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NotAlone (previously Alone

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  1. Woke up this morning and checked my e-mail.. a post from Adrial. Then it hit me, I haven't been active on the forum for quite some time now, just been stopping by from time to time (Thanks Adrial:) Not because I have forgotten you guys, but because I a few months ago started getting my life on track both in my head and body, and just needed a break from the whole H topic. As I have written earlier, I was getting outbreaks constantly over the first year, one overlapping the other! It teared me down to the point where I almost shut completely off. 26 years old, no kids, single.. what was going to happen now?! New year came, and with it came the white beautifull snow, and a new state of mind decided to tag along. I refused to let this simple little virus drag me down anymore!! My head was filled with a year of experience, and I started summing up what triggered, when and why. I like being social, going out for drinks and fun with friends is one of my favorite thing. This, along with the stressfull life at school, work and just constantly thinking about the herpes ... I realised I was giving it the feeding it wanted! The change needed to happen.. taking a deeper look into my lifestyle, it came down to alcohol, food, stress and most of all; the way my head was twisted in the herpes roller coaster, and how to get out of it. It did make a different that I got a amazing doctor as well, but the change needed to happen in ME. My space of freedom became the wilderness, mountains and nature. Every weekend I had off from work I went to my cottage, just breathing the fresh air and falling in love with the beautiful pictures nature has to offer. I changed my diet, though I have always been eating relatively healthy, I still needed to make a few changes. Vitamins became a part of it, too. I hit the gym 5-6 days a week, and when I know Im going out for some drinks, I start taking supressives a few days before, and stop a few days after (This is the only time I take supressives). With this, the weeks went on outbreak free, and slowly my head followed and the healing process of the emotional scars the past year had left could start. So now, three months and counting :) I am happy, really happy.. I think getting back into that happy place and just beeing able to smile is the best medicine you could get. So yes, you can, too :) With this I wish you all wonderfull people a wondefull weekend :)
  2. I have only taken a culture and it came back positive for type 2.. I got my first OB just 5 days after beeing with my giver..
  3. So if the culture say type 2, and the bloodtest say 1, you allways have type 2?
  4. Finally, I have someting positive to say, and I just needed to share this story with you all.. Here it goes! I have had this guy in my life for about 7 years on and of.. 2 years ago we both moved to the sout of my contry and continued meeting whenever we had the time.. We both have deep feelings for each other, but the time and place was never right. After my diagnosis in february I desided not to contact him any more, despite the fact that this is the love of my life, I'm sure! I could'nt get my self to tell him.. Then after moving back home to the north he called me and confessed he loved me to, but I pushed him away, afraid that I, at some point would have to tell him.. After a while he moved back north again and the panic hit me full speed! He kept calling, texting and I startet to think that maby he really had so deep feelings for me that this would'nt be a big deal?! So, two weeks ago I told him (I had not planned on doing it at that time, but I was drunk and I had the currage right then and there). He reacted with telling me he was sorry and that he wants us to continue beeing friends. I knew he would handle it like an adult (I know him pretty good after 7 years, but it seemed somehow to make it eaven scaryer) I was hurt, but it was ok. The following week I could not get this out of mye head.. I didnt feel like I had gotten it all out, so I desided to wright him an e-mail telling him all my thoughts and feelings, explaning the facts of herpes and how I was going by ok now, despite having a hard time at the beginning. I was not expecting any answer, but it was importent to me just to know he had read it. And he did. Several times he told me. I decided just take my time to give him time.. Today I got a text asking if I wantet to come and cuddle.. (I couldent because I needed to catch a bus going back home) but for me just knowing that he still wants me made my world today :-D so to summer up the last year, I've disclosed to 3 men.. All who had no problem with it.. The last one beeing the hardest, but I think that is because I have a deeper level of love for him :-) I got the best christmas gift ever this year, and that is beeing accepted:-) Hope this gives you all a hope that it is posible to be loved.. It is not a problem, WE are making it a problem :-) Big hugs
  5. If only i had a bathtub! But yes, I jumpez in my pj's the minute I get home from school and it was the highlight of my day today! Kristin, you are totally amazing!:-) The things you write has an tremendous calming effect, thank you for that:-) I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling too, but what a grate person you are to be able to lift other people so high, despite you're own weight pulling you down.. I love you for that, so again, thank you :-) As for my thankful list, I was actually thinking about that earlier.. So after school I went to pick up my sister and made here dinner. My thought was that I wanted to make here smile, which made me happy and I felt a bit better :-) So today I am grateful for - my sister, family and friends<3 - my comfypants - my car (-15 degrees outside) Sending love right back at you
  6. Thank you so much for your respons Kristin :-) Today I can't stop thinking about the fact that I'm going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.. I almost cant handle it:-( And on top of that, it is not getting any better, it's just the opposite?! It hurts to just sit right now.. And i get so sick! My whole body is one big pain.. I used to be so happy and healthy, my life was perfect.. And then, fulfilling the dream of living in the big city turn my life upside down! I do not cry, I do not scream, I just get so angry at my self for putting me in this situation! I'm just so angry right now!!
