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golddust086

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Everything posted by golddust086

  1. Lol yeah reading back I probably sound like I'm overreacting, but honestly, I know I am not.. And I have no intention of parading around the internet personal things regarding my daughter if I didn't think it was quite serious. Most people who don't have hsv dismiss it or make it seem like it's no big deal... That is why I am seeking advice here. I have read many things to inform myself and she has most of the signs such as puffiness, irritation, she's been rubbing them like crazy, she has eye boogers and I took her to her primary today, but he assumes it's allergies but isn't sure... I haven't brought up the fact that I have it and I am sick right now and am not having an ob but I didn't even have an on when I was diagnosed... So yes I am overly concerned, I stress to say overly because she's my daughter and I'm concerned for her health and because she was tested at birth and came back negative but can't antibodies appears later? Either way I am not sure whether I should bring it up to him. I am going to see if this medication works but I would like them to do a blood test to get actual results. But just seeking advice from people who actually live with this daily. Especially if you have children, they cling all over you and I know I'm not in tip top shape right now so I am concerned. I don't know how to approach this situation BC it's so rocky BC she has several medical issues that were out of our control and now it seems this now could be something else
  2. Hello:) I think the last time I was on here I was browsing through the discussions but not really reading anything.... Let me give an update. So, aside from finding out I have herpes and having a daughter born with a cleft lip and palate; and several other issues, I now have to worry that she may be showing signs of eye herpes.:'( I haven't really gotten on here because my daughters medical condition has been exhausting. I barely get any sleep, I'm not eating the way I should because cooking is too time consuming, I rarely workout or even have time to study. Madison takes up my entire day despite the fact that she has a nurse at home... She is a 24/7 job. Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom, but I am not taking care of myself the way I should. I hate to say this, but aside from outside help, I get no inside help. I am overly stressed and terrified of having an ob. But at the rate I'm going I might get one. I feel like such an irresponsible parent Even though I know I am trying my best and giving my all. I am emberrassed to as her primary pH. To test her. She was test at 2 days old, but it came back negative...I dunno. She has all the signs of it except the actual sores...I just want to cry. My poor darling has already been through so much and now I feel like she might have to deal with maybe having hsv. I feel shitty and horrible. Can someone please help me out and share some info. I feel like I'll be judged horribly if I tell her pedi.. I just to crawl in a deep dark hole. I hope she doesn't have it... Any info would be much appreciated :( - and, are there any precautions to take as a parent. What are things I can share and can't... I just want to kiss her little baby face, but, I can't... I'm scared.
  3. So today was OK up until about an hour ago....I feel the right side of my "flower" swollen and I busted out mirror to have a closer look and I can't see down there due to my big tummy and it looks like I have three possible sores coming up. They are just bumps right now and it looks internal but also my ovaries and uterus have been hurting off and on since yesterday and now have been hurting more today....is this a possible outbreak??? I'm going to call my Dr. In the morning but we had just discussed putting me on meds in two weeks BC I want a vaginal birth but I think this is an ob....I'm 31 almost 32 wks....what can I do???it's the weekend and I think my Drs. Office is closed or he might not be there BC I had an med. Emergency 2 weeks ago and he wasn't at his office....anyway can anyone help if he can't??? Can I put my zync creme on the ob while I'm pregnant or should I wait for docs orders???I don't want to irritate or make it worse... Plz help
  4. Hi everyone:) It's been quite a journey for me since I found out I am H+.It'll be a year of knowing pretty soon and I'll be expecting my first child which is amazing. I can't wait. I know I said I would get on this site more and do my part but due to complications with my pregnancy and personal life I have honestly been avoiding anything that could possibly stress me out. I think I've only signed in a few times to read some discussions and just see what's going on here. I have been very fortunate that I haven't had any outbreaks but my doctor has recommended putting me on meds my last month but I'm not sure if I want that. I know I haven't had any symptoms of an ob and I know I still can get one but I don't like how the medicine makes me feel and I still get those annoying hives when I take meds. It's weird but I'm pregnant so I have to wait till after for an allergy test...I know it would help especially if I want to have a vaginal birth. The accyclovir just makes me feel sick. I have spoken to many people about herpes and almost anyone aware of it says it's very common and I found out a couple or maybe a few of my family members have it but they refuse to get tested or talk about it. It makes me wonder if I should ever tell my child I have it when she's old enough? As a parent should you tell your kids that you have herpes? I'm sure it's a dumb question but I see how hard it is for some people to talk about and I wonder how much herpes affects your parenting...well, if it does at all??? Aside from certain complications and not really worrying about my herpes everything seems manageable now. I feel like I've grown deep down inside and for the first time in a very long time I feel happy with who I am. I remember being so angry when I found out. It was horrible but now that I've educated myself and become aware and comfortable it almost makes me feel sorry for people who can't talk about it. I guess the thing is with me, I know exactly what I want and who I am...herpes can't change me so I have learned to brush off comments from people who I think are judging me or just being plain dumb about herpes. I wish more people didn't have to struggle with this. I can't wait to pop this baby out so I can continue my education and still help people in my community with understanding herpes. I actually SCHOOLED a nurse on hsv;) she was very happy to learn about it and was glad she met me. It feels good letting people know I'm OK and they're OK even though they don't have it. It is something to be aware of and hopefully my story or advice helps them. But enough of that! Have I mentioned I'm having a girl yet???! Yup, a beautiful baby girl. She's super hyper and funny even though she's not out yet she's already quite the character and you can tell how comfy she is on my sonos. How do babies get tested for H? Is that something I should look into??? Any who hope everyone is doing OK despite the stress of having H. I know it sucks having to worry or deal with it but it'll pass over time.
