scarletbegonia

Will do!

@WCSDancer2010 thanks for the words of wisdom. I suspect a time could come where I meet someone that doesn't have H and we cross that bridge of disclosure. But for the time being, I am not seeking that situation. I'm not really looking for a serious relationship, so I am sticking with the H+ community for dating. If I go on a few dates with someone, and adult things happen, I can express myself sexually again. That's all I am looking for at this point, to feel human again, to feel beautiful again, to smile again. One step at a time, you know what I mean?

Yes, I actually found a book in his things, "How to date young women, for men over 35" and it is all about creating a false persona, being deceitful, and finding vulnerable naive girls to take advantage of. It actually says things like, don't marry them, don't have kids with them, it talks about dating as young as 14 years old (IN A POSITIVE LIGHT!) It is quite fowl, "you are smarter and more intelligent because you are a man" "she will believe whatever you tell her" ugh.... I could go on and on. And as for his ex. I said, don't you think its quite possible you gave her herpes during your many years of unprotected sex, and she was just asymptomatic? Maybe she was right, and you did give it to her, and she gave it to her husband. But no, that couldn't possibly be the case. Because, if you can't see it, you don't have it!

So, this is my story, not sure if I am writing it for others to read, or because I need to get it out of my brain, but either way... I am a relatively intelligent person, I went to graduate school and moved half-way across my state. Being new to the area, and not interested in the bar scene, I went to online dating. Long story made short, I meet a guy, he is 33, I am 26. The first few dates are amazing, except the part where I find out he is actually 43, and just "likes to date younger girls". That should have been a red flag, but even a well educated woman can be stupid sometimes. Fast forward to the point of the story, we are now living together, things are great. Then he comes into the shower with me, pretty much trapping me, and says "so I haven't had sex with you lately, because I have herpes." He shows me what the OB looks like, one or two tiny pimples, not such a big deal. He goes on to explain that he always can feel when its coming, he gets cold/flu symptoms, it's not contagious until he has the pimples, otherwise it can't be spread. It doesn't hit me until later that night, that perhaps the pain in my groin, the sore throat, and what I thought was a UTI, might be something else. So, he gives me a handful of Valtrex and says "here take these, it should cure you, you will be ok". So at this point, anyone that can use google knows this guy is pretty uneducated! So, for the next few months, nothing happens and I forget about it and move on. Then the symptoms come back again, no OB, but I have the swollen lymph node in my groin, and unbearable nerve pain in my legs. Go to the DR, get tested, and BOOM, I have herpes! So I talk to my boyfriend, he LAUGHS, then says I'm the first girl he ever gave it to, sorry, blah blah, maybe he didn't feel it coming. Then the truth comes out... when he was 35, he had unprotected sex with a 15 year old girl that was his employee. Turns out she was a heroin addict, and gave him herpes. But he didn't know he had herpes until he gave it to another employee, and she gave it to her husband. But it's still not a big deal. He said his ex-girlfriend thought it was a big deal, but "that B*tch got what she deserved, her new boyfriend (now husband) gave her herpes", but of course she tried to blame it on him (he's apparently the victim). He also thought it was funny, that some day I will have to tell my mom, and also laughed when he told me I could pass it to a child if I have a natural birth. All things that I just don't find funny. So fast forward to now, I am done with this guy, I stayed too long. Even though I promised my bestfriend that I wouldn't stay just because of herpes, I stayed too long because of my fear of moving on. So, that's my story, and I'm sure if you read the whole thing, you can probably figure out the type of person I do not want to be. I don't want to be uneducated about my "skin condition." I don't want to perpetuate the thought that, if I can't see it, I'm not contagious. I don't want to ever laugh about transmitting this to someone. I don't ever want to lie to someone about it. In fact, I don't even want to date anyone that doesn't have herpes, I don't want to pass the torch, even if the person is willing to take the risk. I could draw a flow chart of people my ex gave herpes to, and that's only the people that I know about, that he knows about, that got tested. Think about a 47 year old man, with herpes, that refuses to wear condoms EVER, frequently has sex with young mothers, girls from broken homes & bad situations, and will never tell someone the truth if he doesn't have to. I am more disgusted with him then I will ever be with myself or my condition. And that is my story :)

More please! I'm hooked now!!