influence people with my dominating perspective, and I suppose this is also helpful for disclosure acceptance. Nevertheless, I used to ignorantly enjoy sexual freedom with people I became attracted to. It became a thing of "I like you, you like me, so why not?". Now I know why not. All of them are still friends, and we see each other from time to time. Hell, some of them are dating some of my awesome bros. We all see it as this awesome little fun we had a few times in the past. From what I have gathered so far, these days are not over, but out of my control...? As in this is only bound to happen based on whether said partner accepts or not? It might sound stubborn to hope for this to go on; I awkwardly admit that it was one of the things that made life interesting, and I mean romantic comedy Hollywood level interesting. Sex and life is a risk as I've seen people here say. I've taken the risk, and induced the consequence of said risk. In the grand scheme of things, I should probably concur to fair game. I recognize that there is more to life than (ironically, the creation of it) sex. I also recognize that there are younger people than me (I'm 24), going through this. Ultimately, it kills me to think that this is the age when the human organism is best primed for sex, and how responsibly exploring this can hinder it.

Thread revival here... I'm new to the group and I must say I have the same exact feelings @Equanimous has mentioned, and I had the same attitude @Adrial explained about his past. Not to say I'm superficial, as when presented the right person, there is more to it than looks. However, in this one life we get, I like to experience the excitement of having sex with someone attractive. Many find that exhilarating and exciting, even if they have to ultimately let it go for a true life partner, and even if just for the sake of scratching that off a bucket list. "sex from here on out doesn't have to be with someone you're falling deeply, madly in love with; but at the very least, you will be connected as human beings instead of simply sex objects." From my pre-herpes experience, some of the female friends I have are people I've hooked up with in the past, and we share a genuine friendship bond. Of course, it was only a fling, and we both recognize it, yet we appreciate each other's friendship. She may not be a life partner, but the presence of that person marked a wonderful memory of a good time we had. Isn't life worth living for those good times? I wish I knew how to replicate this under these new circumstances... I'm living the young entrepreneurial life which makes it really hard to buckle down with someone. Too many financial risks and lots of moving around renders compromises between two people rather impractical for the road. I've had occasions where I've met amazing people that I know I will not be able to settle down with, but we develop a connection. It's not deep enough to "love in sickness and in health", but it's strong enough to develop an authentic caring for the other person (except with the one that gave me herpes, I suppose). During those moments we hook up, smile, hug, and move on with our lives knowing that there is/was something there. For me, that helped me feel attractive and confident, as well as satiate that feeling of lust we humans experience. I feel like now I'm left to chastity and masturbation as the replacement of such dreams. I might just be blind-sighted due to recent diagnosis, but it seems to me like my only practical options are: - Meet someone HSV2+ (living in a tiny island might make this difficult). - Disclose and hope for (an estimated minuscule chance of) acceptance. Although I appreciate that I am now able to see hot women more as people, rather than an enticing sexual desire, I feel that sex will no longer be a romantic escapade, and instead it will be a regulated activity like plants and most animals do. I know we are all masters of our own reality, but does my reasoning seem coherent within yours? Am I making any sense?

Thanks @WCSDancer2010, such simple words can feel so reassuring right now. I Salsa on 2 btw, at home here in Puerto Rico, it's a popular standard. :)

@HerryTheHerp I guess it's true what they say about you. You ARE one funny guy, haha. Thanks for the tips on disclosure and the helping-another-brother suggestion. @WCSDancer2010 & @thisisgoingtobeokay, thank you for that little piece of closure wisdom. I will be sure to keep it in mind when exploring the motivation to do this. I need time to adjust my life habits to work around my new condition. I have to make some fundamental changes which change my life philosophy as well; I have to redefine myself in a way I was not particularly interested in living, but as all humans do (as well as many in this community, I'm sure), I will adapt. I may be posting more threads now and then as I'm a newbie in training. I'm really hoping that I embrace my new form because I genuinely wish it, rather than because I have no other alternative. Thank you everyone

Hello everyone, First time post here. First off, I want to say I love and appreciate all the wisdom I have acquired by all the different threads I have read from many of you. This community genuinely helps my sanity during my diagnosis of HSV2, especially at the inspirational quotes thread (http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/303/who-made-the-mess-and-other-inspirational-quotes-/p1). Today is official test results day, and I believe I acquired HSV2 around November 24, 2013. I went out for Salsa dancing with a girl I had recently met a few weeks ago then. She seemed really nice and kind. During that night in November, I expressed that I liked her as we were hanging out at her house waiting for some friend who never showed up. We agreed I could spend the night at her place (no sex... but it happened anyhow), and unfortunately it turned out to be a bad decision. I would like to confront her about this for the sake of closure. I have given her no reason to suspect that I have acquired HSV2, nor that I want to event talk to her about that particular subject. After that night, she's been ultra dodgey about any activity/outing I've invited her with or without a group. When she does answer (not frequently), she says she's up for doing "X" activity on "Y" day. When the day comes, she does not answer her phone, text messages, or even chats on Facebook. On the surface we seem to be in cheeful mellow standing, but the fact that she bails on every opportunity not only frustrates me, but solidifies the fact that she might have even known she had the virus when we slept together. She's also going out with someone else, I don't even know if her partner knows about her condition. I'm hoping to confront her in person where there is leverage to reach a conclusion and gauge reaction and/or lies, rather than on a phone or chat where she could simply lie or refuse to respond. I don't want to wait in front of her house like a stalker either. What would you do in this sort of situation? I don't really know if I should be seeking this. Deep down, I know it won't change anything (at least regarding the situation between us). Any thoughts could help me be at ease with this frustration. Thanks in advance.