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riverstyx

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Everything posted by riverstyx

  1. OK, so I got my Western Blot results back, and they were exactly as expected, according to the experts: negative for HSV-1 and indeterminate for HSV-2. They said that given my indeterminate western blot last year, my negative herpeselect immunoblot months ago, and now my indeterminate western blot this year, all with no new sexual partners, that I should consider myself definitively negative and definitely stop testing for good and start thinking more positive thoughts about other things. I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you to everyone on this site, this is a wonderful, wonderful resource for getting accurate and up-to-date information about herpes, and the support shown is wonderful. And for the last several weeks before getting my test results I really was at peace with whatever would've happened, as I realized there are many, many things in the world that are more significant than a diagnosis of herpes, and that people here have shown the positive qualities that are worth developing to become good people. I remain forever grateful for your help, and keep up the wonderful work done on this site, Best, Riverstyx
  2. @WCSDancer2010 I DID call and ask the folks at Westover Heights, and they said they never heard of it either...
  3. @WCSDancer2010 Hi Dancer!!!! It's really nice to hear from you!!! Yes, I definitely have a problem with anxiety, and like many people with anxiety, I tend to assume the worst-case scenario will inevitably happen. So for example, if a herpes test comes back positive 31 months later, I "must" have herpes, even though a Western Blot at 18 months and another test at 21 months came back negative. I know it's not rational, for sure, but the worry is just so corrosive over time. These little doubts start to creep in, and before you know it, you're going to the doctor for another test, "just to be sure." My Western Blot at 18 months was indeterminate, and they told me that only one of the 14 proteins was reactive, the exact same protein that caused my early low-positive ELISA tests. I was just shocked that the HerpeSelect immunoblot could come back positive 31 months later, especially since it tests for two proteins. BUT I spoke with both Terri Warren and The Anna Wald herself, and they both said that the HerpeSelect immunoblot should NOT be used for confirmatory testing because it is based on the SAME PROTEIN as the ELISA. That's according to the Centers for Disease Control also. And Terri Warren said she was "not surprised" I was having trouble with the HerpeSelect immunoblot because the test has false-positive issues. She also said that her clinic stopped using the test entirely, because it is very, very difficult to read and interpret--very subjective, she said--and also, in MANY of her patients who were negative for BOTH HSV-1 AND HSV-2, the common protein band was reactive. So there's definitely cross-reactivity issues with that test as well. I was just worried since 10 months ago it was "negative," but now it's "positive"? Why? But I think Dr. Wald and Terri Warren are helping to put my concerns to rest. I will get the Western Blot but I personally don't think it's necessary.
  4. @2Legit2Quit So you don't think I have it? I agree completely I am letting my anxiety get the better of me, as I usually do. I was just so shocked by the positive immunoblot this past week. Terri Warren said she "wasn't surprised" I'm having difficulty with testing given that I got a low-positive last year which was ruled out as positive by the indeterminate Western Blot (only one protein reactive). The whole thing as made me seriously physically and psychologically ill. Of course, I started school this week so I would love to sort this out ASAP.
  5. For everyone who has herpes and/or speaks to people on here who have herpes, I have a question about seroconversion time: Have you ever heard of someone who has genital herpes (HSV-2) taking longer than 18 months to seroconvert? NOT someone on antivirals, which of course would delay seroconversion. Just, someone who naturally took that long to get a positive result?
  6. I spoke to Terri Warren and Anna Wald and both said they strongly believe I don't have herpes, and that I should stop testing and put this to rest. They said the Western Blot indeterminate with only one protein reactive at 15 months after my last non-sex encounter is definitive and that there is no use to getting tested again. Anna Wald said if I got the Western Blot again it would most likely come back indeterminate again, in which case I would know I am negative. I will get the Western Blot one more time, and that will be the end of all herpes testing for me!
  7. @fitgirl Yes I certainly DO need to get out more!!!!! lol. No, I have always been negative for HSV-1. Those at least have always been negative. My symptoms---the genital tingling---*may* be paranoia---I do have severe anxiety which I am on medication for, and I do cause a substantial amount of stress for myself--of my own making, of course. When I say I was "with" a virgin, I mean we engaged in heavy petting, that's it. Nothing else. And she was very very strict about not having sex. She was also pretty emotionally immature. When we discussed stds, she said she would "die" if she ever caught anything, and she said she never had anything from anybody. Typical foolish thinking.