  7. I really wish I could be more postivie in my posts here, but with my now 7th episode in two monts im starting to feel a bit worn out! (I've had it for 9 months and a total of 12 episodes!) This morning I woke up with an episode in a totally new area.. I used to think I was lucky to just get episodes back there where the sun don't shine (imagine that, some luck), but today it's in the front and I'm freaking out! Never have it hurt to go to the toilet before! 9 months and it's still freaking hounting me! Because I'm doing my exams now I took the medication right away, I do not need this right now! I'm considering asking my doctor to prescribe me supressive medicine I can take all the time, since the episodes seems to just happend more ofte in my case! My head is in a so low state of mind right now... All the what if's, have i not did and why me's just goes on repite :-( What a tuesday it is.. Can't wait to go home for christmas and crawl into my mothers arms!
  8. Thank you Adrial, my thoughts exactly :-) I'm going to stop to night.. The episode is almost gone (in two days) so I'm happy with that :-) I have not been taking much medication earlyer, and this one is a new I never have tried before.. My body apparently wants to handle this on its own like it has done the last 9 months :-)
  9. Oh my god.. I feel so bad today! This weekend me and some girls went to my hometown for a festival. I know every time I spend a whole weekend partying I get an episode after, and sunday.. Jepp, there it was! (And yes, I know I should'nt.. But I refuse to stop living because of this) I started taking medication right away and it really helped.. But the episode is causing me so much back and head pain I'm not able to do anything.. It's like mye head is in a airtight room! (Or can it be the medication) My exam is on monday and I'm freaking out! Has anyone got any experience with Isoprinosine? I'm thinking that if it's in fact the medication causing this, I'm going to stop, because I need my head right now.. I'll rather deal with a BO then not having my head function proper... Anyone experienced this before?
  10. Hi dohm21 ! Go for it I tell you :-) I personally try to not take any medication, only multivitamin(exept from my last 4-in-a-row-episode) but do to school an the stress I'm having now right before my exams, I had my doctor give me a prescription just in case an episode should occure. I feel I do not need that in top of everything! Since I got diagnosed I've dropped 2 sizes just by eating healthy and working out. I decided to start taking eaven better care of my body now then ever before (been hitting the gym 4-5 times a week for 4 years prior). Now I feel like the best verson of me EVER! :-) If you keep your body on top, don't get sick and strengthen you're imunesystem, you will see that the episodes becomes more rare :-) Fitness is a dream of mine to! Go for it, do what ever you want to do, always ! Much good luck to you!
