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DecievedAndDealing

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Everything posted by DecievedAndDealing

  1. Hey everyone, I haven't been on in a while but I just recently disclosed again and I wanted to share my experience for anyone who's struggling with accepting that herpes is not the end of the world....cause initially it does feel like that. Since I found out about having herpes (HSV-2) I have "hooked up" with one person and dated two. My first disclosure was rough because I thought he gave me herpes (this was the hook up) and we were drunk and hadn't used protection so the whole thing was a mess. When I found out it was my ex-boyfriend and that he had lied it made things even more rough but at least my hook up knew he wasn't the one who gave it to me. He got tested and ended up being negative and we went on as friends. We also slept together again even after the whole fiasco and after him finding out I did in fact have herpes. That gave me hope, but it was easier to be vulnerable with him because we were good friends so when I started dating some one new my heart sank knowing I had to tell him. For those of you who don't know my story, I am also a rape survivor so I occasionally suffer from PTSD mostly in the form of nightmares or anxiety attacks. Although they have become few and far between, I still disclose this as well because they can be triggered by sex. So knowing I had to tell him both of these things scared me. I waited until about our 5th or 6th date because I could tell that he was catching feelings and had enough time to get to know me. I could tell he thought I wasn't interested in him physically so I finally let it all out. I was just honest. I cried and told him the truth and told him I'd understand if that scares him and respect his decision either way. He ended up hugging me, wiping my tears, and we went on to date and have plenty of sex for a few months. Fast forward to now. I just started seeing a new guy and our 6th date was last night. Low and behold he was feeling like I'm disinterested so I let the truth fly. This time it came out differently though. I still cried over the rape but herpes has become not a big deal to me. I know it doesn't really effect me and now I also know that guys are still going to want to date and sleep with me so whether or not he is cool with it or freaks isn't a big deal since there will be someone else if I'm not for him. He ended up asking a couple questions and said he had be accused of having herpes once. Turns out he doesn't but the amount of research he did thinking he might have it changed his mind about it being a big deal. He thanked me for telling him and is practically begging me to sleep with him at this point. So here's the moral of this very long story: herpes is not the end of the world. You will still have significant others and lovers in your life. Own your skeletons, be proud of what makes you who you are regardless of whether or not they are pretty. Every skeleton in your closet taught you something so embrace the positive in that and remember that we always think our skeletons are the scariest and chances are that they're only the scariest to you. Hope this helps someone. XO
  2. Hey everyone! Just wanted to let you guys know I met a guy a few months ago and about a month ago we went out on our first date. I saw him probably 5 separate times before I felt like I had to tell him about H due to the fact that I could see that he thought I didn't want to sleep with him. Part of this was also due to the fact that we both are in points in life where a casual low pressure relationship is what we want which that in itself can lead to physical things quicker. I had a lot of anxiety about telling him and went over in my head every possible reaction (so I thought) so I would be prepared if he flipped out. Some of you already know that I also have to disclose about being a rape survivor due to occasional PTSD which makes me feel like I have the heaviest baggage ever. So the moment came where I let him know that I trust him and I want him to know that it's not him it's me and I told him everything....and you know what he did? He hugged me, wiped my tears, and asked my to stay the night with him with no physical expectations. The best part is, our relationship has not changed at all. He still wants to talk to me everyday and is looking forward to seeing me again. This says to me that sex may not be completely out of the question just because of H but even if he decides it's not a risk he wants to take I just want everyone to know that there are good intelligent people out there that wont judge you, they will give you grace and love on you even if you don't think you deserve it. Keep your head up everyone, you're stronger and more beautiful then you know.
  3. Thanks Dancer! I was very pleasantly surprised and it definitely gives me hope for future boyfriends. I'm sure disclosing to someone who doesn't already know will be difficult but definitely worth it!