  5. I completely understand...I too have had to deal with the stress of having herpes. All of us have to deal with the stress of having herpes. People who don't have this condition generally don't understand and attempt to give their best advice, but are not aware of the emotional impact it has on us who have it. Especially with work, it's not like it's something you can just bring up or say your having a shitty day because of an outbreak. It sounds to me like you are just having an extremely hard time coping with this and need someone to talk to you regularly just about this or whatever it is going on. Feel free to message me or talk to me or if your not comfortable honestly, just go out and try to do something for yourself. I took time to reevaluate my situation and honestly, to just recognize where I went wrong and how I could fix the problem I was having within myself. Let me just put this plain and simple, you are here, you are alive, and this is what you have. You cannot get any lower, so might as well go up. I'm sure you are having a low point in your life, but we are all here for you. home remedy might sound disgusting but works: it's this anti-fungal foot creme they sell it otc at any local grocery store or pharmacy it is high in Z just rub on the area that tingles or itches or just try any Z creme, perhaps diaper rash creme...dude just try it, it worked for me and other people I know who have H2. I hope you feel better and feel free to msg me anytime you want to talk
  6. Thank you so much this definitely helped a lot...especially the links dancer. I've saved some of them to keep on hand. My doctor has referred me to a specialist but aside from that I think I can finally get this under control and get some answers:)
  7. I wonder how bad other peoples outbreaks are and how can YOU tell when you are shedding? I guess because I am pregnant my body is going through so many changes, I can't tell or just don't know when I am shedding or having an outbreak or having a possibility of one. I read about people having rashes and yes, I am asking if you can share with me those experiences. I have had no help with these hives from drs. and I don't think they are herpes related, but you never know at this point because I am not on meds and I am only several months in on finding out I had herpes. For veterans with H, how long did it take for you to actually know when you were going to have an outbreak? And how exactly can you tell if you are shedding or having a symptom related to herpes? Do home remedies really work for shortening outbreaks (share some if they do plz) And for newbies like me, are your outbreaks becoming more frequent since the first one? I just can't tell what my body is doing right now and these hives are so freakin weird. I have asked to see a specialist and other doctors for months, but no one knows what the heck they are...so if you have a rash or something on your skin that is not a sore, can you please describe it to me? As weird as that sounds...and can you tell me what treatment you received and what your doctor said. I just want some relief from this. The hives have become less frequent, but not completely gone so I want to know if this is herpes related. What are your triggers and is there something you do to prevent it from getting worse? Let me know, I could really use the help right now in understanding all of this.
  8. What I mean with the whole gloves thing, just to clarify, my obgyn came in with another physician (a female to observe..my obgyn is a male dr.) and this woman was not even going to touch me but as soon as I told my dr. I have HSV2, that lady reached over the counter for gloves and just smacked them on. And she didn't even come close to me. She looked at me as if I had aids...but I'm sure it didn't help that my dr. mistakenly called HSV, HIV but then quickly corrected himself... I know that they have to wear gloves...any doctor does at certain times...I just thought she was a little ridiculous by her reaction, I mean, c'mon...I wanted to jokingly touch her. I did find another doctor to see me because yes I understand that doctors do sometimes feel that herpes is just a skin condition, but it's also something that falls under the category of an STD so it is conflicting for someone who actually has it (me) and who possibly just had an outbreak. I have been doing my best to research and really try to prevent anything that stresses me out, but just the thought of my child having to feel pain at birth is just horrifying and I want to make sure I continue to become more educated on this and just be self aware of how I need to handle outbreaks and be informed and not so close minded on hsv, but not to open about it because like I said, it's a part of me and that's all. I do understand that perspective that herpes is just herpes, it's more common than people think. But do I agree with that? Ehhh, I just "understand" that perspective. I don't agree that herpes is just herpes. It doesn't change the fact that education is still key here. My doctor just disregarded my concern as if it was nothing. He said that so many people have it, so it's not a big deal. I found that very offensive because if it wasn't such a big deal we would be able to talk about it with out embarrassment or shame or having someone reach over and put on gloves as if you're a disease. We would be able to talk about it in a mature manner with key points of tackling the issue on herpes and figure out a way to help people who have it or facing challenges of understanding it. He also told me that my chances of having any outbreak during pregnancy were very slim so he just wasn't concerned. This doctor must have had FIND A NEW DOCTOR in invisible ink on his forehead or something... It made me laugh that just because you have a degree in a certain field doesn't mean you have the answers to everything. Especially something like HSV which is so controversial and not really understood yet. It's not understood by doctors or the CDC or people who have it, people who don't have it.... it is very complicating. I am pregnant and I have HSV2...and it matters. I want to know what my options are. I would like to feel that I am in good hands and not just someone you are trying milk for money because you have a little certificate that says you can parade around like a jackass in a white coat. I am not saying all doctors are like that, but this doctor was and I can imagine him discussing herpes or anything related to it with other people and saying, "IT'S NO BIG DEAL." I am not going to suffer because this guy is an idiot.
