Cedar1122

Hi Stubborn, You've come to the right place. I'm happy that you've found this website, and are asking these questions. I'm with you on feeling frustrated that there isn't more information out there. Cool is though, that a lot of information is here. You've come to the right place. Here are 2 handouts that have a lot of useful information http://herpeslife.com/resources/ Also, here's a blog with the explanations of HSV1 and HSV2 http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/ As for your other questions, (which are great questions btw) It is possible for the herpes virus to spread when symptoms aren't visible. I found this information in another blog "Studies have shown that within the first few months of initial herpes exposure the rate of viral shedding is much higher than after the body has a chance to build up a tolerance to the herpes virus. Six months after the first herpes outbreak the viral shedding is said to occur around 5-10% of the time, depending on what study you read". It is still safe for someone to finger you, and then just have them wash their hands afterward or sanitize afterward. That's easy :) As for cuddling after sex.. I think it would be safest to cuddle with underwear on, just to be on the safe side, since the virus can be spread from skin to skin contact. I know it doesn't seem as intimate, but it certainly doesn't need to take away any of the intimate connection that you have with your partner. There is still the opportunity to be very close, both physically and mentally. I think that taking that extra step shows just how much you care about taking them into consideration. Like I said before, these are both really great questions, and I'm left wondering if other people have different opinions about them, which I'd be very open to hearing. When it comes to suppressants, it's not imperative that you take them. You can still have sex without them. Studies do show that meds decrease the risk of transmission, but it's not a requirement for you to take them. You have every right to make that decision for yourself. Sending love.. I hope this helps. -Katie :) .

Feeling uplifted right now. I'm celebrating with you right now. Your post is a wonderful reminder of things I can do to help create the life I've always wanted for myself. I've got get affirmations back on board. Thank, thank you :)

Butterfly, Herpes is certainly noooottt a reason to end your life. Over 25 million Americans have it. Think about it.. if everyone who had herpes ended their life, 16.2% of the population would be wiped out. It certainly wouldn't want to be a world that I'd want to live in. I know some amaziiinnngggg people who have herpes, and are MAJOR contributions to the world. You still have so much to offer the world, and herpes can't take that away. It's only as strong as you let it be. and I've seen other posts of yours. I know that you have a loving heart, and I'd love to see you give yourself some of the love and compassion that you give to others. <3. And as you said, "everyone has rough patches in life." Yes, you're so right. Everyone does. In different ways. And it's all part of life. . We are not separate from others who don't have herpes. We are all human, and we all have things in our lives that don't go the way we'd like them to. So, when something happens in life that there's no going back and erasing, we can totally use our power to move forward, and see that obstacle as a life lesson in love, forgiveness, and compassion. Lots of love! -Katie

Thanks for sharing Jessi, It sounds like it was actually an opportunity for you guys to be closer. I'm sure he appreciated the honesty and vulnerability, and sees you on an even different, beautiful level now. hugs :) -Katie

Hey Stephanie, I haven't experienced headaches with acyclovir, but I wonder if taking advil or tylenol with it would help prevent the headache?

Hey JC, I haven't had rashes, but I do remember that a couple people posted on the forum about getting rashes on their bottom and back of their legs from herpes. You're not alone. I wish I knew how to make them go away for you. Sorry!

Hey dimples, I'm wondering if it's a canker sore. They tend to occur on the inside of the lips or gums, while oral herpes occurs more on the surface of the lips. 80% of people actually have oral herpes, it's actually more normal to have it than to not.. crazy huh? You can figure out if you have hsv 1 or 2 by a simple blood test. I'm sure it'll all get figured out tomorrow. Take a deep breathe and give yourself some love. I'm thinking that it's a canker sore, but even if it is oral herpes, it's completely manageable and okay. I work as a nurse, and I see cold sores on my co-workers aaaallllll the time during the winter here in CO. It's HSV1, and there's really no stigma to it. There's all sorts of ointments that people use to help it heal also. Goodluck tomorrow and I hope you sleep peacefully tn :) -Katie

Hi MissD, Herpes can be a tricky little devil when figuring out where we got it from. Maybe he really does know he had it, and is completely lying. Or maybe he had it, and truly didn't know he had it. It's actually estimated that 80% of people who have herpes don't even know they have it. I feel your frustration and anger though, completely. I went through something similar with the guy who gave it to me. I'm still a little confused about it, but what I know for a fact is that I have HSV2, and that's what I'm going to be honest with other partners about. Unfortunately, we have no control over how honest others are, but we do have the choice of being honest with our partners. It takes a caring and selfless person to be authentic with partners about having herpes. It seems to me that this comes easily to you; that it just seems crazy to you I tried to look up information on the relationship between chicken pox and herpes, but I couldn't find a great answer to your question. I would recommend getting tested again, or talking to your Dr. more about it. Lots of love, and hopefully some clarity ;) -Katie