  8. @fitgirl Hi, nice to hear from you again. Basically I got a herpes test in May of 2014 because I read a few statistics about it that I didn't like--namely that people can have it and not know it (it can be asymptomatic), and that doctors don't normally test for it. I got scared. I got the Western Blot after two false (low) positives. At the time of the Western Blot, it had been 10 YEARS since my last sexual partner (I know), and 15 MONTHS since I was "with" the virgin, so herpes type 2 antibodies would've definitely have had enough time to form. Another 3 months after I got the Western Blot indeterminate (1 protein of 14 reactive), I got the HerpeSelect immunoblot, which came back negative. That was 18 MONTHS after the last contact with the virgin (no sex, remember). Surely 18 months is enough time for hsv-2 antibodies to show up from a virgin? So this all raises the question: if now, 26 months after my last girlfriend, I have herpes type 2, where did I get it from? How did I acquire it? I have not even kissed another girl since I was "with" the virgin. But then again, another question is, if I DON'T actually have herpes type 2, why did my latest test come back positive---a test that looks for two viral proteins, and not just one? Could I really be cross-reactive with two proteins like that? Literally, this all makes no sense to me. I don't know what to believe.
  9. Also, I've been having tingling often in my groin. It seems to come on five minutes after I physically exert myself and stays for days. What is that about??? No other symptoms.
  10. Hi everyone, I haven't been in in a while but now am back and could really use some help. Long story short: in July of 2014 I got the western blot after getting two false positives for hsv 2. They were low positives. My western blot came back indeterminate with only one protein out of 14 being reactive. This was 15 Months after my last encounter with a woman who was a virgin. Three months later, I got a herpeselect immunoblot which also came back negative. Fast forward to this year, one year later, and I got another herpeselect immunoblot, which came back positive. I couldn't believe it since I haven't been with anyone since my last herpes test over a year ago. At the time of my last negative herpes test, it had been 18 MONTHS since I had been with the Virgin, whom I didn't even have sex with. What is going on here??? I specifically chose the immunoblot because it tests for two hsv 2 proteins, and not just one. This means that now two hsv 2 proteins would have to be cross reactive, and not just one. How likely is that??? I will definitely get the western blot to see what is going on. But I am literally --literally ---going to have a nervous breakdown if I can't figure out what is going on here....
  11. Different people quantify risk in different ways. There is no objective list of life stressors from "minor" to "major." What is minor to you may be major to another person. Personally, I don't think people wanting to avoid getting herpes is a sign of ignorance. Of course, people with herpes can be and are in excellent health. Many times in better health than people without herpes. But some people simply don't want to take on the risk of getting an incurable STD. *You* view it as a minor skin infection. But *others* may *not* view it that way. Herpes is assessed differently by different people. For many people, the path toward realizing that herpes is a "minor skin condition" was a long and tortuous one. And people may be reacting to that as well: they may be unwilling to undergo the complex and oftentimes wrenching psychological adjustments necessary to get to the point of seeing herpes as minor. And I think that's ok, because different people will avoid different things for a variety of reasons. I don't want to date someone with children. I don't want to take on the responsibilities associated with that. To someone else, a potential partner having children may not be a "big deal." But to me, it is. Who is right? It is much less about who is "right" than about each person feeling comfortable enough to be true to their own preferences. The world is a very diverse place, and all sorts of people think about and value all sorts of things in different ways.
  12. @WCSDancer2010 Are you sure the risk is zero? For some reason I just don't feel it. Alas, I go to the doctor (psych doctor) on Wednesday. I mean, all of these germs from all types of things live in bathrooms. So technically it must be possible in some way to get them?
  13. @WCSDancer2010 Well, I don't know if it was from the guy who washed his hands before me, because the sinks looked pretty dry to me (there are two in that bathroom). BUT maybe the water--if it was that--on the light switch stayed wet long after the sinks dried after the water in them drained. Who knows. I think the deeper issue is this: I feel like the universe, or fate, or karma, or whatever you call it, is going to "pay me back" for being a jerk. Now, I'm nice enough to the people I care about. But I care about few people. I have a terrible attitude in general, and a massive chip on my shoulder. I don't do overtly nasty things but it's all in my attitude toward people and the world in general. Now, believe it or not, I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in karma or purpose or fate. But I *feel* it on some irrational level. Does that make sense? I guess I *feel* like I'm a bad person who deserves to be punished for his bad attitudes. I don't know. Now there's the new girl in my life and we both got tested for STDs and we were both negative yada yada although I relied on my "old" negative for herpes from October because I haven't been with anybody since and I'm not going through the trauma of herpes testing again unless absolutely necessary. So it's an anxiety-provoking time overall because I'm hearing from the schools I applied to for graduate school literally in 72 hours, and I have the new girl and I guess we have to have sex now and I'm just tense.