  11. I think so to! The only thing I think of now is keeping myself and a potensial other safe :-) (do not have anyone right now, but if/when I do) Awareness police, Jez indeed you are :-) lol. I will definetly keep that In my mind for my self and other reading this :-)
  12. Adrial, yes I absolutely did make sure of that! Asked him how his current situation was down there was, and he told me he just got tested and that it came back clean, and had not been with anyone after getting tested.. Did not see it in back and white, but I knew him from before so I trusted him! How do I think of the word "infected".. Maby not the best word to use, but honestly I wasn't paying any attention to it.. And maybe my lack of words made me land on that one (I'm norwegian). But no, I do not feel like a Zombie that will make other people become one if I "bite." So I totally understand where you are coming from! I'm sorry I made you cringe, and hope you forgive my bad choise of word :-) please read between the fingers on my choise of words when you read my comments, as said, I'm literally from the top of the world :-)
  13. Lelani, what a wonderful person you are, being able to have so much positive energy despite bouth your "problems". I do belive H bothers us so much mainly because we are afraid of being rejected when disclosing to someone. I know it stresses me out! And if so, that the person will spread the word! (I'm a smalltown girl) Well, just wanted to say that i have disclosed to two guys, one who was my best friend and developed feelings for me, (we remained just friends, even though HE wanted more despite the H) and one who i met this summer. The summer fling has been working on ER ambulance for several years. I told him and he just said "so, it's no big deal, really". He also insisted that we have unprotected sex, and we did. It didn't go any further with him, but as far as we know, he was not infected and we are still friends:-) It makes me confident that all will be good, for all of us :-) The name is nice, I like it :-)
  14. I was thinking about changing it, so thank you for doing it for me Adrial, I'm totally OK with it now :-) looks good i must say! Lelani, I've just been so upset because everyone is telling me it gets better, but in my case it really has not. It started out with just 2 small bums, from there on it just got more and more for every time. By the end of the summer i could hardly sit while having a ob. And now this last one, one overlaping another in a period of 4 weeks! Its been 7 months since i was diagnosed! I wantet to screem so loud, and at the same time just stay in bed doing nothing! But now, up and running, positive and making value of my day:-) much thanks to you guys! :-) Skin condition, hell yeah! It just has the no.2 instead of no.1 at the end and a different location. And do we run in the other direction because someone has a ob on their lip? NO! Huge hugs :-)
  15. And thank you everyone for kind words :-) I'm loving this community! And btw, boy did I have a fun weekend with my girls ;-) one of them knows my situation, and it really helps having someone who knows why I act in a certain way and I can talk to when it is needed :-) I do also call my mom when I need someone to cry to, and she is awesome :x ... my rock in life! Thanks again, I'm so happy to be a part of this, and the happiness keeps on growing every day :-) Big hugs!
  16. Hi Adrial! Well, Im symptomefree right now.. Took the meds an have been for about one week now. The last one really wore me out mentally an my mind keeps spinning around the thought that I will have another one like that! God forbid!?! At the same time I keep telling my self not to worry about it, keep my self busy whit school, work, working out and being with friend :-) I've cut down on the partying/alcohol, as it seems to be a trigget, and I eat healthy. I finally have a doctor that really supportes me and understands, so he is helping out alot on every aspect. I do have my dark momenst, but the stronger ME keeps draging me out of the hole and telling me to think positiv. I'm Ok, and I will be for the rest of my life. I just need to accept it! Thank you for asking, and i hope you are good to :-)
  17. Kris, i so hear you! I just went trough 4 weekt with three(!!!) episodes! Before that i had them every second month lasting for 2 weeks.. And they were getting worse every time! Never been taking anything medical before this last three-in-a-row episode that really pissed me off! Antivirals was my last way out.. And god knows I took it! After a visit to my doctor I packed my bag and went on a roadtrip with my girls.. Now, one week later I'm symptom free :-D Just put your thoughts somewhere else, listen to your body, do you're thing like before herpes, and you'll see that it will go to rest :-) You will be fine :-) Big hugs to you :-)
  18. My body must be playing me a game! Im having the third(!!!) ob in four weeks! Right now Im not feeling sorry for my self, Im just plain pissed off! And NO, its not getting any milder as time goes by, its just been escalating every time! (had it for nine months now!) Im taking vitamines, working out, eating healthy.. I think about it some, but mostly when Im having a ob.. what is going on?? Started zovirax today, hopefully the littel beast will climb back in its cave :) So, to put my mind in ease, this weekend I've desided to forgett its eaven there end go have a funweekend whit my girlfriends! So fed up right now.. GAH!! Wish you all a good weekend! Hugs :)
