unsure123

About a month ago, I had an intense OB on my backside. This was caused by stress at work, and I probably waited too long to start my meds again and treat it. I kept hoping it would itch for a little while, then go away... like all my other OBs (with the exception of the first, which took more attention). It had turned into one very large scab, similar to shingles, and has now left a red mark where it was. Fortunately, there isn't any more pain, and the scab has healed. The bad news is, it's been a little over a month, and the healing has seemed to stop. Anyone have advice on how to keep the healing process going? I think it's too far along for a bandage and antibiotic ointment to do the trick, although I'm trying that just in case. Thank you for your help!!!

Hi Climber, Just wanted to say welcome, and send you some loving thoughts. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. I didn't get herpes from an assault, but I have been assaulted before. Both situations were devastating to me, so I can only imagine having both at the same time. For the record, the swab test made my first breakout so much more severe and painful than any I've had since. My outbreaks after the first were a lot like 2legit mentions… a single, maybe two bumps. It's deflating emotionally, but that's about it. Nothing in comparison to the physical pain the first time around. I also had unpleasant side effects from my medication, which mellowed over time. I've found that epsom salt baths, coconut oil, and tea tree oil work wonders for me. I went ahead and saw a therapist, which has helped me deal with the trauma of assault and of a stigmatized disease. He really helped me put it all in perspective, cry it out, etc. so when you're ready, I highly suggest going. Best wishes! - Rachel PS- If you'd like to stay in touch by e-mail, I'd be happy to give you mine by private message. Just let me know.

I have been in a tail spin for the past year and a half, since I found out I have HSV2. I've started and abruptly ended relationships, because I was too afraid to disclose. I kept waiting for the right time, and waiting only made things worse for me. I began to feel like I'd be alone forever. I recently tried some new things. 1. I made an account on a herpes dating site, which was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be! I found some very attractive men in my area, who were interested in me. If you are too afraid to get back out there, I urge you to check this site out. I didn't pay for it, and made connections with a lot of awesome people. 2. I began exploring the BDSM community, for a lot of reasons. This was a good fit for me. I met a man who lives overseas, and he was my first disclosure. We were talking a lot... I felt very close with him. He was discussing coming to the US, and I felt I needed to tell him before things went further. He was such a sweetheart about it, and very understanding/compassionate. Due to other reasons, the relationship later broke down… he couldn't make it here as soon as we originally thought he could, and the distance became too painful to endure. I feel that he was kind of my HERPES ANGEL, as ridiculous as that may sound. He helped me disclose and not feel shame, and I am FOREVER grateful for this. 3. I made the decision to disclose on my profile on a BDSM site. Turns out there's a special somebody I had been chatting with, who actually has it as well. I think we were both relieved to have found each other. So now I can see how this goes. He lives close… so maybe I will actually have real physical contact. It has been so long! I'm excited; even a cuddle would be fabulous. I think that disclosing on my profile is the right decision for me. I still get great quality men interested in me, and I'd even argue that I get better quality than I did before. Now I simply have to remind myself to stay safe… and go slow!

I see a therapist for many reasons, but H pushed me over the edge. Mostly because it made me stop and think before rushing into bed with someone to make myself feel better. I think that the number one blessing herpes has brought me (ha! Feels strange to say) is my ability to open up in therapy. My therapist was very understanding, and the process has put a lot in perspective for me. He is also a sex therapist, so I think that helps with being open minded.

UPDATE! I spoke to my therapist, and feel SO MUCH better!! I'm working on finding out who I am, not who I think society thinks I should be. FINALLY... a journey to feel excited about, with the fear and "should have"s taken out. I've been doing a lot of meditation and reflective journaling, which is helpful too. However, I can't stress enough how helpful having a therapist is. This brings it all together. When I told him, he didn't blink an eye. He sees this so often, that he is confident it should be a non-issue. I have someone to help me navigate through emotions and see past assumptions. I must admit, I skipped from my car into my house after the appointment. That's how relieved I am. I feel so FREE. BTW his professional opinion goes hand-in-hand with the (H)opp philosophy. It's all about perspective. Love and encouragement to you all. We are not alone!

Yes! This has been amazing, and my saving grace... especially during the first outbreak. I always keep some on hand at the house. Very soothing. I winced the first time I heard about it, since I was afraid it would burn. Quite the opposite effect... cooling and soothing!

This is a big post for me... I have decided to come out as bisexual, which I've always known I am. It's difficult to come out as bi, because I feel like I don't quite fit in one group. I've always been attracted to both men and women, able to form deep bonds with both. Lately I've had the urge to pursue a relationship with a woman, and my emotions are all over the place. Mostly because I haven't met that spectacular woman yet. Years ago I had a secret relationship with a woman, which lasted about two years. I always felt torn while with her, because I knew I also wanted to date men, and I was young/inexperienced in love. Now I am in a position where I could fully commit to a woman, and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. This is exciting, scary, new, and liberating. Today I am telling one of my best friends, who was the first person I told when I found out about herpes. She will be the only person (other than my "giver") that knows I am bisexual and that I have herpes. Some people know one, but not the other. I'm tired of living with the secrets... Not everyone needs to know that I'm bi, or have herpes (since that info doesn't apply to every aspect of my life) but I can't hold it all in from everyone. Now I have to figure out how to "hit on" and get on a woman's radar. I feel like such a dude. lol! My heart tells me to just be myself, but I feel so vulnerable!!! I have never disclosed about herpes to a lover (it's been a lonely year-ish), so that's new territory as well. I am working with a therapist, which I believe is vital. I see him on Thursday, and will tell him about both my health and sexuality. I've even held back from him so far. Anyone with kind words about coming out, disclosing, etc. please help!!! I really need some encouragement right now. My body is rebelling from the stress/anxiety... upset stomach and outbreak both genitally and orally. (Had HSV 1 since I was a kid... didn't get bad until I got HSV 2 as well.) Even happening while taking anti-virals. I think the truth is just fighting to get out!!!