Hey Butterfly, I feel you. Sometimes, my mind starts going a little crazy, and I need a good cry to let my emotions play out the way they need to. One of my fav. quotes is "Let your feelings flow, then let them go." For me- I feel it's healthy to cry and be with my sadness. Give it the space that it needs until it's gone. I come out feeling like I've released what I've needed to, and then I'm in a clearer head space. When I'm in that clearer head space, I can start to look at things differently and start feeling thankful that I'm perfectly human, and have these emotions. Just because you don't have a boyfriend now certainly doesn't mean that you never will. I am also single, and I'm enjoying the ride of feeling comfortable with myself and realizing just how awesome I am :) It's so important to love ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves before anyone else is involved. I've realized that I am more powerful than any man in keeping myself feeling loved and happy :) It's true for everyone. And when it comes to getting herpes, I just want to say, It's not your fault. Do not blame yourself. Things happen. People get in car accidents, people lock themselves out of their homes, people get herpes. It's just one of those things. "To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now." Alan Cohen Big Hugs, xxx -Katie

Bright Eyes, haha. I read your post with a big smile on my face :D It's amazing how easy it is to make up stories that people will look at us differently, and then come to find out just how wrong we are! Herpes doesn't change your beauty and lovable persona. It's plain to see :) and yes- Herpes really does help with filtering out the genuine guys from the rest. It can be a great tool for that ;) *happy jig* -Katie

Wonderful Adrial!! Thank you!

Beautiful Butterfly. Thank you. "You will not be the same person you was before. You will be even better and that to me is all I can ask for and you know something I feel so positive and happy its ridiculous. " I've grown a lot as a person since having herpes. and I'm happy to hear that your so happy. Herpes doesn't have the power to make us unhappy. Only we have that power. And I know that I'd so much rather be happy and forgiving, so that's the gift I give myself :) -Katie

Yay :) you're so welcome

Well said, Butterfly. Thanks for the inspiration :)

Hey butterfly, Yeah. I remember when I was first diagnosed, I searched to see if there may be a cure coming my way. I I've never come across places that actually charge money for that information though. Sounds like a huge scam. Makes me sad to think that people would try to scam people about something like that...

Hey Blair, Kudos to you for wanting to disclose after having sex. I know that the thought is scary for you- but you show integrity by disclosing, even with the fear of him being upset with you. You're cleaning up the situation and in honor of being honest and respecting his decisions. I feel proud of you. My advice would be to just be really honest about how your feeling. Tell him the feelings that come up for you when you're disclosing. Let him know that you feel nervous, and feel guilty about not telling him before. Let him know that you honor and respect his decision, and this is why you're telling him the information. Be prepared to give him the facts about herpes which may include some of this: Female to male transmission rates are 4%* When condoms are used, both of the rates above decrease by half (2% and 4%, respectively) and suppressive therapy has that fall by another half *when no protection is used and sex is avoided during active outbreaks. Be authentic with how you feel about him and yes- Adrial's right. Have confidence when you speak. When we are freaked out about talking about herpes- it freaks the other person out because they don't really know much about it. If you're confident and can provide facts- this makes them much more comfortable. I hope that the chest pain is replaced with a feeling of openness in your chest. By telling him this information, you're taking a lot of weighted feelings off your chest and coming clean. Good luck <3, Katie

Hey Autumna, Congrats on your new relationship :) I love that you guys are getting the information necessary to make this work. I don't know the answer to all of these questions, but I do have some information that will be helpful. Here's a blog on the site about Herpes Transmission: *Herpes is transmitted via skin-to-skin contact, but only when the virus is active (whether a visible herpes outbreak or viral shedding). You CAN’T get herpes from saliva or blood. You CAN get genital herpes from someone going down on you and they have cold sores (whether it’s visible or not) — cold sores (aka mouth herpes) magically turns to genital herpes in an instant (in fact, 50% of all new genital herpes cases are from oral sex). And just to be totally clear, herpes CANNOT be transmitted by sharing a towel or drinking after someone! In short, there must be an opening in the receiver’s body for the herpes virus to gain access, whether that be a mucous membrane or a small cut/abrasion in the skin (which is why bikini waxing has been all over the news as making you more prone to getting herpes). So now that you understand those basics of how herpes actually gets from one body into another (and how it doesn’t), here are the chances of transmitting herpes to a partner: Female to male transmission rates are 4%* Male to female transmission rates are 8%* When condoms are used, both of the rates above decrease by half (2% and 4%, respectively) and suppressive therapy has that fall by another half *when no protection is used and sex is avoided during active outbreaks* You asked if you can shed without the typical symptoms: The answer- (from another blog article ;) ) *Herpes viral shedding means that the herpes virus — HSV1 or HSV2 — can be present on the surface of the skin even when no visible signs or symptoms of a herpes outbreak is present. Studies have shown that within the first few months of initial herpes exposure the rate of viral shedding is much higher than after the body has a chance to build up a tolerance to the herpes virus. Six months after the first herpes outbreak the viral shedding is said to occur around 5-10% of the time, depending on what study you read. Mayo Clinic experts have determined that around 70 percent of all cases of genital herpes were acquired when an infected partner showed no physical signs or symptoms, but when HSV was actively shedding.* You also asked about oral sex when you're not showing symptoms. *From what I've read- herpes is very unlikely to spread from the genitals to the lips. If your boyfriend went down on you, it's unlikely that their lips will get it. It's different if people have an open sore on their lip and go down on someone though. Mouth herpes is commonly transmitted to the genitals through oral sex. I know this doesn't answer everything, but I hope it helps. Much love and good luck with everything!! -Katie

