Miji69

You're welcome @centem. You know, if I were to look back on every time I thought that a guy was "The One", I'd get dizzy! You've got to believe this, this girl wants to keep it moving.. at least for now and I'm telling you that this is happening for her to get out of your way because something that is really meant for you is right around the corner. Getting over the emotions you entrust to someone is so hard but you will. You really really will! In my humble opinion, contacting her may only lead to more pain. If anything you could try a letter but only if that doesn't mean you tie yourself in knots waiting for a reply. Best of luck to you :)

Thank you guys.... @hippyherpy... why do I slap my forehead when I read your responses :-) I have indeed got some D. Great D. D I intend to keep for the foreseeable so won't worry too much about the "next time" just yet, lol! No matter how long a person has had herpes, or how many disclosures in the bag, I think some of us just value having here to come for rational conversation and a place to talk it out of your head before having the talk. Those prospective boyfriends/girlfriends/hookups all take it differently but then we all have circumstances that make us feel differently about our status. Confidence for some of us takes time but it's great having people here to coach it out of us. :)

So last night I disclosed... It took me forever, I drank way too much wine but I eventually started with "So.... I feel like I have got to a place where I trust you now and have feelings for you so I want to share something with you.... I have.... I have..... Twenty years ago, a guy I was with didn't tell me he had...." THEN he cuts in "Herpes? Is that it?" I stopped dead he carried on "Is that what you're stressing about? Ah Hun, that's not a problem, my ex wife had that. It wasn't a problem. I'm not worried. Doesn't change how I feel about you" I was TOTALLY taken aback by that response, I never expected what I heard but after that he held me, reassured me some more then we had an amazing night together, with protection! I cannot tell you how relieved and happy I am. I have such good feelings about this man and knowing he still wants me exactly as I am, including herpes, is great. Everyone's support and advice makes a difference. Thank you

Hey @centem.... Just read your story and it has touched me for many reasons... Your situation and hers are almost identical to mine a couple of years back. I disclosed to a guy I dated for six months and we never had sex (oral from me to him twice) in all that time... He like you disclosed to me sexual abuse as a child straight after I told him about my HSV2 status. We had a lot of fun together but every time we got close I could literally feel him freeze. I rationalised that it was to do with his past and he would assure me it was and that he was working on it but after a while, I started to feel like it was an excuse. Our relationship was dying because of this, I wanted sex and he didn't/couldn't and I wanted to help him through it but I had a voice in my head constantly telling me it was because I had herpes. He insisted it wasn't but I felt rejected, unsexy and undesirable. I do think that there is something that made him feel dirty too with the act of sex as it probably triggered painful sense memory and the two things are a heady mix as they are both situations where you are left "scarred" from a sexual situation where choice has been taken from you. One a lot more horrific than the other though. This girl sounds like her feelings of rejection have thrown up a protection shield in the form of anger and detachment. You've got to try and see it as less to do with you and more about her own journey and pain. A broken heart is so tough to get over whatever you're dealing with. If you've tried reaching out and you get nothing back, I think you just have to try and move forward with your life and be open to talking to her if she does get in contact. Don't tie yourself to that outcome though. I wish you all the best in dealing with this. You sound like a great guy but when people have stuff to deal with before they can deal with true love, it is often a blessing in disguise. Keep talking to us here if you need to though. (((HUGS)))

@Katidid - :-) I gotta get my "matter of fact" groove on! I'm not one for the tearful disclosure but I'm gonna try and be cool. Great advice and good to hear your experience. I do think he likes me enough to be kind about it but the rest... Let's just wait and see! Thank you! :-)

And you are NOT a slut! Be mindful of how you speak about yourself, it's those words that will do you most harm. More than anyone's reaction to what you have. Be beautiful :-)

@Transient_Guest Oh, I so understand what you say about being "tired". I've said this before and it can sometimes feel so exhausting but remember you've had success in a disclosure AND a relationship even though it didn't work but you had the courage and self awareness to realise you were worth more than holding onto a non-functioning relationship just because you have herpes. I admire that. @Optimist says great things here and often does. You can still be free and fun and sexual but instead of perhaps seeing it as critical and choosy, perhaps say, in control and savvy. I wish you all the best, I found out my diagnosis nearly twenty years ago at your age. I still struggle but I tell you what, out of my few disclosures, one led to two beautiful little girls who are my world. That keeps things in perspective for me. Have fun! :-)

Hi @Optimist... You are, of course, right and I was just caught in a headlights moment this morning. Seemed unbelievable to come across that with what I have on my mind for this weekend. Have heard many people say here about those unfortunate 'jokes' a date will make or friends when out socially but we also have the media to contend with too, I guess. Just we give each other such comfort and support here but the bubble gets burst by the ugly attitudes still out there. Deception and non disclosure are wrong but reading how some people view people who carry herpes is even worse. I'm back on track I think, I'm too long in the tooth with H to be so shook but I'm gonna make a tentative promise to be back here after the weekend with some news about a (hopefully) positive outcome, regardless how he takes it. Thanks! :-)

