domh21

So I just wanted to share this article with you all. A friend of mine who also has H shared it with me. It's nice to hear and read about real people discussing the reality. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/q-and-a/a30090/sex-talk-realness-living-and-dating-with-an-sti/

I went to therapy a few months after. I actually really needed it before for past issues and emotional trauma. I went with the sole reason of trying to cope with my diagnosis and the trauma of the relationship I was in.I started with a support group for depression and anxiety and it helped me so much and I have been meeting with a therapist regularly since. It's been 2 years now. Therapy helped me in so many ways to grow as a better and healthier person holistically. I love it!!

Dear brokenbuthealed wow! you're story is a lot like mine almost. You got your answer the same way i did. Well welcome!! I am happy to read how much you have leaned on God, he will get you through and love you like no other. It is great to hear how much you realized how loved you are. You are amazing and so loved. You are coming out of this so much stronger already. It only gets better. I'm coming up on two years and my life with H has only gotten better. that H to me means Happiness, Healing, Heart...you are a beautiful person. I get that from you already. Glad you have joined and glad I logged on today. I haven't logged on in awhile. Hugs

I completely agree with misskellyrenee and love the making H your wingman It's true. I think I overlooked people not being there for me in crisis but having H made me open my eyes even more. It wasn't the mere fact of having H but it could be any hard time you are facing and these people pull excuses and or leave because they just can't be there for you. Also maybe we could find a cool new name for you because honey you are not damaged goods even if that's how you feel. We have all felt that way but nope you are definitely not you are pretty amazing :)

So I haven't posted in a while or checked in. All is going well, life is great and I rarely think about H at all. Anyways, I was reading another article today on huffington post and saw this link and thought I would share. I was happy to see this. This is only as big as we make it. If you're struggling know you are not alone and that it does get better!! Life is beautiful!! http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/highlight/pro-gun-robocall-went-out-day-after-mass-shooting/5384a973fe344460610002dc

This is awesome!! I am sharing this because this can apply to how we approach our difficult conversations including how we disclose! "All a closet is, is a difficult conversation." Ash Beckham is awesome. She also happens to be gay, and she thinks it's hard for straight people coming out of the closet. At 2:30, she gently confronts a 4-year-old. At 3:30, she explains how hard it is for straight people to come out of the closet. At 7:53, she makes a hard decision. And at 8:56, she shares three rules about pancakes and life that you should follow. http://www.upworthy.com/a-4-year-old-girl-asked-a-lesbian-if-shes-a-boy-she-responded-the-awesomest-way-possible

I've told almost 20 people and whole they were just friends and family or coworkers not romantic partners no one has rejected me it's quite the opposite I know how you feel I couldn't imagine telling anyone after I left the doctor I didn't even want to go home A year later I'm here I'm ok. Yes I still have down times like this. But it passes Actually a few months after my diagnosis a friend of mine wound up having HSV2 also. And she shared her mom has had it forever. My point is though it feels like you can never tell anyone you can do it. Think about it don't you wish someone had told you? Don't you wish someone had been honest with you that they cared or respected you enough to tell you? That's just my perspective. There are instances where people honestly don't know but in the case that they did know and were dishonest Keep posting were all here for you both

First, welcome to this site. Thank you for sharing your story and your feelings. Second, I would say do not accept something that you do not even know you have yet. You may be fine. You may have it. There is no answer yet. Yes, she should have been up front with you. You would hope people would be upfront. I hoped the person I was with was being up front but the reality as you spoke of is that there is a stigma here. And I'm sure Laura, not telling you probably felt ashamed in some way. She wanted to be "normal" she wanted to be intimate with you. I am not excusing her not disclosing. However, you also mentioned that Kari has been having multiple partners, here is the trippy thing. You may or may not have been exposed to HSV2 by either one if not both partners. Herpes is one of those viruses that you may not ever be able to pinpoint who you received it from. I know how you feel. This is how many of us felt in the early stages. We want to know more, we are scared, confused and feel guilty and anger. There are so many feelings, emotions and thoughts. My first advice, first get your results. Also, be careful online. There is a lot of bogus info out there. A lot of things will scare you. There are handouts here on the blog that can tell you more. And I'm sure Adrial will chime in with great info and advice. I have had HSV2 for one year now and I'm ok. I am living. I am happy. Not to say that it wasn't devastating or that it isn't difficult to figure out how I'm gonna carry out my romantic life now but for me it's not the worst thing that could happen. I hope that you get some answers soon. We're all here to listen and talk.

