WakeUp13

So I’ve been seeing this guy I met on Tinder for a a couple months now. He’s a very very nice guy, kinda shy actually. Very patient. We’ve gone on a few dates and have hardcore cuddled. We also fooled around a little but one time and I did feel a little guilty about that but not too guilty. Anyway I’ve been pushing him away a bit because I knew we were getting to a point where things might get more serious. The thought of disclosing was eating me up so last night I just finally got it over with. Told him I had a bad experience once and the guy gave me hsv and it’s not something I brought on myself, it’s something that happened to me. I told him sex is super important to me though so I cannot settle for less. And i told him at this point if he wanted to back out I would actually be okay with it because I still have a certain standard for my relationships and that this is just my challenge to face and unfortunately it does have an impact on my relationships even if it barely has any physical impact on me. Then I told him that any feelings he felt about it would be understandable but I hoped he could respect how challenging it is for me to share. It’s funny because there was a point where we talked about herpes in regards to his sister potentially dating a guy with it and he said a few disappointing comments that made me hesitate but I knew in my heart that even if he didn’t want to deal he would still be kind. Anyway after I disclosed I turned my phone off and went to bed because that was the only way to manage my anxiety about it. Woke up this morning to texts from him saying that although he is surprised, he’s willing to do some research and figure it out. Then he said he trusts me and wants to keep seeing me and I can’t get rid of him that easily. So I guess it’s a success. I want to give him some time to think about it and really make an informed decision. I really really want to have sex with him and I hope we can. In fact I’m more worried that we are going to get deep into this and then I won’t be happy because sometimes I think he’s too nice! Lol. Just wanted to share because I feel like every single disclosure story is beneficial on this site.

Stories like this are exactly what we need on darker days, thank you.

Derek I probably have no good advice for you but I see your post and I’m sorry, I know how you’re feeling. You’re not alone.

I don’t have much advice but I can try and be supportive. Something similar happened to me once and I was 27. I was really drunk and my friends kind of abandoned me with some guy alone in an apartment. He definitely wanted to have sex and I told him no, but we could cuddle. Well I passed out next to him on the couch and woke up to him inside me. The details are blurry but the next morning I was disgusted and I told a few people he took advantage of me but at the time I didn’t realize he absolutely sexually assaulted me and did not have my consent. What’s worse is he wasn’t a bad person, but what he did was wrong and I wish I could go back in time and make that very clear. There’s even a chance that he was my giver, I’ll never really know. I’m sorry that happened to you, and sadly it’s not so uncommon. Hopefully sharing stories can help. You’re not alone!

Hi everyone, felt the need to share my thoughts and story because I’ve been reflecting a lot on vulnerability lately. I’ve had herpes for about 3 or 4 years now. Not sure where I got it, I had a ton of unprotected sex with a man I think I was in love with but realized he was not a good person, extremely selfish and careless. He wasn’t my boyfriend, I should have been more careful but the truth is until this happened to me I had no idea how common herpes was and I didn’t know I had to worry about it, sad excuse but true. I was also sexually assaulted a few months before being diagnosed (I was too drunk for consent, a shockingly common story), so that’s a possibility as well. I’ll never know, honestly. I look back and I know I made some poor choices, but I feel NO SHAME. I did nothing that everyone else hasn’t done before. I took risks like so many others. I’m just unlucky like the rest of us here and I do not beat myself up over that. How can I hate myself for that, how can I blame myself for being human? I choose to love myself because I’m a good person who cares deeply for those I love and I try to never put myself in a position where I have to feel guilt because I have always felt guilt so deeply, and it’s such a sad feeling. All that being said, I struggle with dating because I am really bad at vulnerability. I’m such a strong, independent woman and my parents maybe never gave me enough affection so now I don’t know how to put myself out there. I’ve down it before a few times and I have never been rejected (had a long term relationship for a couple years) but what I realize is that I am more terrified of rejection than I am of telling my “herpes story” to someone. Because that person is human too, and how could they not understand? I know they will probably be just as uneducated about herpes as I was when I found out I had it, and that scares me. I get angry thinking some man gets to turn me down because of this, ah well. I think maybe herpes will teach me courage where I have lacked it in the past. And maybe it’s weird but strength to see past some hot guy who would just use me for one night and toss me to the side. Maybe herpes will help with self respect and patience. I’m in the prime of my life. I’m so damn cute, I have a career and an education. I feel no shame about this even when my friends make a joke or I hear a reference on TV. I’m ready to grow and not settle for less. I’m just hoping I can be courageous like so many of the wonderful people on here and open up and if I’m rejected, that’s just life! Anyway, thanks for reading and good luck to us all. :)

I gave it to my exboyfriend. I disclosed before we had sex and he was okay with it. I was new to herpes and less educated so when we started having sex we never used protection. I never knew he had any symptoms until I had an outbreak which I hadn’t had our entire relationship and I cried to him about it. He shrugged it off and told me he had found a blister months ago and just never mentioned it. We rarely talked about it and broke up because of different reasons. He’s dated girls since and I have no idea if he discloses but he always loved me and never blamed me for anything. He was a good guy just not the one. I look back and feel some guilt over it but as someone said above, there are many risks in life.

