domh21

Hello everyone!! I hope you had a Merry Christmas! I know it might be hard it was with me this is my first Christmas with H I'm two months in and I believe I experienced another outbreak last week or some mad shedding but anyways it's difficult somedays. In 4 days ill be 29. My first bday with the herp. Last year, my best friend's sister was in a coma this time and she died New Year's Eve. This year has been up and down. I guess that's the beauty of life. I have a very close friend since high school and her daughter is my goddaughter. This friend has been so supportive; a good amount of my friends know about my herpes and are supportive but this one friend has been exceptional. When I first told her, she hugged me and said we were going to get through this together. She joked saying we're going to go bike riding and kayaking and hiking and white water rafting and all that stuff in the commercial. I couldn't help but laugh. The other day we were talking and she asked me what it was like. She said she's been doing her own research. She was asking nurses at work and just wanting to know what I'm going through. She said I want to know what you feel so I can be there she's like you know if we both had our H bombs we'd be kicking ass like we always have. We laughed. I was so touched that she is trying to feel my experience. I have had a few other friends who have done the same. I went to church with my family last night and the priest spoke of how we are not alone and he spoke of parents losing a child which reminded me of me of last years events the death of my friend. It spoke to me because I've felt very alone through this but then not so much because of my mom, my friends who continue to treat me as they did before and want to understand and be there and because of all of you, Adrial especially. So if you're feeling this way know that it's only momentary. We are truly not alone. There are people who love us and care and because we know the hurt and what it feels like we can give that compassion to others. So yea I'm frustrated with my H bomb at times like right now and especially with my cold that's lingering but this Christmas I got the gift of humanity and not being alone. I recently went to my first therapy session to help with depression and to help me love me more and my therapist was awesome. He told me welcome to humanity because everyone has something. It's so true life keeps going and everyone has something whether its H or more or whatever. I'm hoping that when I do disclose to a potential partner that it's as easy and they're as receptive as the beautiful people in my circle have been. If you're feeling down today just know ur not alone I feel ya. And idk bout u but I bought me some sexy heels, painted my nails and did myself up. It helped. Do something nice for you because you are worthy!! Merry Christmas!! And much love!!

Merry Christmas Janice. So glad I read this post all of you are so amazing!! I believe I'm having or had my second outbreak it's Christmas and my birthday is a few days away. I've just been trying to distract myself from this. Janice u are so right that life is bigger than H. With all that's been going on I. The world I feel like while H is annoying there are far more worse things that could happen. I love you all and I'm wishing you a Merry Christmas. Janice I will have your friends and you in my thoughts and prayers.

Honey I'm so sorry. First off what happened to you was wrong and awful not your fault. That person took advantage of you. You are worthy of all the love in the world. Accepting and loving yourself first will them lead to the right person. You will be loved you deserve love you are worthy of love. You are an amazing woman who survived. I want you to know you are amazing and beautiful. I'm glad you came here and posted. Sending you hugs.

Hi everyone!!! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for. One thing is this safe haven here, this opportunity to connect with amazing people who understand me and who inspire me!! I am thankful Adrial began this opportunity. It has been quite a journey for me and it's only been a month or so since I received my lovely gift of H. I have bad days and great days and in between days. Since I got H I myself had disclosed to the person I was intimate with that was the hardest thing ever. I got through and over it and that person. I disclosed to my mother and she opened up her arms and has not stopped loving and supporting me, she is the most amazing woman I know. I have disclosed to several close friends and none of them have turned me away or stopped loving me. they have kept my confidence and they have been my biggest supporters. I have opened up the conversation with them to safer sex and educating themselves and opening their minds and hearts. I have received so much love that I am in awe. I have been very selective and my friends have proved they are amazing people with much love in their hearts. I have yet to have to conquer telling a potential partner but that will come in due time. I know it is hard to get through days, through outbreaks, through our own feelings. I am sure I will still have difficult moments in life and in general with H but through this supportive network I have been able to push myself forward. I have always been a very busy and social person. I love working with and helping people. At first I didn't want to do anything like how I was. I was having severe anxiety being around friends and in public settings. However, I have pushed myself little by little to keep being the awesome person I was and still am. I have this virus but it does not have me!! Slowly I have seen that I can still do the things I was doing. If anything this experience has made me stronger and has forced me to genuinely love myself and work on issues I have been avoiding my whole life. For the first time in weeks I am smiling genuinely again. I feel like myself. I am not obsessing over if I will have another outbreak. I am not afraid to eat worrying if what I eat or drink will cause another OB. I am just enjoying life. I am being at peace. I am praying and meditating, self affirming. helping others, just living. My whole point is if you just got the news that you have H, are just having an OB, or just having a crummy day I want you to be encouraged. Life will get better. WE are still fabulous people. We have a lot to offer. Even though life can be painful and tough, there is beauty in it. Do not let your struggle define you. If anything know that you are amazing and strong enough for this. I just wanted to send a positive message out to everyone and one of thanks for all of you have touched my heart and made it easier to get through every day. Happy Thanksgiving and much love and happiness to you all!!

