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kittkatt

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  1. I wish the best for the conference! And after it's success please host one in NYC or anywhere near north Jersey for us Hloves here please! And the video unexpectedly made me teary-eyed. Thank you for comforting me & so many others x
  2. I was diagnosed with genital HSV1 2 years ago & had not had an outbreak since then. Being very uneducated, I began to doubt me having the herpes virus & never reevaluated myself. I came out of an abusive relationship which was hard to stand up from & to add more weight the contraction of his oral herpes. Ever since then I've just been trying to "find myself" but ignored the Herpes part of me. When it came to my luck that a handsome man was interested in me, I was flustered, somewhat confident, yet very Very insecure. I thought I was strong enough to take it slow, but not because I had herpes; in fact, to be honest, I believed that I might not have the virus because of being asymptomatic the 2 years that had gone by. He was the first person I was sexually intimate with since my contraction of HSV1. At first, he had the condom on, but when he took it off I asked him to get another, but he said "It's okay." Reflecting back to this moment, I feel pulsing ache & guilt due to my unethical selfishness & irresponsibility to continue & not disclose. So the night continued on because I feared the rejection & the end to one of the most romantic moments I've experienced yet so far in my life. I woke up in guilt & immediately went to his place & told him face to face the way that guy from this site's "When to have 'the dreaded herpes talk'" video that portrays not disclosing with enough security & confidence in myself. He was upset that I didn't tell him before. I didn't even inform him about herpes because I wasn't well informed myself. I thought he was still interested in me because he just kept texting, but eventually it was probably because he felt bad for me. So we stopped communicating. Ever since this happened, I've been very interested in who I am & what I am capable of, especially now that I am more aware of my herpes. I've been reading for the past month several herpes forums & sites to help find comfort & forgiveness within myself. It is hard because I feel like I did not genuinely & authentically inform him well enough. Is there a point to recontact him to voice out my sincerity? Of course, I still like him, but if he doesn't really like me I'll be fine with that also. I just cannot tell what is the best thing to find inner peace with myself which matters most.
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