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  1. Today I was reading a Men's Health magazine (Tim mcgraw was on the cover and I was interested lol) and they had this article called dating deal breakers or something like that. Well surprise surprise, there was one subline that said 'her STD rhymes with burpees' and im thinking theyre totally just going to say ditch her, dont deal with that. To my surprise, however, they actually had a nice little blurb on it. Ill quote a little of the article. "Consider this: Genital herpes is more common than you think it, it roughly affects one in six people. But hey she got tested and was honest with you. Its a great indicator of her maturity. " they go on to tell more FACTS about decreasing transmission. "Wrong move: making hasty assumptions about her pastm 'people have this mistaken idea that if you get an STD you must have been promiscuous. In reality most people have the same level of risk." I just had to share that with all of you because I was just so happy to see something positive about herpes in media for once!! Its great to see some facts instead of jokes and horror stories. Thats all :)
  2. Just curious if anyone else has experienced this....whenever I am about to get an outbreak I noticed I have weird red bumps on random spots on my body. When I got my first outbreak I had a TON all over my legs but more like my calf/ankle area. They look like ingrown hairs sort of...a red zit but with no head. Most recently its on my side hip area but just one...im wondering if they're part of thr outbreak or what? Anyone else experience this?
  3. Thanks guys! It was a rough few days but imnso happy im out in the open w him now! @wcsdancer yes I did tell him where to go because I know the places I ran into when I did my research... @beachluvr like wcsdancer said just do it. Its always so nerve racking leading up to it, I hate that part the most. But my process is to write it down so I can get a general gist of what im gonna say..like u said half of it doesn't end up in the conversation, but I get the point across. I tell my friends so that way I feel like I need to have this talk today and they'll hold me accountable for it. I picture it in my head going both ways so im prepared for whatever comes. But I think the most important thing about the talk is to make it come from the heart. I mean you're bearing a piece of you to someone, so it should be very vulnerable.... which is so scary but if they can't accept that piece how are they ever gonna deal w anything else that goes along w you? Good luck with your talk I hope it goes well for you! Its the scariest thing ever but its also very empowering as well. Let us know how it goes :)
  4. I had the herpes disclosure just now and i just wanted to share with everyone my first ever success!!! Id been dreading it all damn day, just freaking out and thinking the worst, like im never going to talk to him again... but it went well. Here's the back story...I meet this guy online, we have this great connection and he's fun to hang out with, the calmest guy Ive ever met in my life. We really hit it off and like pretty much hung out every otehr day since weve met. Well Ive been trying to take things slow and not get super attatched because the last guy I dated, I disclosed to him and he was coool with it and everything seemed great, but he changed his mind after a day. So i wasnt getting too caught up into it like I normally do. This last week I was like ok Ithink I need to tell him, but was so on the fence about it, like maybe he wont take it well. So we stupidly hook up and Im freaking out now...like great, you meet this great guy and youve already ruined it. Ive done this once before and ISWORE I would never do it again, because it makes the convo three trillion times harder, but here I am again... So im beating myself up and finally am like ok you just gotta tell him and whether it works or not, you just need to start being more honest and open. SOoo tonight, we go to a basketball game and I tell him when he drops me off at my house..had this whole speech prepared, and rehearsed, but of course it comes out half as long and with a lot more ums and uhs and sighs. I got it out though and I actually didn't cry at all, like I was wanting to, but this was a first of not crying. Woot. He was perfectly calm after I told him and said ok, we'll figure it out as we go!! I was sooo shocked, huh are you sure? He says, yeah i mean whats done is done and we cant take it back, so I'll research a little more and we'll just figure it out. I was like alright...wow. He asks whatd you think I would just flip out and kick you out of my car? Well yeah, you never know how people will react to it. Then he assures me that he likes me a lot thats why hes been spending so much time with me and he was even sweet enough to ask if theres anything he could do? I am just sooo ecstatic that it actually went well for once. I just hope it continues this way! Just cant express how proud i am that I did it in a positive light and didnt cry and it actually came out ok. Thanks guys for everything, Ive been trolling this site for the past couple of days to get motivation and inspiration from everyone here. It always helps to hear everyone elses experience with herpes!!
  5. I wanted to say that I was like the both of you too. Except his was on his lip, and I was like oh thats definitely a cold sore. But didnt put two and two together when I let him go down on me. Like oh I can get herpes from a coldsore...even though I knew. I feel like herpes is so tricky since it looks pretty much like a zit or an ingrown hair or a number of things. And i remember always thinking before that oh ill be able to recognize if someone has an std or theyll tell me. Until I got herpes I didnt realize how very wrong I was...and I know im not the only one who thought/thinks that way which is so scary.
