sickoflifelessons

I think sharing your experience with her will help have a more honest/open discussion, and will also give perspective as to why you are bringing up the STD test in the first place (not that it's an inappropriate request, but it may not be something that has been asked of her before). Why do you think it would be "opening a can of worms"? To me it seems like it would contribute to the discussion. And, if you are afraid of her reaction, as @ihaveittoo said, you have the results to prove you're negative; I think any rational person would be accepting of that. I can see the reasoning behind "why bother telling her about this?" if you were looking for a casual relationship, but it from your post it sounds like she means more than that to you, and if you're going to pursue a serious relationship with her, transparency and honesty are going to be important, regardless of STD status.

If you were exposed in November, a blood test would be accurate at this point and you don't need symptoms to be present to have that test done. I would get the test done so you know what you're working with (which type, etc). Without a positive test result there's no way to know for sure whether what you experienced was herpes or not.

Thanks :) It is really hard not to worry, even though I understand and agree with everything you say. He seems really laid back about it, but I worry that will change if/when he actually gets it. I have been really open about having it, and I don't feel uncomfortable talking to him about it, but of course, I still don't want to be responsible for infecting someone. I think I'm also having a hard time because I made a lot of progress this past year, but this outbreak is reminding me I have it all over again. I think it's easier to move on from it conceptually when the physical symptoms have disappeared (which is what had happened for me). Now, I'm feeling angry, scared, and betrayed (by my giver, who I don't even know anymore) all over again. And I don't want to take that out on my current boyfriend because he is wonderful. Anyway, I will give him some lysine, and just be prepared to deal with whatever ends up happening. Thank you for the support.

I appear to be having my second herpes outbreak :( My first one was over a year ago. My boyfriend and I had sex twice yesterday. I felt completely fine the first time we had sex and before we had sex the second time, but towards the end of the second time, it started to become painful, so we stopped. I didn't think too much of it, but I was pretty sore the rest of the night. This morning, I woke up and things were sort of burning/painful down there. I checked myself out and there was a lot of redness. I took a shower and checked again when I got out and this time noticed what may be the beginnings of blisters. I am really upset, and scared that I was contagious when we had sex yesterday and that I've passed this onto my boyfriend. I woke him up as soon as I noticed the possible sores, and he said he's not at all worried, and we don't know if he got it yet, but even if he does, it won't be a big deal. And it's great that he is being so kind and supportive, but I still don't want him to have to deal with this, too. I have been a lot more stressed than usual lately (work related), so I'm guessing this maybe contributed to it. I don't know what to do now. I know that I can't change what already happened, but I don't know how to deal with the guilt of giving this to someone.

I was on it for a little while when I was first diagnosed. I met one guy off it; he had had H for a while and it was really nice to talk to him. We had a great time and he was cute, but there was no chemistry. I didn't talk to anyone else on the site that I found very interesting and after a while it started to upset me because I felt like those were my "only" options. I also felt like a lot of the people who messaged me were automatically settling. I got a few messages that said something along the lines of, "now that I have this and I can't date regular girls, I guess you'll do" (paraphrasing, obviously). I want to be someone's first choice, not someone they're with *just* because we both happen to carry the same virus. Then I joined tinder (mostly because my friend told me it was nice to just boost your confidence - which is definitely true as a girl), and I sort of accidentally met my first post-H boyfriend there. I met my second post-H/current boyfriend on OKCupid. I didn't disclose in my profiles - I waited about a month to tell both of them. I think it's very brave to disclose up front, but I'm not there yet, and not sure I ever will be because I'm extremely private about all personal things. I just wanted to share my experience because I think positive singles can be helpful and a good option for some, if not many, - if you want to be on other dating sites, there's no reason not to be.

How is he behaving? Does he want to spend less time with you? Does he call less frequently? Also, howong ago did you tell him? He may still really like you and want to date you, but need time to process the information. It can be overwhelming to some people. If it hasn't been too long since you told him, I'd give him some time to figure it out and be available to answer questions if he has any.

Do the spots in your mouth hurt? It could be thrush. I hope you are able to see a doctor soon.

I should have just used condoms, and not told him. I know this sounds like a good idea...and I know we've probably all had this feeling/impulse, but remember there is always a risk of passing it on, even with condoms (I got it from protected sex), and I think that ultimately, if you had had sex with a condom and not told him, you would ended up beating yourself up over it anyway. Also, I have to agree with the others about what this guy was looking for. I have had this experience a few too many times with guys I dated in my pre-H life. We would date for a a couple of weeks. Things would be going really well..we'd meet each other's friends, he would be over-the-top crazy about me, and we'd finally have sex maybe 3 weeks to a month in (that's usually the progression anyway), and almost immediately after having sex (or maybe in the first week or two after having sex) he'd grow distant, pull away, and it would end. And this was before I had H. It happened with three guys, and it killed me every time. To me, it sounds like this is what happened to you, albeit the circumstances were a bit different since he was deployed. And while it's completely heartbreaking, it doesn't sound to me like it has to do with the herpes. I think you are preoccupied with that because sharing that with him made you vulnerable, but I think his actions would have been the same whether you had herpes or not. The only difference is that if you didn't have herpes, maybe you'd be able to see what a jerk he is being. And, even if it *was* the herpes that made him have second thoughts, he is not behaving in a way that a decent guy would behave. A decent guy wouldn't disappear after having sex with you. He would be able to face you, and not resort to taking his things from your home while you weren't there and then cowardly texting you. It hurts now, and I know that immediately post break up I can never see my ex's flaws, but I hope that in time you will realize that you deserve far better than someone who treats you like that.