Hi Harlow!! Welcome!! This post is so courageous and beautiful. I can relate to you I'm new at this. I share your feelings of fearing I won't find someone but reading posts here in the forum about people who have found real love I feel encouraged. I'm 28 and most of my girl friends are married and in relationships and or having kids so dating was getting hard on me and then this. But I feel H will lead me to deeper connections because I want someone who is going to love all of me. If they can't deal with me having H it doesn't mean I'm not worth loving it's probably not the right person for me. I held myself in a dysfunctional relationship because I wasn't having luck with new guys and was lonely. Now I am going to love me completely and be more selective. You are already making great steps toward loving you which us great. Stay focused on you, healing and loving you. Someone will see you for the amazing person you are. :)

Hey JC!! Yea I know right? I've been with two other guys besides the ex. They were two years ago and I used condoms which I know you can still get with confirms but I was with the ex recently and then this happened. Ironically I had been celibate for a good 6 months then shit just happened and boy did it happen. I don't feel like going on a chase trying to pin point my donor and I've done enough crying last night and today lol I'm moving forward. You're right we gave bigger fish to fry lol thank you!!! Hugs to you too!!!

Wow. I'm stunned I keep learning more and more about this H character!! Thank you for sharing ur story.

Hi JC I wondered about this too. I have yet to see any difference in ob with my period I have stopped using tampons. I was told I could keep using them or pads no difference. But I chose to stay with pads also because I had a bacterial infection with my ob so that's what I decided. Everyone is different.

Thank you Leilani. I can always find strength in your words and literally feel your hugs. Sending one back to you.

After what has been the strongest of days I am crumbling today. I spoke to the guy (my ex) who I had most recently been with. He's not handled this well. He went m.i.a for a month then recently came back apologizing but still doesn't understand anything i'm going through. He said he got tested but hadn't called about his results yet. That already sounded weird to me. Then a few days later I called and asked him he said he had been too busy with school to call. He said I just wanted someone to blame and that I blame him. I suppose that's true. I keep trying to say to myself that it doesn't change the fact that I have H, which it doesn't. Yet I pursued this anyways. We argued yesterday. He said it didn't matter whether I knew or not. That the reason I called him was to blame him. Perhaps that is true. I just wanted answers. Answers I know I'm probably never going to have. We spoke again after this first conversation and he said oh yea the doctor just called me and said I'm clean. I'm fine. He's like oh you don't believe me. I said you could be asymptomatic. So many things ran through my mind. He again brought up the other two guys I had been with. Perhaps it is one of them maybe it is my ex. At this point I cannot fathom going through this whole search to find out who did it? I have this and it does not change. I handled this situation wrong. I'm so stronger than that. But the argument ensued between us and I handled it poorly. I lost sight of everything and by the time I got home all I wanted to do was go to bed and not wake up. I know it is more than the H it is my heart break. I feel bad my mom was worried about me because I came home late it's not like me. You know moms know. She was there like she always is. As old as I am she will still hold me and be there for me. So I know I'm not alone. I feel bad that I've put her through so much. Everytime he leaves she's there to pick up the pieces and wipe the tears. It's hard today, starting again a new day. I feel like it's set me back. I am guilty. I am leaning into the hurt right now so I can become strong again.

scornedvillager, yes!! I know what you mean about your lady parts seeming like a bio hazard omg!! I like hardly even touch myself lol I patted myself one day as if to say you're ok you're still beautiful. but little by little I've calmed down. I have to tell myself it's not that bad. I'm glad that someone else understands me!! Do you take antivirals? or are you doing the natural route? I'm just wondering because I think I've been paranoid because I stopped taking the meds. I know they don't cure and I can do this without meds which I want to but for some reason it was a sense of comfort to me.

