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Jamaica

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  1. Hey Lively, Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. I am sending you much love and I hope that your disclosure will be a great one... Thanks to Adrial for creating such a fabulous forum where we all can come together and support one another. Thanks again Adrial!!!!
  2. Thanks Lelani, Sometimes I feel so torn. This happened between him and I about a month ago... Sometimes I feel like I want to text him and tell him I am sorry If I hurt him by not telling him from the beginning just because I want to find inner peace but I felt in my heart that I did the right thing based on the situation. I feel I would come off as pathetic and I dont want to give him anymore power over my emotions. I know I was not puting his life at risk because my character and integrity would never allow me to do that. I just wanted to do the right thing and since we were building a relationship I knew it had to start with honesty. Why would he tell me that his feelings has not changed for me and that he respects me and thanks me for my honesty? Was he saying it to appease me so I would not feel bad?? I guess I would never know the answers to those questions.. He works in the same building that I work in so our paths do cross at times and believe me its hard.. There are times I wish he never knew about my herpes just because of how everything happened and because its a personal thing that makes me feel so naked and exposed. I dont have any animosity towards him because he made his decision. I only wish he would have spoken to me and told me that he could not deal with the situation instead of treating me (COLD) It would have hurt naturally but I would have understood... I miss the closeness and the intimacy that we had before my disclosure but I had to do the right thing and I did not want to let my fear stop me... I don't think you can ever be prepared for the rejection that follows disclosure. You may think you are, but sometimes you are not because I thought I was prepared when I told him. I feel I was blindsided by what he told me because I felt relieved and so happy that he saw beyond my herpes and that he saw someone with integrity who really liked and cared about him and wanted to be honest with him...... I just want to feel empowerd.... Just want to get past this....
  3. I am happy to have found a place that makes me feel safe and connected
  4. Thank you so much Carlos. Appreciate the encouragement..
  5. Hi, I am new to this forum. When I found out I had herpes I was devastated. I could not believe I allowed this to happen to me because I felt that I was smart enough to know better. They say love is blind and indeed it its.. I was involved with a man who gave it me..He was not even surprise when I told him. He was very calm like he knew he had it... I thought my life was over and that no one would want me because of this. I thought I could not have children, that no one would want to be with me or marry me. I have learned to live with and accept myself with herpes. It becomes difficult when you meet someone you like and have to decide when is the best time to have the talk. I recently met a man that I was interested in. We started spending time together and I started to like him each time we were together. I knew I had to tell him because I wanted to do the right thing. Ive been at his house a couple of times and I realize that I would have to have the talk sooner rather than later... I wanted him to get to know me more before I actually told him but it was not happening that way because he was making sexually advances towards me and I realize that I had to have the talk right away.... I wanted to feel comfortable with him and I wanted to know if I could trust him with that information. Like I said Ive been over his house a few times we never had sexual intercourse but I performed oral sex on him... He wanted to do it to me and I refused and thats when I decided that the right time was the next time I would be at his house. I went over his house and I sat on the sofa in the living room because its less intimidating and told him I wanted to talk to him about something. To tell you the truth I was okay to tell him but nervous because I did not know what the out come would be.. To my surprise he was understanding he told me that I could talk to him. He told me his feelings have not changed for me. He asked me if I could have children and I said yes. He told me if I had an outbreak I must let him know and told him I would. He told me he respects me that he thanks me for my honesty, I felt so relieved and happy that he accepted me. I called a few of friends and told them what happened and my sister and they were all happy for me but it was short lived because Ive called him and he does not answer his phone. He ignores me when I happen to see me. I tried talking to him once and he said that he is busy and that he would call me and he never did.. I feel so rejected because of the herpes virus and I feel like everytime he sees me he sees herpes and he does not see me. I feel like he is judging me.. Ive tried to tell in the beginning and I have the same experience.. Told a guy once and he told his mother and his mother told him not to talk to me anymore and he stopped calling me.. Sometimes I feel as if Im never going to find some one who is going to love and accept me. Sometimes I wonder If I told the guy from the beginning if he would have stayed( maybe not). Ive gone over and over it in my head if I could have done things differentlty but I felt that was the right time. I aslo would have liked for him to be honest with me and told me that he could not deal with it instead of lying to me and telling me all those nice things making me believe everything was okay.... my whole experience with herpes has not really been postive at all so Im still coping and dealing. I think about this guy alot and sometimes I miss him. Its hard because I see him from time to time and its just a constant reminder of the rejection that I am going through. Its so awkward when we see each other sometimes I feel as If I he had gotten to know me better things would have been different. ( Maybe not) like I said Ive told from the beginning and the expereince is the same.. Ive tried to make the person get to know me and the out come as been the same... My uncle as told me that by now I should have develop immunity to being rejected but it still hurts and it hurts really bad.. We all want to feel accepted and love with or without herpes........ I am happy to have found this forum where I can be open and honest about my herpes and how it as affected me......
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