Not sure about the blood test, as live culture is best method. However, if it turns out it's not herpes my friend had molluscum which causes bumps too. Not sure. Hope you guys get some answers soon.

Adrial you always have the best metaphors. I can close my eyes and envision that wine haha Thank you!! Love you!!

It's been a while since I've posted or been to the H opportunity site. Yesterday was my anniversary of when I found out I had H. I have been living with my wonderful gift of H or as my bff calls it, "my spidey sense" lol When I'm not feeling well or feeling prodrome, she asks if my spidey sense is tingling lol She is one of the most amazing people and one of the reasons I am happy to announce my anniversary. I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to turn this supposed "negative" thing into a totally "positive" thing. To those of you who are new, whether newly diagnosed or new to the site, welcome. Let me just encourage and remind you that you are alive and life is well worth living. In this past year I have blossomed. I went from wanting my life to end to fully embracing life and all it's tumultuous twists and turns. I am completely happy that H put an end to a relationship that needed to end. It put an end to self inflicted hurt and pain and sadness. These things still exist in life and life's obstacles still exist. However, I know now that H is just a pebble in my shoe in comparison to the things I've seen others go through. The first 3-6 weeks were hell for me. I felt everything in my body. I didn't want to eat certain things. I thought I was a walking herpe ready to explode everywhere. I feared everything. Then it got a little better. Than I digressed and so on and so on. I have disclosed to 20 or so people. People I know I can trust, both male and female. They include family, friends, coworkers, other colleagues, etc. I know that sounds like a lot. Each time I breathed a sigh of relief when they didn't bat an eye or judge. No one has rejected me or made me feel like crap. It is always my own perceptions of this virus and further more my own perceptions and insecurities that are bigger than the love people have for me. I have not yet disclosed to an intimate partner or romantic interest. I have gone a whole year not having sex, a huge thing for me. That is partly because of fear, partly because I choose to be with myself. I didn't think I could over come these things. H has forced me to look deeply into the mirror and stop. I have stopped to love myself, accept myself. I had to stop the noises, the world, the outside influences and be in the still. It's been a struggle. I have been in therapy. I have needed it so much. Not so much because of H but more because I have been living broken for so long. I fell in love, head over heels when I was 19 and I never looked back. When he let me go, I refused to let us go. I never let him go and in the lulls between our arguments and divisions I dated and met other men. I tried to start other relationships. When I pushed those away or they didn't work out I always ran back to him and him to me. Then I found out I had H, I believe from him but then again as we know that might not be. That was it. It ended. We argued. And I just had to close the door. A year later here I am. I can say that I am over that person. They are not who I fell in love with. I felt so abandoned by him. I still bump into him in the street and we are like strangers. He has a new woman in his life. I wonder if he is just as dishonest but quickly need to remind myself it is not my business anymore. I have stopped crying from pain, from the hole in my heart. If I cry it is from the pure happiness and love I have. I have a new outlook on life. I have overcome something that was supposed to destroy me. I overcame something I believed made me so unlovable. The only truth is we are as loved as WE want to be. While I still wonder if Mr. Right is out there, it is not what defines me. This has helped me to love myself and in turn be compassionate and loving toward others. I cannot judge anyone because everyone is carrying some burden, perhaps even worse than ours. I am like a brand new baby, born into a new world, curious about every little smell, taste, touch, experience. Am I scared? yes!! Does H suck sometimes?? Hell yes. Though I might not have it as bad as some, it still sucks, but it sucks just as much as acne, or my dry skin or the flu or anything else in life that sucks. How I deal with it, how I see it is what makes or breaks me. I have seen people suffer far much worse in losing loved ones, losing limbs, etc. They seem to keep going, they are strong, they find the will to go above and beyond. So why can't we?? We are no different. I am forever indebted to Adrial for creating this place, this safe haven for us to learn our value and how to live and love again. There is so much life worth living. Though one person left and rejected me, there have been many who have embraced me and in turn shared their secrets with me. It has been a beautiful journey. The journey is only beginning. As I look forward to the fall, to seasons changing, to turning 30, to weddings, to babies, to everything, I can't help but smile from ear to ear. My smile is so huge. If you are having a bad day please know that I am sending you my love and embrace. The dark will pass. You will get through this time and the next and the next. Before you know it you will wonder where the year went. Please love you, please take care of you and please share you with everyone. You are special and whoever doesn't want a piece of that pie well they aren't supposed to be in your life. Relish the moments you have in this life. Thank you for allowing me to share this long story with you and be part of such an amazing opportunity. Lots of love and life to you all!!

