brokenbuthealed

Hey all. I want to start by thanking you for taking the time out to read and have dialogue with me. It has been 7 months since it ended between me and the guy I contracted herpes from. It's been 3 months since I spoke with him last and established everything I believed about how I contracted Herpes was a lie. We don't speak anymore and with God and my family I've been healing. I have made it my priority to move past the hurt from it all and with that comes talking about it. I've been working towards this for the past three months and I've gotten better, but a few weeks ago I was talking about it with my sister and after the conversation I felt like I had just wasted those minutes focusing on someone unworthy of that. I went and saw a therapist and couldn't fully take advantage because the entire time I was thinking "I'm just tired of giving this my energy." I'm suppose to be following up with my therapist in a few days but I've been contemplating not going because I feel guilty for talking about the herpes and the issues from the break up. I talked to my mom about somethings this morning and she offered wisdom as she always does, but I'm at a point in my healing that I just want to be done with it all completely, but sometimes thoughts bother me so I feel I have to at least share with my mom about it. I guess my question is am I being to hard on myself? Will the desire to talk about it fade out completely? Will I be able to put it all behind me completely? I've gotten so much better through prayer and family support, but I look forward to the hurt leaving entirely one day.

Thank you sooo much @WCSDancer2010 I really needed the resources. I'm not dating anytime soon but I'll be sure to check it out when I start. God Bless.

@WCSDancer2010 yes in the end it's not beneficial which is why I must tell a man I'm serious enough to be sexually involved with about the HSV-2. I'd rather be up front and hurt than to hurt someone like I'm hurting now.

@domh21 thank you uberly for the Internet affection! I read your message at work and smiled! I don't smile at words often only when I read certain scriptures or things just really special so thanks for the chance to smile. Yes God will love us like none other. I honestly don't see how anyone can get through something so heavy as this without His reassurance. I needed to hear that it only gets better. I'll take the H to mean healing because I'm definitely in that phase! You're beautiful just for responding and I'm happy you logged in as well. I needed some love today. Thank you.

@WCSDancer2010 yeah the fear and insecurities thing is on point. I just learned from this not to expect others to do what you would. Biggest let down ever. Integrity is not instinctive.

@willow thank you. I had to omit him it just all hurts too bad. Thank you for speaking life into my healing. You have no idea how much it's needed right now.

@WCSDancer2010 thank you for responding. I'm sure his admittance would make him guilty, but in my world you don't keep things like that hidden on the count of looking "guilty". Love hides a multitude of faults and I can't appreciate much right now but the truth. As far as the lady. She only told me he hadn't called to release any records. I already had the foreknowledge of him being tested there because he told me prior. I receive your hugs. I just needed to get the story out this one time. It has affected me so much.

Hello, I just recently joined this forum. I didn't know such a thing existed and I am happy I found it. I want to give a short snippet of my story because it needs to come out. God is helping me get through a REALLY tough time in my life. I am fresh out of a relationship that lasted over a year and not only did it end abruptly and badly, but I was left with HSV-2 and my partner lied to me for over a year about having the disease. We were seeing one another, but not exclusively dating. We had a sexual relationship, but in the beginning it was rocky as he kept flaking on having sex (Now I feel I know why) anyways after we intially started it was protection EVERY single time (per his request) until one night during sex he removed the condom and since then my life has never been the same. I visited the doctors office after having intense pains the weekend following this occurence. He was the only man I was sexually active with when this happened. Upon confrontation, he assured me he had been tested for HSV-2 which I contested after being told that doctors rarely if ever test for this unless a patient has an outbreak or specifically request it. I was ashamed, embarrased, and in pain upon finding out and couldn't speak about it. I couldn't even tell him. He promised he would go get tested and that was that. Well time passed and ALOT of it and I never seen the results or heard him say anything about it. I begin to question myself and wonder was I crazy. I felt dirty and used and like only he COULD or WOULD love me past my disease. I was wrong. God has loved me and my family has loved me beyond any "love" he ever showed. I finally confronted him about the results of the test he said he had done almost a year ago. I was met with much resistance. He became very emotional and defensive through messages and still loving him and believing he loved me continued to hold out hope that he wouldn't do that to me. My close loved ones believed the inevitable that he knew all along, but I refused to let myself believe that. That was until the lies started pouring in. He alleged that he couldn't get me the results because his doctor had to get them for him and he needed an appointment. Mind you he supposedly got tested at the same clinic as me so I did my due diligence in dissecting the allegations. You would have guessed it, there was no need for a doctor or an appointment. The truly sad part was the lady I spoke with in medical records said that all one had to do was call in, get a form faxed to them, and then put the information of the person they wanted them to be released too. She then went on to say that if that wasn't possible then they would just have to come in and sign a form. After she and I hung up, I sat there feeling crazy for even believing what I should have known to be a lie, BUT they kept coming. I started to have emotional breakdowns after my new revelation and I reached out to him (in vain) and in tears because I seriously felt like I couldn't wake up from a living nightmare. He continued his lies after I texted him from work one day calling him out. He told me that they gave him different instructions and that he would check on it. I didn't hear back from him and I lost it. His final lie came in the form of a promised email. I called the clinic and the lady informed me that they don't send emails concerning records. My last to do was to go pick up my 60 capsule bottle of acyclovir and on my way in I met with the lady from medical records who at hearing my voice begin to shake her head from side to side saying, "no". When I inquired why she was doing that she said... "You've called me a few times and I recognize your voice. He hasn't sent any records or even called us about them." She looked as if she felt sorry for me and that changed how I felt about so much. I've never seen that look in a strangers eyes. I got my medicene and left. He has yet to contact me or to send any form of records my way. God's answers are wiser than our prayers. Here I was looking for tangible hardcore evidence in the form of results on paper and what I got was AVOIDANCE, DRAMATICS, and ultimately LIES. My answer came in the form of silence which gave consent to his guilt. Either there were no results or they were positive. That part doesn't even matter to me anymore. I have a long road of healing both physically and mentally ahead of me, but I'll be traveling with God every step of the way. It has been hard, but I needed to write what I was feeling to be able to see what pain looks like. I'm broken, but I'm healed.

"see The Lie Hurst Worst than the Disease" I posted my story twice, my apologies.