JohnB

ok.. i think thats what ill do. When i said strange thing to get i mean strange to have such a horrible reaction to it. I no doubt am not having sex with someone until i know them on a deeper level. I am going to build my relationship up with them first then when the time is right i will take her in to get tested and i would get tested to ease her mind as well. This has been the biggest eye opener. Sex is crazy, if only we couldve waited til we got married to enjoy how life wouldve been so much more simpler.

Protect someone fully. My immune system is depleted for some reason and the dr's aren't sure why I have such bad reaction to it. I don't plan on having sex anytime soon but I think if I get on te antiviral medication valganciclovir 900mg/ day for 10 days. It should clear it up. Hoping so, so close to be getting rid of the pain!

Thanks for everything dancer! It's kind of a strange thing to get. It's weird cause I mean I could transfer it via oral and there'd be no way to control it. Obviously I don't want to put anyone through what I'm going through but really there isn't a way to

my dr doesnt seem to think that i should be concerned of passing cmv onto someone else. Should i be concerned about this or should i just brush it off. If i sleep with my ex again should i be worried about her catching this off of me? shes on bc and i know she hasnt slept around, i should be ok to not wear a condom?

ok, htlv came back negative. Thank the lord. Ebv came back negative as well. CMV came back positive. Hard to say but im thinking that this is what did it. Most people already have cmv as a child and dont have much for symptoms. however when an adult catches it ive read it tends to be more worse. So as i previously stated i think i contracted cmv and have sjogrens syndrome so i had a bad immune response to it. Thats as best i can come up with the results i have so far. And since all tests are negative i have to accept that. This is good news.

Sjogrens could also explain my lips burning and that irritating pain on the tip of my penis. With the bumps on my corona of glans and the bumps on my lips that could be the sjogrens messing with the production of oil from the sebaceaous glands. I feel like i am getting closer to my answer in all this without the dr's help mostly.

Thanks dancer and willow. My insecurities through all this with my ex has also played out kind of like your father dancer. Today has been better for a few reasons. First off i no doubt have a clear negative herpes test so i know its not that. So ive read also that there is a strong correlation between EBV (mono) and sjogrens syndrome. Mono is a virus and so it can affect your nerves like that and sjogrens syndrome is the dry mouth and dry eye stuff. Im really thinking that could be a possibility. I should have my EBV and my CMV test back tomorrow. Ebv would be a little easier to cope with. EBV and Sjogrens can both cause nerve pain and the swollen node pain and also possible issues with the thyroid. That could all make a little more sense than some rare htlv. I called other hotlines today. They really make me feel better. I wish there were more hotlines out there for people. I called one in florida where they say htlv is more prominent. and they never heard of it. I cant imagine i would be the first clinical case of it up here in minnesota. Also called other ones in the south too, maybe like 5-6 total and none of them knew what i was talking about either. So theoretically i should be alright. We will see though pending results. I wish there was more information out there for people who are suffering from htlv. they say there are 500,000 people in the us with it. Yet the cdc and the govt basically denies its here. Does it have to reach epidemic status before peoples voices are heard? kinda sad really! I suppose there are a lot of diseases that are neglected because they dont affect the masses. Yes i did test for lyme. Even though most clinics only test for a few strains. My uncle was tested 3-4 times and was negative, before he went to clinic that tested for all 7 strains i believe. He has constant pain from it as well. Its hard not to beat myself up for it. It was a strange thing how it all went down. Im hoping to get out of this and be ok without anything serious. Yes i keep telling myself that i am a good person and dont deserve it and that i can get through it. Either way i have to, I'm just really hoping its nothing serious. I could handle EBV or CMV. It would be hard to handle htlv as it would affect my career. But i would have to because that would be my cards. Hopefully it doesnt take too much time as work is picking up and i wont have much time off after next week until september. I should get my ebv and cmv test tomorrow. I hope one of those is positive and then have the negative htlv test. Then my mind can be at ease and i can just be treated for it.

yeah i took the htlv test on monday, hopefully have the results back soon. This is one of the toughest points in my life and i am so incredibly scared. With the way my body is reacting and my future forecast is so scary. I am at an all time low and i dont know how i will be able to get through this. It is incredibly tough, I betrayed myself and my morals. I feel sick non stop. There is no support for this at all. The constant pain is taking its toll. I dont know why i did what i did. It seems unfair, i dont understand why this is happening to me. Theres like no information on htlv and the cdc and government make it seem like it doesnt exist. I called an std hotline to talk to someone about it and they basically laughed at me. Said they never heard of it and that all this pain was in my head. Im tired of everyone thinking that. All for one night that i barely remember, i gave up my family, my job and my health. Everything good in life. I dont know how i will ever recover. All i can say to anyone worried about herpes is i wouldnt be too worried about it,. Not a big deal compared to this. I would say this is worse than hiv..