  9. I had told myself that I was going to try and get on as often as possible, but this weather has been kicking my butt. I had a cold and an "almost outbreak," but I nipped it in the bud before anything could come up. I applied some Z creme to the affected area and within a few days it was all clear and I was back to normal, but I consulted my doctor about it and he confirmed that my hives are not herpes related, but an allergic reaction. To what, well, that remains a mystery. I am currently looking for a new obgyn because I feel like the doctor I am seeing doesn't take anyone seriously who doesn't have a medical degree....and I'm not just saying that, he told me that...I know! I try to talk to him about herpes and he nonchalantly says, "so many people have it.... we are not even going to worry or look into it just because your pregnant." I felt like it just didn't matter to him that I was concerned because I thought maybe I had an o.b. He was quite rude. So, I'll be requesting a new dr. to see me from now on. He also said that most physicians don't care about what type you have because herpes is herpes and it doesn't matter where it is. Does anyone agree with this? I wish that I felt that way honestly, but even when I said I had it, the practitioner put on gloves...lol. So, I guess it's hard for me to ignore it because people are so freaked out about it. I have been recovering from my sickness and taking serious advantage of being pregnant and enjoying it:) In a few weeks I should know the sex of the baby. Are there any specific questions I should ask my new doctor regarding hsv and being pregnant? Everyone I've spoken to says I just shouldn't say anything and that confuses me because it just doesn't make sense not to tell my obgyn.
  10. This is very interesting bc of the post I just put up...I am pregnant and might be having an ob but also what I didnt include bc well I didnt think much of it but my index finger and thumb became almost inflamed and felt like something was coming up but I pur some zync creme on it and i will continue to but I forgot how it could possibly spread and different symptoms sheeeeesh! I have some reading to do.
  11. Hey everyone:) Hope everyone here enjoyed the holidays. I kept super busy with family and cleaning and babysitting and dealing with my ex and yadeeda...it has been a long few weeks. I distributed my pamphlets and I am working on more. I expected more of a positive vibe ( I have no idea why...lol) but every facillity I distributed them to looked at me like ughhh this chic has herpes? Most people looked puzzled and shocked. But HOPEFULLY they can learn something that can prevent or help them in some way.:) That was my Christmas gift to everyone. Herpes Awareness! But now the sad part starting off my New Year...I think I am having an outbreak. I had a bump then I checked it out and realized I had three bumps and honestly I thought maybe its an ingrown hair bc I wax and trim and shave..or whatever I keep it clean and neat but then they looked too big and were actually making "my flower" feel swollen. Everyone was completely sick during the holidays my niece was also taking accyclovir for an infection she had sooooO I may have caugt something and this crappy cold weather doesn't help with my allergies. I have been eating perfectly but I am scared bc of the baby. I have an appt. On the 16th should I make it sooner? I want to see if this is an outbreak...but I dont want to wait to find out. I think it is and it sucks. How can you treat this while being pregnant?
  12. So, Christmas Break is here and I'm ready to distribute my pamphlets and I couldn't be more excited. I do need to revise and edit some because I decided to put my story in a short summary so people don't feel so alone if they do have it. Should I put a small picture of me??? I have my first appointment with my obgyn in morning, to get this baby checked out, so I am going to leave some in the lobby and with their receptionist to handout. It's really important that we get the message across that we are not alone and everything will be o.k. in time. My partner has stepped out of the picture unfortunately. He decided that he's not up to being a dad and I think the shock of having HSV has scared him away. I spoke with his mother and she says it's o.k. He'll come around and I'm like, ughhh, no...that's o.k. I found out that he had an outbreak similar to mine a couple years back but he left the hospital because he got so scared of what the doctors were going to tell him. So it's unfortunate that now seeing it in writing has completely terrified him. I told him that I understood and when he was ready to call, even though I'm pissed, I understand. And as far as me being pregnant, I'm not worried because I know I have my head on straight to to do what I need to do to prepare the little bundle of joy that's in the oven :) (keep fingers crossed for a boy ppl! if it's A girl, that's cool...BUT I WANT A BOY!!!:)) The only hard part about all this so far has been talking about it. I think the only time I ever get a positive answer or correct one, is on this site. Because there are so many misconceptions regarding HSV and it is complicating to a lot of people. There are a lot of things that I still don't understand or don't think there are answers to. It's not easy having these conversations with people face to face. But I'm really happy that we can share this experience with one another. I honestly don't know how I would have ended this year if it weren't for you guys....I'm weeping bc I just feel like I love all of you for being so Damn Nice! It's a beautiful thing. I hope everyone had a good day and has a goodnight:D
  13. My partner and I have both tested positive for HSV2 so I am curious to know if we can have sex while I am pregnant or should this be avoided all together? We have had unprotected sex already but before I knew I was pregnant. We are both not sure if we can affect the baby this way so we are holding off on anything sexual, but I would like to know if we aren't having an OB can we still be intimate....using protection of course. And because we have already had unprotected sex while I was unsure if I was pregnant can a baby be affected by this early on. I have had no OB but I wasn't sure if I was having symptoms come up almost a week ago, but we are taking a step back to make sure for now....any comments on this? Remember my first appointment is in a few days so, I'll keep you guys posted but for all you moms out there were you intimate during your pregnancy?