Has anyone heard of the Whisper app?? It's so cool. It's similar to the concept of the book PostSecret: Extraordinary Confessions from Ordinary Lives (PostSecret). You post anonymously your secrets. The app gives you random user name and you are able to post your secrets like instagram but anonymous. My friend told me about it yesterday. So maybe...those of us who are having trouble disclosing or just having some secret would find this cathartic. I just downloaded it. It's pretty interesting. http://whisper.sh

Hello Everyone. I hope you're all having a good day and if you're not I hope you are now with this happy greeting!! I know we all have had our days and especially with herpes and without it and as we are going through it. A recurring theme or thought I should say is that because we might get rejected by friends or lovers etc. we are unworthy. Because we are rejected because of herpes we are not worthy of love. That is just not true. The people and the person who is not right for you will focus only on that "flaw" and not look at the entire amazing person you are. I have been following this motivational speaker Trent Shelton. He does come from a spiritual perspective and emphasizes God. For me that is big. My point in sharing this particular video with you all is that the heart that is meant for us, meant to love us will love and accept us... all of us. Herpes will not be a big deal, it won't be a defining factor. If someone rejects us that's their issue. We are worth loving. Hope you like this video. Have an amazing day!!!

Nigella everyone is different. I really don't have a problem eating nuts. For me it's kind of trial and error. I had read all nuts and peanut butter. But I have not had a problem. I used to not eat them. I would eat popcorn or peanut butter and be waiting for some H to come out and nothing. It was all in my head. Information is great but sometimes it makes us more paranoid.

Pacific yes I think he prides himself on his sexual nature. How good he is in bed and his physique but deep down inside is masking his insecurities about his own disability. Newlife2013 that sounds like an awesome game I totally am down to play!! It is time to take my power and strength back!! Thank you both!!

James81 you are right there's a lot of suffering in this world and most of those people are resilient. It helps to think if the bigger picture. This is not so bad. Pacific thank you!! I can totally relate to your feelings. It is rejection. He rejected me a lot. He went after other women so it really wasn't H he was gonna be with someone else regardless and now he is. Every time I see him it brings back that disgusted look he gave me. How he fell off the face of the earth when I told him. He's the only one who ever made me feel bad about having H. But people have said that might have been his guilt cuz he knows it is him. And that probably is why he won't face me. Who knows but my feelings stem from his rejection and judgment and the fear of who he is telling, I can't trust him. Hopefully I can be free of these feelings soon. Thanks for reading and responding!!

Hi everyone I haven't checked in awhile. Things have been going great. I feel back to normal whatever normal is hahaha But recently I'm going back into depression. It has to do with who I think is my giver. Short summary bad on and off relationship. I believe he either knows he has and is in denial or never got tested and lied about it. Either way that's the jest. Anyways I know he's with a new girl and he's all happy and doing above and beyond for her. I try not to let it get to me but I can't help but feel damaged. Our relationship was over long before I got H and well he stopped loving me before that more like just wasting time with me. I still loved him. Anyways H was the end all of our connection. It's been a good 7 months since we made an effort to see each other and speak. But I am constantly running into him as we live close by. It sucks. And he even drives by my house like almost on purpose to upset me. We don't speak. In fact he acts like he doesn't even know me. Well Sunday we both wound up at the same car wash. I wanted to leave. I wanted to run and hide. But I didn't I purposely parked across from him. I acted like I didn't see him and he didn't matter. Inside I was trembling. It took all I had. And he said nothing, he didn't come up to my and I didn't go to him. He just stared. But it was like as if saying I"m nothing maybe that's just in my head. It's driving me crazy. I know I don't want him back. But it's just driving me nuts like am I truly nothing? Why do I feel ashamed. I am seeing a therapist for my depression and it's helped tremendously. She says I have PTSD from this relationship. Can you imagine that? Whenever I see him I start shaking and I break down it's awful. I just want to be over this. I know with H it does no good to blame and to want to figure out who and why you got this. I'm not even so upset about it anymore it's like whatever but when it comes to this guy it's like I'm terrified. He knows this thing about me, something so private and I can't trust him. Like I don't know what he's saying about me. I hate that he even knows. ANd he's just out there doing his shit. He's all in love and with a new girl. A young ass girl too. I just have all these crazy emotions and I can't stand it. There's no closure. I know I have to give it to myself but I'm struggling. Anyone ever felt the same or been in the same situation? Any help?

