lm44

Hello all! I hope everyone is doing well :) To update on my life: I had started seeing someone seriously for a few months; it didn't work out and I ended things a little over a month ago. I took a month hiatus from the dating world to reflect on life, to spend some time by myself, and it was seriously so refreshing. I just recently last week decided to go back on Plenty of Fish and see what's out there I'm taking a more light hearted and less intense approach to dating at this point in my life and am just thinking "whatever happens, happens". That being said I've been talking with a few guys, two pretty seriously. I don't believe in rules surrounding disclosure, however it comes out it comes out because I am just not ashamed whatsoever that I have H. My mentality "it is what it is". So, I've disclosure to the two guys I've been spending most of my time talking to this past week and here were the reactions: "I'll have to think more and talk more with this about your in person, but I still want to talk to you and find you so attractive, it tells a lot about your character for you telling me that and I appreciate it." and "I don't judge you at all, you're beautiful and this just shows me how honest and trustworthy you are, it doesn't change anything". Honestly, I've been accepted, I've been rejected. The one glowing response I also receive, even when rejected is, THANK YOU for telling me, being honest, giving me a choice" etc, etc. In my case, I never got a choice, I was given H on purpose by someone I thought cared for me...I am damn proud to say that despite the fear and depression and anger and anxiety that has come with my diagnosis I have ALWAYS been a bigger person and have not let it define me and make me act out of fear or anger; I have let it show my true colors of honesty, integrity, and self worth because I am and we all are worthy of love, H included! xoxo, L

Hello all! So, I've had H for almost two years; this past month has been rough emotionally and physically. I had a yeast infection in the beginning of the month that was treated accordingly and I'm going through a break up amongst financial stress so my emotions are all over. The past two weeks I've noticed an almost constant irritation down in the nether regions along my bikini line and the hood (I think it's called?) of the vagina and today I noted blistering (my last outbreak was actually a year ago so it's been a while and I've never had it in this area so I was a bit taken aback); generally my outbreaks have been on the labia and the inner parts, never have I ever had one on my bikini line, etc. I did post a few weeks ago about whether razor burn could actually be an outbreak? I'm assuming other's may have experienced this as well? Have I spread it somehow? I do shave down there periodically but I and very good about getting new razors constantly and keeping them clean. Any insight would be great. <3 Lexi

Hello All! It has been forever since I checked in but recent development that I need to pick someone's brain about: I've had H for a year and 8 months; my outbreaks have been few and far between a after the first 6 months, I generally know the difference between when I have an outbreak or when I have razor burn (I have super sensitive skin so I just am prone to razor burn no matter where I shave). BUT this past week I've been super stressed, getting my period, you know the perfect situation for an outbreak and I had shaved Sunday, no problems just the usual razor burn but by Monday night it got super super itchy and felt more reminiscent of an outbreak, I take Valtrex as a suppressive so I just doubled up my dose after I noticed two small blisters, they didn't fully formulate (I think because of me upping my antiviral but this just is the most bizarre outbreak I've had because of the nature of how it started. Just wanted to know if anyone else had experienced this or had noticed that shaving can prompt an outbreak? Thanks so much! Hope everyone is well! Remember: IT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD & PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY OF YOU WILL LOVE AND ACCEPT YOU NO MATTER WHAT! xoxo, Lexi

Gold Bond Spray is my best friend! Honestly, my body has gotten so used to H at this point that I am not limited in any physical activity at all! But like Dancer noted, everyone is different! Gold Bond is great, washing right after a run helps too with gentle no scent soap. Honestly, my first couple of months were rough, but I've been at a year now and things are much better, I felt great after the initial six months and really do feel back to normal. Hoping the same goes for you!

