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domh21

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Everything posted by domh21

  1. I am so glad I read this this morning. I can relate so much. I have struggled my whole life with depression and self esteem I feel like this is it for me it's time to love myself completely and work on me and stop avoiding the work I need to do and just face myself. It's time to grow strong. I can relate to so much. I am glad to know someone else has felt like I felt. Thank you.
  2. Good morning!!! Well the past few days I've seemed to lose my positivity I've found myself back in obsessing over side affects of acyclovir is it true ill lose my hair? Sometimes I obsess over whether to eat this or that it's worse than when I'm normally eating healthy to lose weight. I feel sad. I go to bed early I just feel out of it. I was even obsessing over going back in that six month window to check that my other tests are ok as for now the rest of the bloodwork and std testing is clear and I rejoice over that. I know it's crazy to sit here and worry about shit I can't control or don't know but alas I have been. I am a very social person and I always have a lot going with friends and somehow I find myself talking myself out of it. I have pushed myself throughout this month to exercise and still keep up my gym routine I even joke that this is no excuse to gain my weight back. I seem to be lucky in my ob was nothing like I read about and perhaps that is part of have fear and worry because I read about so many people who had it so bad I'm wondering does it increasingly get worse. I hope not. Yesterday I went to a film festival where they showed a little documentary I contributed to and I was happy to be there and be just being me. I want to go back to school for my Masters and move on I don't want this to be another excuse I use as to why I can't succeed. I went to dinner with my mom after and I allowed myself to eat what I wanted. I do that sometimes just as I would when I was watching my weight. I'm trying not to obsess about eating but I am trying to support my body. I know i got to get a grip so i can find a new normal and quit wasting time and killing my joy. anyways anyone want to calm the paranoid worry wart here and kick me up in a positive way? It would be so welcomed. Hope you all have a good day!!
  3. I loved this post. I totally needed to read it. I am 28 and found myself wondering today in the line at starbucks when I'll be kissed again or date again. I know it will happen. I am so happy for you. Thank you for sharing this
  4. I go back in forth in my mind much like maybe you do. It's very recent that it happened to me. If only I would've listened and not been with that person I wouldn't be in this situation. I have no real confirmation from the person I truly believe gave it to me but his denial and absence after I disclosed to him is enough of verification that he is hiding a lot from himself and others. I understand you. I think ultimately it's about forgiving ourselves for being human. I didn't listen to my friends or family or the voice inside me saying he's bad news. I loved the guy I wanted to believe he would never put me at risk. However, he previously had hurt me repeatedly and always put me in difficult situations and then when it was difficult he bailed out. So I do blame myself because my gut knew he was no good but who's to say this wouldn't have happened to me because of someone else or that it was someone else? You will overcome. Accepting the apology we never are going to get and forgiveness really can free us. I hope you are feeling better
  5. I wanted to share something with all of you. I work with high school and college students. A month ago one of the college students not much older than me, left me a post it on my desk with a quote "Life...unexplainable, yet enjoyable." It sits on my computer still. I just glanced at it. He gave this to me a month before I received my gift of the lovely "H". It is ironic and yet so true and applicable. Life no matter what happens is still enjoyable. :)
  6. Thank you all so much. I feel the love and support and send it right back. A huge hug to all of you and I am wishing you all a great day. Happy Halloween (one of my fave holidays). Thanks again and I will be in touch :x
  7. Thank you Leilani and Adrial. I really appreciate your feedback and support. I am still struggling with focusing on my normalcy. It has been so difficult focusing at work. I am an administrative assistant and supervisor is really micro managing I have taken a few days off and I don't want this to interfere with my work. It has been so hard staying on task and I need to because I have so much work. I'm trying to manage my stress because I know this could affect future breakouts. My questions for you or anyone is do you or have you had lower back pain almost like an annoying feeling like I'm assuming it's a nerve symptom and also did or have any of you had night sweats because of this. Mine aren't bad but I have noticed that I am a little bit warm but no fever. I am trying not to freak out at every little thing because something's aren't related. I was so scared about having my period and whether to use tampons or to use pads. And grooming as far as shaving my legs and the nether regions lol I have been concerned about that. Can anyone shed some light on these aspects for me? Thank you.
