Jump to content

flyingpig99

Members
  • Posts

    12
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

flyingpig99's Achievements

0

Reputation

  1. I think it all depends on the individual. I've only disclosed to one guy, my now boyfriend, and he was extremely understanding and it hasn't been an issue at all for him. I have told a couple of my female friends, and although they have been incredibly supportive, I think for some of them finding out that their partner was H+ could be a deal breaker.
  2. I went to therapy for a while and I really don't think my therapist really knew how to deal with me. She didn't know much about the virus at all. It didn't necessarily make me feel better about myself and having H, but it was beneficial to be able to voice all my issues, rather than them just running circles in my head. Hopefully your therapist is a bit more informed. Good luck!
  3. I have been absent from these forums for a little while, but I wanted to finally share my story in the hope that it may help or inspire one of you, as all of the stories I read on here helped me... When I was diagnosed at the start of 2013 with genital H (I still don't know what strain) I honestly thought my dating life was over. I was so devastated by the diagnosis and it caused my to fall into quite a deep depression rut for a long time. I thought that no one, especially around my age (early 20's), would be able to accept what was now a part of me. I only found this forum at the start of this year, and I was amazed at the amount of people who seemed to be able to deal with H and still manage to have fulfilling lives and relationships. This gave me some hope, that maybe ONE DAY I might be ok, but still at the back of my mind I (thought I) knew that it wouldn't happen to me, or at least not for a long time. Since then I have steered clear from any sort of closeness with guys completely. About 4 months ago I started hanging out with this guy. He's a friend/housemate of one of my good friends and somehow we ended up hanging out, just the two of us, one night. And then kept talking and eventually hooking up. I was so scared though, because I knew that it could only go so far before I either had to tell him or run away. We started staying at each other's houses occasionally, but he never pushed to go any further, which I was so grateful for. It got to the stage where I knew that I had to tell him. We'd become quite close, and somehow I knew the timing was right. Knowing when to do it didn't help with the nerves though. I spent literally hours reading discussions on here about different ways that people had disclosed and working out the speech in my head. I worked out that I needed to go in and be positive about the situation (as much as possible), act like it's not the monster problem that it is in my head and give him as much factual information as I could, so that he was able to make up his own mind. The day I knew I was going to do it, I went to his house in the evening and I just wanted to get it out of the way incase he was weird about it and I wanted to leave. Actually, I had planned to leave after I told him, as to give him some space and time to think it over. Anyway, I couldn't tell him straight away because we ended up hanging out and having some beers with his housemates (maybe helped with the nerves slightly haha), but I just wanted to get it over and done with. When we finally went to his room I told him that I had something important to talk to him about... It took me a while to get the words out, and I don't think he really knew what to expect, but this definitely wasn't it. I told him that I was telling him because I did like him, and I thought that if we were going to keep seeing each other this was important for him to know. I told him as many facts as I could, that it's a super common virus, that most people have at least one strain and don't even know it, that there's such a small risk when you're aware of it and being careful etc etc... I was so nervous that I felt sick and I got quite flustered while trying to tell him everything, but I managed not to burst into tears, which often happened when I would talk about H. He was quiet for a bit and then said that he liked me too and he didn't want this to have to mean that we would stop seeing each other, but that he would still like to see the extra information i had (Adrial's handouts etc). I didn't end up going home that night, just because he took it so unbelievably well and wasn't awkward or standoffish at all. I still did think that it could well be over after that, I thought that he might decide that it wasn't worth the risk, but at least I had done it! I had made it through my first disclosure alive! And that actually was the best I had felt since before I was diagnosed. After reading all the information he decided it's not an issue for him...of course we're still careful, I'm on antivirals and we always use condoms, but we're still together :) I can't believe I've achieved happiness after being so utterly miserable for a year and a half just because of a stupid virus. I used to think about H as a burden daily, now it barely crosses my mind, and when it does, it's not the scary monster that it used to be. I know that this won't be my last disclosure, and I'm sure harder times lay ahead for me yet, but I feel like getting past this first hurdle is such a huge personal success. To everyone out there who is struggling with coming to terms with H, it will get better! You won't believe me now... you'll say that for you it might not... but it will! I promise! It won't be tomorrow, or the next day... but that day will come! A HUGE THANKYOU again to everyone who helped me and gave me advice and let me lurk them in this forum! I honestly couldn't have done it without you!
  4. Thanks @herry I do already feel like I've won, this round at least! and @aimi you're so sweet, hope everything is going well with you! Love to you both x