@Elise1977 @Anna01 @FirstTimeFrustrated @2Legit2Quit thank you all for your responses! I spoke to him more last night about it and told him my feelings that he cares more about having emotional intimacy with me first and the physical part after, he said that's exactly what he meant and that I am no less desirable he just desires me as a person first and foremost. I actually feel really positive about this and what I have with him so far, this is the first man in my whole life who is putting me first before having sex with me, it's a really beautiful thing :)

Hello All, Looking for some thoughts. I recently met someone who is 1300+ miles away on a STD dating app. He is wonderful and we've been talking for just over a month and I am going to visit him in about 6 weeks or so. He has H as well. The reason I'm posting is because, he expressed how sex is not a top priority, which I fully respect, and did discuss that while he's extremely attracted to me that he doesn't want to have sex with me necessarily when I go to visit. I've been thinking a lot about this, and part of me feels rejected but then part of me wants to smack myself and be like...HELLO, A GUY THAT ACTUALLY CARES MORE ABOUT YOU AS A PERSON THAN YOU AS A THING TO HAVE SEX WITH. How sad is it that I only equate intimacy to sex...what what what is wrong with me? My whole life has just been seeking validation through sex and thinking that was a real connection and now I finally have a guy who is interested in ME as a person and I feel rejected... Just wanted to get some feedback from you all! Hope all is well! <3 L

Hi All! So unfortunately, things did not work out with my long term boyfriend, we moved in and realized we just were not on the same page. So we decided to go out separate ways, thankfully the break up was amicable. Now, I am back on the single market and of course my first thought was, WHO IS GOING TO LOVE ME OR DATE ME WITH HERPES?! It's amazing that after all the progress I've made in accepting H, I reverted back to that after the security of my long term boyfriend left me. Well the past few weeks were rough to say the least, HOWEVER, I decided to just throw myself back into the dating scene, not looking for anything serious at all, and see what it is all about these days. I met a guy on Plenty of Fish actually, he's great and there is definitely a physical attraction, we've been talking and flirting and, well I'll just say it, sexting a lot. I'm pretty sure he is someone I could date, but not sure about the serious part. Well, today I decided just to disclose before we got even more sexualized and so he could decide what he wanted to do. I don't know rule of thumbs for disclosure but something in me said, just do it, if all else fails it is his loss. It's funny, because I'm figuring he wants something more casual so I guess I just viewed it as, well casual is kind of hard for me but I'll see what he thinks about H. To my great surprise, he took it amazingly. I told him my story, I told him the facts, I told him the risks. At the moment, it seems that he's okay with it and accepting. He gave me a lot of credit for being honest with him. I mean this is right now, who knows if his feelings may change but I gave him this site to refer to. So, he was nice about it, and even if things change at least I can say he didn't writer me off right away and was open to understanding and gave me credit for doing my part before we got too far into things. I consider this a success! Thanks for listening all! Good luck! <3 L

Hi Brynn! Everybody's experience can be different and the same! Dancer is 100% right! I personally have Genital HSV1 as well. The first three months after my initial outbreak were awful, but things settled down and now I generally only feel irritation with no sores. The irritation is far and few between for me. Keep being concious of it for your health, it's great that you know your body so well! I have begun to realize the things that really do prompt irritation for me: rough sex and really strenuous workouts. I always use Gold Bond Spray before a workout and then wash up as soon as I can after and apply it again. The best thing is to keep the everything clean and dry for myself. I have seen a therapist on and off for years; I went back after my first outbreak/diagnosis and found it helpful (I am biased because I am a therapist lol). Feel free to direct message me if you'd like! Hope this helps! Best, Lexi

Hello All! I first have to apologize for neglecting our beautiful forum the past few months. I hope you all are doing well and keeping up the good fight :) I am writing because it has been exactly ONE YEAR since my first herpes outbreak & diagnosis. I cannot believe the whirlwind of my life this past year. I was in such an incredibly dark place the first few months after my diagnosis due to multiple outbreaks, one after another; I felt depressed, alone, and absolutely disgusting. I have to give a HUGE thank you to this forum, you all really saved me and helped me see how life really does go on. Life has gone on & I am in a wonderful place on year later. I took a huge risk in my early career and accepted a new job back in January, I am beyond happy as I am now at a job I love, with wonderful union/benefits that have really set me up for a good life ahead. I reconnected with my longtime boyfriend shortly after my diagnosis and he was my rock through it all, he accepted and loved me just as he always had and as of this past month we moved in to our own apartment together and have been so incredibly happy to begin this next chapter of our lives. My outbreaks have been pretty much non-existent after about 3 months of dealing with them constantly in the beginning. You know, I never thought an incurable virus could effect me and then it did. Life happens. That's what I've learned most this past year, life happens & things really do work out and everything really will be okay. Sometimes things don't work out as we planned or imagined, but most of all, everything really will be okay. Thank you all for your love & support this past year. I wish everyone nothing but the best this life has to offer & I hope we all continue to not let a silly little thing like herpes get in our way, because life is too beautiful of a thing to pass up! Lots of love <3 Lexi

