sunshinegal

Thank you both for your advice. I told him already and am now waiting to see how he handles it. I am sorry to hear that Bambino3. Good luck with your disclosure *hug*

Hello, I disclosed to the guy I have been seeing 2 nights ago. He took it well and has been fine since. We both are very busy (he's a full-time student in his last year and part-time dad and I work 2 jobs) and haven't seen each other since I disclosed. After I disclosed, he stayed physically present (touch is very powerful to me) and asked questions, mainly about HSV-1 (which I don't have) and how he wouldn't get HSV-2. I told him I was on Valtrex and as long as we used condoms and dental dams, he had a very slim chance of catching it. He said his sister and 2 children had H (I didn't ask which) and then didn't go any further with it. He stayed for 5 more hours, we kissed and made out alot. So it all seems to be very good and he has been in contact with me every since. I am writing this however, buecasue I am not okay. I keep thinking he is going to change his mind and leave. While I logically know that if he does leave, then obviously he isn't for me, it doesn't help. I am worried about him doing research on his own and finding the bad/negative information instead of the scientific ones. I didn't offer any websites or information because we got sidetracked on discussing his family and the guy I received it from. Should I send him links uninvited or just wait for questions to arise? I disclosed rather quickly (2 weeks) into seeing each other but I am not the type of person who can keep a secret about myself from someone I could see a future with. I don't know if I did the right thing. I am hoping that it will all be okay but now I don't know. I am second guessing myself at every turn and creating a lot of stress for myself. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the post-disclosure thoughts?

Hi 2Legit2Quit, Thanks for the advice. However I have already told him. He took it well and I felt supported during the telling. I usually don't tell people I have met but I just couldn't in good conscience keep going without telling him. It just felt like I was hiding a huge part of who I am from him. I don't know if I did the right thing or not but at least I can know I let him know. How long would one usually wait..3 weeks, 1 or 2 months? I don't know how to go that long without disclosing. I feel as though it is always there, sitting in the back of my mind, a third person trying to get involved in my life. I have been feeling that way in deciding to disclose with my friends as well.

Thank you so much for sharing! What a great story and a wonderful conclusion.

Hi, I have been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks. We have been on 6 dates, each about 4-12 hours long. He is kind, supportive, and thinks I am amazing. I am starting to fall for him and am going to disclose to him tomorrow (Sat) night on our 7th date before I get too attached. I am so scared he isn't going to be brave enough to handle this. We had been talking on one of our dates and he mentioned that one of his deal breakers was STDs or sickness. When I was quiet in response, he qualified with well it does depend on the person. So based on that statement, I am so scared he is going to reject me. I know that I shouldn't want someone who would reject someone based purely on H. I have read up on it here and on other websites. I know that the person I will be meant to be with will be able to see beyond H and love and support me, no matter what. However, this guy...for the first time, I have met someone who seemingly has the same values, goals, dreams as me. I just don't want him to change how he views me. What advice does anyone have? I was going to tell him I had a story to tell him. I was then going to tell him when I was 32, I got in a relationship with a man who I thought I could trust. It turned out I couldn't and now I have Herpes. I was going to tell him that since then, I have been in 2 healthy sexual relationships and then stop. I don't want to overwhelm him right off the bat and give him time to process. He really wants kids so I have been doing research on that so I can answer his questions. What are some questions people have been asked when they have disclosed on any topic? I have disclosed 2 times before and both times, the guys just hugged me and told me it was going to be okay. So I have been blessed in my prior disclosures. But there is something about this guy that I just click with and see potential of a lasting relationship, hence the scared and helpless feeling I am getting. I am just so scared.

Wonderful!!! Thank you!!

Thank you all so much for the love and support!!! It feels so nice to have finally found somewhere that understands what this is like AND to find others who have gone through similar, if I may, horrors. The guy who gave me this....it just kills me he is still around. And dating. We met online and there has been a part of me that wants to warn all the women...I know he is dating as I live in an incredibly small community...and if it werent for the fact he has two daughters (who I fell more in love with than with him), I probably would have made a bigger deal. The worst part, as if there really is just one part, is I haven't told my family and, while they are happy we arent together, when I start to talk about him, say he wasn't that bad of a guy, just the wrong guy for me....and I want to tell them how he hurt and ruined me...but I can't... As far as the guy I am with currently, we do do other things but none of the actual intercourse. He also has his share of sexual issues. I am still with him, not because I am scared of not finding acceptance, but because he gets me in a way no one else has. He has had a vasectomy (but has expressed he would want more kids) but with my diagnosis, I am not even sure that I want kids anymore. It seems like it would be so much work and fear around passing it onto my baby is terrifying to me. @seeker, thank you for the male perspective. I really appreciate it. @willow, @LookingForAlaska, and @WCSDancer2010, I am really glad to be here and for your support... Thank you!! *hug*

Hello, My herpes story...just typing those words makes me cringe inside. I had been married for about 9 years, divorced when he decided he didn't want to have kids. After that, I would only date guys who said they wanted to have kids. About 3 years later, (April 2013) I met the man who would change my life forever. He said he wanted to have kids. He lied and gave me herpes instead. He didn't tell me he had it and had unprotected sex with me. When I developed what I thougth was a yeast infection or a ingrown hair a week later and I told him I was going to go to the doctor to get medicine, he informed me he had HSV 2. He had previously infected his gf before me and that is how he knew. I went into the doctor in complete denial. This wouldn't happen to me. I was the "good girl". My doctor (who I have been seeing for 5 years) didn't even need to swab. She just looked at me and apoligized. At that moment, my entire world fell apart. When I called him to tell him the results, he started to cry and somehow, I ended up taking care of him, which was to be the story of the next 2 months until he cheated on me with another woman. Since then, I have been trying to figure out how to handle my emotions. I am on the anitvirals everyday and have had about 5 outbreaks since the initial 3 which darn near did me in. I told everyone I had the flu and stayed home, hiding in my apartment, because how do you tell the world you were stupid and should've known better? I now have told 5 of my closest friends and am dating (for over a year) an incredibly understanding guy but who hasn't had sex with me, no matter how many stats I give him. i spend most of my days being able to forget my life will forever be different but every now and then, something will happen (a joke about herpes will be made) and I die inside all over again. I feel alone and isolated. I try to talk to my guy about it but it is so hard because I am still so ashamed. While I know it was the guy's responsibility to have told me he had herpes, why didn't I insist he put a condom on (even though I now know it wouldn't really had made a difference)? How much of this is my fault? Thank you for your time.