  14. Alright, my story, in brief, was that I had a herpes scare over the summer (2 false-positives (both low-positives). Got a Western Blot and another separate immunoblot, and it turns out I don't have it after all. But that doesn't mean I'm done worrying. I put up a thread last week about non-sexual transmission of herpes. That was because I was concerned about the possibility of acquiring genital herpes (HSV-2) from fomites (inanimate objects). I touched a light switch in a public bathroom where I work (the bathroom is used by maybe 4-5 other guys). The light switch was oddly wet. Not thinking anything of it at the time, I wiped off my fingers on my shirt. Went to the stall to urinate, touched myself down there in the process. Fast forward, I am now worried that I somehow contracted HSV-2 genitally from the wet light switch. *I know* on some level that that is a ridiculous thought. But I can't feel it. I mean, what if that was urine on the light switch? What if the person was infected with HSV-2 and was shedding or was experiencing a recurrence when he went to the bathroom and touched himself? What if? Is there any constructive way to deal with this insanity *without* getting an IGM test for HSV-1 and HSV-2? I know IGM tests are terrible. But when they tested me back in October, then ordered one and it was negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2, so I'm thinking if it was negative once it will be negative again?
  15. @fitgirl I particularly like what you said above in one of the earlier posts on this thread: often the ones we are closest to are not the ones we are related to. I have a best friend in my life who I am very close to and I am grateful for that and I think he understands me and this issue much better than my family.
  16. @WCSDancer2010 I understand what you're saying. It's just really irritating to me that they were so nice and considerate to my brother during his difficult time and were so dismissive and impatient with me. It's inconsistency that bothers me. My herpes scare intersects very old and deep issues concerning our different treatment at the hands of our parents, who definitely had favorites (though neither of my parents would ever admit that publicly to us). So I suggested to my mother that she accompany me to my weekly therapy session next week. My brother's one comment bothers me. When he said I was "obsessed" with herpes over the summer, I calmly told him that I had received not one, but two false-positive tests. I kindly asked him to explain how he would react in similar circumstances. He said "oh well I'm not going to get into it and rehash the whole issue." I really hate that. So as soon as I say something reasonable and provide an objection to his presumptuous view, rather than acknowledge my point and the reasonableness of my feelings he disengages and says he "won't rehash it." That's disingenuous and self-serving to me. And I would be lying if I didn't say that that will affect our relationship for the worse.
  17. @fitgirl What bothers me so much is that when my older brother was going through a completely different health scare my mother was over his apartment helping him for hours a night, every night, for months. She never told him to "stop obsessing." I think they think I brought this herpes scare on myself because while I got tested, I didn't get tested for a good reason. I was browsing the internet one day, came across some herpes statistics I didn't like (about people not knowing they have it) and I decided to get tested. That started the whole false-positive thing. But if I brought this up to my mother she would likely respond just as I said: she would say I brought it on myself for no good reason. To me that massively misses the point. Yes, maybe I shouldn't have gotten tested. But I did. And then I got the positive result which I didn't know was a false positive for four months. So *regardless* of the validity of the reasons for getting tested in the first place, I was in a difficult situation. So I think a little empathy from her would've been better. But I don't know why she wasn't more empathetic. According to my mother and brother my herpes scare was my "fault." And when I tell them that yes I did get a false positive, they immediately say that oh well we're not going to get into talking about it and we're not going to talk about the situation. So as soon as I bring that up, they don't have a compelling response and so they default to "I'm not going to rehash it." That seems really unfair to me. Is it me? Or are they being assholes? An outside perspective would help here.
