sickoflifelessons

I think sharing your experience with her will help have a more honest/open discussion, and will also give perspective as to why you are bringing up the STD test in the first place (not that it's an inappropriate request, but it may not be something that has been asked of her before). Why do you think it would be "opening a can of worms"? To me it seems like it would contribute to the discussion. And, if you are afraid of her reaction, as @ihaveittoo said, you have the results to prove you're negative; I think any rational person would be accepting of that. I can see the reasoning behind "why bother telling her about this?" if you were looking for a casual relationship, but it from your post it sounds like she means more than that to you, and if you're going to pursue a serious relationship with her, transparency and honesty are going to be important, regardless of STD status.

If you were exposed in November, a blood test would be accurate at this point and you don't need symptoms to be present to have that test done. I would get the test done so you know what you're working with (which type, etc). Without a positive test result there's no way to know for sure whether what you experienced was herpes or not.

Thanks :) It is really hard not to worry, even though I understand and agree with everything you say. He seems really laid back about it, but I worry that will change if/when he actually gets it. I have been really open about having it, and I don't feel uncomfortable talking to him about it, but of course, I still don't want to be responsible for infecting someone. I think I'm also having a hard time because I made a lot of progress this past year, but this outbreak is reminding me I have it all over again. I think it's easier to move on from it conceptually when the physical symptoms have disappeared (which is what had happened for me). Now, I'm feeling angry, scared, and betrayed (by my giver, who I don't even know anymore) all over again. And I don't want to take that out on my current boyfriend because he is wonderful. Anyway, I will give him some lysine, and just be prepared to deal with whatever ends up happening. Thank you for the support.

I appear to be having my second herpes outbreak :( My first one was over a year ago. My boyfriend and I had sex twice yesterday. I felt completely fine the first time we had sex and before we had sex the second time, but towards the end of the second time, it started to become painful, so we stopped. I didn't think too much of it, but I was pretty sore the rest of the night. This morning, I woke up and things were sort of burning/painful down there. I checked myself out and there was a lot of redness. I took a shower and checked again when I got out and this time noticed what may be the beginnings of blisters. I am really upset, and scared that I was contagious when we had sex yesterday and that I've passed this onto my boyfriend. I woke him up as soon as I noticed the possible sores, and he said he's not at all worried, and we don't know if he got it yet, but even if he does, it won't be a big deal. And it's great that he is being so kind and supportive, but I still don't want him to have to deal with this, too. I have been a lot more stressed than usual lately (work related), so I'm guessing this maybe contributed to it. I don't know what to do now. I know that I can't change what already happened, but I don't know how to deal with the guilt of giving this to someone.

I was on it for a little while when I was first diagnosed. I met one guy off it; he had had H for a while and it was really nice to talk to him. We had a great time and he was cute, but there was no chemistry. I didn't talk to anyone else on the site that I found very interesting and after a while it started to upset me because I felt like those were my "only" options. I also felt like a lot of the people who messaged me were automatically settling. I got a few messages that said something along the lines of, "now that I have this and I can't date regular girls, I guess you'll do" (paraphrasing, obviously). I want to be someone's first choice, not someone they're with *just* because we both happen to carry the same virus. Then I joined tinder (mostly because my friend told me it was nice to just boost your confidence - which is definitely true as a girl), and I sort of accidentally met my first post-H boyfriend there. I met my second post-H/current boyfriend on OKCupid. I didn't disclose in my profiles - I waited about a month to tell both of them. I think it's very brave to disclose up front, but I'm not there yet, and not sure I ever will be because I'm extremely private about all personal things. I just wanted to share my experience because I think positive singles can be helpful and a good option for some, if not many, - if you want to be on other dating sites, there's no reason not to be.

How is he behaving? Does he want to spend less time with you? Does he call less frequently? Also, howong ago did you tell him? He may still really like you and want to date you, but need time to process the information. It can be overwhelming to some people. If it hasn't been too long since you told him, I'd give him some time to figure it out and be available to answer questions if he has any.

Do the spots in your mouth hurt? It could be thrush. I hope you are able to see a doctor soon.