JC Thank you. I needed that. I was actually getting blue right now. After this post last week in fact my ex contacted me to discuss this amongstt other things. It's really hard for me because he was my first love. We have this history and weird bond. But anyways he apologized and said he was scared and trying to process but supposedly he went and got tested. Still he has not inquired about his results which frustrates me. I can't very well force him to face this. That is his responsibility but that fact frustrates me. He said the doctor told him visually he was fine but I think we all know that this virus can stay hidden if it wants. He did mention he had cold sores before something I never knew because I never saw him with one but again now I know more. But it frustrates me. Part of me wants answers but the other part realizes that no matter what the response is it doesn't change what has happened to me. I have H. The only thing is it gives me someone to blame but I don't want to blame anyone. I thank you for your comment because it uplifted me right now.

JC I have been asking the same thing. I actually took all the acyclovir the first round after I got diagnosed. Then I asked for a prescription. I continued taking it til recently. I feel my outbreak wasn't that bad. I realize I am more paranoid about the recurring outbreaks and spreading it but I'm not currently in a relationship so I think I'm good lol I have just been trying to eat healthy. Others have recommended lysine and eating foods high in lysine and I'm trying to eat the foods high in lysine. I would rather stay off meds. I actually was reading about the side affects and I think I had more anxiety with it.

I know right. I'm so glad there is a comfortable place for us to pick each others brains. :)

JC I again understand you. I had a very mild case also thought it was an ingrown hair and uti. I'm not sure if I'm having an 2nd round but things are mild which I'm grateful for. I was super freaked out about the recurrent episodes but then I can't sit around worrying and waiting for it to happen either. I have started a mantra for myself, "I am healthy, I am strong, my body is healing it is strong..." that's one of the ones I found helps. Your body will get stronger I believe this. I know it's easier said than done but try not to worry too much and just focus on breathing and caring for you.

Hi acceptandbehappy!!! I like that name!! : ) Thank you for sharing your story. I'm fairly new to this still only been a month. I've read so many conflicting dietary recommendations it's been hard. I have still been struggling with what to eat what not to eat. I haven't yet noticed an outbreak due to eating chocolate or nuts or even green tea. I started drinking decaffinated green tea instead of my usual coffee. Today I did get a latte. Some of the other great people on this forum have recommended keeping a healthy diet but have also said not to be afraid to indulge. I just do these foods or drinks in moderation and I drink a ton of water also, not sure if this helps. I guess it is a matter of trial and error in that department. I have had a mild experience so far. I must admit although I was already eating healthy this has made me more mindful of eating for health. I'm not sure if that helps. But you are not alone in trying to figure out what the best method is. There are so many people on this forum who are of great resource.

Hi JC. I know exactly how you feel. It's been over a month for me. I still have up and down days. You are definitely not alone. This morning I was kind of in my own head, started feeling down but I prayed, did some positive affirmations, I thought about my coworkers birthday, things to distract me; these are what work for me. I know it is very hard. I understand you. I want you to know you are not alone. I came here to his forum and found that I was surely not alone and it has helped me alot. I'm sending you a huge hug!! You are amazing this does not change you. YOU are still YOU!! and you are amazing!!

Thank you all!!! I love being able to talk to all of you!!!. I really appreciate it. And know that you all are always in my thoughts and prayers (even if I don't know you). We are all motivating each other!! Sending you all well wishes, hugs and an amazing day!! We are amazing!!!!

Alyssa, I wish I had read this before I posted this morning lol I have stopped taking the acyclovir. I have gone back to my normal self. I am just enjoying life. I am so grateful you posted this. I do feel the damage that has been done is more psychological with the stigma. I also don't want to be on meds. I have the prescription if I need it. I must admit I've always been a worrier, about everything. I am working on that. I think H has been a gift in a way to help me finally stop stressing about everything in my life and stop worrying and just be good to myself. I am so glad you responded and I appreciate this. Thank you

hi!! I was wondering if anyone does not take the suppression therapy (acyclovir or valtrex)? I was taking it even after my first episode. My first episode was mild, well so I think. I since with in the past week am trying to not take it and I'm keeping up my regular routine which prior to this was eating healthier and exercising and taking a multi vitamin echinacea and vitamin c. So I'm going to try that. I don't want to depend on meds. I also still eat some of the foods that I've read could trigger outbreaks but I do so in moderation. I've cut back on caffeine, I have my coffee here and there. I haven't really noticed anything with the foods I mentioned but I try to eat well balanced fruits and veggies. I've been doing alot of positive self talk also. My working out has dwindled substantially in the past month. I have slowly started back up again just by walking. Yesterday I went for a good jog as it was a beautiful day and I did some other exercises. working out has always provided a good stress relief for me and I hope that I can keep it up. I was recently certified to teach fitness classes and I want to go back to that. I haven't pursued it prior to this but I still want to. What do you guys think should I do it still? I just basically wanted to see if anyone could tell me if it's better to take the antivirals in combo with the vitamins or better without? or is that just personal preference? Thank you you and hope you all have a great day!!