  14. I can't sleep. It's 3 A.M. and I am making a vow to myself to get on everyday and read some discussions and try to help anyway I can. I have been feeling a bit depressed. I think it started when I tried to talk to someone close to me about now being pregnant and they said, "oh well, you can't have a normal pregnancy...and you can't breast feed now or have a natural birth because you have herpes." The way they said it was so matter of fact. As if it were so impossible to have a Normal Pregnancy. And I've heard that from two people now. I am not going to lie, I hung up the phone and I cried. My sisters seem so worried about me being pregnant now. One of them keeps insisting that I file charges against my ex for "giving me herpes." I tell them that it is very hard to prosecute someone under those circumstances and even with that, I don't want to. How am I to know if he knew he had it and if he did, it wasn't like I was virgin before him...I could have it longer and was never tested for it. But, I think I got it from him. He was the only person I was with when this started coming up... I mean who knows at this point. What's the use in being hostile and wanting revenge. It feels like a pain in my chest and in my stomach and I worry about stress and how this will all play out. I want so badly to have a healthy baby. I don't like feeling like I'm hurting the baby in some way or being paranoid of a breakout. I don't like people being ignorant, but I have to contain my emotions because it's not their fault that they don't know the facts. Everyone wants to give their two cents and play doctor and say "Well, I researched it and you just can't have a normal pregnancy and you can definitely get the ball rolling on filing charges. It's not too late to get that S.O.B." Even if they "mean well." it sounds so impolite and it makes want to shake them and tell them to shut up because they don't know anything. I feel like I made a mistake and people just look so shocked or disgusted and want to say the first thing that flies out of their mouth without thinking how I feel. I press my hands against my stomach and apologize because these past two days, I just feel like I did something wrong. My family said well, you should have not been having sex without protection...and I think, what hypocrites. I know none have them have ever asked their partners about STD's or better yet, I know they have felt as if they loved and trusted someone completely and when that person hurts them they don't expect it...that is how I feel knowing I loved someone so deeply and I didn't want to let them go, but I now have this. And I have other examples, but why does it have to get to being so mean? And they are scared to get to tested for it. They can sit around and judge me without any mirror reflection of the things they won't acknowledge. It really makes me sad and I cry sometimes about it because I want them to know I love them, but they are hurting me. My sister even offered to buy my baby and said well, don't get attached to it just yet...she said she was joking bc she can't have kids, but I know she meant it as if it to say I screwed up bc I got herpes and who knows how I'll raise my child....I mean, wtf??? It made me feel like a bad person. I have learned to brush off their comments and not react, but when it comes to talking about me being pregnant and making decisions, HSV has to come up. I'm supposed to be happy and enjoying this and I am on my own, but with certain people there is just no getting around it. It makes me feel like crap and I don't want to cry or feel worked up...but I can't help but worry, what if I am doing something wrong? Do I seriously need to cut ties and think about what type of people I want in my life for the sake of my child now and for me? Am I going to want that negativity in our lives? Should I seriously, stop talking to my family? They are big decisions and they aren't ones that I want to make. It hurts. Is there ever too high of a price to deprive a child of a family because they don't except me having HSV? I think so. I don't want to do this.
  15. I had not been tested at all for HSV 1 or 2 when I was in the hospital. That is why I was so confused as what I had because it was a visual diagnosis and they said because she has sores in her throat and my cut down there (they insisted it was a sore even though I knew it wasn't) the drs said she has both HSV 1 AND 2. But now that I have been tested, I came back positive for 2 NOT 1. So, that is why I question if I had strep. during that period of time because I assumed it was strep. But they did swab me for it and they said they never got accurate results. Either way I am glad it came up bc I would have never known, but I don't know what the sores were going down my throat...I was tested for mono, strep...cancer...everything but HSV. I went to Planned Parenthood to get tested for it and that's where I got my results. My OBGYN a new one, will test me again next week, but how rare is it for someone to be misdiagnosed? And can you get HSV2 In your mouth??? lol I thought it was oral or genitals only, but you can get hsv1 down there...I'm confused...please explain this to me. lol. But yes, I had no symptoms of it when I was in the hospital down there. It looked like mono. honestly or strep.
  16. WCSDANCER2010...well, put girl! I'm gonna cry...Damn Velveteen Rabbit! Extraordinarygirl, I'm sorry that someone put you in an awkward situation to out you when you aren't ready. I know how much that sucks. I came out as soon as I found out because I have sisters and we all have big mouths and we get it from our mother so, I was I screwed in the confidentiality department. Honestly though, I didn't want to hide behind HSV. I was horrified at what people would think about me, but being in the hospital around doctors and nurses and the look they gave me, wasn't an Ew look maybe because they are educated about what it is, but they looked at me as if they wanted to stroke my hair and tell me I was going to be o.k. There are people out there who are ignorant and don't care about understanding and if you live in a small town or a town where WORD GETS AROUND trust me I know that all too well. I would agree with you that some Self Work would be o.k. for you right now. It's debilitating to have something like that happen to you when you aren't ready and your friend sounds like a real ***** -excuse my French- considering they have it as well, you would think they would be more sympathetic, but they obviously are seeking attention so you should kick that one to the curb and chuck up a Deuces and possibly The Bird..that'll get your message across and get the anger outta the way.:) But try to focus on yourself and know that you don't have a label across your chest even if people do find out. If they know you, like really know you and know what a good person you are inside and out, they will love you no matter what. We all say, Herpes isn't who you are, but a part of you. And you will live to see another day. We all care about you and you'll be o.k. Just pick you right now and love yourself and heal with the process. Maybe later you will be comfortable in letting people in, but that's within your own time.
