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alexandraheather87

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  1. Awesome blog post. I've been feeling really hopeless the past few days... reading that helps put things into perspective! Life could be much worse. I think I'll start a gratitude journal myself :)
  2. A few quotes and lyrics I love :) “Those awful things are survivable because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be.” ~John Green Life can be the sunshine On peaceful days with bright blue skies Or life can be the raindrops That fall like tears squeezed from your eyes Life can be the heaven That you'll only reach through hell Since you won't know that you're happy If you've not been sad as well Life can teach hard lessons But you'll be wiser once you know That even roses need sunshine And a touch of rain to grow ~ "It is a risk to love. What if it doesn't work out? Ahh, but what if it DOES." ~Peter McWilliams the bright side of rejection: "You can't see it now, but that thing you didn't get will someday be the best thing you never had." ~Mandy Hale "The love of your life is out there… but they won’t just drop on your lap, nor you on theirs. So stop living an on hold life! Go out there and experience your life, write your story and live your fairy tale. It is on that journey that you’ll cross paths with the love that’s worthy of the story." ~Dr. Steve Maraboli This city runs fast, no one has time to sit with themselves No time to look into our pain or see the same despair in everyone else It's here, it's there, it's everywhere - tears soak each card the dealer's dealt But time taught me how to see every second as Heaven Even though they're perfectly disguised as Hell ~Eyedea & Abilities - Smile "Peace comes, not from an absence of strife and conflict, but in our ability to cope with it." ~Dorothy Thomas I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown Catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun I choose to live. ~ A Perfect Circle - Gravity "We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars." ~Oscar Wilde "I think that's what's wrong with the world; No one says what they feel, they always hold it inside. They're sad, but they don't cry. They're happy, but they don't dance or sing. They're angry, but they don't scream. Because if they do, they feel ashamed. And that's the worst feeling in the world. So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees how beautiful the sky is." "The thing about chaos is that while it disturbs us, it too forces our hearts to roar in a way we secretly find magnificent." -Christopher Poindexter :)
  3. I watched your video last night, @Adrial! it was just what I needed to hear. When I was disclosing for the first time, it went badly because I spoke out of fear and shame. It kinda went like, "uhh this sucks but I have something to tell you and you might not want to continue this but I have to be honest with you..." while I had tears in my eyes. It took a while for me to even say the word. He didn't really even know what it was.. I tried to explain it the best I could but my approach made him uncomfortable and pretty much erased all of my good points. If I had just told him in a calmer, more confident way then maybe there would have been a better outcome. But I can't really think about the 'what ifs' because it's already done. It didn't work out. He couldn't handle it. Which is fine.. because really the only reason I told him so soon was because I felt rushed. He had already been making passes at me and even when I told him I wanted to wait to really get to know him before we had sex, he was still trying. And boy, am I sick of just being wanted/wined and dined for sex. So good riddance to him. I see now that's what he wanted. I've got more to offer than sex. Someday, someone will see that. Someday I'll see that ;) After getting h, I've realized how much of an emphasis I've put on sex in relationships. It's only part of a relationship. It's most definitely not the most important! I want a relationship based on all the right reasons, so h will definitely help me weed out the douchers and I'll be able to have that type of relationship eventually. Thank you for all of your helpful advice. This site and all of you are truly a blessing.
  4. Thanks all :) I'm so happy to hear that you guys have found love despite having 'h'. It gives me hope. Next time I'll try to approach the talk in a 'no biggy' way. I was a little emotional when I was telling him.. so that probably didn't make him feel better or more comfortable with it. I was still dealing with the fact that I just got H and felt pretty much worthless and undateable at the time. In the end though, I was a little upset with myself that I disclosed that bit of information about me after only a few dates. Next time, I'm going to take it SLOW and really get to know someone before I let them know. First, I need to figure out how to knock down these walls I've built after being rejected. I keep telling myself (and everyone else) that I don't need/want a man but the truth is I'm scared shitless of disclosing that information again so I just try to avoid dating completely. I'm still trying to accept that this is my life now.
  5. 1. Yes, I do know who gave it to me but he didn't disclose the information to me beforehand. He never actually told me. I found out from the girl he was cheating on me with because he gave it to her as well. 2. We had only been having sex for a month before I got it. 3. Never used a condom. Completely my fault. I should have known better. 4. He didn't take antivirals. I don't think he cared about transmission, unfortunately.
  6. Curious to see what everyone's opinions are on this. I met someone months ago.. We hit it off and it seemed like there was real potential for us to become more but I had so much anxiety about having the talk that I just wanted to get it off my chest asap. I told him, he thanked me for letting him know but he slowly backed away from the situation saying he wasn't ready for it but "maybe in the future"..blah, blah, blah... I only waited about two weeks into us seeing eachother to tell him. How soon is too soon? Do you wait until feelings are invested or tell them right off the bat so if there is rejection, it's easier to get over? I don't want to feel like I'm cheating someone by not being 100% truthful from the beginning though. This is a tough pickle to be in.
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