Thank you Leilani. Love and light and hugs to you too :D

Wow that is amazing Leilani. You know I love reading your comments and posts you are like an H cheerleader when we need it. I was having difficulty explaining to my ex about viral shedding he wasn't understanding that and his dr. didn't really give him enough info on it. In that convo it came out that he had cold sores years ago and that's something i never though about cuz i never saw him with them. I was like light bulb perhaps he gave me this awhile ago during oral. I mean it's possible. Although I want answers and want to know how and who i received this gift from. I also don't want to go around being H investigator it's not going to changed anything and I have accepted this. Bottom line I've accepted this H and hope I gave him some insight. It just added to my peace already.

Herpes is an opportunity. It is in opportunity for us to forgive, to forgive ourselves and forgive others and perhaps be more compassionate than most people. Not sure if any of you received a negative reaction when you disclosed to a partner that may have been your herpes giver. I posted in my post called "Moving on" last week about how I told my ex and he just didn't handle it well and went m.i.a. Well, he came around yesterday and wanted to talk to me. This conversation is quite personal. However, he said he went to get checked and visually the doctor said he was ok which I can attest to — I never saw anything. But he is waiting on his herpes blood tests. Long story short, he apologized to me for a lot of things. He said he never blamed me that this isn't my fault and it is quite common. He said he needed time to think and didn't want to hurt me with anything he said. I believe him that's how he is. He pretty much just speaks before thinking. But anyways I didn't want to get into this whole hairy conversation. My point is I had decided to forgive him and accept an apology I never expected to get to free myself. Have any of you ever gone through something similar? I freed myself before this. WE have to forgive ourselves for being human. We are amazing. There is amazing healing in forgiving. It's part of us healing. I think if we get negative reactions, it's just ignorance, because I must admit prior to this happening to me I don't know how I would've reacted. Forgive yourself and forgive others for being ignorant and human. If you get rejected, know it is not you. Disclosing is part of the journey and it is courageous. MUCH LOVE!!! and HUGS!!

So I am watching Oprah and Joel Olsteen is on. He is a pastor but also a man that is very positive. I'm not here to push religion though for me my faith is getting me through nd working for me. Anyways my point is this he has a book called, "I declare" it's a positive book with positive declarations. He said "Whatever comes after "I Am" will come looking for you. So in our case everyday we feel ashamed or sad or whatever instead of saying " I am never going to find someone." replace it with "I am deserving and worthy of love." Or I'm amazing or I'm resilient it will follow. Also another positive affirmation "As long as you have breath in you someone needs what you have." If you have an awesome smile someone needs it if you can sing someone needs music maybe we are in this situation to share compassion to the ignorant or become stronger I'm not sure. I do know this my positivity is coming back and I want to nurture it and I thank those of you who have read and responded. I'm glad I found a place to express myself and relate. If you're struggling like I was today maybe this will help. I went out and enjoyed the beautiful day. And now I'm going to move forward in the spirit of today. Thinking of you all and wishing you well. Goodnight :)

Hey just another one thank you for responding. Have you heard of a man named JR Martinez? He was on dancing with the stars. He was in Iraq and he was severely injured he suffered burns to all his body. He's gone through multiple surgeries and he's scarred and disfigured all over his body. Why am I telling u this story because he felt the same way you are feeling. I watched his interview this week he went into detail about his surgeries and all the pain and how he felt no woman would wan to look at him or kiss his scarred face but he met a beautiful woman and they're married now and have a child. His wife said his heart his personality was what she fell in love with what made him beautiful. Yes these are two different situations but you know what if someone wants you for you they are a gem. I know how you feel I didn't wan to work out I hardly touch my privates anymore I have had to reacquaint myself with my body because no matter what has happened I am still me. My vagina isn't ugly just as your body isn't ugly. You're healing. Just as you helped me today be uplifted I'm hoping you will find strength in this and know you are not alone. We should take care of our bodies and ourselves because we are deserving and worthy of that, sex or no sex. Thank u for commenting and I hope you heal and get strength.