Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Cedar1122

  1. Hey Max, I'm sorry that you have been feeling depressed, scared, lost and hopeless. That makes me feel sad to think you're going through that. You are right that loving ourselves is a work in progress. It's a daily practice. Have you ever thought about journaling? That's one thing that makes me feel more connected with myself. When I write out my thoughts, I feel a huge relief. You are the author of your life and you can create whatever you want. I just don't want you to feel hopeless, feeling like nothing good will come your way. Not true; because you have the power to create whatever you want for yourself. You can get involved in whatever your likes/interests are and create some happy vibes. Don't wait around for things to happen. Hop in the drivers seat and steer your life in the direction you want to go! <3
  2. Whoopsidaysi, "I think some of us feel guilty when we're being kind to ourselves and feel like we just need to "suck it up". I know for myself, I need to be as kind and loving to myself as I am to my friends." yes! yes, yes, yes. You're so right. It can be really difficult to give ourselves the kindness. I really struggled with it for a long time until I became really conscious of it. I taking on pain that I thought I deserved. I wouldn't wish it for anyone, so why administer upon myself? I started to treat myself as I would someone else, and the compassion and love came out full force. It's quite beautiful. I like this way of relating with myself. I love your awareness, and I love your capacity of love and support. You mentioned in another post "If it is herpes, then we are here to hold your hand, love and support you and get you through to the other side where you see the blessings." I just love that. sjj, great quote. "we accept the love we think we deserve" So true. And we have the power to give any amount of love to ourselves and others. Sometimes we have the capacity to love others more than ourselves, but then we're not being fair to ourselves. Why don't we give ourselves the love that we give others. We deserve our love too! Learning to love ourselves is one of the most beautiful things we can do :)
  3. That is beautiful that you are happy for your sisters. I've been reading a book called the Mastery of Love. And I've been getting some wonderful life lessons from it. Our love and happiness need to come from within ourselves. It is so easy to look outside for happiness, but it will often dissapoint. Others can't meet our needs and always make us happy, but we have that power within ourselves. One of the most important things in life is to give ourselves the love that we often give other people. It's so important to be in charge of our own happiness first, and then once you are settled into your own love, you have the power to share your happiness without giving any of it away. It doesn't drain you to share your love, because you're not expecting anything back from the other person. It just makes you happy to share your love. Something else that I took away from this book is the difference between aloneness and loneliness. Alone is when you feel at peace and content with just yourself. There's a certain celebration in being with just yourself, knowing that you are the only "you" in the world. Loneliness is when we feel cut out from society in some way. We are human and there's a primal need for us to feel like we fit in with others. The beautiful thing is, everyone is different, but we always fit in. We are human. Everyone experiences sadness, happiness, loneliness, community and all those other beautiful and tough parts of life. This is what it is to be human. We're all going through the journey. Might as well enjoy it, and always see the beauty in everything ;)
  4. Great questions. Even if you are having an outbreak, a guy can't get it from fingering you. I suppose the only way that could happen is if they finger you and then directly put their hands on their genitals. A good hand washing should do the trick for sure. Outbreaks are shorter and come in wider spans as time goes on. Your body builds the appropriate antibodies so that the outbreaks clear up much faster. I compare it to having your period for a week or less and just having to hold off on the sexual stuff. There's always other options to make you feel connected with your partner. It could be through touch. massage. or relaxation. taking a bath together. playing games, cuddling up by a fireplace, sharing stories. There's all sorts of ways to connect :O)
  5. Aahhh yes. I just love this conversation. I'm taking it in a little bit different of a direction, but only because this reminds me of an article that my friend, Dave wrote. The article is entitled "Why finding the right man isn't working" Some key things he writes that really spoke to me were: "We don’t date whom we want, we date a mirror reflection of ourselves." " Our “choice” is mostly an illusion, a cosmic joke played on us to think we are in total control of our lives. Dating isn’t about selection, it’s about resonation." "To find the man of your dreams your job is not to search out where he’s hiding, it’s to become the woman of his dreams. Men want a woman who loves herself, loves everyone in her life and doesn’t hold herself back sexually (among many other things)." "You are attracting you. When you improve you, guess who shows up? Men who are more conscious, men who are confident, men who are sensitive to your needs, men who are more of what you want. Why? You have become more of the woman men want." Basically, it really hit me that we like to date mirrors of ourselves, and before we can be in a loving relationship with anyone else, we need to be in love with ourselves first. here's a link to the whole article if you want to read it http://themaleblueprint.com/why-your-plan-to-find-the-right-man-isnt-working/