Renee I think it's a little of both which is so scary. We are kind of on our own in navigating this which sucks because even though it's not terminal it is important and it is life changing. There needs to be more info given to the world especially the medical world at large.

So I follow this blog Girls Guide To and I reposted their picture It says "The past is just a story and once you realize this it has no power over you!" YOu can follow the link below to see it it's the second picture. Though it says Girls Guide To this blog has a lot of motivational and informative posts. My point is our past including H i just that!! a story. It's a chapter in the story of our lives and our lives are far from over!! Daily Distraction: From yummy recipes, to perfect spring outfits and fitness advice, these are our favorite pins of the week! http://girlsguideto.com/articles/top-10-pins-of-the-week--7 sending lots of love and light

Adrial I'm so stoked my doctor and his nurse were asking me questions about herpes more his nurse anyways they totally took the handouts and posters and were so happy to have that info to share with people. They were excited about the opportunity and happy for me. I felt so good today. This was huge today!!!

Thank you sayyywhatt, leilani and Adrial!! I am feeling so much better. I am allowing myself to feel what I feel and I move on from there. I have taken the opportunity to go to therapy and I love my therapist. I told her about my Herpes and she disclosed she had HPV. It was an amazing bonding moment. She is so awesome. I feel the healing so much right now. Thank you guys for reminding me life is still good!! xoxo

Well it's been 7 months into this journey with H. I thought I was alone at first. Then I stumbled upon this site and realized I was so not alone in this. 7 months in and happy to say I've found a way to live fully to live again. While I still have my ups and downs I feel so resilient. However, the unthinkable happened recently. A close friend of mine confessed to me that she thought she had Herpes too. My heart ached for her. I felt bad too because I had become a little jealous of her singledom and her ability to have fun and date and hook up. I never thought in a million years she would be in the same boat with me. I never wanted this for her. Yet here we are. Confirmed yesterday she indeed did contract HSV2. The amazing thing about this was that I was able to be there for her and give her some good info. I was able to turn her to this amazing website. It's amazing that I am strong enough now that I can be her rock like she was for me. She had forgotten all the wonderful things she told me in the beginning. She is one of a handful of amazing friends I disclosed to. She also accepted me and encouraged me through this time. I might have always wanted a partner in this but I never wanted to see someone else suffer like this. I know she will get through it just like I did and am. Thank you all of you especially Adrial for this lovely place to be able to dialogue and be open and share good info. Thank you so much. I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a check up and I will be dropping those new info forms you created. I am going to plaster them everywhere I can. People need to know. It's ok. And people need to be educated!!

I fucken love this and what you wrote on your tumblr!!! And I agree with Adrial. There is opportunity in every down, every dark situation, even terminal conditions, if we allow for the opportunity. The huge point you and Adrial are making that life indeed goes on, the good and bad. What is our choice- how we react and move on!! And we can't compare our lives to anyone's. Gratitude is amazing and freeing. Life is good!! even with H even with all the bad things in the world. Life is good!! Rock on stubborn!! maybe we could change your name too? May perserverant or something else. What do you say??? WHat do you think Adrial? Much love to all of yoU!!

kitcattat you are not alone on those feelings. I totally relate. I have only disclosed to my mom and friends and 1 guy-my cousin. All of them have accepted me and love me and didn't even blink an eye when i told them. I realize the acceptance of H goes deeper it goes to me accepting me completely. I see I never accepted me fully. H is kind of forcing me to accept all of me good and bad. If everyone else can embrace me why can't I. I know I'm not ready for that next relationship yet. I want to be fully confidant in me and this small skin condition. I like you have not had too many OB's. It really isn't that bad for me. I know I would feel the same way you do if I did disclose to a love interest. Adrial says the more confidant you are in you and what H means to you the way you handle your disclosure can be amazing. Like if you are very matter of fact and confidant then that person will most likely embrace it and not be scared.I feel that if someone writes you off it is because of ignorance and fear of the unknown. Don't be so hard on yourself. If that someone decides to walk away from you then they clearly weren't for you. Give yourself time. It will happen!! And you don't have to apologize, we're all here to listen!! I hope you feel better getting this off your chest!! You are brave and amazing!! : )

hey there kitcattat yup I feel you exactly!! I think all of us here go through these "wanting to go back" moments. This morning I woke up as if nothing feeling much better and I forgot about H completely. I accept it. It is my douchebag detector lol glad to know you get me and know I get you!! hope you have a good day!! I put on some good tunes. I'm thinking bout summer and summer fun!! What adventures/beach/road trips. That's the carefree we still have!! : )