FLNewH

hahaha It was me @dancer. I've told 6 people, 4 of which either have it themselves, are in a relationship where their partner is H+ or they have family/friends that have it. You're right, after I posted that I reread that sentence and was like "wtf do I care what they think anyway?? I haven't talked to those people in 20 years sooooo who cares". He is just such an asshole (hence why we are not together any longer). I could also be over-thinking, which is typical for me and nothing may end up happening. Either way, I'm gonna do it. Here's the order of the guys since my divorce: Donny, on-line guy, James, on-line guy (nickname Ginger hahaha), boyfriend who dumped me. So, taking your suggestion and working back, the ex-boyfriend is not included since my blood results came back positive. So, gonna start with Ginger. If I can't find him, then I'll reach out to James. That which does not kill us makes us stronger, right? urg!!!!

@willow wow! that is horrible! I'm sorry you had that experience. That guy sounds like a class-A jackass! He sounds toxic as hell for anyone he is around! I know it's a risk. Hell, that's why we all get nervous and scared about the disclosure. The one guy, we will call him "Donny", he's gonna be a jerk probably but I don't think he'll freak. I don't think he will tell anyone either, that's just his style - he's a typical "man's man" and doesn't discuss things like this with people. But, the other one, we will call him "James" ooohhh I can see him being vindictive. I've compared his actions before to those of a jealous, scorned girlfriend - not the kind that should be jealous, the kind that are just psycho. Disclosing to James will be hard because I am not sure what kind of action he will take afterwards. Actually, the disclosure will probably be text - he doesn't answer the phone when I call! hahaha. I will try to call, obviously, but I can just see it turning into a text conversation or me leaving a vm. Ugh, which I don't want to do because then it will be IN TEXT or in a VM!!!! ugh! See, I've known James my whole life, never really "hung out" growing up, but we have known of each other since we were in preschool. We reconnected after all these years on FB (he lives about 7 hours from me in the panhandle) and had an LDR for a few months. When James finds out, he will tell his sister ... and then (within hours I'm sure) all my graduating high school class will know. And then he will play the "poor me" victim, but probably not even ever go in and get tested. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wanna throw up just thinking about it!!!! I really need to think about how to prepare for the aftermath. There were two guys I slept with during my online dating escapades. Unfortunately I do not know how to get a hold of them. I no longer have their phone numbers, I don't know where they live. I will try to find them on the dating sites I was on, but if I can't find them then I won't know what else to do. If I can't figure out how to get a hold of these guys, James will have to be the first. I just feel it's the right thing to do. I know it's hard to do. I know I'm going to be drinking myself silly about this but at least when I close my eyes at night I won't be feeling guilty that I didn't do all I could. I know that I would have liked to have known.

"... and while that may sometimes *feel* like judgement, it is not. One can have their own beliefs AND support someone who has another POV"

I don't appreciate your attacks. And, I will comment on any post I want. This isn't "your post" anyway. I have a right to ask questions and give opinions just like everyone else. It does show your maturity level by telling me to fuck off. Very nice.

@willow - just curious why you wouldn't? I thought of the doc route :-) but they would know it's me still. They both are out of state now and I would be the only person in FL that they know.