  17. It really all depends on your body. My first outbreak, where it was visual, lasted up to a week and half and it took my body months to heal, but my outbreak was extremely rare because of it's severity. How were you diagnosed? Did you get the Western Blot Test? Your symptoms do sound like herpes. Make sure whatever testing you get can determine which type you have, HSV 1 or 2. Are you on medication right now? When I had an outbreak a lot of what I consumed affected my bodies recovery. Try and look up different foods to eat while having an outbreak. And keep track of your symptoms because Herpes is dormant and can come up at anytime during your first year of diagnosis so this is vital to keeping in my mind to prevent future outbreaks. I hope you get the answers you are looking for but try and keep your immune system strong always.
  18. I believe I started showing symptoms of it in May. I had my first real out break at the end of July. I am not sure when I got it, but I am positive it was this year because I had just started seeing someone. I believe he has HSV 1 and 2 and doesn't know but my body was reacting to something usually the next day after we had sex...it would feel like I had a U.I. and he is in something, that I won't say, but they donate blood and work closely with other people that are in harms way and I asked him if he had anything and he said no. So I trusted him based on that. And plus he never had any open lesions that I know of and if they were there or he was shedding I had no idea about HSV so... when the hives started coming up in May I think it was my immune system reacting to the virus. I did read that it can be a warning sign with a viral infection letting you know that you may have immune deficiency, but now the hives seem to be stopping or going away. I stopped all medication I was taking for the hives and drinking cold water when I feel my body getting hot and that tends to work the hives away. Aside from that I had never shown any signs of H last year or never had an inkling that I was carrying it. I have had no signs of HSV since that outbreak in July. And the hives have been going away for about 3 weeks now and no signs of them coming back up. Does that mean I may have had it longer than I thought? My doctor looked puzzled when I told her I was on the pill and am now pregnant. I didn't know how uncommon it was. And she was even more shocked that I was hospitalized for Herpes. I had the sores going all the way down my esophagus but I tested positive for HSV2 not 1...was that something else because I had no open lesions down there when I was hospitalized. I had told them that I had cut myself on the hood part of my clit by accident while shaving my lady parts bc I had gotten waxed and I noticed they missed a spot...but the cut looked like it got infected. I dunno. My obgyn will test me again and we'll discuss all possibilities for me. I am more nervous about having HSV now though. I won't lie, but I know neonatal is uncommon for the most part if your body has already developed antibodies to defend yourself from the virus. I went crazy reading about it, but I just ehhh, I feel weird and I don't want to because I just want a normal pregnancy. :( But they say it's usually when the baby has developed and comes into contact with HSV during an outbreak that you need to worry about, that is the part that freaks me out. But!!!! I will clear my mind for now and wait to see what my doc. tells me because I'll over analyze this shit...lol. Thanks for all the Congrats. It feels awesome and Life Changing. I get to relax and use the excuse "I'm Pregnant" for everything:D I'm looking forward to it.
  19. First of all WCSDancer2010, I had a feeling I was, but the question I asked about pregnant women being tested was completely out of curiosity for the research I am doing and to possibly be discussed. :) O.K....I am taking a deep breath in to say this....and another...O.K. I'm ready. I know I had informed all of you of the pressures of my family and the whole situation with my mother wanting me to settle down and have kids and not have HSV and blah blah blah...well, it's official..I am pregnant. I know! I have had a continuing "friendship/relationship" with someone and this person knows my situation and has been very supportive, but finding this out, yes, of course it was unplanned and we were safe and I was on the pill, but yessss, I now have confirmation that I am pregnant. And I am nervous as hell. So, um, I do have questions and I need help. Let me just say, yes I am glad to know that I am going to be a Mommy. -By the way, I am Pro Choice, which looks pretty shitty even typing that, I feel like an ass and honestly, it flickered through my mind like, crap I have HSV! I can't have this baby...but no, I quickly did my research and it's my baby. I felt deep in my heart so wrong for even considering it. I feel like I have to admit that because it goes to show how much this has impacted me and made me self-conscience and I feel selfish for even thinking it, but I am glad to have come to my senses. I am excited but nervous about having my first child and I wonder what precautions I need to take before I am due next Summer. Is there anything I need to know about medications or if I can still have a natural birth or is C-Section the best route to go. I have my first drs. visit next week and I'm sure they'll tell me, but I just want to hear from you guys who actually have HSV and kids. Is there anything I should be eating that will prevent out breaks? Speaking of which, I don't know if I am having one now and it's freaking me out. I felt a slight burn or sharp pain "down there" while I was wiping and I can't see where it is but it feels like there is something there. I used my Monistat anti- itch cream and I showered using my Summer's Eve wash, I read it was safe to use, but I just feel something and I don't know what it is. Can I get sores inside my vagina??? How can I treat this now that I am pregnant. I am off my meds until I can get one that will be safe for me to use now. That was recommended by the testing center until I have my first visit with my dr. It just feels weird and I am trying not think about it, but it doesn't feel normal...what can I do? Is there anything at all that I should know or being doing. I would really appreciate the advice and ANY ADVICE about this. Well, I'm glad I get to share this with all of you and EEEEKKKKaaaHHHHX-D...I am so happy and NERVOUS and excited. I hope it's a healthy boy because there are wayyy too many ladies in my family and I want a little man running around the house...so cute. Lord Help Me! I pray that everything will be o.k. Thanks Guys. :)