  6. Sometimes its hard for me to look at the big picture and not get caught up in the details. I know that if it doesnt work out that its meant to be that way but its hard not to get sad over it. Ugh I know im setting myself up for failure with my thinking, but sometimes I just would rather be pleasantly surprised than severely disappointed. Ahh..im so scared. I am just gonna reread what ive wrote so I can stick to what I wanna say. Thanks for the links WCS! And damn OBs always come when im freaking out about them and nothing else. So strange, its like they can hear me lol jk
  7. Having the herpes talk.....yet again. The last time I did It went good then he changed his mind after a day. This is a new guy and I need to remember that theyre not the same person. Today im going to try to spin it off positively and see how it works. Ughh I hate getting prepped for these and usually bail on doing it...but I have to do this today and just need a lot of confidence building because I only see it going badly. Although I want it to go well and will hope for the best, I just havent had a totally successful talk yet. I hate this. Ugh and just got an outbreak today what are the chances of that?
  8. In the past, it was usually time to disclose when I had a feeling we were close to having sex...not right before sex, but like i knew it would be coming up in the next date or so. And like I said, it's usually the sex comes first and then the relationship, never the other way around...which is dumb but Im just telling like it is. I guess it is determined by how emotionally close I feel with them, if a good opportunity comes up of me telling them I need to have a talk with them, or something along those lines. In the past opportune times just happened to come up, but I never was in a relationship with them. The only reason Im freaking out(other than the obvious reason) is because I'm almost 90% positive that he's gonna ask me out Monday and I feel like I can't say yes until I tell him about my herpes! I feel like thatd be a good time to tell him, but I feel kinda shitty doing it then... ughhh idk!!! I definitely have the feeling that I WANT to tell him, but again Im nervous for fear of rejection and also just don't know how to bring it up. I would love to hear your fail proof way of knowing the time to disclose Adrial!
  9. So like most of the posts I have, they usually start off with Im seeing this guy and it's starting to get serious. He doesn't know I have herpes yet, and yes I want to tell him, i just have no clue when I should. Unlike most of my situations, we haven't been anywhere near having sex, so it hasn't come up. I have this feeling a relationship is going to happen first before having sex, which is totally fine and really ideal, but Im just scared that if we're in a relationship first and I wait to tell him it might go badly. I just have no clue how to bring it up!!! It's just so hard, I feel like every time I disclose, it's a new situation. I would appreciate any advice :)
  10. Rogue: I am glad you were inspired by this. :) I can relate with your mother situation, my parents are really close to me and I want to let them into my life and feel all I am feeling. It's hard when they won't acknowledge, this HUGE part of me. You're right though, they probably are just not knowing how to react to it. I know my parents mean well and only want to watch what theyre saying in order to keep from offending me. But sometimes I just wish theyd ask or talk about it with me. i know I definitely feel like all that shapes me to be a better parent. I feel like if I had someone to talk to about all my feelings, none of this would've happened in the first place...or maybe it would have who knows. Feel free to talk to me about it any time, I am very open about it and would love someone to talk to about it as well. lulu: I know exactly what you are getting at. That's exactly what I fear and why I haven't told the rest of my family yet. I just want to be honest and open with them and hopefully they have a better reaction to it...or even just helps me in my journey to telling people. It's still hard, I have not told anyone who I haven't been intimate with since my two best friends...when I first found out a year ago.
  11. I don't think this makes you immoral or distrustful at all. The fact that you told him before even putting him at risk is AWESOME! Shows you have integrity! It's really scary to disclose ANYTHING to anyone. Like lulu said its your timetable, and you werent putting him at risk, so it was up to you when to disclose. I feel like to be perfectly honest with him from here on out is the best thing to do. If he allows. I mean if he wasn't willing to stick around and here your side of the story maybe he wasn't the man for you? Thats the way I always look at it. Good luck I hope everything turns out ok! Keep your head up!