  4. Hey Everyone! I had a very strange night on Monday that involved a little too much alcohol at a BBQ with a bunch of coworkers. One of my coworkers and I had slept with previously but it had triggered an outbreak and led me to get diagnosed. I of course thought he gave it to me but he went and got tested and all that jazz and I found out my ex-boyfriend had actually been the giver. My coworker was very comforting about me being lied to and saying I deserved better but the way he freaked out about potentially having H made me feel absolutely disgusting. Since all of that went down I pretty much convinced myself that the attraction we once had was completely gone now due to me being disgusting. Well Monday night we were both a little too intoxicated and ended up having a very honest conversation. I of course was the hot mess in tears (thank you alcohol) but basically he apologized for making me feel like I was gross and wiped my tears away. He then mentioned my suppressive therapy and how it makes H not a big deal which made me realize he had done some research. He even said that he hates that my ex lied and I deserve better but I deserve better than him as well. After all of this we spent some more time with friends then headed back to his place where he proved H wasn't a big deal to him and he definitely doesn't find me disgusting. ;) It's a mini success but I feel like maybe I've still got it! Hooray for having a sex life!
  5. I would do what WCSDancer2010 said but I would still incorporate a probiotic into your diet. An antiviral is designed to target functions that a virus has that a human does not. Valtrex blocks the enzyme the herpes virus uses to replicate called DNA Polymerase. Bacteria also have DNA polymerase so Valtrex will also kill some of the bacteria that live in your body. It sounds like you have a bacterial imbalance and when you take Valtrex the few good bacteria you have are getting killed off allowing the bad bacteria to cause a yeast infection. All this being said a probiotic would be a great addition to your diet. Eating more yogurt can help as well just make sure it contains live cultures. :)
  6. I had a LOT of discharge with my initial outbreak but it wasn't white like a yeast infection it was yellowish brown and had a fowl odor (sorry for the details). But haven't had any discharge with my other outbreaks.
  7. I'm just over a week into taking Valtrex and I'm taking 1g a day. My advice would be to workout! Working out always boosts my energy level but I'm noticing it more now that Valtrex exhausts me. That being said I feel like my body is adjusting to the antiviral and I'm becoming less exhausted slowly but surely. Also pay attention to your diet, if you're low on B vitamins you'll experience exhaustion as well as if you're low on iron which is common for women since we lose some every month during our cycle. Making sure you're eating enough (of the right foods of course i.e. healthy) could also be a factor. I'm hyperglycemic so if I don't eat enough I'm dizzy, can't concentrate, tired, shaky etc. Last but not least pay attention to your water intake! I've upped mine due to the antiviral. Hope this helps!
  8. whitedaisies, I know how you feel. I was diagnosed and had my first outbreak in late April/Eary May but I contracted herpes back late January. I had flu like symptoms off and on for a couple months then drunken rough sex triggered my first outbreak which was brutal and almost lasted an entire month! Since then I've had 3 other small outbreaks. I feel like my vagina will never be the same because it's been almost two months of constant issues. Now I'm on surpressive which I hope will help instead of just putting me to sleep and giving me headaches! But I just started it and had an outbreak when I did so I have yet to have that moment of "oh everything will go back to normal" or "you will be able to have sex again at some point in life." Hang in there girl. I'm totally with you. We just have to believe what all these experienced people are saying and "drink the kool-aid" so to speak.
  9. I will start cutting my pills in half! I napped for 4 hours yesterday then slept for 10! As always thanks for all the input!
  10. So I just started suppression therapy 3 days ago and I was wondering if anyone has experienced increased exhaustion while using Valtrex? I've used Valtrex for an initial 10 day cycle then again for two 5 day cycles and noticed exhaustion but contributed it to life since I'm a full time student and part time worker. It's been summer for me since Tuesday so I've had a lot more time to relax but I'm noticing that I'm extremely exhausted and could sleep pretty much when ever. My body could still be catching up from the sleep deprivation before my finals, but I feel like I have a pretty constant headache along with my exhaustion. Anybody else experience this with Valtrex?
  11. First: Take a deep breath. Now high-5 yourself for telling your boyfriend immediately because I'm sure that wasn't easy. How long have you two been together? If he's been telling you he wants to marry you, chances are he means it when he says he's not going anywhere and you guys will figure it out. If he does end up leaving you dodged a bullet because this is what marriage is. For better or for worse. Every life struggle you're partners in. So if he leaves over a skin condition...trust me you don't want to marry him. Here's what I'd say. Do some research and have him get tested. If he comes back negative then consider going on suppression therapy and use protection. I'm sure some "veterans" will offer some wisdom very soon! But til then my "newbie" knowledge and support will have to do! Remember: Breathe.
