GreenEyes727

Thanks Sbabe! I'm glad you are so smart! Good luck with future dating~

You and I are on similar timelines. I am 58. My last real relationship ended in 1995. June 5th to be exact. In October of that year, I was diagnosed with H. I thought I got it from my bf. I had a restraining order against him so there was no talking to him. Since then, I only dated one guy and it was a nightmare. We only had sex once. Four years ago, my best friend put me on Plenty of Fish. I had a date within a week. It went really well. I was very excited. Then he played games. We actually had another date a year later. I wasn't really attracted to him but we got along great. Then he wrote 2 weeks later and asked how my hooters were doing. I was not happy with that question. Anyway, after the first date with this guy I got to thinking and realized that I probably got H from my very first boyfriend back in the late 70's. I also remembered a time when I gave oral sex to a guy and then worried if I got something from him. Within a few days, I had a spot on my tongue. This was in the 80's. I went to my doctor. I don't remember what he told me. But now I wonder if I have H2 in my mouth. In 1992, right before I started dating my last real bf, I got an outbreak on above my lip that lasted like a month and a half. I was diagnosed with H1. So if I were to date, this would be my first love since 1995. There is a man who is interested in me but he's like 70 something. I'm not interested in him at all. Well, now I should have addressed your concerns first. I'm sorry. You were misinformed. This is totally not your fault. I hope this man comes to grips with his diagnosis and continues to see you. Keep us posted~

I just wanted to say that I hope things work out with this guy. I personally have only had to tell one guy and he was okay with it but we didn't last very long. It was because he was on drugs really bad and I ended up taking care of his kids. Even had them for 5 weeks through DYFS and then another week on my own. That was in 1998. I haven't dated since. Dating has always been hard for me. Guys just don't want me. I am invisible to them. It was always a miracle if I found a bf. I had a dream of an ex-boyfriend the other night and it really threw me off the next morning. I got really sad. He had H but I realized about 4 years ago that I probably got it from my first bf. Anyway, best of luck to you.

I'm so happy for you! I would prefer to meet someone with H myself.

Misskellyrenee, You are handling everything perfectly.

I know what you are saying. I hesitated to put my picture out there too but I did it. I'm on Positive Singles. I met a great friend who lives 10 minutes down the street. I went on one date but the guy lives hours away and even though we had a nice date, nothing came of it. I also belong to Plenty of Fish. That's a regular dating website. I had a date recently with a guy I had a date with a year ago. I told him about my H and he didn't jump up and say he was ready to leave. He flirted with me on Plenty of Fish for a week and then disappeared for 2 weeks. Then he asked how my hooters were doing! I was so insulted. I thought he was nicer than that. But in the end, he wasn't my type anyway. Always keep the hope and keep us posted about your dating adventures to come!

Great post! I used to say that I was glad that I had OCD because it made me a better person. I think through times of trial, we do become better people. Have a great day!

That's great that you will finally see him again! I think he really loves you. He's had plenty of time to back out so don't worry about that. I've had herpes for a very long time too. I just disclosed to a guy. He's still flirting with me but he made a rude comment yesterday about my "hooters". He didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. Truthfully, he's not my type anyway but I wanted to give him a chance. Oh well. Lucky you to be so loved!

Hi Alissa, You are not damaged goods. Don't even think that way. I never felt that way. I just figured out last year that I probably have had hsv-2 since I was 19. I just had a blood test and my doctor said I probably had it since I was a teenager. I never got diagnosed until I was about 37. The guy I had been with at the time had hsv-?. I thought I got it from him. Enough about me. You have found a great forum here. Adrial is the best! You will get lots of great advice. Trust me, you will see lots of good endings too . . . like people who have had "the talk" and the other person was okay with it. I started this post yesterday. I hope you got other responses. I had major car trouble yesterday and had to put this on hold. Keep your chin up honey!

I agree with sjj238! This is so cool! Here's to a great relationship with a great guy!

Wow, so many things I can relate to on this thread. I think my parents screwed me up too. There are a lot of kids in the family who never got married. I'm 55 and never got married but I still have hope. You always have to have hope. I don't think of myself as a spinster. I call it what it is. I have had very bad luck with guys my whole life. I've been in a couple of abusive relationships. My first relationship (I was 19) was ruined by fear and OCD. I just realized last year that I got herpes from him. I thought I got it from another boyfriend from the 90's who claimed to have herpes about 2 years into our relationship. Everyone, we are all loveable. I have seen lots of love stories on here and on Facebook and other places. I just went on a date with a guy and told him. He didn't abruptly end the date. In fact, he wrote some messages to me on POF and ended one with "xoxo". Then he got cold so I don't know what's going on with him. He did the same thing to me last year.

