hope42morrow

I have told a couple of my close friends. Both reacted well to it and were supportive, reassuring that they didn't view me any differently. But, one of them told her husband, which I didn't appreciate. I had my reasons for not wanting him to know. She justified it by saying that she had thought he was my "friend" as well. It didn't mess up the friendship, and to my knowledge, that information was not passed to anyone else. But, when you tell someone there is always a risk they will tell other people. My take on this is that, if you are really concerned that she may talk about it behind your back. Well, you may want to reconsider telling her. We all need support in this, but until you're ready to "come out" (as some very brave, wonderful people on here have done), you have to be careful in whom you tell. You sound as if you have a lot of concern that she may use this against you in the future, and I have to assume that you have reason to feel this way. You may want to really look at those reasons before you have the talk. Honestly, right now, the only person I trust 100% on this is my brother. He has been an enormous support to me, and I know they could stick him in a torture chamber and he still would not divulge... But, even with my one friend telling the hubby, I still don't regret telling the other two people about this. But I am older (40), and even if they were to talk I'm not likely to hear about it from a social group, etc. And I have known both for more than 20 years. Anyways, take that for what it's worth. I'm not saying not to tell her, I'm just saying that at times it may be wise to protect yourself from emotional damage/pain that could be avoided.... Best of luck to you my beautiful friend.

Beautifully..... I have been on Valcyclovir as well for three years now and never have a ob when on them. More than likely it's not an ob, though it does happen even on the meds. I have given this advice before, and have read on here that others have followed suit and it works better for them. Split your Valtrex in half. Take half in the morning and half at night. That way the drug levels in your system are always on an even keel and you are even less likely to have an ob or prodrome. I used to hate taking the meds. Until I read somewhere that it dismantles the coating on the virus. So every time I take it now I imagine it ripping the skin off the virus. Which, I have to say, is an image I rather enjoy. Just my take on it. And if you're really worried about this being an ob, @Dancer has posted some awesome tips on how to get it to disappear asap. I always use a blowdryer. Free, readily available, and it really works. Dry thoroughly post shower and even post bathroom use if the ob is bad. Hope this helps and best of luck to you....

I just finished watching the TedX talk and youtube video that Kristy Spraggon did. Great stuff. Weight off my chest lifting stuff. The last few days for me have been really hard, and I'm not quite sure why. Nothing in particular happened, but I have been laser focused and almost obsessing about herpes (I still really HATE that word. Seriously, it sounds so horror show like. Why couldn't they have called it something less innocuous, you know, like peaches or bunnies....). I was at work the other night and on every break I was looking up shit on the internet. Which, as most of us have discovered, you have to be careful when looking at the internet, there's so many nasty and horrible things on there in regards to this. And so, I woke up this morning determined to break this cycle I'm in. So I came to this site, which is such a positive, safe haven for me. And saw the post where @Dancer recommended the video. And it helped. To see, yet again, how not alone I am in this. That every emotion I have in regards to it is shared by many, many others. If you let it (and at times I have), this virus can isolate you. Which, really, pisses me off. That I allow this microscopic entity to control my emotions. Ruin my days. Keep me up at night worrying that I will never be loved, accepted. That no man will ever be able to see past it. Which I know is not true. Because men have. For me. But that fear is still there. It, at times, makes me want to hide. Crawl under the covers and never rise again. Other times the fear makes me so angry (at it) that I become determined to fight it. To win. My life. My happiness. Those are the good days. And sometimes I have weeks, months, of good days. I feel strong. But the last few days, no. I don't feel strong. I feel scared. And I'm tired of feeling this way. Mad at myself for allowing it to go on for days. I don't want today to be ruined for me. So I am here. I am venting. I am taking my life back. And that's where I'm at. In this moment. On a closing note. A good friend of mine posted this on Facebook and I thought I would share.... Let someone love you just the way you are-as flawed as you might be, as unattractive as you sometimes feel, and as unaccomplished as you think you are. To believe you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room. -Mark Hack Much love to all of you my beautiful friends.....