  5. As always, thankyou for your encouraging words @dancer! I told him last night! I feel so relieved! I was SO nervous about it, and it came out a lot more awkwardly than I had practised, but I think I did pretty well for my first time :) and no tears ;) I told him that I was telling him because I like him and that it was important for him to know this about me if we are going to keep hanging out. He said he didn't know much about H at all, which was the same as me before I was diagnosed, so I explained the facts as best I could. He said that he really appreciated me telling him and that he understood that it is not an easy thing to talk to someone about, especially a potential partner. Also that he doesn't want us to stop seeing each other just because of this :) We haven't gotten to the sex part yet, but now that this is not a huge dark cloud hanging over my head anymore, I feel fine to just take things as they come. Thanks to everyone who shared their disclosure stories, I honestly never think I would have been able to get over this hurdle without having so many inspirational stories to guide me through!
  6. @willow that was so well put! I wish I could get you to have my f2f disclosure for me haha. @KLB I don't know if this would be too impersonal... but maybe try writing him an email? That way you could put links to all sorts of information on this site, or wherever, for him in there as well. Just an idea. Anyway, good luck!!!
  7. Wow Aimi! Looks like you've found yourself someone really special! Reading stories like yours is giving me the courage to think about disclosing for the first time myself... which not too long ago seemed like the most impossible thing in the world. You go girl!
  8. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago, but hadn't been intimate with anyone for 6 months before that. I'm 22 now, but I was only 20 when I was diagnosed and it felt like my whole world had come crashing down around me. I've never been one to sleep with random people that I don't know, but I also didn't have to be in a serious relationship before I wanted to become intimate with someone. When I was diagnosed it felt like that freedom I had always taken for granted, to choose, was ripped away from me. I had a really difficult year last year, suffered from pretty severe depression for the most part. This year I've been feeling like I can cope a bit better. Of course there are still dark days, but they're fewer and further between. Anyway, recently I've started seeing someone. The first person since my diagnosis. We've been hanging out fairly regularly for the past 6 weeks or so. He's a friend of a friend and I never even thought he would be interested in me, but we started talking all the time and then catching up just the two of us. We've stayed at each other's houses a few times but it's all been very PG rated so far. I have't had to make up excuses or anything to slow things down, which has been kind of a relief. I think he senses that I am hesitant to go any further. I've been thinking of telling him for about a month, ever since it looked like us hooking up wasn't just a one off thing. I know there's no hurry, and in a way I'd like to leave it as long as possible, incase it scares him off. At first I thought that it would be better to break the whole thing off early, as to avoid the whole situation. But now I think, also after reading so many inspirational stories on here, that disclosing, no matter how it goes, is the next step I need to take in my own healing journey. I'm scared to do it though. I know how I SHOULD do it though: Be strong, show him that it's not a huge deal, that it's only a virus that is extremely common, that he has a minimal risk of contracting from me if we are careful etc etc. But I don't know how it will actually come out... I have a tendency of crying still whenever I talk about it (or think about it too much really) with the people I have told so far, my mum, sister and 2 best friends, so I'm hoping that I'll be able to make it through without tears. But I'm not counting on it. I also don't know 100% how I feel about him either. I know I like him, I know I like spending time with him, but I don't know if I can see myself in a long term relationship with him. If H wasn't there, then this wouldn't be an issue, I'd just see how it unfolded, but because it is there, I do need to think about this. And it's hard. But I do think I'll regret it if I don't tell him at all, because every time you disclose it gets easier, right? Anyway, just thought I'd share a bit about my story. I'll keep you posted on what I decide to do.
  9. Thanks for your help @willow and @WCSDancer2010 ! I think I will have to go and insist on a test. For my peace of mind and because I'm thinking of *possibly* disclosing soon, it would probably good to know so I can give them all the accurate facts and stats.
  10. I'm sorry if this has already been discussed, but I haven't been able to find the exact answers I'm looking for anywhere. I had my first OB a year and a half ago when I was travelling in Europe. The doctor I went to there confirmed that it was Herpes but didn't swab test for the type. I haven't had an outbreak since then and my doctor here says that blood tests are too unreliable and she only trusts swab tests to accurately tell the type. But since I haven't had another OB there's really no way for me to know. She also said that what I have ACTS LIKE HSV1, because I didn't get frequent OBs in my first year as is common with HSV2. I keep expecting another OB because I've been sick a lot lately and quite stressed, but it still hasn't happened. I always just assumed that I had type 2, because it's the most common genital kind. But now that I've been given that 'hope' that it might be type 1, I kind of want it to be? Is it easier for other people to hear that you just have type 1, because they most probably already have it on their mouth already? I guess it's hard either way. I was just wondering if anyone else has noticed that certain types ACT in different ways? eg. Frequency of OBs in the first year. Or am I being completely led astray?
  11. Hi, I'm female, 22 and living in Melbourne, Australia. It would be great to meet someone who could relate to what I'm going through, as I was diagnosed a year and a half ago but am still finding it hard to come to terms with.
×
×
  • Create New...