NotPerfect714

My blood tests came back positive for HSV1, but negative for HSV2. I now know who gave this to me (he had a wonking cold sore once and strictly refused to let me kiss him). Since I ONLY get OB's genitally (have never had one on my mouth), I would assume he gave it to me that one or two times we had oral sex. I don't blame him since he probably gave it to me unaware and I was too stupid to even know that could happen. Anyway, maybe that's why I've only gotten 3 OB's the past 25 years (up until this year). I hear that HSV1 genitally has fewer OB's. Is that right? Also, maybe lysine will work better for me since it's proven to help cold sores. One can hope anyway.

Okay, well, that doesn't sound pleasant AT ALL. I'm never going to think the same way about q-tips ever again. ;-)

Dang, so if I got just a 'blood test' for HSV 1 and 2, then I won't know for sure which one it is? I was infected over 25 years ago. Does that make a difference?

From what I've read on this forum, it's because the upper lip area is dryer than the genital region. HSV2 likes darker, moister areas to hang out in. I guess that's why cold sores don't happen inside the lining of the mouth. It's usually on the outside where it's relatively dryer. There may be other reasons, but I think this is the main one.

Oh, and another thing. It will be WAY easier to know if you are having an OB on your chin, that's for sure. I hate, hate, that I can't see the dang thing. Especially now that I wear glasses for seeing up close and my twisting ability isn't what it used to be! :-) And this last one was/is inside and there's absolutely no pain. Whatever.

I'm rather new to all this. Been kind of in denial all these years as I've only had 3 outbreaks over 24 years. This year, after menopause though, my body decided to flip out and here I am. Actually, I just did the tests on Thursday and am waiting to see what kind it is. My husband of 25 years (yes, he married knowing full well that I had herpes, but loved me anyway!) does not exhibit any signs of having contracted it from me. He may just be one of the lucky ones not to ever have OB's. He may or may not get tested. As far as having it on your chin, yes that is rare. I would think that HSV2 would not do so well on the face. I hear it likes moister climates. But I'm not an expert on this. You may never get any OB's. How did you think to even get tested if you didn't break out?

From what I'm reading here, it surely wasn't all your fault. I know the feeling, believe me, of blaming it on ourselves. I have beat myself up over and over for 25 years. I, too, was faithful during my marriage to my first husband. Divorced after 8 years and with no STD's, I found myself single and wanting/needing someone to love me. Somewhere along the way I fell into the path of a carrier. I'm not even sure how I got it. But it doesn't matter at this point. And you are right, always ask about STD's; I never did or said something vague like, 'are you okay down there?". I come from the old school in terms of how I feel about all this. I made a choice about having risky sex; I was focused on feelings and so-called happiness. I just never thought H would happen to me. From this forum, I am learning that I need to be easier on myself though. This is, after all, just a skin disease. It's not life-threatening and can be managed. I even plan on telling my best friend one of these days. She has herpes on her lips, which is a more acceptable disease somehow. Are you saying that you now have it on your mouth? Have you been tested for what type?

I'm not the best person to reply, but I felt like maybe I could be of some encouragement. I went for 25 years with only 3 OB's and now that menopause has set in, I've been getting way more. I view these new ones as some sort of challenge that I need to face. I know I've been complacent with my life lately and maybe I needed a wake-up call to face the unknown with more power and conviction. I have to remember that I am not my skin condition and I am not my past. Even if this is an OB for you, it doesn't negate your whole day or your life. Take joy in the things you love today. And be kind to yourself.

She really needs a reality check (and some lessons on manners). The thing is I can see myself in her in some ways. Even though I have the disease (not sure the type yet), I feel the same way about surfaces. I am a germaphobe and it's hard to not want to sanitize everywhere that I touch, especially with an OB going on. My head knows that it's not contagious, but my heart says to do it 'just in case.' Thanks for posting; this has helped me to take my own reality check. :-)

Thanks, seeker, I just double checked my page on the clinic's site and nothing was in my messages, so I wait. I already know it will be one or the other, but there's a tiny part of me that hopes it will come back negative. Ha-ha, like THAT will happen. In reality, I want to take the knowledge of which kind it is and explain to my husband that now he needs to get tested to see if he has it too. I'm sorry that evening sucked for you, but I totally understand. Here's to many better evenings to come!