  6. Welcome Shannon, and thanks for sharing. Whatever it turns out to be, I just want you to know it's not the end of the world. Although it felt like the end of the world at first, I've come to find out after a year of having herpes, that it's actually more physically and emotionally managable than I ever imagined. I imagine that you must be feeling really frustrated, knowing that you've been so careful all these years and now there's a possibility of having herpes. I am sorry. It just goes to show how wrong the stigma is. It's estimated that 80% of people who have genital herpes don't even know they have it. Really can happen to anyone, and you are certainly not alone- no matter what this turns out to be. Sending healing thoughts! It's nice to meet you too. -Katie
  7. Jassabell, Hi. So its only been a week, huh? I'm so happy you found this forum. Way to take care of yourself, finding community and answers :) I'm happy that you have your sister for support too! It can be really nice to have a shoulder to cry on, and a big wise sis reassuring you that you don't look like a huge herpes germ lol. I am posting the links to 2 handouts that Adrial made up. I find them to be really helpful, answering some really important questions. http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout I wish I had an answer to your IGG question, but I don't know. Sending love and hopefully some peace of mind. -Katie
  8. Yes, yes. I totally hear you. I went to a therapist one time and didn't go back. There's just so different ways to process everything, and I think that therapy is a great choice. It wasn't my choice after I tried it out, but who knows what your experience will be. Maybe you and your therapist will have a great connection; maybe not. But it's worth a shot. I'm happy that you're exploring options. Thank you for taking care of yourself :) I also used to think about herpes constantly. It was an everyday occurance. 1st thing in the morning, different moments throughout the day, then last thing at night. I thought it would Never go away, but it really has. It haunted me until I learned more, loved more, and forgave more. I'm amazed how little it sneaks up on me to think about it. Even when I think about it, my relationship is different to herpes and it doesn't feel like a knife in my heart anymore. I promise you it gets better. Please feel free to message me at any time too if you have any questions. I just totally get what it's like to be in your shoes right now, and I want to support you in whatever way I can!
  9. Sjj, I feel for you. I feel protective over you, bc I know what it's like to get herpes from a hookup, and to hate myself for not being more considerate of the consequences. I imagine that you're feeling drained, fearful, and confused about what herpes actually is and how it will impact your life. Being newly diagnosed is the worst part bc it's easy to sink into feeling the social stigma of herpes. The public actually knows very little about the statistics of herpes. If the information was out there in the open, I have a strong feeling that the stigma would be much less powerful. 80% of the population has oral herpes. And about 1 in 5 Americans have genital herpes. It's more common than you'd think. Herpes will choose anyone. It's a virus. It doesn't choose "the dirty people." It just happens. You are certainly Not the only 19 year old who's had someone gone down on them. I don't know what the statistics are, but I'm willing to bet that its way for common for college kids to have sexual experiences rather not. You just happened to unwillingly get herpes, just like other people unwillingly "happen to get pregnant." Stuff just happens. It doesn't mean anything, and any guy worthy of a serious relationship w you will fully see who you are, and love you for you. They will not let a virus stop them. Sure, they will probably have questions about herpes, and then you can answer them w facts that will help dissipate any fear. I just really want you to get that you're not alone. And there's a lot of information about herpes, especially on this website. I'm really glad you found it :) What I came to find was that having herpes is not nearly as scary as it first seems. I was in your shoes a year ago, and I've come to realize that herpes was a bump on the road that led me to a path of self love and forgiveness that I truly value in my life. I'm sorry that you're going through a really hard time right now. I really feel for you. And! I want you to understand that you don't need to live in fear of disclosing. It will come easier w time and knowledge. Much love, Katie
  10. yes. yes. yes. Thank you WhoopsiDaysi. Beautifully said :)
  11. Thanks for the positivity Dom :) I wrote in a blog one time something that pertains to this. It was about a favorite quote of mine "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." - Maria Robinson. I create my story. I am the author of my life. Sometimes I write with a pen and can't erase it, but what I can do is keep writing and moving forward. Our lives. Our stories. We have the power to live however we choose. :)
  12. Nice to have you here, Ben. :) -Katie
  13. Hi Derpes, I am not sure what's causing sex to be difficult, but I really doubt that it's due to a herpes outbreak 4 months ago. I'm surprised that you even tried lube and that didn't seem to help. hmm... I've just never heard of herpes having that affect. I know that women can have pain during and after sex because of dryness. So, this is why I'm really surprised that the lube isn't helping. As far as I know though, herpes comes and goes. It becomes present, then crusts over, and goes away. It doesn't have any effect after that, especially causing painful sex 3 months post having the outbreak. I'm sry that I don't have the answer for what's causing this for you, but I just highly doubt it's because of herpes. My best suggestion would be more foreplay to help loosen things up ;)
