redhairdontcare

LOL smashmouth, but fitting. I like to think of my life as a series of unfortunate events. I'm not saying I have a bad life or have had anything particularly devastating happen to me, merely unfortunate. In the best possible way... but that's irrelevant. So I guess here is my story. I just found out I have hsv1 a week ago today. I should probably start with how this began... Currently I am a 20 year old female, and will be a junior in college this fall. I went into college a virgin and hadn't thought a lot of it, the same went for my friends. Then I was exposed to a whole new world of people, and I have to admit for at least the first semester of college I didn't surround myself with people who could help me grow in a positive way. As in the girl who I believed to be my closest friend ended up having sex with at least 15 guys in our dorm alone, and that doesn't count what she had done before college, or after that first semester. Essentially I was the only one of my friends who was still a virgin. That pressure mixed with alcohol didn't exactly end well for me and my first time was also the guy's first time and he told his friends from high school. Who happened to be my friends from high school. I grew up in a college town, so a lot of people I graduated with went to the same college as me. Word spread like wildfire, and I was so embarrassed and wanted nothing to do with it. So that was my first negative experience with sex. The second time was about a month later, and again I was drunk. However this time was on a completely different scale. Somehow one of my friends and I ended up in some guys bed at a frat party and she left me there. I just have a flash of a memory to know that we did indeed have sex. This was at a frat house that a friend of mine from high school was dating a guy in, who also went to my high school. Turns out the guy I had sex with was his best friend. And they were all good friends with my roommate (who I again, went to high school with). My friends boyfriend, who I had gone to school with from kindergarten-12th grade, who I also considered a friend, blamed me for all of it and has been a complete dick to me ever since. To add icing on the cake, my sorority became paired with their fraternity for homecoming this past year (my sophomore year) and I was in contact with these people a lot. I was constantly embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself for so long after these encounters and to be honest I just recently forgave myself and moved on. I hadn't had sex for over a year and a half until two weeks ago. This third time I felt in control. I was hanging out with one of my best friends from high school who I had recently become closer to this past semester since we had all the same classes together. He lives with two of his cousins, and it was one of them that I slept with. I was still a bit drunk, but I remember making the decision to have sex with this guy and I did it for myself. I remember him saying "are we going to waste this condom or not?" and that seemed like a good enough reason. That and I wanted to. This was definitely careless, but I didn't hate myself after it, the next day, or even now. I felt that was progress. However, about four days later I had my first OB. At first I thought it was a UTI or MAYBE gonorrhea or chlamydia since I had recently had sex with a new guy. Nope. It was good old herpes. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to die I was in so much pain and had been on antibiotics for three days. I got re-diagnosed and prescribed the antiviral plus some pain meds. The pain meds threw me into a daze and I was emotionally numb the first few days. At first I felt I should be angry at the guy, but really wasn't. I felt so conflicted because it didn't seem like a big deal but it was. I couldn't decide. I told one of my best friends and she started to tear up and kept saying how I didn't deserve it and that she did. I told her nobody deserves it and all it takes is one time to get an STD. Another friend asked me if there was anything they could do for me and I told them not to feel sorry for me, because trust me I did plenty of wallowing in self pity, and to not make the same mistake. To be more careful now. While I was trying to figure out whether to tell my parents or not, I was talking to a coworker who happens to also be a nurse around my age, another coworker got the gist of our conversation and said "So you've got an STD? Welcome to the club" and high fived me. She went on to tell me how she was raped in high school and the guy gave her HPV. This made me realize how lucky I am. So then the other day I happened upon this sight. I started to read someone's story and started to tear up, but I was at a friends house and didn't want to cry there. I told myself I was going to go home and look at this sight, finally cry and get it out of my system. But then I really explored the sight and didn't end up crying. I felt relieved. It really is only as big of a deal as you make of it and I think I knew that all along. This is just something we have to live with but not live for. I do feel like herpes is such a dirty word and I remember talking to another close friend about my conflicting thoughts before I found this sight. I remember telling her that it's really not that big of a deal but there is such a stigmatism against it. Plus no one tells you what to do when you get diagnosed with an STD. All they tell you is to prevent getting one at all cost. Well guess what. SHIT HAPPENS. I have been sharing this sight with all of my friends because it is amazing what we don't know about such a common disease (ahem... skin condition). Honestly, I can't even say now that I regret the other night. Or even be angry. Obviously I have had issues with sex on its own without this, and now I'm being forced to finally grow up and look for a healthy relationship and actually start a healthy sex life. There's no point in being upset for long about this because what's done is done and unless anyone invents a time machine any time soon, there's nothing I can do about it. So yeah. That's my story. But it's far from over. If you have made it this far into this post then I now have some questions. I'm terrified to contact my friend's cousin. For starters I don't have his number, so I have to text my friend first. Also, what if he didn't even give it to me? Is it possible I have had it for over a year and a half an not known until I had sex with this guy? Do my parents need to know? I feel like this isn't a life threatening issue and is something I can manage alone, but am I missing something that might happen in the future if they don't know? Thanks for reading, even though that wasn't the most important part for me. I just needed to get this out of me.

