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OneBadYear

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Everything posted by OneBadYear

  1. Hi, Brittany. I'm so sorry to hear you feel you're going through this alone. However, if you read around this forum, you'll realize you are most certainly not alone. But I understand that feeling. I also found out I was H+ last week. It has been a roller coaster of emotions since I read my results, but this place has really helped me refocus on what matters. I'm new to this, so I really don't know what to say, as I'm looking for hope and support as well. But I can tell you that through this site, I have realized that everything really is going to be okay. In the grand scheme of things, living with this isn't going to be a huge deal. And perhaps, it'll help us in the long run. Though that may seem like a crazy concept, I truly believe it. Best advice I can give: Keep reading. This site is full of success stories, facts, advice, and people who will truly accept you with arms wide open. We are all in this together. :) There was some great advice given to me when I reached out a few days ago. I'd encourage you to read over that advice (story below). It really helped me out. I wish you the best. And we are all here for you if you need us. You're not alone, and you have zero to be ashamed about. Take care, Brittany. My Story: http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4526/just-tested-positive-can-we-jumpstart-the-healing-process
  2. @Ihaveittoo, thank you so much for sharing. Being on this forum is a huge confidence builder. Hearing both from newbies (like myself), and reading posts from veterans like yourself make me know I'm not alone in this. This is what I needed to read tonight. Thank you.
  3. @PositivelyBeautiful, no worries. You didn't hijack this at all. You gave me (and for anyone else who reads it) wonderful advice that I've dwelled on all day at work. And you're right! Once I started thinking about what this meant for me, it didn't seem all that bad. Yes the OBs have the potential to be painful and/or bothersome (if I get them at all). Yes the future disclosure(s) will be awkward, scary, and I may be rejected. But really, after reading your post and others (looking at you @WCSDANCER100, because I see how H can be my wingman), H really could be a positive in my life. I now have to seriously consider who I want to be a part of my life, in the most intimate way. It gives me the opportunity to move on from the hopes of rekindling a marriage that has been ended by someone who does not want to be with me. It made me look at all the dumb shit I've done and say, "Wow. I was lucky." A lot in my life needs to change. And I think I just got the kick in the ass to change them. So thank you for your words, and that wonderful quote. You all are wonderful.
  4. Thank you, @WCSDancer2010. I appreciate you reaching out and sending me the links. That's the plan: Take care of myself. Something I've clearly not been doing this year. I'll be sure to reach out if, and when, I need some help or support. I had no idea about any of this until last week. I feel like I'm incredibly lucky to have found this support group and website so early. Thank you.
  5. @forgivenessandpeace, thank you. Thank you. Just admitting all this online, and having someone acknowledge me, has brought tears to my eyes. This kind of warmness and welcoming is what I read on other posts, and it's what I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel accepted. Thank you for that. I accept your embrace, and return it. Thank you.
  6. I've spent the past week reading posts from all of you, and it's helped a lot. Not to say I haven't cried my eyes out at least once a day, but I can see something that resembles a future by reading all your amazing stories. My wife and I separated early this year, and she went through with the divorce a couple of months ago. We were married for 9 years, and started dating right out of high school. After she told me she went through with the divorce, I completely lost it emotionally. I had stuck around town, instead of moving closer to family (we moved away years ago), in hopes we could work it out. We were a strong loving couple once. She apparently did not, or could not, continue working on our marriage. I was depressed, and had no idea what to do. I made the idiotic decision to bury myself in alcohol, until one night I slept with a stranger. It was my first one night stand ever. Soon after, I started feeling ill. Feverish. I panicked. Reading online (which is terrifying) I KNEW I had contracted an STD. Though, I didn't know which one. I took the full panel at a nearby clinic. Something I never thought I'd have to do. At that time I didn't even know Herpes wasn't on a standard panel (WTF!). It was on mine, and was the last thing I thought would show up positive. But sure enough: HSV-1 in big bold letters. Though, my reading was only 0.94 (not quite positive, but still up there), I know now I tested a bit too early. I'm going to hang back and test again in another month or so, but I know the number will just go up. Since then, I haven't had an outbreak. No red bumps or blisters, though I have had some tingles and warmness down below. At first I hoped it was HSV-1 oral. I could explain that easier. But now I'm just planing on waking up one morning to a surprise from down under. So now I'm 32, freshly divorced, and I have contracted an STD on my first excursion out. One I can never get rid of. I know from reading - and reading - forums and articles, HSV isn't the end of the world. I don't have to really worry about any major medical issues. I might be lucky enough to not have to experience the OB a lot of H+ people do. It's the thought of having to tell someone someday is killing me. The thought that the next girl I really like, or love, will have to hear me say, "I have Herpes". That kills me already. And that's silly anyways, because despite my recent sexploit, I am not ready for any type of relationship. I still love my (ex)wife. I feel like I've cheated on her, though she divorced me months ago. This guilt makes it all the worse. I use to call her and text her. Trying to work this out still. I haven't since I found out, except to tell her I'm leaving for good. It feels like the divorce is happening all over again. And I feel so stupid. Anyway, I don't know why I've written all of this. I guess I wanted to thank you for the stories. Thanks for the future support. And maybe if you have any advice on what to do, or where to go from here (with either getting the BIG H or the Big D), I'd really appreciate it. As for now, I'm moving back home soon. I didn't get to keep my wife, and I rather spend my free time with family. Hopefully that'll help. Thanks guys and gals.
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