Hello all! It's been awhile since I've posted but I just wanted to give a check in. For any newbies I have to tell you when I was first diagnosed I was DEVASTATED, literally hit a low I haven't felt in a long time. The truth is time really does heal! It's been almost 5 months since my diagnosis and my life is going great! My career is wonderful and I have someone who loves me for me and accepts me, H and all :) At first I thought about H 24/7 but now it barely crosses my mind, I did have a breif outbreak two weeks ago but it was so incredibly mild and I didn't even take antivirals and it was gone on its own in no time (I have Genital HSV1 btw). Overall, life is better than I thought it would be folks and H is a super small thing for me now. It's tough in the beginning but the light at the end of the tunnel is so much brighter than you can imagine. I hope everyone keeps their chin up no matter how long you've been living with H! Honestly, I'm almost grateful for H because it shed some much needed light on my life at a time where I really did need it most, even though I didn't know it at the time. Retrospect :) I count my blessings every day and as weird as it may sound H is one of them :) Wishin everyone the best! xoxo, L

Hey all! So, it's been three monts already since my diagnosis, wow times flies! For the most part I hardly think about herpes now, until it comes to being intimate with my boyfriend whom I got back together with officially earlier this month. He's been my rock and amazing with the Herpes diagnosis. However, everytime we are or attempt to be intimate I kind of freak out and have a crying fit because I'm terrified of passing this too him. Yes, I take a daily antiviral and we use protection and I know the risk is only 1% with both but I just can't help but feel that I am putting him at such risk. I know he is making the decision to be with me but I don't know, I still feel dirty and feel guilty trying to be sexual with this diagnosis. Any thoughts? Thank you for listening! <3 L

Hello all! So, I am a quote junkie. I love quotes because I love words and feel like words are so incredibly healing sometimes. As a therapist, I've also learned that these words cannot merely be said, but put into some action or somehow internalized. I have a ton of go-to quotes for my not so great days and wanted to share them all with you *heart* I hope one of them can give you some hope, a smile, or just a little bit of sunshine on a rainy day :) "You have to fight through some bad days, to earn the best days of your life." - Unknown "Tough times don't last, tough people do." - Robert H. Schuller "Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason." - John Mayer “I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new". - Socrates "If you're not okay, that's okay. It will happen sometimes. But you have to tell yourself that things will be better tomorrow. Even if they're not better tomorrow, keep telling yourself they will be. Because eventually, tomorrow will be better." - Sam Miller "My entire life can be summed up in one sentence: It didn't go as planned, and that's okay." - Unknown "Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only one in the world who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied at barely getting by. But, that feeling is a lie and if you just hold on; just find the courage to face it all for another day, someone or something will find the way and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help sometimes, someone to help us hear the music in the world. To remind us that it won’t always be this way. That someone is out there, and that someone will find you." - One Tree Hill "At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines… or you can live your life crossing them." - Grey's Anatomy "Change… We don’t like it, we fear it. But we can’t stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesn’t, is lying. But here’s the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is… everything." - Grey's Anatomy "Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cites. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away." - Sex and the City "Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." - Sex and the City "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” - Eleanor Roosevelt “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” - Marilyn Monroe “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” - Dr. Seuss “So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.” - Marilyn Monroe “I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” - Audrey Hepburn “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald “Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours.” - Ayn Rand “The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all.” - Mulan “I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou "If you're reading this...congratulations, you're alive. If that's not something to smile about, then I don't know what is.” - Chad Sugg, “Turn your wounds into wisdom.” - Oprah Winfrey “None but ourselves can free our minds.” - Bob Marley “I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” - Agatha Christie “To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death.” - Taylor Swift “Only in the darkness can you see the stars.” - Martin Luther King Jr. “Simplicity, patience, compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being. Patient with both friends and enemies, you accord with the way things are. Compassionate toward yourself, you reconcile all beings in the world.” - Lao Tzu “Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there's a tomorrow. Maybe for you there's one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there's only today. And the truth is, you never really know.” - Lauren Oliver “‎Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” - Voltaire “And in the end it is not the years in your life that count, it's the life in your years.” - Abraham Lincoln “Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.” - Rumi “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” - Rumi