LOL smashmouth, but fitting. I like to think of my life as a series of unfortunate events. I'm not saying I have a bad life or have had anything particularly devastating happen to me, merely unfortunate. In the best possible way... but that's irrelevant. So I guess here is my story. I just found out I have hsv1 a week ago today. I should probably start with how this began... Currently I am a 20 year old female, and will be a junior in college this fall. I went into college a virgin and hadn't thought a lot of it, the same went for my friends. Then I was exposed to a whole new world of people, and I have to admit for at least the first semester of college I didn't surround myself with people who could help me grow in a positive way. As in the girl who I believed to be my closest friend ended up having sex with at least 15 guys in our dorm alone, and that doesn't count what she had done before college, or after that first semester. Essentially I was the only one of my friends who was still a virgin. That pressure mixed with alcohol didn't exactly end well for me and my first time was also the guy's first time and he told his friends from high school. Who happened to be my friends from high school. I grew up in a college town, so a lot of people I graduated with went to the same college as me. Word spread like wildfire, and I was so embarrassed and wanted nothing to do with it. So that was my first negative experience with sex. The second time was about a month later, and again I was drunk. However this time was on a completely different scale. Somehow one of my friends and I ended up in some guys bed at a frat party and she left me there. I just have a flash of a memory to know that we did indeed have sex. This was at a frat house that a friend of mine from high school was dating a guy in, who also went to my high school. Turns out the guy I had sex with was his best friend. And they were all good friends with my roommate (who I again, went to high school with). My friends boyfriend, who I had gone to school with from kindergarten-12th grade, who I also considered a friend, blamed me for all of it and has been a complete dick to me ever since. To add icing on the cake, my sorority became paired with their fraternity for homecoming this past year (my sophomore year) and I was in contact with these people a lot. I was constantly embarrassed and ashamed. I hated myself for so long after these encounters and to be honest I just recently forgave myself and moved on. I hadn't had sex for over a year and a half until two weeks ago. This third time I felt in control. I was hanging out with one of my best friends from high school who I had recently become closer to this past semester since we had all the same classes together. He lives with two of his cousins, and it was one of them that I slept with. I was still a bit drunk, but I remember making the decision to have sex with this guy and I did it for myself. I remember him saying "are we going to waste this condom or not?" and that seemed like a good enough reason. That and I wanted to. This was definitely careless, but I didn't hate myself after it, the next day, or even now. I felt that was progress. However, about four days later I had my first OB. At first I thought it was a UTI or MAYBE gonorrhea or chlamydia since I had recently had sex with a new guy. Nope. It was good old herpes. I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I was going to die I was in so much pain and had been on antibiotics for three days. I got re-diagnosed and prescribed the antiviral plus some pain meds. The pain meds threw me into a daze and I was emotionally numb the first few days. At first I felt I should be angry at the guy, but really wasn't. I felt so conflicted because it didn't seem like a big deal but it was. I couldn't decide. I told one of my best friends and she started to tear up and kept saying how I didn't deserve it and that she did. I told her nobody deserves it and all it takes is one time to get an STD. Another friend asked me if there was anything they could do for me and I told them not to feel sorry for me, because trust me I did plenty of wallowing in self pity, and to not make the same mistake. To be more careful now. While I was trying to figure out whether to tell my parents or not, I was talking to a coworker who happens to also be a nurse around my age, another coworker got the gist of our conversation and said "So you've got an STD? Welcome to the club" and high fived me. She went on to tell me how she was raped in high school and the guy gave her HPV. This made me realize how lucky I am. So then the other day I happened upon this sight. I started to read someone's story and started to tear up, but I was at a friends house and didn't want to cry there. I told myself I was going to go home and look at this sight, finally cry and get it out of my system. But then I really explored the sight and didn't end up crying. I felt relieved. It really is only as big of a deal as you make of it and I think I knew that all along. This is just something we have to live with but not live for. I do feel like herpes is such a dirty word and I remember talking to another close friend about my conflicting thoughts before I found this sight. I remember telling her that it's really not that big of a deal but there is such a stigmatism against it. Plus no one tells you what to do when you get diagnosed with an STD. All they tell you is to prevent getting one at all cost. Well guess what. SHIT HAPPENS. I have been sharing this sight with all of my friends because it is amazing what we don't know about such a common disease (ahem... skin condition). Honestly, I can't even say now that I regret the other night. Or even be angry. Obviously I have had issues with sex on its own without this, and now I'm being forced to finally grow up and look for a healthy relationship and actually start a healthy sex life. There's no point in being upset for long about this because what's done is done and unless anyone invents a time machine any time soon, there's nothing I can do about it. So yeah. That's my story. But it's far from over. If you have made it this far into this post then I now have some questions. I'm terrified to contact my friend's cousin. For starters I don't have his number, so I have to text my friend first. Also, what if he didn't even give it to me? Is it possible I have had it for over a year and a half an not known until I had sex with this guy? Do my parents need to know? I feel like this isn't a life threatening issue and is something I can manage alone, but am I missing something that might happen in the future if they don't know? Thanks for reading, even though that wasn't the most important part for me. I just needed to get this out of me.