  12. I appreciate everyone's input and support! I'm looking forward to the day when I don't feel like I've got a suitcase chained to my foot. I took the summer off from school to focus on healing and dealing with things. I'll be starting therapy soon, but will keep you all posted as I'm sure summer will bring many stories.
  13. So I found out just over a month ago I have H however I contracted it sometime in January or February. My first outbreak lasted about 2 and a half weeks and was pure misery. Since then I've had 3 other mini outbreaks, nothing crazy just annoying. I took Valtrex for all my outbreaks but recently ran out. My doctor decided to put me on suppressive therapy today so I will start that tomorrow. I was feeling pretty optimistic about everything in spite of dealing with sensitivity and constant itching but then....I went on a date. Man oh man that knocked my confidence right out the door. When I found out I had H I spent very little time letting myself feel any less beautiful or desirable. I'm discovering that belief is much easier when you're not dating. I can't help but feel like I come with a ton of baggage for a 22 year old. I guess I just had the realization that I'm not as OK with H as I thought I was.
  14. @rainyday5249 and @Jen2323 I'm glad to help in even the smallest way. I was thinking this morning about how herpes has changed my life in the last month and this is what came to mind: - I've decided to seek support for my emotional stress needs and work on myself over the summer - I've lost 5lbs - I was already health conscious but I've taken that to a whole new level - I've made getting enough sleep and managing my stress level a priority - I've decided to be selfish and focus on what I need to do to be successful and be who I want to be instead of constantly going out of my way to please everyone - I finally bought a maxi dress! You'll notice that all of these are positive things. You'll have a list like this one day. Focus on the positives. Herpes is not a death sentence, it could be argued to be a health sentence. If we keep ourselves healthy we may never see herpes again. Remember that. I think your beautiful! XOXO
  15. I think the best way to give my advice is to start with my story. I'm 22 and found out just over 2 weeks ago that I have Herpes. I'm still healing from my first outbreak which began almost a month ago. It's probably the most physical pain I've ever experienced. I have always engaged in safe sex and been as careful as possible. The first time I ever had sex without a condom was when I was raped last July. I know I got herpes from my last boyfriend who claims he didn't know but based on his reaction when I called him and his history of lying I honestly think he knew. That's probably one of the hardest things for me to accept. I have told both of my parents, my best friend, my personal trainer, and 2 of my coworkers. Here is what I've learned: -Men lie. Women lie. People lie. Trust needs to be given sparingly. -My mom has herpes. She found out when she was pregnant with my brother which is why she had a C section for us both. She has no idea when or who she got it from because she was married when she found out. However this shows me that kids are possible for me in the future in spite of having herpes. -People don't judge you the way you judge yourself. My best friend works at Zoomcare and her reaction was sympathetic but she said she sees it all the time. She was more concerned about me emotionally because herpes really isn't that big of a deal medically. -My personal trainer got genital warts from her high school sweetheart when she was 17 and has been happily married (not to her high school sweetheart) for about 10 years. She said it almost helped her in a way because it weeded out the guys with bad intentions. You don't feel beautiful now and I understand that completely. After I was raped I felt disgusting and dirty, I felt like it was my fault, I stopped wearing make up and started putting no effort into my clothing, I rarely smiled and I didn't think I'd ever feel beautiful, worthy of love, or sexy again. The mere thought of wanting to be sexy made me feel guilty. I also never thought I'd have sex again, but guess what? Time heals all wounds. I'm still dealing with my rape understandably and have made the brave decision to start therapy this summer (herpes pushed me to this decision). But I can honestly say I've felt beautiful, I've felt sexy, I've felt like a great catch, and I even met a guy that understood what I went through and helped me rejoin the world of sexual activity at my own pace. He also gave me herpes...and I don't like him much for many reasons now but I will forever be thankful that he came into my life for the mere fact that he showed me that rape doesn't make me undateable or undesirable. Because of all of this, I know that you ladies will make it through this and not only feel beautiful again but also meet a guy that loves you in spite of the fact that you have herpes. I fear having to disclose the fact that I have herpes as well as the fact that I was raped to my future sexual partners but I believe that it will stop my streak of guys with all the wrong intentions. Love means loving everything about someone, including the things they may think or you may think are "unlovable". I don't want conditional love I want unconditional love and if I meet someone that