I've recently started making some big changes in my life! Hitting the gym, investing in some invisible braces (I'm 27, finally can afford it omg!), I'm going to school and I have an awesome job. I'm getting a new apartment soon with a roommate (who totally knows about my hsv2 and is super supportive). Anyway, my point is that I feel pretty good about myself. And when I feel good about myself, I feel so sexual. I can't help it, it's just the way I am. I've been getting a lot of attention and opportunity from men lately and I just can't bring myself to a place where I would ever trust a man enough to disclose. I know it's not fair to potential partners or maybe I am just such a coward, but vulnerability is not my strong point. It definitely comes from a place of extreme insecurity that probably has nothing to do with H but also the natural fear of rejection, or people finding out. I joined one of the regular dating websites and am a little overwhelmed by the attention! Oh how it makes me yearn for the ability to have guiltless casual sex. Or any sex. At all. I'm so repressed, lol. In the bigger picture, less than a year of abstinence is not so bad, but God how I miss this form of expression. Can you believe that on some of these dating websites there are people who aren't even willing to date someone with oral hsv1. It's frustrating reading stuff like that knowing they very likely have it! Lol I come to this message board on darker days for a reminder that I'm not alone. It's really helpful and maybe you guys can relate to this. I know there is no predicting the future, so I won't give up on sex just yet, but damn, my next boyfriend is in for a wild ride. Have a great day friends!!

Love this! Tackles everything I've been slowly realizing about myself and what I need to change in my life. And self sufficient people ARE sexy! Thanks!

I'm slowly coming to terms and actually managed to laugh a couple times today. I am waiting for my results (though I'm fairly sure this is where I belong) but I have a question. Can which ever version of hsv I have spread to other parts of my body? Like currently it's only on my anal region but could a popped blister or the wetness of the blister spread the ob to my vagina. Or if I touch a blister and then touch another part of my body would that spread the ob? Or do outbreaks always occur in the same place?

Hi dancer, thanks for your response! What exactly is an Igm test? I'm tempted to get the blood test just to find out if I've had it for a while but I don't have insurance so I doubt the doc will do it. :( kind of feeling like I have to just accept I may never know for sure where it came from. I don't want to blame this couple because I'm pretty sure it was a first for all of us. But then again I can never be positive about their sexual history.. Thanks for the kind words pika, that is a good way to put it to them. Once I gain the courage to say something. Feel like such a coward right now. Especially since these people are close to people I know I feel like I might be screwing up a lot of relationships and that really scares me. I'm still in shock wondering about how I got here... Bad luck? Bad decisions... God I can only wish I could go back but the look forward is terrifying right now. And mentioning this to this couple is killing me. And if this is my first ob isn't it usually really bad? This isn't fun but it's not as bad or painful as some other experiences I've read on here. So depressed. :( I'm just going to stay in bed and be sad until maybe I come to a revelation about my life.

Thank you for the quick response. Not sure how to approach this with them if it's something I have to do. I have to see these people again not all the time but definitely share a social circle. So much regret ugh!

We had sex a week ago today (Tuesday) and I noticed irritation on Sunday... Is that normal? This is my first time ever having any type of outbreak like this I think, is it possible they gave it to me? I feel like its unlikely since I imagine they only have sex with each other. And this isn't the first time it's happened between all of us. I read that rough sex can sometimes cause an outbreak? Could that have been the case here? I can't imagine telling them a week after we had sex I get diagnosed. My guilt is killing me if they get something because of me.

Long story short I felt an irritation and finally looked at myself in a mirror. Proceeded to google image and self diagnosed myself with H. I went straight to the doctor as I need to try and be an adult about this (I'm 27) and deal with it. Didn't get the official diagnosis but doc says it looks like I'm right. Although she mentioned it didn't look exactly like what she's used to and there's a chance of some kinda of skin infection. Or both. Joy. Waiting on the results from the culture. Still she gave me some valtrex which btw does anyone know if you can drink alcohol while on this prescription? What about cold meds? Anyway, I'm devastated . I'm already a pessimist with a panic disorder so I'm having so much trouble seeing this getting better. And even if I do start to feel better right now I just want to cry for days. Ugh, I'm not sure if this is my first outbreak or not. And about a week ago I had unprotected sex with a male and a female. They are a couple and also friends and now I'm wondering if I should tell them about this new development that I had no clue about. Just feeling doomed. And I'm not sure how to not obsess.