  20. Wow, reading this is insane. It baffles me. Jax13, I wanna say don't feel bad, but you can't help it yet. That is going to be apart of the healing process. The more informed you become with HSV the more it will settle in and you can start taking steps to figure out what you wanna do and how you want to live with it. For me, it's still hard trying to figure out how I got it and when, but I won't lie, I've gone off an assumption and research of signs and symptoms that I've had and I put two and two together with my lifestyle on how I contracted it and who I was with during that period of time. It's not easy determining these things and I never had any symptoms before my outbreak this past summer either so it makes it feel like you want to punish yourself by blaming yourself and possibly that other person. And I wanna say, even with the person you may have gotten it from, I wasn't mad at my partner bc dude, a lot of people don't know they have it and that is the problem. People are so unaware that this is just out there. And the people that do know, unfortunately live in fear because of how society has put such a disgusting label on herpes. It's really really really hard to talk about this. My sister had a friend borrow her lip gloss and she informs my sister, Don't worry I don't have herpes. So, the way it's discussed is nasty and gross and ew, how can you have that??? All this crap that we are taught about a "SKIN CONDITION." But what I would recommend to you is see your doctor (find a new one if you aren't happy with the one you have) and be blunt and bold and put your foot down, even if that means putting in some attitude and demand the help and info. so you can figure out what your symptoms are. I was recommended to an allergist and a dermatologist...while still seeing my obgyn. But honestly, I found everything on this never ending portal of information, THE BEAUTIFUL INTERNET. And come on this site and read read read, we are the people with HSV so we have not only experience and knowledge, but we live it everyday and do our best to actually listen to each other and help one another figure it out. So my advice to you, find a dr. who can actually help, go online and read about it (don't look at google images) come on this site and ask if you ever have a question someone will always be there to help you. And dude, you are NOT a monster. Even if you feel like you could have been different or done this or that or what if this or that...No, stop....you didn't know. You have a lot guilt, but just try to stay on medication and that will help you not feel so self conscience about spreading it and don't listen to other people who are just being negative. And as far as your ex goes, no one deserves an ass so, go do things to distract yourself...read, jump, run, anything...just don't stay in this funk. It will get better. I can promise you that.
  21. Thanks so much everyone. It feels like a sigh of relief more and more everyday because I'm figuring out who I am and who people really are and as disappointing as that can be, I'm looking to the future. I know this will be so helpful to the growing population of where I live. Hopefully, I can try to power on and get people motivated to actually talk about this. I think it's about that time and hey, I had no idea about hsv and the shock alone is paralyzing, but after finding out about different resources such as this site; the numbers scare me a little bit about how many people have it and don't even know. And they think they are tested for it, ummmm, no no no. It's about that time. I do have a question, do you get tested for everything when you're pregnant??? I know they do blood work and check for "everything" but does that include HSV?
  22. Hello, it seems like it's been a while, but it kinda hasn't been. I get on every now and then and see what's going on, but I haven't had much to say. I think the last time I wrote on here it really made feel so depressed and I knew at that point that I needed to heal my soul because it literally felt like I had an Easy A across my forehead and I just couldn't deal with the judgement. NOT ON THIS SITE, you guys are awesome, but from my family and feeling all the guilt and shame..it just got the best of me. Lately, I have been relaxing and becoming more educated on all of this and honestly, not thinking about it too much and it feels great. I know it's there, I was tested and yes, it is HSV, but I just have been spending more time with friends and surrounding myself with my books and teas and I actually started to write songs again which I hadn't done in such a long time. So, I guess you can say, I feel like I'm rediscovering who I am and what I want. My family is still ehhh, whatever that means, but I think the look of pity sums up how they feel which to me has now just made turn the other cheek and walk away from the situation even if they say they are supportive, ummm, no. The look on their faces says enough so I can't change that; it comes with the territory now and I see it. I have printed out as much information as I possibly can and on Christmas Break I'm going to go distribute these little pamphlets that I've been working on to any local facilities that do blood work, Planned Parenthood, OBGYN'S...anywhere...college campuses as well during Spring Semester. I am also going to see if I can hold some sort of conference by the end of Spring Semester to raise awareness. It was too late to hold anything this semester especially with graduation coming up. It's not as easy I thought it would be. I even spoke to the person who I contracted it from and he didn't want to talk about it. It doesn't seem like it shocks me anymore...HSV is just not talked about. When I went to get tested they checked my vitals and I said, I would like to be tested for HSV 1 and 2 and when the dr. came in she gave me a breast a exam and all this other stuff and I said I would like to be tested for HSV 1 and 2 and she says, "OH, you still want to be tested for it?" Ugh, people do not talk about this enough and it is so annoying so my determination is still here. But all and all, I've relaxed a lot. I keep it mind and let my good intentions speak for themselves because honestly I know I am going to have this as a label to define me now, but I know it's not who I am, but a part of me. And I finally started eating whatever I want again and I think I've gained all my weight back considering I had shed whatever skin and bones I had hanging on here. But I feel pretty good right now and I'm doing my best to stay in this little happy place. I hope everyone else is trying too. I know it hurts at times physically and mentally, but they are right, it gets better day by day and you just have to forgive yourself or whatever person and yes, face this fear because no, it's not going away. I've decided to try to get out of that dark place. I'm not attractive when I'm angry ANYWAYS;P I think of all the things I liked as a child when I think of HSV; rainbows, skipping, and Rocky Road Ice Cream... then I eat :) and occasionally work out. lol So, I hope everyone faces their fear of this because you need to in order to be happy and feel better. So smile and relax today :D