As you can see from my screen name, I'm somewhat a perfectionist. And it really makes me mad that I have this disease. I've had it for over 25 years with only 3 known break-outs (until this past year, probably due to menopause). One thing I wanted to mention is about condoms. She will be putting her 'perfect' self at great risk if she will never use condoms. And I'm not talking about with just you. If you stay with her, you will be able to take care of her even more than if she went back into the wonderful world of dating. Do you think most guys will be as caring as you are about keeping her negative from this disease? My husband knew I had H (can't get myself to say that word much) when he married me 25 years ago. He was negative for it. To this day, he has NEVER had an OB (and we hardly ever used condoms until recently). That is not to say that he is negative still. It is to say that most people don't even get OB's. From my figuring, it's only 3.4% of the ones who are positive. Her chance of getting cancer are probably higher. So, hold onto her if she loves you and you love her. My husband has not given up on me yet. :-)

Hey, thanks, whitedaisies. And I really do like my 'new' screen name you gave me. Very sweet of you.... I'm going to call the office tomorrow and see what they have to say. I so glad I finally did the test. Somehow, it seems like a step toward reclaiming some control over this thing.

I just had the blood test for both types of H this morning. Anyone know the turnaround time for results? What were your waiting times?

Yes, I have been considering that today. It really could have been my ex. I had to giggle a bit at that thought (evil grin). I mean, HE could have it too. Okay, childish behavior aside, I hope he doesn't have it, but at this point, it matters little. I wanted to add that I am going to get tested on Thursday for both types. I haven't mentioned testing to my husband as I know he will say, 'why bother?' I'll think about that after I know for sure what type I have. Thanks again for the help. Take care.

Thank you, whitedaisies, for the comments. I know there are gray areas in life, but there are definitely black and white ones too. On the other hand, I just did a bit of research on the origin of genital herpes, and was disturbed to see how it was not of much interest to people in general until a certain drug company decided to make it out to be a 'terrible' disease that only their drug could help with. That was one of those black and white things I spoke of. That was immoral of that company. And immoral of Time magazine to push an agenda (like so many other agendas they push) that H was the next Scarlet Letter. Ugh. So, maybe I am making more of a deal out this disease than need be. ;-)

The thing is, Dancer, there is an ultimate higher truth, a set of moral rules. There ARE things that are wrong even if we don't intentionally set out to hurt someone. It's not all about consensual relationships. I get SO tired of hearing that phrase. If we all abandon moral rules/laws, then where will we be? I, too, was with someone at 17, my first love. He was a jerk and used me. I can blame it on me being naive, but the truth is, I succumbed to lust. It's not just about wanting a hug from someone. When we have sex outside of marriage (and I totally understand that when one partner has sex with someone else, that breaks the sanctity of marriage and risks introducing diseases), then we are making a choice, one that can have some pretty bad consequences. Now I just need to learn how to live with H better and get past beating myself up about it all the time. That's the goal anyway.