  19. Greeneyes, thank you for you're comment :-) I have had a cople of months to soul search.. I have been thinking I would never date again! I consider my self a good looking girl and have never had any problem on the boyfriend area. So for me all of the sudden being hit with the news of H was so hard! I felt like a contagious zombie walking around waiting for disaster to strinke! First there is the choking feeling of eaven thinking about telling. And then, if someone ever could accept it, do I have the heart to put him in danger of getting this? Well, chances.. If you do not take any you will never know. You should absolutly date! Why not? We are lovable in any shape and form, sick or healthy, long hair short hair! that's what i keep telling my self :-) Today I'm down with the flu and my breakeout, but really.. The flu is what's bothering me the most ;-) Many hugs
  20. Down with my 6th brakeout since I got it in feb. I was at a outdoor party on sunday with my people from work, the next morning i knew it was coming. And yes, woke up yesterday, full brakeout. Today I have the flu. I normaly get it if I'm starting to get sick or have to much alcohol one night (yes, I have reduced the partying after finding out, but do have fun at special occasions) Needless to say, I live in the north of Norway and at this time of year it is down to zero degrees at night time so I was asking for it. I'm glad that I now am able to predict when it is on it's way, but on the other side I'm a bit bothered by the fact that the brakeouts dont seem to get any milder. I mean, they are never to bad. Sometimes it's nothing, sometimes I't more, but never unberable. I'm lucky I guess, I have fearly mild brakeouts. It just annoys me that they last for two weeks every time and i never know if it is going to be more or less. When do they just start being almost nothing every time? Part from this I had an old friend clame his feelings for me a week ago. He is one of mye dearest friends so I had to fight my own fears and tell him about my condition with thoughts that he would reconsider his feelings towards me. But no, he insisted it was no biggie and that he would love me in any "shape or form". Yesterday he told me he had been doing some reading about this and was still not a bit conserned. It makes me just so happy to know that there are people like him out there capable to love a person so much that they are willing to risk getting infected at some point. I am starting to see it as "just a skindisease" now and are feeling much better, many thanks to this websight and all of you wonderfull people :-) thank you for all the grate posts that have been a grate insperation for building happy thoughts :-) Big hugs to you all :-)
  21. Thank you all for commenting:) waking up to this is going to make my day, I'm sure. Sounds so much better when you say "just a skin condition", hope i some day can see it that way too! Like i said, it still havent sunk inn just yet. Anyway, i feel allot better today :) spent the night at a good friend which i told why i was sad, and he just layed and talked to me all evening, and told me it's not that bad, it's not the end of the world.. And you guys are amazing! :) Now, I'm of to school, have a nice day everybody :) Looking forword to signing in here later and checking the sight out some more :)
  22. Thank you Scornedvillager for you're comment. I know all to well that what you are saying is so true, and i do often stop an say to my self, it could have been worse, i could be dying, but I'm not. I still search the web for news about the topic, hopeing that maby some day it will be possible to cure this, but deep down I know it will not. I'm in the phase of axepting, and i think everybody needs to go trough it. I now live in a small town where roomers and prejudice occurs so fast. I do not allow my self to tell anyone. If so, all of the sudden everybody knows and im THAT girl. It's a new, scary world which I need to learn how to live in. So thank you for this. After writing this i descided to go for a run, the mile went by so fast. I felt light as a feather, like a weight had lifted of me. I am so glad i descided to sign in here, and I'm looking forword to talking to people and share my ups and downs with.
  23. Desember 2011 i tould my best friend; "the year of 2012 is going to be the best time of our 25 year long life, let's leave 2011 and look ahead!" This afte a year of struggeling in a new city, new school, new people, my best friend getting raped.. everything! And so it began. January went by and February came.. I suspected that something whas wrong, so i went to my doctor. Two weeks went by, and then I got the message, Herpes! My first thought.. no, it's not!!?? My second thought... NOOOOO!!! I didn't know anyone in my shoes, no one to talk to, i felt all alone in the capital of Norway, eaven thoug I lived with two other people. The first person i told it to was her. We sort of could relate to each other in some way, and she has been an amazing shoulder for me to lean on. Sadly i had to leave her behind when i moved up north to change school. Now im here again, alone... I have had five brakeout's since february, but i have to say, they are not to bad. The worst about it lies in my head. This week I'm having a bad week, maby due to the reason that I'm having a miner outbrake. My thought's are getting the best of me and has been riding wild all day. My focus at school has been constantly ripped away by my loud, beating heart and heavy breathing. Today i told my friend again: "if I could I would turn back the time, one year, without eaven blinking!" So, about one hour ago I started thinking, rather then sitting here feeling all alone and sorry for my self, I needed to find someone to talk to. Not for pitty, not for consolation that most likely would make me cry anyway, but just someone to talk to that is wearing the same shoes. So yes, I'm 25 years old, from Norway, diagnosed with herpes 2, and desperatly in need of talking about it. I hope i finally have found that place, and that I maby can find some way of not lookin at this as a life sentence of unhappines. And last but not least, please excuse my English, it is not my first language. Thank You :)
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