I should have just used condoms, and not told him. I know this sounds like a good idea...and I know we've probably all had this feeling/impulse, but remember there is always a risk of passing it on, even with condoms (I got it from protected sex), and I think that ultimately, if you had had sex with a condom and not told him, you would ended up beating yourself up over it anyway. Also, I have to agree with the others about what this guy was looking for. I have had this experience a few too many times with guys I dated in my pre-H life. We would date for a a couple of weeks. Things would be going really well..we'd meet each other's friends, he would be over-the-top crazy about me, and we'd finally have sex maybe 3 weeks to a month in (that's usually the progression anyway), and almost immediately after having sex (or maybe in the first week or two after having sex) he'd grow distant, pull away, and it would end. And this was before I had H. It happened with three guys, and it killed me every time. To me, it sounds like this is what happened to you, albeit the circumstances were a bit different since he was deployed. And while it's completely heartbreaking, it doesn't sound to me like it has to do with the herpes. I think you are preoccupied with that because sharing that with him made you vulnerable, but I think his actions would have been the same whether you had herpes or not. The only difference is that if you didn't have herpes, maybe you'd be able to see what a jerk he is being. And, even if it *was* the herpes that made him have second thoughts, he is not behaving in a way that a decent guy would behave. A decent guy wouldn't disappear after having sex with you. He would be able to face you, and not resort to taking his things from your home while you weren't there and then cowardly texting you. It hurts now, and I know that immediately post break up I can never see my ex's flaws, but I hope that in time you will realize that you deserve far better than someone who treats you like that.

I have seen a lot of reference to transmission rates depending on the location of outbreaks. Just wondering...what if you don't get outbreaks? I had a primary outbreak, but haven't had an outbreak or symptoms since then. I thought that you can shed from anywhere in the "boxers shorts" region, so I was just wondering if anyone could provide additional wisdom about this. Thanks!

Well, I got H from a doctor. When I asked him about it, he didn't respond well, but that was because I had also just learned that he was cheating on me (at orgies, after insisting that we were monogamous), so it was going to be an ugly discussion anyway. I think it probably depends on the individual. A lot of doctors aren't all that informed about H. A lot seem to take it really lightly (at least when they diagnose someone with it). I work with a lot of doctors and have a lot of good friends who are doctors, and while the disclosure talk might go differently (e.g., they probably know some of the general information and be more aware of its prevalence), I think the ultimate decision to take the risk will depend on the individual to whom you are disclosing and the type of relationship the two of you have. So, basically, I think it will be mostly like having the talk with anyone else.

I am a H2 female with a H- boyfriend. I use suppressive therapy (500 mg valtrex per day) and we use condoms. I haven't had any outbreaks since my first one, but I pay really close attention to my body so we can avoid sex if I even suspect any symptoms. We haven't tried female condoms (mostly just because we haven't found them at the store by me and we're not motivated enough to search for them) or any of the other measures you mentioned because he's not uncomfortable with the risk he is taking, and we will probably stop using condoms at some point (his choice). We have both been tested for all of the other stuff and I've been on the pill forever (for other reasons), so that's a personal choice we'll make when we are ready. I don't take any supplements, but I do have a green smoothie every day and have a generally healthy diet and very active lifestyle. I do think that keeps my immune system strong (not just in keeping H under control; I also don't really get sick often at all). Another thing I have read that can help prevent transmission is using a lot of lube during sex. That prevents excessive friction that can lead to transmission. While I think it is important to do your due diligence and take all reasonable precautions to protect your partner, I also think you shouldn't drive yourself crazy worrying about that last little 1-2% risk. With suppressive therapy and condoms, his risk of getting it is is very low. How much are those additional steps (e.g., rubbing alcohol, herbal supplements) going to do to reduce the risk? If they make you feel better and give you peace of mind, I think that's really good, but they are not proven and I think at a certain point it you can do everything right and it still comes down to luck, unfortunately. The only statistics I know of that are published are in the valtrex article: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa035144 That article studied couples who were counseled to use condoms, but many of them didn't, so the statistics are more representative of couples not using condoms. I'm sure there are other articles, and I think I read them when I was first considering disclosure, but I actually got a new computer since then and I didn't move my bookmarks over :(

Sil88 is right: this infection is very new to your body, and your immune system hasn't gotten it under control yet. Also, shedding is more frequent during the first 6 months (to a year, I think), and if you aren't on suppressive therapy, the risk of spreading it is a bit higher than if you are on it (you didn't mention whether you are or not). I'm mentioning this because you said, "The sad truth is its very contagious, I hadn't realised just how so and I couldn't ever tell a person they'd be safe from it even if we followed best practice." That's not true. While there is always a risk, and your partner needs to be aware of it, it is possible to have sex without passing this on. I've had sex with two guys (like, a lot of sex) and the first one didn't get it (he tested several months after the last time we were together) and the second one hasn't gotten it so far. There are so many stories on this site about H+ people who never pass it on to their H- partners. Please don't think that you won't be able to get this under control. You will learn your body and your prodrome symptoms, and you'll be able to avoid sex when an outbreak is coming on and protect your partner. Everyone makes mistakes, and, honestly, I have no idea how I would have handled it if I had met someone with whom I wanted to become intimate 2 months into my journey with this. I'm really sorry for what you're going through and I'm sorry for what this guy is going through now, but whitedaisies is right: you have to forgive yourself and learn from it. It does get better.

