justbreathe

Thank you so much for the support! Adrial I completely I agree with the difference between sad and depressed and I can confidently say I was having a moment of self pity and sadness, but not depression. I think you nailed it Lelani when you said it makes me sad because I didn't have a choice. I didn't get a say in the situation which drives my slightly controlling self crazy! But feel assured I agree wholeheartedly that life is far too amazing to let it pass you by...and I don't plan on missing out! That is one of the reason I chose to post, not only to receive support but to extend support and positivity to others. Adrial I am not quite sure about the workshop...I'll think about it. But please know each time I visit the site I feel so much better and for that I am grateful.

So I have been silently observing this site since I found out I contracted HSV 2 in July of 2012. Today is the day I finally got the nerve to post. I've had a couple down days and I just need some support. My story is actually a little sad but I have made the conscious effort to try and not let the things that have happened to me define my life. Ok here it goes…I contracted herpes from my ex-husband. When I married my husband he was the only person I had been with and couldn’t have been more in love. Less than three short years later I thought we were blissfully in love and I was married to my best friend. Long story short I come home from work in April of 2011 when my ex tells me he cheated 7 months prior and the girl is pregnant, but he still loves me and wants to stay married. That was the most horrible day of my life. One that still keeps me up at night because I truly had no idea. I went to the doctor a month later very distraught, explained my situation and said, “please give me the Cadillac of testing.” I got a call 4 days later and was told everything looks good. I come to find out later down the road, I wasn’t tested for herpes. I should have asked specifically but considering all that had happened I was barely keeping it together. Needless to say after lots of soul searching and counseling I decided to file for divorce. We didn’t have any children so I packed my bags, got a great job at a prestigious university and literally moved across the United States to the city I attended graduate school to try to heal and start life over. A year later, I was dating a new great who was tested so we had unprotected sex. One day I thought I had a yeast infection went to the doctor and come to find out I have herpes! I told the guy and he claimed he was ok with it and said he didn’t think of me any differently. However, we live an hour and a half apart and things just didn’t work out. Who knows, it could have been the herpes. or maybe not (shrug). So not only do I have to deal with getting over a cheating ex husband, my first attempt at dating a failure, and now herpes! I have only told my mom and sister who are extremely loving and supportive and for that I am very lucky. I keep telling myself it's not the end of the world and it will be ok. But some days are worse than others and the past week I have been really sad. So here I am, 29, great job, wonderful friends and family, usually pretty positive, but crying. I keep trying to believe that it’s better this way because I don’t want a cheater or someone who doesn’t accept me for me, because let’s face it…I never got a choice in the matter. But it's difficult. I try to believe I’ll find someone who will love me for me battle wounds included. I’m really good at saying these positive affirmations and putting on a happy front but inside on days like today I feel sad and empty. I apologize for the long story…and I warned you it was a little depressing. I really do try and stay positive but I am having my second outbreak ever. I think that spurs the emotional downturn. I am usually the person who people turn to for a good laugh and encouragement, but tonight the shoe is on the other foot.