6 year HSV-2 vet here. I had my multi-year funk just like you and sometimes it takes a while. I had some counselling which can help if you have a good counselor. I just came out of my shell one day. One day you'll have enough facts and you'll snap out the funk as well. I think the biggest thing and when you truly make peace with this condition is when you realize and start to live by the reality - there is life after rejection. Disclosing simply does not scare me any longer, I appreciate it's ability to weed out people I don't want to know anyway, i.e., immature, vulnerable to stigma, non-evidentiary, etc. Herpes has truly become my wing man. Rational, mature human beings are very accepting and those are the people you want in your life anyway. Read everything Dancer posts for you, information is your friend. And so are we!
That said, I feel for where you're at. Here's my initial post, hopefully you can relate:
http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3809/the-stigma-ends-tonight