Hey Everyone, It's been about a month since I've checked in here and just over two and a half months since my diagnosis...I just wanted to thank this forum again because I was a mess the first month of my diagnosis and this forum really helped me. Herpes may have been the best thing to happen to me because the past month I've removed toxic relationships from my life, started putting my needs first, got into therapy, have been thinking more positively, and was able to reconnect with the love of my life who I so foolishly let go of but all things work out, not just as they should, but when they should, & he is 100% OKAY with my diagnosis, thinks im just as beautiful and attractive, and still wouldn't have me any other way. I hardly cry about Herpes anymore and barely think about it now. I know I'll still have my days but just wanted to let everyone know I'm doing good and Herpes is no longer ruling my life like it did for an entire six weeks. I am happy and Herpes is no longer a burden but just a little skin thingy that pops up that taught me to love myself again because that is what is most important at the end of the day. Thanks all. <3 Lexi

I've made an appointment to see a therapist for next week and I'm really looking forward to going. I've been to a therapist before and I'm a therapist myself. I think having that outsider person in your life can be really beneficial. I just wanted to know if others have gone to therapy after their diagnosis and how it was for you? If it helped? Thanks so much all. <3 L

Thanks @WCSDancer2010 you're right! Thank you to everyone who responded!

@WCSDancer2010 I guess I don't know what I wanted him to say. I think maybe something like "you're worth the risk" or something.

I need some advice of how to take this conversation. Here is the back story of my relationship with this guy, I'll refer to him as E here, who I adore: We've known each other for almost six years and reconnected after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 4 years in April. After my break up I did what I thought any 20-something did and went out on various dates with guys, E included. E and I had been intimate before my diagnosis, although we haven't seen each other much we talk everyday, so when I had my primary outbreak & went to my gyno he was one of the first people I told because I do have serious feelings for him. In our first conversation about it when I disclosed I told him "I understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore." And he told me to "Stop with that nonsense" and has been very supportive and helpful. Now here we are a month and a half later and I don't know what to think about our latest conversation. I had told him about two weeks ago that I wasn't comfortable being intimate until at least six months after my diagnosis because I know our bodies are building up antibodies to the virus and I'm just being cautious because, quite frankly, I needed time to heal from what I've been through (especially after how I was treated by the guy who I contracted H from). E was very understanding and completely respectful of my wishes and thanked me for being so clear with him. So, now we come to this most recent conversation and I feel semi-rejected but I may be overreacting, it went like this: I was basically venting about how I feel tainted and he joked with me a little saying I wasn't tainted and that it isn't like I have a scarlet letter attached to me. So I asked him if he sees me differently and he says "Ony thing different is that I'm more aware of the need to be careful and safe with intercourse." (I kind of wanted to take this as a moment to be like and with oral sex too...but I didn't). So I asked him seriously if he was going to be terrified to touch me ever again and he semi-jokingly by how it sounded I guess by saying "I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't even cross my mind, but no, I wouldn't be terrified" and then I gently remind him that I'm taking all the necessary precautions and give him the fact of "With protection and suppressive therapy the risk of transmission is 1% per year postive female to negative male (because it's easier for females to contract it because of our anatomy than it is for males) - so yeah there's always a risk even though it's small". Once again I tell him straight up if you don't want to take that risk with me than I understand and he again tells me to Hush with that nonsense but then he says: "We will talk about it again when the time comes. We still have a few months before that's even an option right?" I acknowledge his point and say yes, at least until December and he says "Good" and changes the subject completely... I know I'm being a total drama queen but I feel semi-rejected and almost wanted to be like "we are having this discussion now...just because it's not an option for us to have sex doesn't mean we can't have a serious talk about this" but I didn't I just held my tounge because I'm passive and now I don't know what to think. Am I reading too much into this? Thank you all for your continuous support <3 <3 L

WTF! I can't with ignorance I just can't! Definitely onto the next!

@WCSDancer2010 I love that Kirsty Spraggon Ted Talk! I just shared it on my Facebook! Thank you for sharing!