You are certainly not nuts. I'm really sorry that you've been treated so horribly by the men in your life. I can relate to a degree. You can learn from your own post. You don't have to live the worst case scenario. You can have a beautiful life. Many, many people with H do. You are wise for your age. You can definitely find a wonderful man to marry and you can have children. I just had an HIV test myself. It was many years overdue but I have terrible luck with guys and I haven't been with anyone. An ex-boyfriend was doing drugs so I broke up with him. He owed me money and came over to give it to me and ended up in my bathroom for 3 hours. I called the police, at the advice of his son. I heard the police office say "So you shootup?" I don't remember if I had an HIV test back then or not. So I am okay. I am sure you will be too. One thing that helps my depression is walking. I was really in a bad way before I started walking. I think I look a little younger too. It's good for so many reasons. Keep the faith. Things will get better. Keep us posted!

Hi connect. You can find out a lot of answers here. Just ask. Adrial has some information on here too. I think some people get flu-like symptoms when they get an outbreak or maybe that's usually for a first outbreak. It could be unrelated too. I hope you find your answers and also, someone to talk to. I'm from NJ too! Collings Lakes!

Love these kinds of stories! Congrats Angel and Lelani!

Don't panic. Do tell him. I hope others chime in. I have OCD so I always think I'm contaminating someone with something so you can't go by me. In fact, my psychiatrist just upped my meds because I was obsessing. I do know that Adrial has something on here about transmittal that you should look at. It might make you feel better.

Welcome! You are so young. You sound very brave and strong. I think I got H when I was 19. Stick around here and you will get plenty of support. I'm glad your family is being supportive. You'll find out that you can go about your life as normal with a few bumps in the road. That's what life is all about anyway. Don't be hard on yourself. Love yourself. You are only human.

Hi! Yes, you can still spread the virus, even if you don't have an outbreak and even if it's on the outside of your vagina. Even when using a condom, you can still spread it. I never heard anything about body fluids. But if you take anti-virals, you can lower that risk of transmitting it to someone else. Some people, including Adrial, have been with non-H people and haven't spread it by taking anti-virals and only having unprotected sex when they don't have an outbreak. There's still a risk but I think it's small. There's lots of information on this forum and maybe Adrial will jump in here too. Some non-H people are willing to take the risk of getting herpes if they have feelings for you. Some H people prefer to date other H people. That takes the risk out of it. There is information on this forum too about how to spread herpes and how to have "the talk". I'm sorry about your diagnosis. You will find that you can live a happy life with herpes. It's just an annoying little skin problem for the most part. Hang in there!

Abbeyroad . . . I'm glad it all worked out. It sounds like you have a wonderful guy in your life. Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

Hang in there paige! You got some good advice here. You sound like an intelligent, deep person and I'm sure you will find someone soon.

Hi Nigella and kudos to you! I know it's not a constant party for you or any of us but we can have hope for bright futures. So many people have herpes. I can't tell you how many stories I've heard of people telling people and finding out that the people they are telling have it too. Sometimes, I want to just disclose like on Plenty of Fish or on Facebook. It's just a virus and as I research, lots of things are in the works for a vaccine and/or maybe even a cure. So we have to have hope. This is a wonderful website I found it last year. Adrial called me in person. He was so nice and informative. At the time that I joined, he was going by another name and then he decided to come clean and let us know his real name. He's so cool! I'm glad you found us!

Hugs to you. I've never heard of a pregnancy being lost because of H. I'm sorry for all you've been through. You came to the right place with this forum. Hugs again!

sjj, I am so happy for you! You are going places gf! Nothing is going to hold you back! I'm glad your therapist helped you. Your story reminded me of my story of OCD. When I first saw a therapist, she gave me the same homework. You see, when I first started dating a guy who I liked for a year, I was on Cloud 9. One dreadful night, we were both tired and I didn't dress very sexy and he thought I wasn't interested in making out so he ended up falling asleep. I was so AFRAID that he didn't like me anymore that I told myself that I didn't like him either. I woke up the next morning thinking how silly that thought was. When I got to work, I saw him up on a forklift and he looked ugly. Long story short, I was protecting myself. I started to obsess about it and ended up in therapy. Therapy is great! So kudos to you!

A happy ending! I can deal with that!

HereComesTheSun, you sound like an awesome person. You are young and yet somewhat of an old soul. You are right about this being a nothing little virus. The only reason it bothers me is because I have OCD so things get exaggerated in my mind. It looks like you've come a long way in the last few months. Kudos! Stay strong! There are many stories of people finding relationships on this forum and other forums and Facebook. I have been on a mission to spread hope for a vaccine or cure some day. I recently found some very interesting articles. I'm no longer seeing this as a forever thing. I plan to post the articles. Right now, I am dealing with head lice. I got it from my niece. We think she got it from our relatives' foster children who visited for a week. I started to get all OCD'd out about that too. My sister-in-law is going to put the treatment on my hair today. Bye-bye lice! So see, there are other things in life that happen too and we deal with them. Keep us posted on your journey! You are interesting and a great writer!

Hi medewsick. I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed in 1995. From what I understand about herpes, there are times when, even without an outbreak, the virus can be transmitted to your partner. I can't believe your doctor wouldn't give him the test. Weird. It would be good to know. If he does have it, you wouldn't have to use protection. If he doesn't have it, you should use protection. I think the test only works after so many weeks. I hope you have a nice weekend!