It could be, but molluscum will usually not go away for at least a few months unless it is treated (by being frozen off). It is true that it's caused by a virus that your body can generally take care of on its own (but it can also be treated very easily by a dermatologist). I don't think you should drive yourself crazy worrying that this is herpes, but no one can diagnose you on the Internet and I do think if you suspect exposure to herpes and had flu like symptoms, it is worth at least getting tested.

I agree. I also want to encourage you to have the sores swabbed (asap). When I had my first (and so far only) outbreak, the doctor I saw didn't swab, she only did a blood test. A blood test won't be accurate now, and while I did get medication which gave me very fast relief, I had to wait several more weeks to learn I actually had herpes. This was extremely emotionally stressful, and as you may learn if you read certain discussions on this site, not all doctors are up to date with the latest herpes information, so you need to advocate for yourself and insist on having the sores swabbed if it is not initially offered. Good luck! If you learn you do have herpes, it's not the end of the world (although thay first outbreak certainly feels like it). The people on here will support you.

If it was a few months ago, you can go to the doctor and ask for a blood test; it should be accurate by now. If the test is negative, you may want to go again in two more months (so, 4 months post exposure), which should be definitive. If you get anymore pimples/bumps down there, have them seen by a doctor ASAP so they can be swabbed and tested.

Inflammation can result from any untreated infection in a particular area. Herpes can disrupt the balance of flora "down there" for women, leaving us vulnerable to other infections (e.g., yeast/bacteria) as well. So, this may or may not have started as herpes (only a qualified doctor will be able to help you get to the bottom of that), but I would guess that at this point something else is going on, too (possibly in addition to the herpes). I agree that family practitioners don't know a lot about herpes, but I would hope they'd be able to recognize a "textbook" case. And this does not sound like a textbook case of anything in particular. Has she been treated for anything at this time? I think in another post you said she was diagnosed with BV? Have they at least given her meds (metronidazole or clindamycin usually) for that? Neither will hurt her if it ends up being something else, including H. My doctor prescribed me metronidazole at the same time that she took a culture for BV once (so, we didn't know if it was going to be positive for bacteria yet). Also, I'm sorry, because I haven't read all of your posts, but you asked how to get a doctor to give you meds when you have no sores. Did you have a positive test for herpes (I think I remember you saying somewhere you did)? If that's the case, you don't need sores to be present to get meds, you can just ask for them. Call the doctor who gave you the positive results and ask him/her for a prescription. If s/he won't prescribe them, ask for your medical record and take the test results to a doctor who will. Of course, I have no idea if this will be your experience, too, but I have to agree that it is time to seek out a specialist, perhaps in another area from the one you live in, since it has been so difficult for you to get the kind of care you need where you are. If you are able to get to a bigger city, I would make an effort to do that. I live in a very big city and was able to be seen the same day when I had my first H outbreak, so you may be able to schedule something on short notice, and you'll have more options in terms of specialists. Just a thought - I know it's not possible for everyone, but it just seems like you are getting nowhere with your local doctors.

I REALLY hope you guys get to be seen by a doctor you trust ASAP, but I have one more question. You wrote: Most say for best result from swab needs to be ASAP so they would probably be false negative just being old blood in them. Does this mean that the lesions/blisters/bumps are filled with blood? Or was that a typo? Because hemangioma are made up of blood vessels, but I have not heard of herpes blisters being filled with blood. Just something to consider. Good luck getting in to see the OBGYN!

So sorry, I did not mean to seem harsh. My tone was more intended to get across the message: "look at everyone on here who is living coping with herpes - even if you do have it, it's *really* not the end of the world!" I was a wreck when I first got diagnosed, and also (nearly a full year later) earlier this week. I absolutely didn't mean to convey any resentment or judgement. I will be more careful to reread posts in the future.

There's also a valtrex study - I don't know if the stats on the handouts come from there, but they're similar: http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa035144