I had my initial OB in April of this year. I gained weight, had multiple outbreaks, and found that my medication made me bloated and groggy. When I got my first OB, I had already fallen hard for the man who exposed me. The relationship unravelled and I found myself deeply depressed. Broken, really. My heart still aches when I think about him. I have gotten my self confidence back, adjusted to my meds, and rarely have an OB now. I felt ready to start dating again. A few weeks ago I met a man. We hit it off, and had great dates. After talking for some time, we ended up having oral sex (I went down on him, but wouldn't let him touch me "there.") It was spontaneous, and the old me (pre-herpes) would have had intercourse right then and there. The next time we fooled around, I went down on him again, and he fingered me. I was down to nothing but panties, but was careful to not sit on him or anything that could get my fluids on him. At the end of a very steamy session, he pulls me on top of him, to lay still on top of him. It felt so great, but I had to quickly roll off and get up. Even though my panties are on, I know I've had an OB on my bikini line weeks before. I laid on him for about 15 seconds. I have not told him I have herpes. I would like to date him a little longer before full-on intercourse, and I'd definitely like to know him better before sharing my condition with him. Just thinking of telling him makes me want to vomit. I know that we need to take it easy on any fooling around, until I tell him. I'm thinking public places for a few dates, until I'm sure I want to sleep with him and tell him. Question is.... have I gone too far already? Have I exposed him by letting our last session move too far? Will he think back to this when I tell him, and feel like I deceived him? My heart still hurts so much from the rejection from the first man, and I don't know if I can take rejection from another one. I know no one really has the answer, but I'm happy to have a place to relate. Thanks for listening.

Wow! Love this! I will save this to read again. Thank you for taking the time to share these thoughts. So well written. :)

@WCSDancer2010 You have a gift. Thank you for taking the time to type out such a detailed response... your words have comforted me a lot. It has been difficult to let go of someone when I'm not angry at them, and I feel grateful for the sexual discoveries. I was able to forgive (surprisingly) early on. I have felt angry at the situation, but not directly at him, which has been strange to experience. Maybe the gift of discovering my sexuality and desire for intimacy is the reason he and I crossed paths. I had all but given up. I acknowledge that in my divorce rebound mode, I would have continued to make sexual decisions that were not good for my emotional health. I may have gotten herpes, but at least the man was decent to me, even if it didn't work out. Who knows what emotional or physical damage I could have endured with other people. I will check into getting another drug, as it's possible that the inactive ingredients are causing me to have the weight gain. I've had unusual side effects to generic pills before, and my doctor thought it was a reaction to the binding agents in the medicine. Thanks for the heads up on that. I thought it was a usual side effect. Reading your response has given me some closure that both my heart and mind understand. I cannot thank you enough for that!!

Nick, I am thankful that you shared this story. As I was reading the initial post, I could feel myself getting nervous for you! It is encouraging to see someone who has overcome the fear, and who is giving true intimacy a chance. You two are fortunate to have found each other!

I've had herpes for months now, and have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. I am new to the dating game, since I got divorced not too long ago. Of course I decided to jump right in the game... and then BOOM---herpes from my first post-divorce relationship. The guy who transmitted to me said he didn't know he was carrying the virus. I honestly believe he didn't know. His reaction seemed to be one of genuine shock and embarrassment. I feel hurt, lonely, confused, scared, and sometimes angry. I don't think my anger is justified, but trying to deny it only makes it worse. Dating has been hard enough without herpes. I mean... where to meet people, what are men really looking for, having to shave my legs, apparently no one picks up the phone to call anymore (if I'm honest I don't really want to talk on the phone), what vague texts mean, etc. Mostly, I want sex. The sex in my marriage was just ok, and the sex with this new guy... well, oh my god. I had no idea that sex could even be like that... Seriously! I have read that giving details on here is ok... so here goes. In the past 15 years, I had an orgasm from intercourse maybe 3 times. The first time I slept with the new guy it happened 3 times that night. Each time after that was just as satisfying. He would be comfortable having casual sex, but I know I'll feel confused afterwards, and the trust is gone. Still, I find myself day dreaming on a regular basis. I am constantly turned on now. Sometimes I think that the only way to get him out of my system is to date someone else, but I'm not ready for that. I should cut off contact, but I can't help holding out hope that he will want me again, which makes me feel pathetic. Not to mention the thought of him being with someone else makes me want to cry. I try to not think about it, but it always creeps in. My self esteem is so low. If I don't take the anti-virals, I can feel an outbreak coming on. If I do take them, they make me bloated, tired, and gain weight. Hard to feel attractive either way. I feel broken emotionally and physically. ---Unsure