Hi ASmith, I'll start off by saying I don't necessarily think you are a dick. You took a risk by saying out loud what is a widely perceived notion regarding those with herpes. False or not, it is what many think, until they are diagnosed and/or are close with someone who is. I'm sure that there will be some nasty words coming your way regarding that, but they will not come from me. I am a registered nurse, highly specialized, who makes a large income. So I suppose that would put me in the same class as you. I'm also an ex model, stay in great shape, very attractive. And it happened to me. I got it from a man I was involved with who was in his 50's (I'm 40, was 37 when I got it), was a very wealthy entrepreneur. He didn't tell me he had it. It really can happen to anyone. And I have the same concerns you do. To say it makes dating more complicated is the understatement of the year. No one can tell you how easy or hard dating will be for you in the future. No matter what social class or group of people you are engaging with, everyone is an individual. And you will have to decide, when the time comes, if that individual is someone you want to share this with. I've done ridiculous amounts of research on this as well, and from what I've read some people are rejected frequently while others are never rejected. I'm assuming it has a lot to do with who they choose to tell, the approach they take in telling, and who they are as a person. I have not been rejected, but I have been very careful in who I choose to tell this. I'm in a similar position to you, if this were to get out to certain people I work with/associate with it could negatively affect my career. So I'm just careful. And also, I just don't need to hear the negative judgements of others, I do a good enough job of that to myself. You are new to this, give it some time to sink in. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I will say this. If I was seeing someone I care about, before I had this "gift", and they told me they had it, I would not have necessarily run away. I have thought about this a lot. Don't pay too much attention to those who say they would, including this girl you're with now. It's a knee jerk response, and not always true. Take care there friend....

Hi TheH, Definitely go to the doc and get on the oral meds for the yeast infection. The symptoms you're describing sound far more related to that than H. The redness, irritation are likely caused by the discharge against your skin. You might also try a 7 day external treatment for the yeast. I've found it to be gentler than the 1-3 day treatments and it should also help relieve some of the pain. Staying on valtrex will, if nothing else, help keep any additional stress related herpes ob's at bay. Did they check you for a bacterial infection? Sometimes those can have the same symptoms as yeast. And my friend, take a deep breath and relax. I always tell myself, this to shall pass. And it will. It sounds like you got so emotionally overwhelmed that your body shut down. Watch a funny movie (I just watched 50 First Dates yesterday. I laughed through the whole thing). Vent here and with a good friend. Hang in there......

Funny that you wrote this today. I was thinking about something as I was working out. I just finished with said workout, which was brutal. And probably exactly what I needed. Isn't it funny, in an ironic way, how it's ok to say and feel horrible, awful things to ourselves. Things, that if an outside party said them to us would cause an immediate dismissal from our lives. But it's ok to just beat the shit out of ourselves emotionally. "I'm dirty", "My life is ruined", etc. I know this well as I do it to myself maybe a little too frequently. Even though I "know" it's not true, those feelings are still there. And I also have noticed that when I'm feeling upset, or stressed, H becomes a convenient scapegoat. My life is not bad because I'm having financial/family/relationship/work problems. It's just bad because I have herpes. H is almost a fail safe thing for me to focus on. If that makes sense. That way I don't "have " to focus on what's really under the surface. Which is not to say that having H is not a big deal to me. It is. But I think that often there's a lot more to it. I'm three years into this as well. So the initial shock has worn off. But those aftershocks can be almost as bad. So I'm sending you all positive energy. I know how you feel. And now, I'm going to try and take my own advice. And be kind to myself.

Hi @Sab. My doc told me that when I feel like an ob is coming on to take 1 gram of valcyclovir twice a day for three days and it should knock it out. And it works. Don't know which med you're taking but you may try doubling the dose for a couple days. Also, distraction... I don't know about you, but when I focus on the herpes it seems like almost an invitation to it to come out and play. So I hike. Let the meds take care of my body and the exercise take care of my mind. Also, if things are irritated down there I use a blow dryer after a shower and to really dry things out after using the bathroom. When having an actual ob I've found it to be a lifesaver. And please don't feel bad about feeling great. Feeling great, in my experience, is the best weapon we have in fighting this little virus. You deserve to feel great and be happy. Hope this helps...