So, confession is good for the soul. I wonder how many take this secret to the grave? I subscribe to the theory of 4 main types of people. (You can find its most basic form called Four Temperaments on Wikipedia.) I am melancholic. This type of person is very hard on themselves and others. They want perfection in everything. That's why I chose my screen name. I am 'not perfect' in my eyes and it digs at me. This H anchor has been around my neck all these years and now that it's flaring up and showing its ugly head again, I am reminded daily of my stupidity. I was married at 18. My husband took me for granted, and regularly called me a b*tch. I guess I was at times, but it was still his responsibility to love me and that should not have involved calling me names. I never cheated on him, but he did on me (at least once that I know of). We divorced when I was 26 and I then found the wonderful World of Men. They talked nice to me, held doors open for me, and in general, treated me as a person of worth. Somewhere along the way (and I have my suspicions of one man who had a flaming cold sore once) I contracted this disease. I don't think he (if it's who I think it is) did it intentionally because he kept me far away from him when he did have that sore show up. The thing is it had been a good 2 years after him before I even saw my 'first' OB. Now, I'm wondering, since it can be inside the labia, if I had it before then and didn't even know it. I watched that video just now and when she said those 3 words, I started to sob. She is such a beautiful woman and I can tell, she's probably the same type of person as me, demanding perfection. Just look at her hair. That's some perfect hair! After she said it, I started looking at her differently. I thought of her struggle all this time, of my struggle, and felt a connection. We all do hide things. My best friend does not know of what I've gone through. She gets cold sores. It seems 'okay' to the world; nasty looking, but acceptable because it's caused by just kissing someone. More like, 'poor her' to have that happen. But with the other type, the type 'down there,' it's viewed as the woman being loose and I WAS loose when I got this. That's what digs at me. One thing, I do know that if my 1st husband had been good to me or even tried to keep me as his wife, I would never have left him. He gave up so easily. I think my healing will only come when I focus on the choices he made too. I do not subscribe to no one being to blame. There is always a choice in se*ual relations (other than rape, of course). I am from the old way of thinking. We must all take responsibility for our actions; H is not just something that randomly happens to people. The fact remains if I hadn't had relations outside of marriage, I would not be in this situation. Enough spilling my guts for the day; it's exhausting. :-)

No, it wasn't after I was married. I have never been with anyone else after my husband came into my life. It was before I knew him. I will see if he wants to be tested (I doubt it, but will ask him). I will do the test soon for myself. Once I grow some thicker skin (or get some therapy it seems), I will maybe be back with other questions. Spilling my guts isn't something I do often. Now I know why.

I needed to hear that. Thank you for indulging me. As for dying on contact, I have heard anywhere from 3 seconds to 13 hours. Edit: Ha-ha, thank you Adrial. I will look into that article.

Okay, I craft....crochet, knit, stuff like that. I know the answer to this question, but I have to ask it anyway. Is there any way I could pass H on to someone via something I made. I would love to make hats to give to people's babies, but I just don't know for sure if I should.

Oh, but I did do something wrong and I can't seem to forgive myself. That's where I have a big problem with all this. I love to beat myself up about it. Even 26 years later. And yes, my husband has been with me this whole time. We had unprotected sex for 20 of those years. He's never had an issue, but I know many people never show symptoms. He just came home and was very sweet about the whole thing. He thinks it's no big deal, but I don't see it that way. It's my body that hurts about 50% of the time and I am the one who feels gross and wash my hands until they also hurt. I am just po'd at myself all the time. I guess I have to learn to forgive ME for what happened.

I am a 55 yo woman. I contracted Herpes (not sure which kind) about 26 years ago. I do not know who gave it to me since it did not show up right away (it's a toss up between two individuals). Anyway, that really doesn't matter at this point. I met my husband right after I got the first lesion. He did not have H or did not know he did. To this day, he does not show any signs of which I am very thankful. As for me, I only had 3 OB's that I knew of the first 25 years. Last April, I got a nasty one that lasted 2 weeks or more. Right after that I started having pain off and on every other week, but never could feel or see anything. I finally just went to the doctor today and she found 4 active lesions. What joy. So, she gave me a prescription to heal them faster and said there is something that I can take FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE which will stop them from being so bad. I didn't even know I had these as they are high up and not on the outside. I really hate the idea of taking medication like that, but maybe I should? My husband and I have been using condoms ever since last April when there was that bad one. I don't want him to even touch me down there as I am afraid he might rub his eyes or something. I would rather not even have relations at all. Now I have to tell him tonight that all this past year, I probably had something going on the whole time. And I will tell him that I want to take a break from se*. He will understand, but won't be very happy about it. I also need to know if I should be tested to see what kind I have, 1 or 2. Any advantage in that? And should I take medication to ward off any more attacks or are there better things I can do to for self help? Or maybe something to do for self LOVE? I'm not liking myself much right now.