  14. Hi Sayyywhatt, I'm sorry to hear about how stressed out you are, and I want to reinforce the fact that you're totally not alone. CR_19 wrote a beautiful response, and I just want to chime in and be a part of the conversation. Like CR_19, I've had those days of crying until I can't cry anymore. It's actually a beautiful thing to be able to release all of those emotions. I remember when I first talked with Adrial- he pointed out to me that emotions are literally "energy in motion." They are not there to stay forever. They just help you release what your body needs to release. Just because you are crying now, does not mean that you will be forever. Crying can actually be a beautiful release for the body. One of my fav. quotes is "Let feelings flow, then let them go." Emotions such as sadness can be really cleansing for the body. You've allowed yourself to feel into that sadness, which is great, but it's really important you allow yourself to feel into self-love and compassion. You are beautifully human, and going through hardships is all part of the process. Every single person goes through them, and no body has any right to judge another. Along with CR_19, I want to extend the invitation for you to private message me anytime to talk about anything. Sending love, -Katie
  15. Saliha, Great questions. And unfortunately, I don't have great answers- but wanted to offer what I do know. Herpes can be anywhere that the virus has been exposed. So, I don't see why it couldn't be on your bikini zone. My friend actually just diagnosed with HSV2 by having a rash right below his belt line. It wasn't even on his penis. He thought that the rash had been caused by his belt buckle being too tight, but then come to find out- it was his first herpes outbreak. I haven't tried waxing or laser, but I do try to be extra careful now when I shave. It can def. irritate the skin and cause more outbreaks. In order to differentiate a bit between folliculitis and herpes- folliculitis break open with pus, rather than the thin, clear/yellow fluid that herpes breaks open with. Also, herpes outbreaks are generally tiny blisters that are close together, while folliculitis affects a larger portion of the skin. Hope this helps! -Katie
  16. Kottonkandy, I am right there with you. This sounds very confusing. I would call the Dr.'s office and have the Doctor explain it to you. They are saying that you don't have the virus, but you've been exposed to it.. this doesn't make any sense in my mind. Either the virus is in your blood, or it isn't. The doctor needs to tell you what the answer is. There shouldn't be any gray area. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It shouldn't be this confusing.. I do promise you though, that no matter what the result is- your life isn't over. That's how I felt when I was first diagnosed, and it's completely not true. Please keep up posted after you talk with the Dr.! You can private message me if you want someone to talk to. -Katie
  17. Beautiful :) I am so happy for you. What a breath of fresh air to get honesty from someone like that. A little glimpse of what we're providing when we disclose. No matter what their response is, we're giving them the gift of choice. So nice when it works out this way. I love this story :) -Katie
  18. Hi Who, I'm sorry to hear that this is happening in the 1st place, But I'm happy that this is happening now rather than later. Herpes really is a huge test that's used right in the beginning to see what degree that people are willing to be open to us, and honest with themselves. It's wonderful that he was open and honest with you about the genital warts. But you're right.. there is still a possibility that he can still spread it, and he really needs to understand that and be honest with that. There are so many times in relationships though, that the beginning is peaches and cream. So easy. We're only letting people see the best side of us in order to impress them. Then, when we get comfortable, we start acting more like ourselves. I just went through something where I thought that me and this guy were Made for each other. After a couple months, it turns out that we're actually very different people. If I'm upset about something, I'd rather have an open conversation about it. When he got upset, he wanted to go in the next room and drink and smoke it away. And any time I tried to provide a healthier alternative, he thought that I was being "needy" or too sensitive. It just didn't work for different reasons, but these are some of them. It seems like this guy is being pretty one sided, and giving it reasons not to work out. The right person will love every part of you, and your honesty about herpes will be an opportunity for connection. If he's scared, and wants it to work, he should be providing space for an open conversation about it, rather than already walking away. It's not fair to you. I will say- that yes. There's is certainly a healthy amount of thought, time, and questions that should go into having a relationship with someone with an STD. But there's no need to walk away before the right time and effort is put in. If he walks away before giving you the time you deserve, he's doing you a favor. Put yourself in his shoes- would you do the same? I'm willing to bet that you'd rather have the conversation with him of telling him what scares you, and giving him the opportunity to answer questions. Actually, it seems that this has already happened with the genital warts and he's not open to that conversation with you. Just not fair. Not worth it for you to be more present in a relationship. An opportunity for you to be really present with yourself, and love and appreciate yourself for your openness and willingness to ask questions.
