This whole thing has been a challenge for me. Sometimes I wonder, why me? What did I do to deserve this? I am talking a woman that waited until she was 24 years of age to become intimate with someone. Someone who is now over 30 and can count the number of people she has been intimate with her hands. Why me? I have read some of the other discussions about people not telling others they have herpes. Guess what? Because someone chose to not disclose, I now have it. That wasn't fair to me and it isn't fair to anyone else. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I want to say that maybe he just didn't know. I always try to find good in people. I wonder if anyone is feeling the same way I am. I am 9 days shy of 34 and I have no children. I have come to terms that I will just be by myself for the rest of my life. Kids are not an option either. I didn't ask for this but it was the cards that I was handed so I have to play them. I find myself shying away from male attention. I don't want to let anyone get close to me because I know what I have. Why put myself through that? I don't want to face the rejection. It's bad enough I can't be with the love of my life. I feel so dirty. I have told three people and I can trust that my secret will remain with them. However, I haven't told any of my family. I just had an outbreak and it was so painful. All I could do was cry. It's not fair. Hopefully time on this forum will help me come to terms with this life sentence.