I have seen a lot of reference to transmission rates depending on the location of outbreaks. Just wondering...what if you don't get outbreaks? I had a primary outbreak, but haven't had an outbreak or symptoms since then. I thought that you can shed from anywhere in the "boxers shorts" region, so I was just wondering if anyone could provide additional wisdom about this. Thanks!

Well, I got H from a doctor. When I asked him about it, he didn't respond well, but that was because I had also just learned that he was cheating on me (at orgies, after insisting that we were monogamous), so it was going to be an ugly discussion anyway. I think it probably depends on the individual. A lot of doctors aren't all that informed about H. A lot seem to take it really lightly (at least when they diagnose someone with it). I work with a lot of doctors and have a lot of good friends who are doctors, and while the disclosure talk might go differently (e.g., they probably know some of the general information and be more aware of its prevalence), I think the ultimate decision to take the risk will depend on the individual to whom you are disclosing and the type of relationship the two of you have. So, basically, I think it will be mostly like having the talk with anyone else.

I am a H2 female with a H- boyfriend. I use suppressive therapy (500 mg valtrex per day) and we use condoms. I haven't had any outbreaks since my first one, but I pay really close attention to my body so we can avoid sex if I even suspect any symptoms. We haven't tried female condoms (mostly just because we haven't found them at the store by me and we're not motivated enough to search for them) or any of the other measures you mentioned because he's not uncomfortable with the risk he is taking, and we will probably stop using condoms at some point (his choice). We have both been tested for all of the other stuff and I've been on the pill forever (for other reasons), so that's a personal choice we'll make when we are ready. I don't take any supplements, but I do have a green smoothie every day and have a generally healthy diet and very active lifestyle. I do think that keeps my immune system strong (not just in keeping H under control; I also don't really get sick often at all). Another thing I have read that can help prevent transmission is using a lot of lube during sex. That prevents excessive friction that can lead to transmission. While I think it is important to do your due diligence and take all reasonable precautions to protect your partner, I also think you shouldn't drive yourself crazy worrying about that last little 1-2% risk. With suppressive therapy and condoms, his risk of getting it is is very low. How much are those additional steps (e.g., rubbing alcohol, herbal supplements) going to do to reduce the risk? If they make you feel better and give you peace of mind, I think that's really good, but they are not proven and I think at a certain point it you can do everything right and it still comes down to luck, unfortunately. The only statistics I know of that are published are in the valtrex article: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa035144 That article studied couples who were counseled to use condoms, but many of them didn't, so the statistics are more representative of couples not using condoms. I'm sure there are other articles, and I think I read them when I was first considering disclosure, but I actually got a new computer since then and I didn't move my bookmarks over :(

Sil88 is right: this infection is very new to your body, and your immune system hasn't gotten it under control yet. Also, shedding is more frequent during the first 6 months (to a year, I think), and if you aren't on suppressive therapy, the risk of spreading it is a bit higher than if you are on it (you didn't mention whether you are or not). I'm mentioning this because you said, "The sad truth is its very contagious, I hadn't realised just how so and I couldn't ever tell a person they'd be safe from it even if we followed best practice." That's not true. While there is always a risk, and your partner needs to be aware of it, it is possible to have sex without passing this on. I've had sex with two guys (like, a lot of sex) and the first one didn't get it (he tested several months after the last time we were together) and the second one hasn't gotten it so far. There are so many stories on this site about H+ people who never pass it on to their H- partners. Please don't think that you won't be able to get this under control. You will learn your body and your prodrome symptoms, and you'll be able to avoid sex when an outbreak is coming on and protect your partner. Everyone makes mistakes, and, honestly, I have no idea how I would have handled it if I had met someone with whom I wanted to become intimate 2 months into my journey with this. I'm really sorry for what you're going through and I'm sorry for what this guy is going through now, but whitedaisies is right: you have to forgive yourself and learn from it. It does get better.

It could be, but molluscum will usually not go away for at least a few months unless it is treated (by being frozen off). It is true that it's caused by a virus that your body can generally take care of on its own (but it can also be treated very easily by a dermatologist). I don't think you should drive yourself crazy worrying that this is herpes, but no one can diagnose you on the Internet and I do think if you suspect exposure to herpes and had flu like symptoms, it is worth at least getting tested.

I agree. I also want to encourage you to have the sores swabbed (asap). When I had my first (and so far only) outbreak, the doctor I saw didn't swab, she only did a blood test. A blood test won't be accurate now, and while I did get medication which gave me very fast relief, I had to wait several more weeks to learn I actually had herpes. This was extremely emotionally stressful, and as you may learn if you read certain discussions on this site, not all doctors are up to date with the latest herpes information, so you need to advocate for yourself and insist on having the sores swabbed if it is not initially offered. Good luck! If you learn you do have herpes, it's not the end of the world (although thay first outbreak certainly feels like it). The people on here will support you.

If it was a few months ago, you can go to the doctor and ask for a blood test; it should be accurate by now. If the test is negative, you may want to go again in two more months (so, 4 months post exposure), which should be definitive. If you get anymore pimples/bumps down there, have them seen by a doctor ASAP so they can be swabbed and tested.