  19. Hi KitKat, I love the acknowledgement of the forum. Adrial has done a really great job, and it's such a breathe of fresh air to be able to connect with people who have gone through similar experiences, on a subject that can make people feel very alone. On that note- I wanted to say that I'm happy to hear you've talked with your friends about everything, and it seems as though you have a solid support system in them. The most important support system is yourself though, and I love that you have been looking at yourself and loving yourself, seeing how awesome you are. When it comes to disclosing to your ex, I totally agree with your friends. That's going to be a conversation to have when you guys are very connected, and you feel that it's safe space to have an honest conversation about it. I know that the social stigma can be frightening, but if you back everything up with facts when you disclose, then you can shift any negative ideas that your ex has about herpes. And who knows- maybe he knows all about it. Maybe he has it himself. There's never any knowing until there's an open conversation. Have you read into Adrial's ebook on how to disclose? That may come in handy when the time is right. I want to assure you though, that you're not doing anything wrong by not telling him right now. I would wait until the connection starts to flow towards intimacy. Not sure if you've seen these yet, but Adrial put together a couple handouts that are very useful to have. http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-diagnosis-handout.pdf http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf Be well :) -Katie
  20. Hi Bonafiderarity, Wow. This really does sound confusing. It definitely sounds like the 3rd doc got HSV and HPV confused. There is only HSV1 and HSV2. I'm really confused about your blood tests. It came back just as HSV? Not 1 or 2? And one person is telling you that it definitely doesn't look like herpes, but another person is telling you that it does? My mind is boggled! As Adrial mentioned, the IgG test is a the best way to detect if you have herpes. If you've had these symptoms since October, then your body would have antibodies by now. I got my blood test done at Planned Parenthood and they called me within acouple days with my results. HSV2. I'm sorry that you're dealing with so much confusion, but I would go ahead and request that this specific blood test be done. It's just not right that you're getting so many different answers. There's something fishy about it, and I'm wondering if they're not doing the appropriate blood test? Please keep us posted and good luck!, -Katie
  21. Bittersweet, Hi. I totally feel you. When I had my 1st outbreak, I did not see any bumps, and the burning lasted me a good 3 weeks. What I wish I knew is that the 1st outbreak is always the worst, and None of the other OB's should be that bad. Your body is currently creating the antibodies it needs to, so that it won't go through this pain again. I also work in the healthcare industry. I work as a nurse, and I remember going into work 2 hours after I got my diagnosis, and was in crazy pain. I'm feeling for you hard right now. I know that mental and physical pain, and boy.. it sucks. Really though, I want you to know that the pain gets waayy more manageable. My 2nd outbreak was nothing compared to my 1st, and now all I usually get is a tingley sensation when an outbreak is coming on, I take Acyclovir, and it usually goes away. Also, the mental anguish that I thought would never subside- That's been laid to rest. Herpes only has as much power as you're willing to give it. I know that when you're first diagnosed, it can be a lot to process, but once you come to find out what it really actually is, you'll see that it's not such a powerful virus. As said on this website, it's a skin condition that's in a sensitive area. I'm wondering about you and your boyfriend. You two have been together for 3 years, and there's questioning on whether or not he's been cheating. This is a huge issue. It makes a lot of sense that you're questioning him in your mind- knowing that he knows all these facts about herpes. It's not generally something that people know about unless they have it. But: Who Knows. Maybe he had a scare before or just know friends who have it. I would take it as an opportunity to make that point (That he seems to already have a lot of knowledge) and just lovingly ask him how he gained it. It may be an opportunity for a really open, honest conversation. Also- I wanted to comment on his anger towards your friend. I know you said that you 2 both got tested in the beginning of the relationship and you were both negative for herpes. But- Herpes isn't something that they usually test for. Did you both have blood tests done and specifically ask to get tested for herpes? It's estimated that 80% of people who have HSV2 don't even know they have it. A lot of people have it, but the symptoms don't show until their immune system is run down in some way. When it comes to your boyfriend, there is certainly a chance he has it, but who knows. Until he gets tested; there's really no telling. The itching sounds like a prodrome symptom that people usually get before outbreaks. There is always the chance that it could be something else. Time and a blood test will tell. Whether he's positive or negative, it sounds like you guys need to sit down and talk about your relationship, and see if you guys are on the same page with everything. Really, use herpes as an opportunity to re-evaluate and give him the opportunity to come clean if he has cheated, or had previous suspicions of having GH. I hate to think of the position you're in, and my heart really goes out to you. It can be really hard news at first, and especially waiting in limbo to know about your boyfriend's results adds even more difficulty. I invite you to take this time though- take a deep breathe- feel what's right for you and what kind of conversations you feel you need to have with your boyfriend. If you want some facts about herpes, Adrial made a couple handouts which have some really helpful info. http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-diagnosis-handout.pdf http://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf Lots of love! -Katie
  • Create New...