Ecureuil08

Let's just say the first time I had sex with my boyfriend (and second and third and fourth), we used a condom. I still got herpes. Whatchya gonna do? Even if we saran-wrapped both of our lower halves with multiple layers...the chances of transmission are still there. The worst part, is when you don't know you have it. Or your partner doesn't know he has it.

I can completely understand some of the things you mentioned. When my boyfriend and I started dating and having sex, I started having symptoms. I found out i was h+, had a mini-meltdown but my boyfriend really was a rock of support, even though he was devastated at the time that he had it, and must have given it to me. 2 years later, my boyfriend doesn't really want to get tested. He figures since the blood test i got when i had symptoms "showed" that i recently acquired it, he obviously gave it to me and there is no reason for him to spend unnecessary money and embarrassment to get a test done. Now the sex, that is difficult for me sometimes. It's hard to get in the mood when I'm in the slightest bit of pain, and sometimes it's difficult because of the mental aspect. And it hard to talk about because there's not much more of a mood killer than talking about h in the sack. What worked for me was, after 2 years, we finally are at the place where we can talk about it without him getting mortified and shutting down. It's no picnic for me to talk about it either, which I kindly let him know. But at the end of the day, I don't feel as sexual a lot of the time, and he doens't feel like I find him attractive. This needs a two person solution. He said we don't always have to have sex, just making out and cuddling is sexy. I say that that usually LEADS to sex which is why I dont' want to do any of it. But he listened to me, and I listened to him and even though its a constant work in progress as well as a constant reminder of 'hey reel it in buddy' (then again, when is it not with men sometimes.. ;) We both end up getting what we want. It's not perfect, it may never be perfect, but after 2 years we are finally in a place where neither one of us are afraid to talk about it. To me that's progress.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating and having sex, we used a condom. Then I started having symptoms of something I knew wasn't normal for me and after a couple weeks found out that I was h+. At the time, my boyfriend and I weren't sure who gave it to who. We are both in our 20's, have had sexual partners before, and heck we practiced safe sex with each other. Once my blood test came back, the doctor said they were able to tell that it was in fact a first outbreak because of the antibodies (or something, im not 100% sure on the factual aspect of this but from what i remember that is what they told me). After I told my boyfriend this, it was devastating in every way because at first, we weren't sure who had it first. The realization for him that he was the one that gave it to me was horrible and he broke down while I was staying with him, while I was taking the first cocktail of drugs for a first outbreak, including vicodin. This was march of 2012. We are still together today. There was, and still are, fleeting thoughts I have, about our relationship, if we would still be together without having h. But over time we've gotten to the point where we are able to talk about it, realize that this could have happened if I was a virgin when I met him, or vice versa. I could have easily given it to him and not known. It is a process. Every day I deal with the fact that I have this little skin rash and every day it gets a little easier to handle. But I have to remind myself that every day, my boyfriend has to realize he gave this to me and I can't imagine the guilt he feels. But hey we're working it out. We're now living together, planning a future, and I have to remember that relationships are hard enough on two people who are h-. There are a few people in these forums who are h- and are in relationships with people who are h+ and just love them plain and simple. Great people are out there.

hi! this is my first post. i'm a 23 year old college student who was diagnosed almost 2 years ago but i still have moments (sometimes days) of deep depression about my diagnosis and feel very alone. id love to be able to talk to someone who has a lot of knowledge and who can maybe help me get out of this pit of shame i've been in. i'm so glad i was able to find a place like this. after reading some of the discussions it has really given me a little shining glimpse of hope for my future.