  23. Hey everyone, Honestly, after leaving the doctors office, in my mind I said to myself, "oh crap, I'm not telling anyone!" . But as soon as I walked out of the drs. office. I called the person I had been with and immediately informed him that a physician told me that it looked like I had herpes so he should get checked. I told him because I thought it would be so irresponsible if I didn't tell this person. And him and I had a pretty great relationship. He's actually a very understanding person considering the fact that I kinda dropped a bomb on him. He was very supportive and still is. I know the first feeling you get is that oh shit feeling then shame and sadness and guilt, but I don't keep anything from my family. When my mom asked what the doctor told me, I just told her. And I would have eventually told my sisters, I just needed time to tell them. My family and I can deal with bad news. It may take some time to heal and understand but I know when to back off with them, but in time they'll come around because we're family and my sisters know my loyalty to them is never ending. I really don't have much shame now as I did before when I found out and that kind of settled in quickly for me because how was I to know if someone else had it? I really couldn't bare the weight of carrying anger of me having it because well, I just didn't know. I am angry because of the stigma of herpes, but that is just because of misinformation and yes, ignorance. I was shocked to find out that you have to request the test to be done on herpes. I have seen my obgyn for paps or getting checked or whatever and I always thought by them checking for STDs that meant CHECKING FOR EVERYTHING! That in my opinion is just insane. And trust me, I am definitely not letting this slide. I spoke to friend already about maybe trying to get something going this coming Spring Semester but becoming as informed as possible on the science of things is key right now. I wouldn't go in head first and be misinformed. WCSDANCER2010 hi, my younger brother is 11 yrs. old. I did my best explaining to him what hsv was and I used "HSV" because well, he's my brother and not my son and my mother didn't want herpes to be a word in his vocabulary. lol. He's very young I didn't go into much detail of how it's contracted and what not. I made him aware of symptoms and reassured him that I would be ok and it's nothing to fret over just something to be aware of. My brother isn't interested in girls yet or even questioning anything regarding sex, the other day he was excited to find hair on his arm pit so I'm not going to worry him especially if he does hear what they say about me....that is something that a child really shouldn't be concerned about so I just won't get involved with that. I'll lead by example instead. Inka hey, yes that's me on my profile pic. And thanks for the compliment. Um, yeah, I know they can be harsh. It sucks really. My sisters and I are very jealous of eachother actually. It's in our nature I guess to be competitive and my family in a whole is very challenging and they strive for the best. I guess they see herpes as something self inflicting because they assume it's just an STD. So in other words, to them, a person puts themselves in harms way to get it by being irresponsible. So, because I did something out of wedlock or in way that wasn't taken seriously it would be my own fault because I put myself in that situation to contract it....you know what I mean.? That is how they view it. I've done my best too see it from their point of view and I get it because I was there. I felt the same way they did before I knew I had it. It really hits home for them and because of misinformation unfortunately this is the outcome. I don't regret telling them. And I'm sure they'll come around...."...FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND;)"
  24. Thanks for all the comments... really. I wish that I could sum up my emotions about all of this into words but it's like there's not much to say about how I feel. I know who I am and I know my world isn't going to change in a bad way because of this, but yes, I do feel like there is so much misinformation regarding herpes and it's really sad. When I was in the hospital my mom came in and she just had this look on her face of disgust and she just says, you have to tell your sisters. I'm a grown woman and it was as if there was no questions asked. She just very plainly she demanded that I tell them. So, I didn't really have time to let it sink in and I had stayed up the previous night reading what I could about it on my phone and I was trying to just process what I was just told. The thing is, I had a sore on my lip, just one and one "down there" but when I opened my mouth, the entire back of my throat was covered in white and had swelled so severely that I couldn't eat. I have had no prior medical history of illnesses or something life threatening so I think it scared my mom. The doctor even kind of laughed at her when she came in with her "expressions" and said mam you've probably come into contact with HSV on many occasions so don't worry about her having it. And her response later to me was, "well, if we have it, (WE being anyone in my family)we got it from you." is what she said. And my sister, the one that said," it's o.k. we know people that have it and they live normal lives" um, yeah, she's actually the one who told my mom to cut ties with me because she said it was my fault that I got it so, she was kind of being two faced. I have told my mom and my sisters to come on the site and read what they can and I told them NOT to look at google images, lol. The pics on Google are nothing to what my symptoms looked like. I thought it was strep or mono...it looked like I had one of those. But then the sore appeared "down there" and it was like ugghhh no it's something else. I told my mom that I Downloaded the all the info. from this site and many others and they just haven't budged. It's sad to say that ignorance is bliss and quite honestly this shows their true colors. And I think it also might have to do with the fact that my sisters and I are all a year apart and I'm the only single, college student, still enjoying it when I can and all my sisters are married and are now starting to have their own family so I am kinda the black sheep because I'm in no rush to settle down. I'm only 25 and my career path is still barely getting into motion, but I'm not going to get married and have kids yet....to me it's ridiculous so finding this out now was just the icing on the cake. But speaking to them and me finally having this fear somewhat is a defining moment for me. It wasn't really the outcome I was hoping for unfortunately by telling them and I don't think it's wise for me to continue trying to make them understand. I feel bruised mentally and I think space is needed because I can't force someone to try understand if they just don't want to. I seriously have been considering going to a local university here and getting info of possibly trying to inform college students about this because this is just ridiculous...we are not plagued or going to infect everyone we come into contact with. And the area I live in is among cities with the highest teen pregnancy rate, drunk driving rate, a high HIV rate...etc., IN OUR NATION. So, I know there needs to be more done to inform people on being safe and staying informed. I'm upset because this is just sad and ridiculous. And on a positive note don't worry, I know my post was pretty depressing, I don't let this consume my days....but, it's out there and people need to hear this stuff and hear the stuff that they say without any knowledge. I can't let this pass, it's unacceptable. My family means a lot to me. I have a younger brother who adores me and I can't let this define me in his eyes...I want to set a positive example for him and how can I do that if I don't know what he hears? It's unacceptable.
