Hello all! I've been reluctant to openly speak about my situation but enough time has passed and I really need to just get it out without being judged.
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and 5 months ago I had experienced my first outbreak. I thought it was originally a yeast infection or just razor bumps, anything but herpes. After a few days I saw a sore and after being in AGONIZING pain, I went to the doctor where they did a culture test and eventually the news. I burst into tears and called my boyfriend to immediately let him know. I thought I had gotten it from a previous fling and lived in immense regret and disgust for 3 months with my "supportive" until he told me he's the one that passed it to me after I had to bring it up a few times. I thought it was odd how he didn't have his first outbreak as I did.
So here I am at 19 with HSV-1 and still with my boyfriend despite this obstacle..though feels as if I have him tattooed on me and will forever be marked without ever having a choice.
I told my dad and grandmother because I felt since I lived with them they had to know, they just shook their heads and said I should've been more careful which I was. I told my best friend and through a falling out she threw it in my face. Now I'm just ashamed and I feel trapped. I've felt as if I couldn't talk to anyone without them judging or even my boyfriend without him shutting down feeling guilty. I think I'm having my second outbreak too (but I'm not sure) and there isn't much information on google except for this website and I'm too busy working and going to school full-time to go to my doctor every time I have a question.
This also brings me to some questions
-How do I know if I'm going to have another outbreak?
Is the slight uncomfortable itch a symptom of a second outbreak?
-The first outbreak I didn't have sores like the one's I've seen in my classes or research of STDs more like flesh colored bumps that were super sensitive and maybe 2/3 white bumps. I checked everyday and they never looked like the pictures nor did they look as if they "crusted over", so would I be expecting this to be the case each time I have an outbreak or was I just lucky not to have full blisters and to anticipate it in the future?
-If someone drinks from the same glass or bottle would I pass it to them? Is it ONLY when I have these sensations that I'm most contagious?
I'm sorry if I bombarded the post with information/questions, hopefully it's not too overwhelming for a response.
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