also found out her mom had a blood transfusion in the 80's... I wonder if they tested people for htlv after they knew about it all

yeah.. to get out of this mess i would take herpes anyday ill tell you that. Yeah i wouldnt think it would show up that fast either. Its progressively gotten worse this past week with burning in my elbows and hands and even my tongue a bit, along with the swollen throat feeling ive had for a month. I just cant imagine these two things not being connected.. There really isnt a whole lot of info out there on it. All of it seems to be really old. My hands are now shaky and my mouth is incredibly dry. This is all crazy. My back pain and my genital region burning is still there but it is less. THe not knowing part is tough. I would have to think it is a virus of some sort. I just hope its not one that will put me out of work and unable to support a family. All for one night i barely remember...

now that im over the fact that i dont have herpes, about 99% sure i have HTLV.. The only thing i havent tested for. This time i do have all the symptoms. Herpes would be a blessing compared to this

Yeah I just have the burning in my face too, and it feels like a swollen throat all the time. Idk maybe a lot could be related to anxiety. Idk I'm so stressed it's really bad. It's all that could make sense or some other type of viral infection.

I'll try that dancer thanks, I'll have to see if there is one in my area. Hopefully there will be, one of the downsides of living in the sticks! I got in for a neurologist appointment, but not until June 5th!

thanks adrial, I appreciate your research. I think i probably read the same thing from terry warren, i just didnt know her credibility. Its nice to know that she is one of the top researchers. Thinking if this were to be h, it would be a well warranted stigma. It just seems like im alone and that no one is believing me that i have this pain and that it is all anxiety driven. My problem is work with heavy equipment and if i mess up i could kill myself or someone very very easily. Therefore i cant take anxiety meds or depression meds, or pain meds to help deal with neuropathic pain. its a touchy thing and now going into the busy summer season i dont have time for dr appointments so im getting very worried. Yeah i did 10 days on valtrex 3x a day at 1m, and it didnt seem to help one bit. I think that is the standard shingles treatment. Also had the mri of my back and yeah no disc issues. I used to get back spasms 5 years ago once and a while but nothing like this and the pain was usually in my middle back then. Ive been tested for everything guys can be tested for, im wondering if some of it could be related to a type of hpv but the girl i was with had a swab and nothing came back. Its sad that there is no hpv test for guys. Ive thought about accupuncture as my chiropractor brought it up as possible help. Hes stumped too with all of my pain.

???

Yeah I'm working on that, thats what im trying to go for. Making myself a better person, a better father, and a better friend to my ex. Just have to tough it out and figure out who im going to be for the rest of my life. Thanks dancer.

well theres nothing there to really dry up, it doesnt hurt when i pee or anything and no discharge. Thats why i dont think im blistering inside. ughh 5 months would be so long to wait, that would be july for me! There really isnt anything for them to swab, she didnt want to swab those small little bumps.. This was at pp, and like i said she said she has seen a lot of it My dr said the cause could be some sort of neurological issue in my back. It just seems so ironic for it to be 4 days after sex. She thinks i need to see the neurologist and that I absolutely do not have it. But i also understand that herpes affects the nerves so its confusing. Yes this has been a huge lesson to me either way with what the next round of results bring.

Well the test came back today, at 7.5 weeks its was both negative for hsv1 and hsv2 igg.. the scores are only read as <.90, she was negative and i am negative so far. also negative for everything else. syph, gon, chlam, hiv. My back still hurts and i still have the pain down there. kind of a more stinging feeling as of late, inner thighs all the way down to behind my knees and into my calf sometimes. Also some pretty good back pain. tip of my man part as well. any thoughts or insight from anyone would be appreciated.

Pg 3. 4 things in life that are certain, life, death, disclosure, and dont forget taxes. (Ben Franklin) "No-one wants to be with someone who is needy, desperate, completely dependent on them, nervous, anxious" That is a relationship. Being needy and desperate for each other and being completely dependent on one another. That sounds like a deep deep love. Thats what I think everyone wants. I think with this youre opening your heart up somewhere its never been before and it could end up being the most love youve ever known. Having that neediness and desperateness and the dependency will only bring you closer to your soulmate.

Its hard not to think of every bad scenario. Every little ache I have now I have to see if its associated with herpes or something else. Hopefully I dont have something worse. Does anyone know the odds of having post herpetic neuralgia associated with genital herpes 1 or 2? I cant imagine I would have shingles 4 days after sex on my penis and get post herpetic neuralgia from it! Its all so confusing, Im having something rare that is going on that is for sure. its been constant pain for 7 weeks now.. so confusing

Its such a messed up thing, I dont get herpes. How can it be this confusing. I'm afraid she'd accept me back right away and i'd give it to her. But i cant imagine her taking me back

yeah I think we will have to go to a couples therapist, unfortunately if we wouldve just went a long time ago it couldve been avoided. yes, I think eventually I will just have to come clean with her, its the only way to figure this all out. I think its highly unlikely that she has it unless she got it from me back a while ago. She's also had mono in high school, so i think if she had it she would have outbreaks with her weakened immune system?