So....... I'm just sitting here, just got a text from my guy saying he can't wait to see me tomorrow (date 4) and contemplating the big day as I plan to disclose tomorrow. Was feeling kinda positive and chilling reading Daily Mail news articles when BAM! There, in front of me is a shaming article about an A-List actor purported to have given his ex-girlfriend GHSV1 and 2 and that this may be the reason behind her recent suicide....... I cannot tell you how much this has thrown me. It's so stupid but now I'm terrified that this story will end up all over the news and my guy will read it or see it and all he'll have in his head is this shaming and scaremongering headline while I'm telling him "I have herpes but it's not a big deal...etc" We really have a way to go, don't we? I really feel a huge setback, almost like I just want to end it with him because reading this awful, damning article almost makes me want to hide away in shame after so long and after so much building up confidence in just being able to say the words. I like this guy so much and he's told me he has VERY strong feelings for me. Is it dumb to make such a big deal of what I've just read? It really doesn't paint herpes in a great light. Just really sh*tty timing :(

Hey there @Startingover37, I'm by no means an expert with stats and figures etc but I do just wanna reach out. I lurked like you for ages before diving in and joining this community and it was a great help, before during and after disclosure... Your situation is difficult but not insurmountable. But guilt and worry won't get you further, in fact it will make you ill. You BOTH had unprotected sex, remember. Neither of you got yourselves checked before but later, you as the responsible one, DID. Who knows what results he would have had if you decided to get tested at the same time before you had sex? Why are you the bad guy because you unfortunately tested positive for Herpes?You did not willingly or knowingly transmit anything (if you have at all) and this is one of those examples of how so many of us in the human race are running around carefree without any knowledge of carrying the herpes virus 1 or 2... But how can we talk about where you go from here... Well first, you've got to try and get it together because you simply have to talk to him at some point, sooner rather than later and it's best you do it when you feel strong and informed. Yes, it's awful what he's going through but it's awful that someone did not tell you and that is why and how you are here. Maybe start with this. That you saw your doc about other stuff and these tests were recommended. Ask him if he has ever been tested then say that you want him to understand you would never have knowingly put him in this position but that you want him to know because of how much you care about him. He may very well have had 1 or 2 already and not told you but keep an open mind. Disclosures come in many different forms as you will have seen on here. I'm struggling with one I have to do this week, like you, with a guy I have a strong connection with and am afraid to lose to this sucky skin condition. Be strong, pull off the band aid as folks say here. At the end you will know where you stand and so will he. It's up to him and you wether or not you keep your connection. You are NOT a bad person you've just had some bad news. It can happen to anyone. Take care of yourself, he is a grown man that made a decision to jump into bed with you unprotected, so there is some responsibility for him there too. Let us know how you get on. I know this forum is a little quiet these days but I'll try my best to reach out whenever I can :-)

Great article I found.. Inspirational but cute and kinda funny too :-) http://www.rookiemag.com/2014/10/the-sti-society/2/

Read your post and was just gonna try and give you some support but hey... Way to go! You came through and I'm so pleased it worked out! Ok, so it wasn't ideal how things started out but this guy just goes to prove that you're not dealing with a death sentence. Life and love DOES go on. Sorry you had to wade through those other characters before you found this guy. Well done! That's given me another boost for my disclosure next date. :-)

@NSGreenville... Thought I'd drop by and say..... CONGRATULATIONS on your big day today!! Don't know if this is a first around here but maybe you are our first H-Opp married member? I think about you guys and your amazing relationship a lot and I don't even know you and live an ocean and many miles away. You still inspire me and many people who come here for hope and support. I wish you and your new wife many many years of happiness and continued growth together. Hope you're partying your little AS*ES off right about now!

You sound very low about this and I wish I knew more about stats to help you out.. Hopefully bumping this post will get someone who does to come on and give you some advice. In the meantime try to stay calm and positive and watch any videos, read any threads that give information. Hope you get the help you need :)

Useful stats there from Bluebetty which should help but hey @dani... Quit being so tough on yourself! We are NOT lepers, we have a manageable skin condition which the above stats show give us every opportunity to live a normal happy life! I struggle too, as I've said but I'm trying hard not to allow myself to believe that I have no right to seek out relationships even if I find it a chore or draining at times. We are not dirty or contaminated, just unlucky. Remember, you are aware of what you have so you put potential partners in a better position than those who have no idea if they are carriers and those who don't disclose and someone willing to sleep with you would be willing to sleep with them. So how does that make YOU "immoral"?? We may be surprised how many people are willing and accepting from every corner of the earth, including those right on your doorstep, so to speak. Use kind words to yourself my friend. What we think, we believe and that becomes what we are. Stay positive. Like @hippyherpy says a lot, and I'm trying to listen to that myself...It's not that big a deal!;)