Hey guys,
I guess this is a bit of a venting session. I've been really struggling with this since I was diagnosed in February. It's always on my mind and I'm carrying a huge weight of guilt for putting myself in this position by sleeping with someone I didn't even really care for. I'm definitely dealing with a lot of symptoms of depression over it. What's making this tougher for me is that my mother, one of the few people I openly talk to about this, is convinced that this is 100% curable. She wants me to buy every book, pill, ointment, etc that promises a cure. If I refuse to take her suggestions, she thinks I'm being argumentative and closed minded. She doesn't trust western medicine and thinks everything is curable by nature. It's a nice thought and I'm trying to be sympathetic since I know this must come in part from an unwillingness to watch her child suffer over something she can't fix. However, for me, this just means I can't discuss my feelings over the permanence of it because in her mind, that's not even an issue. I could just get rid of it if I weren't so stubborn and tried these alternative treatments, so I should stop complaining. I'm not even getting outbreaks, (I know, I'm extremely lucky there!) so I don't want to waste my money on olive leaf extract, manuka honey, colloidal silver, and god knows what else. As I'm struggling to accept this as part of my future, I feel like she's trying to keep me in a place of denial. I usually tell her everything, but her reaction to this just makes me feel all the more isolated : /.