accepts the two things I consider my biggest "flaws" then I'm already steps ahead of other relationships. Here's something else I've learned, someone on here posted a ted talk given on herpes and it changed my life. I will have to see if I can track it down and post it for you. The gist of it was that secrets are always bigger to you then to others. Not only that but the things we keep a secret and let ourselves be ashamed of poison us. When you tell someone you have herpes they wont feel like it's as big of a deal as you do. We build up these fears and judgements within ourselves and it does nothing but hurt us. Since watching this video I decided I'm not going to let herpes be a big deal or a secret I carry. It's common, it happens to many people, it happened to me and it's time to accept it and move on. You are still the beautiful girls you started as. You may not believe me now but I promise one day you'll wake up and realize herpes doesn't define you. It's an occasional painful skin rash in an inconvenient place. That's it. It doesn't effect what makes you beautiful and if you think outer beauty is all you have to offer I would encourage you to spend some time finding and realizing your inner beauty because it sounds cliche but inner beauty is what really matters. You don't fall in love with bodies you fall in love with people, just make sure you fall in love with yourself first. I know this is a long post but I hope at least one thing in it helped. You're a lot stronger then you think you are I promise and after all this you might surprise yourself by feeling more beautiful then ever. XOXO
  16. I want to first off thank everyone for their advice and support, it really does mean a lot. I think the main reason I'm struggling with this is because after you're raped, if you choose to tell the authorities you have a rape kit done. It's a miserable experience that includes 13 different pills, 11 of them being antibiotics to fight potential sti's. Then they do the initial sti tests, and 3 months later you have to come back for another and more blood work to be sure you didn't contract anything. All my tests came back negative including herpes. After all of that it's no surprise that my sex life became nonexistent. When I met my ex boyfriend and sex became a part of my life again I went right back to being super careful. I'm on the pill and we used condoms up until about a month in when we had a long conversation about what it would take for me to feel comfortable not using condoms. This involved him being tested. It is possible that he didn't get a blood test to check for herpes but considering all the lies that came out as things ended a couple months ago I wouldn't be surprised if he lied. That being said my real disappointment comes from being super careful and still ending up in this situation. When I was raped it was the first time I had had sex without a condom and I had been sexually active for 4 years. Just seems a bit unfair and is hard to swallow BUT I can't change my past I can only influence my future so I'm fortunate to have found this forum for support. As far as my outbreak/episode goes, I'm feeling better today then I have. Unfortunately my body had reached it's peeing pain limit this morning so I've spent most the day convincing myself that I can pee with some pain now or deal with a bladder infection after this is over. Eventually it gave in like a warrior and I couldn't be more proud, mind over matter! I have tried peeing in a bath and shower but it all hurt the same amount for me, I even tried the pouring water over the area as you pee. The good new is that I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel and maybe I'll be peeing and walking normally in a couple days! Medication seems to be working great!
  17. Well I'm on about day 9 of a very painful first outbreak. I am so miserable I can't take it anymore. The doctor diagnosed me yesterday and started me on medication, I'm on day 2 of 10. I'm curious if anyone has experience with Valtrex and if they found quick relief with it or not. I'm beyond over this outbreak. Peeing is unbearable and I've tried the tricks to help but I'm pretty sure I have an open sore by the opening of my urethra. At this point it's a mental struggle to pee because my body is so done with feeling pain. I have tons of healing blisters and I'm beginning to feel like they'll never heal. I've taken two days off work and skipped a couple classes to avoid worsening things. To top it off I started my period today so that's one more thing to deal with. I've read that it's beneficial to go commando when possible but I was wondering how that's possible because I've had so much discharge that I had to start wear pads. This whole process has been awful. My ex-boyfriend lied to me about being sti clean and now here I am suffering and feeling absolutely deceived. I don't know how to trust people when they're will to lie about things like this. I haven't taken this news well at all, all I want to do is cry all the time and I don't want to spend the rest of my life having to give a herpes disclosure. I already have to give a rape disclosure and my ex is the first person I slept with after I went through all that and was so thankful to not be pregnant or have an sti. Now here I am one partner later with an sti for life and in unbelievable pain.
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