I love this :) so happy for you and for Lelani! -Katie

Blessings, *heart* My heart goes out to you. I remember what it was like processing it all after finding out. It can certainly feel like it's a lot to take in. I thought that life as I knew it was over, and I've come to realize just how wrong I was. I actually gave it to someone before I knew I had it. I truly thought that I could never forgive myself. I have come to realize that I am so much more capable of love than I ever gave myself credit for. Do I wish I could take it back?- sure. But I have found compassion and forgiveness for myself in the fact that I can't take it back. I know that I didn't intend on harming anyone. I wish him all the happiness in the world, and I wish the same for myself, and for you. When you say that you think of yourself as a coward, I feel protective over you. The thought of herpes can be very scary to people, and I think it's normal for people to want to ignore symptoms like the one you had, in fear of knowing the truth. Herpes has a huge stigma, and it's scary to think of yourself as being a part of it. I want to ask you to give yourself a break. You are a normal human being. You're handling this situation the same as most people would. I can vouch for that. I also weeped a lot after finding out the news. I was scared to share the news. I felt scared and lonely. I really want to ask you to open up your heart to yourself though. In the words of Ghandi, "You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." When you share this news with your husband- the perfect way to tell him is in telling him the truth. You didn't know you had it. You were told that it might have been shingles. You wish you knew before so you could have told him, but you know now, so you are telling him now. Please realize that by sharing this information with some who Loves you- you are being accountable and living with integrity by being honest. You have nothing to be ashamed about. "Love is the cure, for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain until your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.” ~Rumi I just took a moment to say a prayer for you. Lots of love, -Katie *heart*

Readergurl, I Loved (Capital "L") reading this! I really like and celebrate your sense of humor and your attitude on life. Now I want to go out and celebrate all of my accomplishments this year with my herpes experience. ;) "The next day, I put my big girl pants on and began the road to my own sort of recovery, learning a lot along the way about self worth, acceptance--both of my diagnosis and also that there are things out of my control, responsibility for my actions, and many other emotions that varied depending on the situation I was in." Cool. Very cool. You're cool. I like you. You make me smile. :) Thanks for your post. -Katie

Lifechange, Like Atlantic, I can empathize. I have my moments of feeling angry about having H. My moments of feeling angry quickly fade though, just as the men who are not right for me quickly fade. I've disclosed a couple of times, and I've also had experiences of people definitely not being okay with it. Those who are not okay with it are people who I really don't know all that well though. They didn't know me on a core level. and I didn't know them on a core level. I really feel that when I find the right one- herpes or no herpes- we will see eachother for who we REALLY are, and herpes has no chance of standing in the way of that. I like it when you wrote "I know I still like myself, and like who I am". You know yourself better than anyone <3 love to you and Atlantic -Katie

Judith, It breaks my heart to hear you say that you accept the fact that you can't have a boyfriend and do the regular things that you used to do in life. I Know for a fact that herpes doesn't mean you can't have a boyfriend ever again. You are 100% lovable- herpes or no herpes. I've had it for 10 months now and I find that I basically have monthly outbreaks. The outbreaks usually don't last long, and they're not so painful, but it can be disheartening at times to get outbreaks. Often when I get them though, I just start right up on taking Acyclovir, it goes away quickly, and I don't really think about it. When it comes to dating- have you ever tried using positive singles? I used this website when I was first diagnosed. It was a great support system, and it helped show me that I wasn't the only one with herpes looking for love. I've made some really great friendships and have had some healing conversations. A herpes dating website is one way to go; but meeting someone special and having the disclosure talk is always an option. Please don't shut people out because of herpes. It's not fair to you or other people who want to get to know you *heart* Have you tried using meds on a regular basis to decrease your # of outbreaks? I wonder if that would help. Also- are you sure that it was the sweat that made you break out? I wonder if it was coming on anyway. I'm no expert, but I really doubt that every time you sweat it would trigger an outbreak. Are you new to having herpes? Because if that's the case- then your body is still getting used to the virus and it'll be triggered the most right now, and then less as your body gets used to it. I understand the frustration and bad days that come with herpes. I experience them too, although it's gotten much better. But what I want to say is "Don't make a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life." Big hug, -Katie

Thanks for sharing !

That's an interesting question. I'd imagine that it would trigger it.. but I'm no expert. If condoms are used, then I'd think that the chances were minor. But if there's no protection, I'd imagine that viral (asymptomatic) shedding would ignite outbreak's in the other person.

Hmm, I've never heard of shooting leg pain as a symptom, but I just read on herpesclinic.com that shooting pains in the legs/back can be an early symptom of an OB. Usually, when I start feeling any signs of an OB coming on, I take my medicine. Hope this helped <3- Katie