  12. Listening to this John Mayer song, Say, the lyrics always pop into my head whenever I am about to disclose to someone. "Even if your hands are shaking And your faith is broken Even as the eyes are closing Do it with a heart wide open Say what you need to say" It's like he wrote the song for that reason or at least I pretend he did. hehe. It just gets me thinking though, i need to say what i need to say. It's just a skin condition, they're just words, why is it so hard to disclose. Once it's out there and said it's not as scary! It's just the initial saying it and bringing it up, but how much better would life be if everyone quit playing games and were real down-to-earth people. I tend to respect people who are real, who are raw, honest and vulnerable. It's hard to be that way, it takes real strength to admit to your faults and be who you TRULY are. Then why do we spend so much time trying to cover that up and lie to ourselves? Myself included, these are things I constantly have to remind myself. I have just had a lot on my mind lately. I have been debating on telling the rest of my family I have herpes...which is like so scary to me. When I found out, I only told my parents and they haven't really had a reaction about it to this day. They just kind of ignore it and tip toe around it...which I guess is fine, but just really frustrating because I want someone that Im really close to, to talk about it and not act like it's such a tragedy. Id almost rather have them be unsupportive sometimes. I'm just worried that my siblings will be unsupportive...especially my brother, he's the biggest concern. I am closest to him in age and we were best friends for awhile. We've really drifted apart for awhile and recently have been getting closer, but I am so scared he will say something dumb to make me mad or tell his friends or be really judgemental. I know he's my brother and everything, but he's also kind of a jackass. haha. I just haven't found the courage to tell any of my siblings, it's almost harder to tell them than a potential partner, because if I didn't tell them they would most likely never find out. Scary stuff. ALso to go along with saying what I need to say, I have been thinking a lot about this guy from my past. Back when I was in high school I met some guy who changed my life in such a small amount of time, but I honestly will never forget him. He was my very first and, until i got herpes, only encounter with anyone with an STD. He was very honest with me, told me like 2nd time we ever talked that he had HPV. I remember being so freaked out, but he was literally the coolest guy, only guy I could have an all night conversation with. We related so much and I liked him a ton, but i just remember being so judgemental about his condition and really debating not continuing ever talking to him again. I did of course because he didn't "bring it on himself" he was blacked out and raped. I think about him all the time now, like how he must of felt telling me all of that and how scary it was. Im just amazed how honest he was from the start and how awful I was for ever thinking that. And I think that is why I have such a hard time disclosing, because I know how it felt to be on the other end, receiving a disclosure. I have also been thinking that I wish there was some way I could contact him so I could apologize and really tell him how much I respect him for having so much honesty and integrity. Even at 17, he had more honesty and integrity than I will ever have and I aspire to be more like that. I guess this is my public apology to him. ANyways, sorry for the length of this and the rambling, just had to put it all out there :)
  13. I could cry from this post. I relate soooo much to all of what you have said. Thank you for posting this, I definitely needed to hear something like this today :)
  14. I know that is what is upsetting me! I think we're saying the same thing, just not realizing it lol I know Im upset because of my low self esteem, been a problem all my life. All I'm saying is that it is magnified by like 100 when it comes to herpes and 100 more when it comes to relationships and 30000000000000000 times more when the two are combined. Im saying I always have low self esteem, and i try to build myself back up, but then things set me back. I understand the root of all the problems, i get it. I know what's wrong with me, I'm just trying to sort through the feelings I have associated with this particular problem. I like to talk my emotions out and things seem a lot clearer to me when i can write them out. I don't believe people need all this self help sometimes, i just believe all you need is a listening ear and someone to understand where you are coming from. But thanks for debating with me James its been fun!
  15. Well Im not a last resort, and I know that nor should i be treated like one. I know I am NOT i just feel hurt he would even trick me like that. I understand your point that I'm only feeling this way because of me. but going with your example, your mom tells you that you're a handsome son everyday, but when someone tells you otherwise-you have a fat ass-of course you're going to be upset...doesnt mean you are a fat ass,but you're still going to be upset over it. thats just what im saying, of course im not a last resort, but im hurt anyone would think so. And i was writing all this in anger and frustration and im going to be more dramatic and say im all these things, but thats not truly what i believe. More upset in particular that this guy would think im a last resort...because at one point i was a first pick for him. Im not going to play the literal game where, oh yes he tried to get with other girls before me, because thats not the point!!!! Its the way he made me feel...and i know i am in control of how i feel, not him, but you can't deny that other people do affect the way you feel. I know it's only up to me to control how much i let it affect me, but I'm a guarded person and when someone who I've completely let my walls come down with, hurts me....well I have a harder time controlling how much they affect me. PLUS to throw herpes all into the mix, i am still dealing with it and the lack of confidence it gives me when it comes to dating. and trying to get over the stigma of it all and brush it off like its nothing.Then it is just made a million times harder when someone is rejecting me because of herpes and then doing it all over again. I just feel hopeless and i know i shouldnt, but when you're knocked down repeatedly it's really hard to want to get back up. or put yourself out there...it takes a strong person and Im not quite there yet. The core of it, I am upset I let myself believe he wanted me back when really he just wanted to tell me how much i fucked up his life. I am upset he quit talking to me over herpes I am upset he used me for sex when I thought we were headed in the direction of a relationship I am upset over how I let emotions get the best of me and let him hurt me....again. I am upset herpes has an effect on my dating life because it shouldnt.
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