Thanks all. Last night was just a "dark night of the soul" for me. Around 10 pm I realized that nothing positive was coming from my head or heart. So I put it all out to the universe and went to sleep. Woke up this morning and felt brand new. The sun was shining, the sky a brilliant blue. It was while I was preparing to workout that I remembered that story. I hadn't thought of it in years. And I was inspired to put it out there just in case someone on this site was having a "dark" moment. Because thinking of it took my good mood and made it great.... And I agree @Adrial. I do need to work on "knowing". And thank you so much for your beautiful words. As I type this my own kitty baby is sitting next to my computer purring away. I don't know if she has the herp or not. But honestly, she could have every ailment known to man and I wouldn't love her any less....

Growing up there was a neighborhood cat that my Mom would feed and pay attention to. This cat had a litter of kittens, and all wound up getting ocular (eye) herpes. My Mom had to treat them with drops for more than a month, and I felt so bad for these kittens as the outbreak in the eyes was horrific. Eventually it cleared. When it came time to adopt the cats out my Mom had to "disclose" to all the new owners about the kittens having herpes. And all of them were adopted out. And every new owner walked out with their kitty cuddling and snuggling with it. I know it's a silly (but true) story. But I thought I would share. If all of those kittens could find love and acceptance, then there has to be hope for me. For us all. Have a beautiful and happy day my friends.....

Hi Cicily!! Confession here... I (very guiltily) skipped my workout today to watch this video. Work has been crazy lately and I've had no time for anything but work and exercise. But this was so worth it. Thank you so much for your bravery and honesty. It made MY hear feel lighter to see you so upfront and positive. I've only posted one thread on here, my attempt to "come out", to the extent I'm capable of right now. And it's so, just "normalizing" to see that so many "normal" people are dealing with this. And happy with life. You are an amazing and beautiful soul. Kudos my friend...

@WCS.... Your advice is always so right on. Priceless. Sorry about those false starts. (I am currently mentally slapping and body slamming each one of them....). That happened to me more than once pre-H. After a few weeks, romps in bed, they decide we're "on different paths", or "our schedules are too different/busy", etc. Dating is, well it can be, such a nightmare. And so hard to judge the characters/intentions of others. Big hugs and lots of love from me.... @whyme... I am so glad I made you feel better. I hope you're feeling even better today. And you do have a friend in me....

@amillionthings... Just a word here, coming from a place of love. Trust me when I say, you cannot base your happiness and/or peace on the love and acceptance of a man (or woman for that matter), it really does have to come from within. Cliché, I realize. Coming from someone who's had two almost ten year relationships and a couple that were 6 months or more, most will not last forever. Your heart will likely be broken one day. Mine was. A year ago very badly. So I retreated. Stopped dating, got depressed, etc. But I am planning to pick myself up again and get out there. Joining here was part of my "recovery", trying to deal with and come to terms with my life, the good and the bad. Rather than living in a state of denial. Denial never works. Even if you manage to quiet the source of your angst, it will come out of you in other ways. Most often in the form of very unhealthy behaviors. At least it did for me. I put on some weight, stopped exercising as much as I normally do, too much wine (at times), etc. Right now I'm trying to be healthy in "my own head", before I invite another person into my life. So I'm back to exercising, eating well, cutting back on the wine. I want to be my best, secure within myself. And for the purposes of being here, to not feel like "damaged goods" anymore. Because, logically, I know that I'm not. But emotionally it still plays with me. And emotions often overrun logic. Never count on a man (or woman) to define your happiness. Find your own definition. That way if someone hurts you (which will happen to us all eventually), you can come back to that definition. To that faith and confidence that you have in yourself. That's what I'm trying to do. That and forgive myself for falling apart, shutting down for a bit. I hope that makes sense....