  18. @fitgirl Yes well, if she does have something, I will treat her with the dignity and respect that I wanted when I was going through my scare. This makes me remember when I got my low-positive (false-positive) tests and my family was not supportive. I was talking about it a lot but they didn't want to hear it and my brother told me that the way I was acting was "disgraceful." I understand that my parents are older and don't want to hear about herpes, so maybe it was not the best to go to them for support. But still, the false-positive test came as a complete shock. Even now they refuse to let me use the term "herpes scare" to describe what I went through.
  19. @fitgirl Yes, I'm worried if something comes back positive.
  20. OK, so by this time me and my friend have gotten our STD tests done (she went yesterday). I got every test except herpes, because I told her my circumstances and the confusing initial test results and how I finally got the negative test and that I'm not going through that again. But I got tested for everything else. So she understood that. And we're going to share our paperwork and talk about the results and make sure we both understand what's going on if anything should arise. The truth is, I'm really nervous about the whole thing. And I did ask her about cold sores and she said she used to get them more as a teenager but hardly ever now so I know she will be positive for HSV-1. But honestly I hope everything else comes back OK because the past summer when I was dealing with my herpes scare was emotionally very traumatic and honestly I am not looking to revisit that all over again....
  21. @ElysianDame I think there are both appropriate and inappropriate elements in the man's behavior. It was certainly appropriate to go to his doctor and ask his doctor's opinion. People on this forum always say it is best to get informed, and he did that in one of the best ways possible: by talking to a trained health professional. Ultimately different people will come to different conclusions concerning whether risking contracting herpes is "worth it," and that is fundamentally OK because we all have different preferences as far as what risks we are willing to accept and when. What was certainly not OK was texting you and not respecting you enough to sit you down properly and have a conversation with you about how he felt. I think that definitely shows a lack of class on his part, and a great lack of consideration for your own feelings. I also think he acted somewhat irresponsibly by reassuring you initially, only to change his mind later. If he had questions, he should have told you initially that he needed to speak with his doctor, but unfortunately he didn't. In turn, that made the situation worse. I cannot speak to the man's intentions, as the fact is that different people will respond to the risk of acquiring herpes in different ways. Some will willingly accept the risk. Others, after inquiring about it, will not. I don't think that speaks to their intentions in any significant way, other than to say that they have certain boundaries and needs that should be respected. While we would all like to think that everyone in the cold light of day would choose to date someone with herpes after s/he became informed about it, sadly this is not the case. But I agree the way he handled the situation-texting you-was poor and likely an indication of an unwillingness to face difficult situations with honesty and maturity, which may very well have caused a problem later on in the relationship.
  22. @WCSDancer2010 Yes I feel really excited!!! It has been really so long since I've been in a healthy relationship and this is really an eye-opener for me. It is showing me what healthy, respectful interaction is like, and I think that is really huge. She said she will call Monday for an appointment with her ob/gyn and I will call my GP to get the tests done and then we'll take it from there.
  23. OK, so I can't talk for long, but I spoke with the girl tonight. Long story short, she was completely OK with everything I said!!! She listened very patiently as I told her the long story behind my herpes scare, and she said that she was so sorry that I had to go through that and she wished she could've known me then to help me through it. She said it was very responsible of me to want to get tested and that yes she would do that for me if that makes me feel better and safer in our relationship. She said she had been tested in the past for STDs during a routine gyno exam, but although that had been a while back everything had come back negative. I told her that herpes is not usually tested because the CDC doesn't recommend testing, and she was surprised to hear that. She said she was impressed with my knowledge of the topic and was glad were were starting off "on the right foot." OK, that's all I can say for now but I will update over the next couple of days. What a relief!!
  24. Gosh, I'm getting nervous just thinking about tomorrow night's conversation. Like I said, I feel silly given that so many people on here have disclosed and discussed more important things and I'm just having a conversation, but I guess it's the inability to predict her response that makes me a little nervous? Like I know what I'm going to propose makes sense from a health standpoint, I'm just sure she's never had anyone ever actually talk to her about STDs like this before. For whatever reason, it's just not something people talk about, for better or worse. But the best thing I can do is be prepared and be ready to tell her that it's for *both* our sakes and so if either of us "has something" we can know how to navigate around it.
  25. @WCSDancer2010 That's a fair question. The answer is, it depends on the condition. If it's something like HPV or HSV, I can accept that as long as we take reasonable precautions. But if it is something life-threatening and life-shortening, like HIV, that I will choose not to get involved with. Other than that, I will treat her with the respect and dignity that I know are important to me and everyone else.
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