WCSDancer: I did tell her that, and I bursted out crying in tears uncontrollably. And now she's being more caring and nicer than shes ever been to me, she can tell im having issues and her inner beauty is coming out. Which is destroying me more. Youre right I do have a hard time lettting it go, the guy was one of my best friends at the time. and also neither of us were tested, I was wondering if they normally test everyone for herpes while youre pregnant or just if you have a reason to believe you could have it? I would think the pregnancy would almost for sure bring it out. Amillionthings: Youre right I wouldnt have realized what I wanted until I had that experience, I just really wish I couldve had that experience without these miserable repercussions. Yes she still has feelings for me as I do her. She was crying when I was crying as well. I dont think she will understand because hers was before our baby. I cant know for sure though. I think she was the right person, and still is, just didnt know it until now. But idk, we were broken up for a reason. If we were together that wouldve all been different. It would be tough to add this to all of the mess that we've had this whole time. I'm just praying alot everything will be ok and your guys support is keeping me going.

WCS Dancer, Once again thanks. Your words help me feel better and give me optimism. My daughter is my life and all I want is to be a good role model for her, and I feel i have failed her in that aspect as of currently, I know I can do better. Another concern I have is I want to live close to my ex, but where I live is pretty rural. Being so rural it makes me nervous that I wont find someone accepting of it, or someone with it, or someone who is willing to move to my neck of the woods. I guess time will tell on that one. My ex isn't real willing to let me take my daughter places really so i usually go over to her house to spend time with her. It hurts to see her family and know ive done an injustice to them, and now when I go see my daughter I hang out with them and they can tell I have been down lately so it seems like they are being extra nice, which makes it even worse. We'll see, its something I have to go through with time. She cheated on me when we first started dating, but I have forgiven her, although she didnt catch herpes, I think some of my resentment to that incident led me to finally retaliate. Idk. Amillionthings: I appreciate your reply as well, Ive read some of your posts and see that Youre struggling as well so it really means alot that youre taking the time to impart wisdom upon me. No I dont have the results back yet, but I'm so convinced it is, I do need to relax and wait until it becomes official so we will see. I am upset because I do want to get back with my ex and be the man I shouldve been the entire time, I knew that the very next day, after the incident, before the symptoms. I realized life isnt about chasing money and women. Its about family, Ive always put my work first and it has taken its toll on my family. I dont want to be that guy. Ive come to realize that she is the only true friend I have, the one who is always there for me. All the little things we fought about are childs play now. If i contracted this I will have to find someone else who is compatible and then we'll also have those things, its a part of a relationship. Just kind of realized the meaning of life and love, A DAY LATE. There were zero emotions involved with her, like I said I dont even like her in the least bit. And now she thinks im crazy for asking her all these questions when I have this going on. She went and got tested, It was negative, 3 weeks after we hooked up. (Herpeselect IGG test performed.) claims she hasnt had sex in 8 mo, no symptoms. So I would think she would have sufficient antibodies to this by now. I feel like if I come out of this without anything I dont think she has to know, but if I do have it. We're close enough Idk how i would get out of it without her knowing. Thanks for the support. It keeps my head up having people to talk to and hear me about this. I wish I had the wisdom and ability to give such good advice to others as you folks have given me.

Wow I feel so sick, I just cant get through this guilt. Me and the ex were rocky, but with all this pain i seem to see so much clearer. She genuinely cared about me, she loved me and was trying to save me from being the a hole that I am. I should have listened to her and spent more time with her instead of going out with my friends all the time and leaving her alone with our daughter. this is all just too much to handle. She's being so kind and concerned with my depression and its making the guilt worse. I go over to her house and her family is all just so nice to me now. I wish it couldve been that way before. (she lives with her parents). She is a good person and this is undoubtedly the worst mistake of my life. I feel so upset, we couldve had that white picket fence, grilling on sundays kids playing in the yard thing. And me being my selfish me i went and messed it up. Its bad, I felt bad the next morning before I thought i couldve contracted anything. Im going to struggle with this for my entire life, as her knight comes in and rescues her i'm going to be destroyed knowing that couldve been me. As I see my daughter being in another family that was once mine is just too much. I need help. In my heart I am a good person, but ive always put myself first. I hope i can be forgiven of this. I cant get over why I would do this to myself, I didnt even want it when it was happening, I just thought it was cool hooking up with this girl, kinda showing off to my buddies. Now this. I ruined countless lives