That's not pathetic, that's human. And I would be hoping for exactly the same thing..... If it happens it does. But don't put your life on hold for it. Not for one second... It's cliché, but you deserve nothing but the best. Someone that will hold and cherish you for the amazing gift that you are. Don't wait for the man who needs to "change his mind". Wait for the man who knows.

@amillionthings and @abc123, apparently I have many relatives I was unaware of.... It makes my heart lighter to know I am not the only one feeling this. And heavier to know I am not the only one feeling this. And I say the same things to myself. "I am stronger than this virus", "F*ck herpes, I own you not the other way around", etc. Which helps. Sometimes. But other times I want to put my head under the pillows and never come out. And that loop or tape playing in my head. That whisper. It makes me insane sometimes. I just want it to, to be blunt, shut the fuck up. Seriously. Sometimes it goes down to a low static. When I hold my niece, pet my cat, watch a great movie, am slammed at work. Just peace. I want, need to find it. So that maybe one day I can help others to find it. And if I can do that, maybe this will all be worth it. I can hope so anyways...

I'm really, really happy I got a laugh out of you. That actually made my day. And I didn't want to give the advice of "weeding out the one's not right for you", etc. Although there is a lot of truth to that. But it's not what you need to hear today. Just, every time that man's face enters your mind, give him a huge clown nose, massive eyebrows, and a good slap... Always makes me feel better.

Thanks WCSDancer. You have a fabulous ability to see through the bs and get to the heart of it. I wasn't even sure what was at the "heart" of what I wrote until I read your response. It is the fear. And you are dead on as far as it being me holding me back and not h... I do have an outlet. I hike. A lot. I live in So Cal and it's almost a daily thing. There's a canyon with trails right off the ocean that's about a mile from where I live and it's my second home. And is my "medicine" to control my anxiety and give me a clear head to look at whatever issue I'm dealing with from a more objective viewpoint. Any major decisions I have to make I put off until I'm on the trail. I would go nuts without it. And, of course, my job is insane. But I love it. And I hate it. But I wouldn't change it right now. It, too, pulls me out of my head. But I don't know what to do with this fear. It is, in a way, a foreign emotion to me. Anything else in my life that made me afraid I would confront it, deal with it, and the problem goes away. But this problem won't go away. All I can do is confront it, deal with it, and try to look at it in some type of constructive way. And I keep getting stuck on that. I'm not even sure where to start. So I've lived in a relative state of denial for the past three years. But this last year in particular has been really rough, and not just with the h. And I'm hitting a wall. And know I need to reach out. Do what I tell so many others I'm close to, and take my power back. I just want to feel peace with this. I don't feel "dirty" anymore, I know that's not true. I didn't do anything wrong. But I sure do feel damaged.... And @amillionthings, I feel you are like a sister from another mother. You and WCS.... Thanks for being there for me today. And making me feel safe here. You are wonderful.

Hi There, This is such a great idea, an h buddy. It would be nice to have someone who can really relate. A little about me. 40 y/o female, I live in Southern California. No children. I am open to talking with males or females, prefer over the age of 25. I am a young 40, but still... Location is not a problem, I have unlimited text and phone time :)

Thanks @amillionthings. I can't help but think about it, too. Some days it's like a screaming loop running through my head (PMS). Other days it's like a whisper hanging out in the background. But it's always there. Still. Everyone in my life views me as being "so strong", and I'd like to think that I am. My job alone forces me to keep a tight rein on my emotions and reactions to the environment I'm in. But I'm not made of stone. And I can't always be strong. But, on this topic in particular, there's been no one to reach out to on those days where the thoughts are so consuming. And I've been too afraid to reach out. But fear and I don't get along very well and I am finally reaching a breaking point on this. I want my warrior back. And this microscopic virus has been holding it down and I am just pissed off. And grateful for you. Thank you for those posts, for your raw honesty. It was hard to read. But only because I could have written those same words at various points over the last three years. Every one of them....