  25. This isn't something that I can easily talk about...I almost want to cry, but me being ME won't allow myself to cry. I'll explain. Herpes. The word itself instills fear in me. I know I had said that I would embrace it and just except the fact that I have it and I have. I've done my research. I still have my faith and dignity, well, what ever is left of it (lol) and I'm still alive and breathing and not in poverty or in degenerative health everyday to which I live in fear of death. So, I'm grateful for my life. But the word Herpes, the definition, the Google images! It pisses me off! I didn't realize until recently how this would drastically change my life. As I had said before I had gotten really sick when I found out...seriously, my family was afraid that I was going to die and so was I. It was pretty bad. And I had my doubts and I cried and I was angry and blah blah blah, I was so confused to put it plainly. But recently I have seen different physicians and apparently they don't know if I have it...which doesn't make much sense to me. The hospital that I was treated in did not run the test. They did a visual diagnosis and I wasn't treated for herpes until after 6 days when symptoms already start clearing up so I have been beating myself up over this. My family is extremely harsh and judgmental. And when I told my siblings of my diagnosis (because the doctor told me that I have it) one on of them said,"it's o.k. We've known people who have it and they live normal lives. Don't worry it's not the end of the world." And they urged that I take legal action on who ever gave it to me, but doing my research and looking up my symptoms and not knowing when or how or where I contracted HSV and to top it off the nurse at the hospital confided in me that she has hasv2 and thinking back on it, I'm like damn HERPES! That word just cuts right through me. I was scared when I found out...horrified I thought, SHIT! I'm going to live with this for the rest of my life! And really thinking of the conversations after finding out my family was soO negative and I just wanted to die, honestly. Even that nurse made me feel like shit. She had it and she made me feel like crap, when I really think about it I'm like wow! Now my sisters and mom and everyone who knows wants me to see a specialist and two of my sisters just had babies and one of them apparently has been speaking so harshly about me possibly having herpes, my mom sees me the most bc we live in the same city...and my mom took care of me when I was sick so, she doesn't want my mom over to see her grand kids until I get tested properly and send her a copy of my results. And the other sister says she has a child now and she can't have me around her because of this...and my mom the other day said she hasn't gone to see any of her grandchildren because of what I might have....ugh the word Herpes! It didn't hit me until recently how bad I feel. How sorry I am that I was so irresponsible. I had all the symptoms of it so I'm sure I have it. I have just been through an emotional roller coaster recently and it sucks. I know I have it, there is really not a doubt in my mind that I do, but I just hate this negativity. It's eating at me and just knowing that people know, I feel like shame is oozing out of me and there's nothing I can do stop it. I just want to feel like it's o.k. because I'm still human and I still love and feel pain and joy and every other emotion and I'm still capable of living a "NORMAL" life whatever that means too...I mean c'mon, normal really??? I'm anything but normal, so I'll just say, I'm still f***ing human and this feels terrible. I honestly don't even want to talk to my family because I wasn't aware of how they really felt. I don't even want to show them my results when I get tested because I feel like I'm fueling the fire. My sister said she'll pray that I don't have it (which I understand. Do I want to have HSV? UGGGHH, NO. but if I do then I do!) And they are just so concerned about me now. And now they're concerned about how I have affected them...? I understand about skin to skin contact, but I am so awkward with my family, I rarely hug them and I never share drinks so that's out... And I wasn't even there for the birth of their kids because well, I just wasn't allowed to go because I'M SO CONTAGIOUS! I'm angry and probably shouldn't be posting this because well, you shouldn't say things out of anger. But I needed to this get off my chest because no one understands or knows how I feel. I know I have it and now then just want documentation which to me just makes this worse for me. I want to know too and yes, I am going to get tested, but like I said there's no actual test results yet and all this shit has been said and I don't know what to think and now I'm questioning my treatment and this anger is just building! How did this happen??? I feel alone and sad. And this seems like more of a rant than a discussion...lol. I don't know how people deal with this. It's so hard.
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