  8. It's been almost a month since I found I had hsv2. It has definitely been a roller coaster. I was so devastated. I actually believe I know the precise moment it happened. I had starting seeing my ex again, we have had an on-and-off relationship for years. Sad to say, 9 years i never got over him after he broke up with me. He was my first and I never really stopped loving him and he always knows how to get back in with me. Well anyways I ironically was going to my general doctor for a general check up and I was feeling uncomfortable. i thought I had hemroids or it was cuz my ex was too rough or something. i also felt like i was having a uti which im prone too. well the doctor said I was ok and gave me something for the irritation and some antibiotics and I thought that was it but then I noticed what I thought was an ingrown hair and I went to urgent care and was told it was indeed just that I was relieved but over the weekend it was worse. I went to urgent care again. The doctor at urgent care took one look and said I had herpes. I wanted to hear anything but that! I keep trying to explain what I had done and treatment I took and the whole thing she asked me how many people I'd been with in this disgusted way. I was so sad. I have only been with 3 people and two of them were years ago and I was safe. Sadly, I trusted my ex in that he was ok and we were monogamous. I was big on that and always getting tested. Now it is clear to me he may have never gotten tested and in this whole time he's been with other people. I hurt because I should've been smarter, but I know so much more now about this. I know there is no 100 percent safe. It was so bad I didn't want to go home and face my mom although she's supported me through everything. I went straight to my ex and told him and he tried to calm me down. He seemed supportive, but in denial as much as me but when I got the confirmation when I went to my gyno and I called him over. I told him I have herpes. He wouldn't even look at me. I was freaking out and he was like "oh it's no big deal ... it sucks, but it's ok." I was like "Have you checked? Are you going to check?" He just seemed annoyed and said he had to leave. He had things to do and I was like "I thought you were here for me" he's like "ok yea but I have things I have my priorities and I just told him to leave." I haven't heard from him since. I'm sure he's in denial and this is God's way of protecting me from something so much worse. I've been through so much with him. So much. This is it for me. I have to let go and love and accept me for me. Before I found this site I already disclosed to my mother who was amazing and has been there for me and so supportive. She says this doesn't change anything and she loves me and is proud of me. She even slept with me when I couldn't sleep. I was so freaked out about passing it to her or spreading it to other parts of my body and I still kind of am scared of that. My doctors have been very supportive and sat down with me to encourage me to live and go forward. That this is common and I didn't do anything wrong. They were so much better than the urgent care doctor I got before. I have had symptoms here and there and also had bacterial vaginosis. I can't lie, i went beyond everyday thinking I had spread it somewhere else. It's been scary. I disclosed to my close friends and no one has rejected me. In fact, they have told me their stories and loved me and pushed me forward. Nothing has changed in their eyes. They reassure me constantly that i will be loved and succeed and that i can have kids and everything i want. I even went away to San Diego with friends, but i came home and broke down. In disclosing, I found relief in being myself. I am still struggling emotionally. This website has inspired me though to see that I can still live and have the amazing life I wanted — I just need to change my mentality. I feel fortunate that my first herpes episode wasn't as bad as I've read. I hope it doesn't get worse I hardly knew I was having this despite the discomfort but now I know. I was feeling symptoms thinking I was just tired but now I know. What hurts I guess is that my ex just left high and dry and either he knew or he didn't I reached out to him one last time and nothing. He probably is living still in denial and will continue doing what he did not caring. He was the only person who has rejected me. I know I don't need him and I want real love. My faith i God is a big force in carrying me through every day I believe I'm being protected in some way. I will go on. I will survive this and I am so grateful to have stumbled on this page. I have so many questions lol I'm sorry I wrote so much. Thank you for your positive stories.
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