This my daily med/vitamin & supplement regime: 1 500mg Valacyclovir 1 500mg Vitamin C 1 500mg L-Lysine 2 125mg Echinecea (I take in a supplement form) I also take birth control, hair & nails gummy vitamins, and melatonin to help me sleep. Lysine is an amino acid that seems to inhibit the virus as it appears to reduce the number and intensity of outbreaks. You can get dietary L-Lysine from foods such as yogurt, fish, potatoes and brewer's yeast. At the same time, we should cut back on foods containing L-Arginine, another amino acid that may promote outbreaks. These foods include chocolate, peas, nuts and seeds, and can also found in beer. Now, I myself am a chocolate, pea, nut, and beer lover so I can not simply cut those out of my life, nor will I, but I'll be balanced about it. Really, from what I've been reading and seen on this forum it is all about BALANCE and knowing YOUR body. Hope this is helpful!

This put a smile on my face this beautiful Sunday morning :) Good for you my friend!

Hello Lovely People! So, even before H I suffered from depressive symptoms and anxiety (the funny part is, I'm a Therapist/Social Worker lol). I just started a new job earlier this summer so when my new insurance kicks in beginning of September I'll be getting myself back into the therapy room on the other side of the couch :). However, I feel like I have been over-analyzing/over-thinking/over-emotional/over-everything under the sun basically since my diagnosis. Although I am feeling better about my situation for the most part thanks to this amazing forum & my awesome support system that I've disclosed to, I am cognizant of the fact that I have a new job I'm almost 2 months into and two other part time therapist gigs I am working (this is what student loan debt does to you!). I know the stress management tricks I tell my clients but I wanted to here from you all how you keep the stress at bay to keep your H at bay? <3 L

@whitedaisies @unbroken @WCSDancer2010 @seeker @Lady_j988 @diversgirl I am overwhelmed by your outpooring of love and support. Thank you so much for your responses as each has made me feel that yes there are those our there (even men hehe) that I can trust, and rebuilding that trust starts here with amazing people like you! Dancer is right, H is my Wingman from now on. I'd rather live a life of honesty and integrity where I can provide a space for future partners or rejectors to make their own decisions, whether it is good or bad, it's okay either way because I am okay either way. H does not define me, it's just a little thing I have & that I am taking control over and managing like the responsible, good hearted, intelligent, and awesome woman I am! Here is to all of us on this forum who do the right thing everyday not just for our partners or rejectors but for ourselves! <3 L

So, I think what hurts the most is not herpes itself (minus the primary outbreak holy shiz that was painful) but how ruthless and awful I was treated by the person I contracted it from. I'd like to share this with you all if I could: My primary outbreak really started Sunday, July 20th I woke up with serious irritation and itching down below. At first it looked like a rash so I put cortisone cream on it (boy that was a mistake cause it only made it worse.) Throughout the day it only got worse and evolved into blisters. I knew it was Herpes when I went to bed that night,I just new it. So I woke up the morning of July 21st and decided to be a big girl and get my butt to the gyno. I was so lucky to have been able to get an appt. that day as they had a cancellation. So I went my gyno was great told me he was very positive it was herpes, he took cultures (that realllllllly hurt) and I left with a script for Valtrex and numbing cream for the pain. So as I got home after stopping at the pharmacy I called the guy I had been seeing with. He was (well is) ten years older than me & I adored him. So I called him and told him: "So, I went to my gyno today..." before I could even finish he said "let me guess they said you have herpes". He basically told me I was a foolish girl for trusting him and that it was my fault for getting it because I let him have me how he wanted. Then he hung up. He never officially said "I gave it to you" but essentially it sounds like he did. I sent him one text after he hung up and have never heard a thing from him since. So, I think what hurts the most is that I really cared for him and I know I could have loved him and then he lied and deceived me and now I don't know how in the world I will ever trust another man again... Thank you for listening. <3 L

@whitedaisies @WCSDancer2010 Thank you ladies. Dancer - I have been taking a daily antiviral, which is partially why I am so confused, but I guess I still need to remember it will settle eventually. Should I take two per day as opposed to one like I did when my primary OB was occuring? Or just stick to the script? Thank you both for your feedback! <3