This journey I didn't realize I was on started last May. I went in for my yearly pap, got the "typical" std tests done as I always do just because...I mean the doc is already down there, so may as well right?! She wanted me to get general blood work done (no std testing). I told her that if I was going to do that, I wanted to get all the blood tests for std's done as well, because again....they are already going to stick a needle in my arm, one stop shopping lol. Basically I wanted confirmation of my clean bill of health.
I finally got around to getting my blood drawn in November. A couple of weeks went by and I didn't hear from the doctor so I thought "no news is good news" right?! I realized that I also hadn't gotten the result in the mail either which was weird. But soon the holidays came and I was distracted and forgot about it. A week ago today I called the dr's office to see if they ever got the results. I got no call back, so I called again on Friday...Valentine's day. The receptionist apologized I didn't get a call back and assured me I would get a call back that day. I went on with my day not worrying about anything and sharing mutual feelings of excitement with my boyfriend about spending our first V-Day together that evening. We had a nice dinner in planned and were just giddy about each other.
I got the call back right after work...positive for hsv-1 and hsv-2. It was numbing because I had never had any symptoms and herpes was not even on my radar. All I knew about it was the stigma that society puts on it, I thought one had to have giant sores and horrible pain to have h. I didn't know you could not know that you have it.
So here it was, Valentine's day, getting some of the worst news of my life and having to tell my bf that night. It was devastating for me, and all around shocking for him. He was absolutely as amazing as he could have been with it. So supportive and let me cry in his arms all night and feel every feeling. He felt it with me, cried with me and never once said anything negative to me. He assured me we would take it one day at a time, educate ourselves, and figure it out together. I feel so lucky to have him by my side.
I was so angry that it had been 3 months with no call from the doctor, and she decides to finally call me back on Valentine's day and ruin that beautiful day. A week has gone by and I've learned a lot about h and am coming to terms with the knowing that I have it, because the reality is that I've had it for who knows how long and my body knows it, but my brain didn't know it. Now my brain knows and has done more damage than the virus has lol. It's not as horrible as I first thought. It won't kill me and my boyfriend still adores me and loves me. Eventually we will both be comfortable enough to be sexual again, this just changes the way we will go about it.
It's been a roller coaster week, but I'm definitely In a much better place than I was. I suspect I will continue to be up and down about it for awhile, but I look forward to a day when it doesn't affect my life; the same way it hasn't affected my life up until now for who knows how long before I got that call.
.jpg)