I'm sorry you got hurt. Rejection sucks... But, you survived it. The thing you were most afraid of. So what now? Well, first, if this were me, I would take a serious "down day". Sweats, t-shirt, Ben and Jerry's, and marathon tv. Oh, and wine. Lots of it. Distraction. Oh, and stay away from the internet. Do not let yourself research topics like "rejected with herpes" (I, unfortunately, speak from experience). Get some sleep. Wake up tomorrow and take a deep breath. And start again. You have to. Why? Because rejection is a guarantee in life. In relationships, jobs, etc. But so is acceptance. The law of averages is on your side. Not everyone will reject you. I promise. But I know how hard it is. And take a look at this guy. What about him did you not like? We, as humans, give so much of our power away. Take it back. "Lets be friends", I hate that response. I am mentally smacking him for you. Keep your head up. And never, ever, lower your standards....

I have to confess that I have been "trolling" this site for more than a year now. What finally convinced me to "come out" was the post that @amillionthings wrote. I wrote a similar post a couple of years prior on a different support forum. It was written during one of my darkest moments, and I got.... Silence. For two days. Followed by one response from a writer who literally told me to "get over it", and then went on to write how happy she was that she had never been that upset about it. It was, in a word, devastating. And convinced me that reaching out was essentially useless. Until I saw the love and support that was given to @amillionthings. It was amazing. And I realized that I wanted to be a part of such a wonderful group. I am not in that same dark place anymore. But I am still so afraid. Afraid of what this means for my future. And I am tired of being afraid. Tired of trying to deal with this on my own. And ready to come to peace with it. I was diagnosed with hsv2 three years ago. Given to me by a man who decided not to tell me he had it. I have run the gammut on emotions with this, as we all have. I was 37 at the time I got it and it was like a bomb going off in my life. Since then I have been struggling with depression off and on and just feeling so alone. And isolated. I have confided in my brother (my best friend and ally) and another close friend I've known for 25 years. They are both loving and supportive but can't truly relate.... Anyways. I am hoping to get support but also wanting to give it. I am a "medical professional", a registered nurse who has worked in critical care for 15 years now. There has been a lot of discussion lately on this board regarding the ignorance of the medical community (I agree 100% by the way), and a couple of very disturbing posts about some horrid treatment given to people by doctors that made me cringe. Just so you all know, we are not all like that. But MD's in paricular can be notoriously callous and unempathetic (God complex anyone?), but there are wonderful ones out there. My doc was fantastic, held my hand as I cried and laid out as much info as he thought I could handle at the time. I just love him. And I drive him nuts. Every timeI see him I have already self diagnosed and tell him exactly what scripts I need. Along that line if I can give one word of advice. Many of you are trying the non-medicinal route in treating this. I respect that. But I also think for those of you suffering endless breakouts that you are suffering needlessly. All of the antivirals have been tested ad nauseum and are some of the safest drugs to take. I have discussed this at length with my doctor. According to him studies have been done on patients who have taken them for years and there has been practically no incidence of liver or kidney problems related to that. If you are taking the meds and are still having breakouts try "playing around" with the meds. Try switching up the time intervals you take them, space it out evenly. I take valcyclovir, I split the 1 gram tabs in half and take half in the am and the other in the pm. After years of trial and error that's what works best for me. Also, all of the meds are the same basic drug, but are just absorbed differently by the body. If one is not working for you try another, hopefully insurance will allow you to do that. I'm hoping one day to not need to take them, but I have had some horrible breakouts which just devastate me emotionally and physically are quite painful. Again, do what's best for you. But for me it has been a lifesaver. Thanks for listening. And Adrial, thanks for starting this. Your youtube videos have helped me get through some of my darkest nights. You are an amazing person, I can only hope to one day be so brave... And WCSdancer, you just rock. Amazing advice. Are you the one who said "wigglers on the tonsils"?? That seriously cracks me up every time I think of it. Hilarious.... And thanks to all of you who give love and suoport to strangers. Ok, enough of the love fest.... I'll end this with my three favorite sayings. I have them posted above my coffeemaker so they're the first thing I see every morning... "Never make someone a priority when they treat you like an option" "Fear is the greatest thief of joy" "Do not make decisions based on fear. Instead, make decisions based on truth" Peace beautiful people....