It's been almost a month since I found I had hsv2. It has definitely been a roller coaster. I was so devastated. I actually believe I know the precise moment it happened. I had starting seeing my ex again, we have had an on-and-off relationship for years. Sad to say, 9 years i never got over him after he broke up with me. He was my first and I never really stopped loving him and he always knows how to get back in with me.
Well anyways I ironically was going to my general doctor for a general check up and I was feeling uncomfortable. i thought I had hemroids or it was cuz my ex was too rough or something. i also felt like i was having a uti which im prone too. well the doctor said I was ok and gave me something for the irritation and some antibiotics and I thought that was it but then I noticed what I thought was an ingrown hair and I went to urgent care and was told it was indeed just that I was relieved but over the weekend it was worse. I went to urgent care again. The doctor at urgent care took one look and said I had herpes. I wanted to hear anything but that! I keep trying to explain what I had done and treatment I took and the whole thing she asked me how many people I'd been with in this disgusted way. I was so sad. I have only been with 3 people and two of them were years ago and I was safe.
Sadly, I trusted my ex in that he was ok and we were monogamous. I was big on that and always getting tested. Now it is clear to me he may have never gotten tested and in this whole time he's been with other people. I hurt because I should've been smarter, but I know so much more now about this. I know there is no 100 percent safe. It was so bad I didn't want to go home and face my mom although she's supported me through everything.
I went straight to my ex and told him and he tried to calm me down. He seemed supportive, but in denial as much as me but when I got the confirmation when I went to my gyno and I called him over. I told him I have herpes. He wouldn't even look at me. I was freaking out and he was like "oh it's no big deal ... it sucks, but it's ok." I was like "Have you checked? Are you going to check?" He just seemed annoyed and said he had to leave. He had things to do and I was like "I thought you were here for me" he's like "ok yea but I have things I have my priorities and I just told him to leave."
I haven't heard from him since. I'm sure he's in denial and this is God's way of protecting me from something so much worse. I've been through so much with him. So much. This is it for me. I have to let go and love and accept me for me. Before I found this site I already disclosed to my mother who was amazing and has been there for me and so supportive. She says this doesn't change anything and she loves me and is proud of me. She even slept with me when I couldn't sleep. I was so freaked out about passing it to her or spreading it to other parts of my body and I still kind of am scared of that.
My doctors have been very supportive and sat down with me to encourage me to live and go forward. That this is common and I didn't do anything wrong. They were so much better than the urgent care doctor I got before. I have had symptoms here and there and also had bacterial vaginosis. I can't lie, i went beyond everyday thinking I had spread it somewhere else. It's been scary.
I disclosed to my close friends and no one has rejected me. In fact, they have told me their stories and loved me and pushed me forward. Nothing has changed in their eyes. They reassure me constantly that i will be loved and succeed and that i can have kids and everything i want. I even went away to San Diego with friends, but i came home and broke down.
In disclosing, I found relief in being myself. I am still struggling emotionally. This website has inspired me though to see that I can still live and have the amazing life I wanted — I just need to change my mentality. I feel fortunate that my first herpes episode wasn't as bad as I've read. I hope it doesn't get worse I hardly knew I was having this despite the discomfort but now I know. I was feeling symptoms thinking I was just tired but now I know.
What hurts I guess is that my ex just left high and dry and either he knew or he didn't I reached out to him one last time and nothing. He probably is living still in denial and will continue doing what he did not caring. He was the only person who has rejected me. I know I don't need him and I want real love. My faith i God is a big force in carrying me through every day I believe I'm being protected in some way. I will go on. I will survive this and I am so grateful to have stumbled on this page. I have so many questions lol I'm sorry I wrote so much. Thank you for your positive stories.