A couple of questions: 1. Do you know the person you had the one night stand with had herpes? 2. If the girl you are seeing, who you say is your whole world, told you that she had genital herpes, would that be an "absolute deal breaker" for you? What you are describing sounds like an obsession driven by guilt and regret. It doesn't sound like herpes. Like whitedaisies said, you can get a blood test at this point, to determine if you have the virus. It should be accurate by now, but if it is negative, you may want to be retested in two more months, to be sure. I do understand what you're going through, and I think we all went through this panic mode when we were first diagnosed/expecting to be diagnosed. The thing is, everything in your post perpetuates the stigma. You are on a board, asking the advice and help of people who live with this condition, and you're describing it in the worst possible way. Syphilis - even when treated - can do more damage than herpes. And even if that is how you feel (to be fair, I'm sure that thought crossed my mind when I was diagnosed), isn't it rather insensitive to post that to a group of people who already have what you fear you have? With all of the research that you've done, can't you see that it's really not a big deal for most people? That it's a very manageable condition and that many, many people are totally accepting of it? Over the past few months since your possible exposure, has your health deteriorated in any way? Has anything other than these minor bumps (which I agree sound like folliculitis more than herpes) impacted your daily life? Or is it just the psychological torment of possibly having something socially taboo? It sounds like the last one, to me. Again, I don't think that what you're describing sounds like herpes anyway, but if you DO have it, it's not the end of the world. You've already found a really supportive place. But if you *don't* have it, hopefully this scare will open your eyes to the reality of how benign this condition is, and how blown out of proportion the stigma surrounding it is. For what it's worth, I got herpes after only a few times having sex with someone (and this was in a relationship where I waited a while to have sex with him, sigh), *with* a condom, and he wasn't showing any symptoms. So all the precautions whitedaisies mentioned are important going forward, regardless of what your test ends up showing. (and, on the positive side, for what it's worth, I'm currently in a relationship with an H- person having the best sex of my life. So even if you do have it, life really does goes on).

Since it's been over 3 months since your symptoms started, when you see your doctor in a few weeks, ask about having a blood test done for HSV - if you have it, you should have antibodies by now. It *does* sound like a stubborn case of folliculitis to me, though...a lot of times a folliculitis episode that goes on like this, will require oral antibiotics to clear it up. But it's totally not a big deal. I know it's tough to wait two weeks. A walk in clinic may be able to diagnose it for you and give you antibiotics. Did the doctor at Planned Parenthood even look at the bumps?

I worked for a dermatologist for over a year and saw a lot of herpes and a lot of hemangioma in real life (although never saw hemangioma on the lady parts). They don't look alike. While I understand that doctors don't see STDs on a regular basis, they have seen them in real life, and it sounds like you have been putting all of your faith in Dr. Google. Also, these doctors should know the difference between hemangioma and herpes if they're going to throw out a diagnosis of hemangioma. Do the bumps hurt her? Have they opened/crusted over? Like others have said, she needs to see an OBGYN (or a Dermatologist). This sounds more like BV (or possibly yeast) to me, which is one of the the most common gynecological infections. But no one can diagnose you on the internet, and you don't seem to trust the doctors you've visited. I hope you are able to get her into see someone you can trust soon.

Thanks :) I don't know how I don't have H1 antibodies, to be honest. My mom had it and my sister has it and I was around multiple H outbreaks growing up. But I tested negative for it and positive for H2 last February. Anyway, he was actually tested for "everything" (except H) right before we got together. And I have been tested more than once over the past year. So we're pretty on top of that. I have been bugging him to get the HSV tests, but he's dragging his feet :( He did agree to do it, but things have been busy and he just keeps saying it isn't a scary thing to him. But I'm going to ask him to go (and honestly, if he had been tested and was positive for H1, it wasn't going to stop me from kissing him...I'd just have more certainty about what's happening on my lip right now). I hope this is just a zit. It is still sore,but less so today. No blister, no whitehead. It looks like it's just kind of fading away, so maybe it was just irritation? I'm also PMS-ing, so it could be just some stupid pimple under my skin...

It sounds like she is in serious denial about her H status, and it would probably be a good idea for her to work on that, her self esteem issues, and on building a stable, trusting relationship with you, *before* having a threesome. Right now, it sort of sounds like discussing the threesome is a way for her to "defy" the H or something...by trying to prove she can have all the sexual experiences she could have had before she got H. The thing is, she (and you) *can* have all of these experiences, it's just going to take more caution and responsibility, and denying or defying H is not the way to go about doing that. Once you both are in a good place with H and in your relationship, I think it will be easier to discuss a threesome and come up with ways to keep all parties involved safe and informed. You can approach the disclosure together, which, in my mind, would be way less scary than doing it on your own. Also, was she taking medication and using protection when you were first having casual sex (i.e., when you contracted H)? If so (I'll be disappointed, because those are the safety measures my partner and I take), you can gently remind her that taking medication and using condoms is not 100% effective at preventing H transmission and you just don't feel comfortable keeping your status from someone with whom you will be intimate. If she wasn't using medication+condoms when she passed it on to you, maybe just tell her that for now you want to focus on your relationship with her, but when the time comes for a threesome, you will work with her to come up with a plan of action that you're both comfortable with.

My "new" boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 months (not that this necessarily makes a difference just wanted to clarify). Also, would it be possible for him to have transferred HSV 2 to my mouth by giving me oral sex and then kissing me? This seems unlikely, since I have had this virus for a year and have had no outbreaks apart from the first one - I am sure I have developed antibodies to it. But is it more likely to be that than oral HSV 1? Or a pimple? It doesn't feel like a pimple...