Herexperience

There is so much good, positive information here. I need to re-read this daily.

Oh another thing, with all of the expensive counselors and psychiatrists and group therapy I went through, ad nauseum, the best quality counseling I received was free. It was a program provided through our local government; there it was called Sexual Abuse Intervention. You may check to see if there is something available in your area. As survivors of rape, we qualify.

Amilliointhings, I don't think I have picked good men. I have picked myself up off the floor again and again, shrugged off the betrayals and indiscretions, coached myself not to take it personally (it is them, not me), and gotten back in the ring, confident that someday I will find the one. I think most men are not that discerning, and on the other hand, others are more compassionate than we give them credit for. I have yet to meet one who had the courage to disclose their H status. I'm reminded of yet another relationship where he did not confess to having H, and as the relationship was ending and I was packing up and on my way out the door, I found bottles of Valtrex that had been prescribed to him long before meeting me. I think all of these experiences I have had, have helped me take men less seriously; they don't hold that much power over my feelings any longer. I don't care what they think or if they judge me. I know who I am and I will be fine without them or their approval. I think self-confidence is a very attractive trait. You have to ask yourself, if they are good enough for YOU, my dear. Please stop thinking of yourself as damaged. Everyone has some damage. Hold your chin up and own all of the experiences you have had that have made you the strong woman you are. My story has a happy ending. I was able to retire two years ago when we became engaged. We are planning our future. We have just bought an acre on a tropical island with a panoramic ocean view and are having our dream home built. I have been through the mill so to speak, and all those experiences have led me to this point. I hope this helps in some small way.

My heart aches to read your anguished thoughts. Here are a few thoughts from someone who has suffered through much of what you describe; I've had 28 years H+ now. I was 23 when I became H+. When I was 27 I started going to a counselor to deal with all of the overwhelming, devastating feelings I was experiencing and it helped me immeasurably. It ended up being an intensive six-year journey, dealing with much more than H, including childhood trauma, rape and self-esteem. This effort paid off in ways in which I am still benefiting. At the risk of putting a certain song in your head: the greatest love of all is learning to love yourself. You must know that you ARE lovable and love yourself. H may teach you acceptance, most importantly accepting yourself. You still ARE worthy of "someone great." Don't let H define who you are or diminish your feelings of self worth. There really is no cause for shame, you must forgive yourself. You are human, humans have viruses, you have a virus. You didn't rob, kill or rape. You trusted someone. Learn to trust again. Don't let the fear of rejection stop you from progressing with the life you desire. Be fearless, fall in love, put your heart on the line. I have never had one man reject me because of the H, and I have always told them BEFORE our first sexual encounter. Making yourself so vulnerable can have a very positive effect in bringing you closer together. On an aside, I have had men that told me they were not H+, only to find that they were all along, but in denial or cowardly. For instance, one claimed "Oh, that's jock itch." Right, sure, I KNOW what it is. This last week, I thought I had given my fiancé H, and was quite freaked out. I insisted he take the meds, he got better and doesn't think he had it to begin with (denial, which tells me he may have had it before me). All relationships have their ups and downs, good times and bad. This is just one bump in the road. Men, even the great ones you are dreaming of, have their flaws. Please know everyone has their flaws, this H is only physical, don't let it keep you from sharing all the wonderful things you have to offer. By the way, I found that my greatest trigger for H is stress and depression, and have devoted my life to avoiding those two devils. This has been the positive side of the H.

Beautiful and inspiring. Thank you.

Please bear in mind that it was extremely difficult for her to tell you. She more than likely has been agonizing over it since she met you. She must really like you to reveal this and will probably be a very vigilant protector of your welfare.

Hang in there havefaith427, it will get easier. Over the years, I have found that my OBs are mostly triggered by stress--that can be from lack of sleep, work deadlines, breakups, that time of the month, too much alcohol, and even sunburns. What's more, the stress I feel about having an OB only exacerbates the suffering and prolongs the healing time, so I try my best to take care of myself at all times, (I even gave up caffeine which seemed to help). I hope my experience will help you a little bit.

Very good advice. Thank you very much.

Thank you WCSDancer. Yesterday was very stressful and agonizing. It is one pimple, and that wouldn't worry me so, but I'm still having this sciatic nerve thing which is my indication that I am shedding. The thought of this grumpy old man having something to really complain about (and being able to blame me for it), is scary. I've been giving him my valcyclovir and I think I am just going to have to go and get more from the doctor as he is in denial. I told him I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't at least force him to take the pills and at least he is complying with that request.

Hang in there, it gets better. You did the right thing. It was best that you found out that she couldn't. I am super impressed with you disclosing. I have never had a man disclose to me. I have had them lie and say they did not have HSV as I was disclosing to them, (later to find that they did in fact have it). Not every man is as extraordinarily brave as you are. For me, the only way I could disclose was before sex, because afterwards it would have been entirely too difficult. I imagine that the later I tell the more difficult it becomes and the more power I give up in the relationship. In the beginning of a relationship, when there is that glow, your partner may be more open to hearing your disclosure, than later when they may feel they have been deceived.

Help! I think I may have just given my fiance herpes. I'm not new to the "H," I contracted this from my then fiance 28 years ago. I have never had sex without disclosing my condition and my fiance is no exception. I told him before our first sexual encounter two years ago as this has been my golden rule. He has known what the risks are. However, understandably, he is in his (text) words: "Scared, confused, sad, hurt, and many more adjectives." I am terrified! I am terrified of losing him. I am terrified of hurting him. I am terrified of the pain he may endure. It is my worst nightmare. The reason why I say I think I gave him herpes, is that we are not certain, he thinks his jeans just may have been too tight yesterday. But, last night, after he told me he had a sore spot on his "tip," I panicked. I don't know if the symptoms that then started showing up on me shortly afterwards were psycosomatic or truly we were experiencing an outbreak at the same time. I didn't think that could happen. We had sex Sunday morning when I had no indication anything was wrong and I'm on daily valcyclovir. Then Wednesday night, he had a spot and I started feeling my usual "Oops, I think I have an outbreak coming on" feelings, (tingling and aching in my right foot which then spreads up my sciatic nerve all the way to my buttock). I immediately insisted that he take one of my 500mg valcyclovir and then another this morning before he headed off to work. When I asked him to go see his doctor, he said, "What will I tell him?" I told him I would go with him, but I'm afraid he won't. I offered to email some more information to him and he asked me not to. Now through some research today, I realize that I should have given him 1000mg valcyclovir for an initial breakout and really need to get him to a doctor. He has the HSV-1 oral herpes which I do not. I am planning on sharing the "GOOD" VIRUS / "BAD" VIRUS article at: http://herpeslife.com/good-herpes-virus-bad-herpes-virus-the-truth-about-hsv1-hsv2/ Help!