What I said was "I personally do not understand". I said that "I" would be guilt-riden, I said "I" would be tore up. Because "I" would personally feel this way, because of THAT, yes, I do not understand how someone could have that kind of secret and be able to live with it. I never said disclosing was easy. I never said anyone was less of a person for not disclosing. You can read into my "essence" all you want, but you are misinterpreting what I am saying. Yes it has occurred to me that you do feel awful for living a lie. That is why I don't understand!!! I'm a nervous person to begin with. Holding something like that in would tear me apart. So, for me, me personally, I would rather try and disclose than live with the guilt, live with a lie. I hope you can work through it, I truly do, because nobody deserves to feel that way. Did it ever occur to you that you are being defensive with me because you do feel guilty? And the anger you are showing towards me is really because you are angry at yourself? Or angry at herpes? Did it also possibly occur to you that maybe I'm a bit pissed off for having this shit? Maybe I'm pissed that I had yellow/brown pus coming out of my vagina for two days? Maybe I'm pissed that I got my period right in the middle of this OB and couldn't even wipe for 3 days? Maybe I'm pissed off that I don't even know how long I've had this? That I don't know who I've gotten this from? That I don't know who I've possibly given this to? I didn't have a problem with the fact that the original poster was not disclosing. It get disclosing is no walk in the park. It was the attitude behind it. The fact that she DID NOT CARE is what I had issue with. She did not care that she was possibly passing this on to her boyfriend (who sleeps around) who could then be passing it on to other unsuspecting people. I've only dealt with this for 2 weeks as of tomorrow. I would hope that whoever gave it to me did not know they had it at the time. I hope they know now so they can do something about it. But, for me personally, I would look at it as a betrayal. If someone knew they had this disease and did not tell me to allow me the OPTION of not having sex I would feel betrayed. Scroll up yourself. You were saying I was judging you only after a few comments and all I did was ask a few questions ... out of curiosity. I even said "just curios". That is what people do on here. You post something, people ask questions, people give opinions. I did read his comment and I agree it is a wonderful post. But your implication is he was directing some hidden message to me. Possibly you as well should scroll up and read Dancer's comment: **again, you came on here for opinions. You've asked for advice. if you came here expecting to be supported in your belief that it's okay to not disclose, you were on the wrong forum. We strongly believe on H Opp that the right thing to do is to disclose. I hope that when you calm down that you will understand where we are coming from.** To be honest, I'm getting tired of having to defend why I would be upset and disagree with someone knowingly putting someone at risk and not telling them. I'm pretty much done with this particular post. I came to this site myself for support and, until being part of this post, I've had a wonderful experience. @adrial if you feel I'm in the wrong, then just delete my account cuz I'm over this. I've had many discussions with others on here where we may not have agreed, but there wasn't this kind of attack on opinions.

Please tell me where I am judging? Did I say you were a horrible person? All I said was I don't agree. We are allowed to do that right? I wouldn't not disclose because I wouldn't want that done to me.

hahahaha right?!?!?!?! My guess would be a tally of people like me who find out and say they didn't know they had it?

@jordenellisson I don't see any judgment in any comments. And, there was no judgment in the original responses to this post from the beginning. I think you're getting a little defensive. There is no judgment about the choices you are making/have made. I personally just do not understand how someone can know they have a virus that has the potential to be passed on to someone else and not tell them. No, this will not kill someone, but it sure is a pain in the privates and I would never knowingly put someone at risk. I would be guilt-ridden and that would tear me up. Me not understanding how someone else (apparently quite a few people) CAN go through life just fine NOT disclosing is NOT judging.

I only asked about the pregnancy because having a baby was one of the first questions I asked my doc when I found out. She told me it was just something your doctor needs to know about in case you are having an OB at the time of labor, and to just keep a general eye on during the pregnancy. She told me that if there was an OB at time of labor, that most docs will then do a C-Section. Medical info is confidential in the US as well. But I guess there is the assumption that if a mother and father of the unborn child is in a room together, that things may get discussed in front of both parties. Like I said, was just curious.

@trying So, you think maybe those relationships I've had since my divorce? I've been "on my own" since April, 2013. I've had two (short-lived) relationships and a few "fun partners". sonfobitch this sucks so much

@jordenellisson I'm just curious. If you were able to disclose before, why are you not able to disclose to the man you've been with the last 4 years? Also, how did that keep that hidden from him during the pregnancy? I've never had a child, but I've been told this is information your doctor needs to know in case you have a OB during labor.

So, my conscience has been in a flux all day today. I'm all about the disclosure, but how far back do I go with disclosing this to past sexual partners? I don't know how long I've had this. I could have gotten this in my 20's, from my ex-husband, from relationships I've had in the last couple of years, or from a one-night stand from who knows when! I'm really really having a hard time with this. Do I call the two boyfriends I've have this past year and tell them? Do I call my ex-husband and tell him? Do I tell an ex-boyfriend (that I'm still friends with) from my 20's?? I just don't know what to do. My result was high, 8.0 for HSV2. So, I know I've had it "for a while" but I don't know if that means 6 months, 3 years, 15 years ... you get the point. I so strongly believe people need to know if they are at risk, but I also don't want to be making all these calls and having this discussion if I don't really need to. The part of my conscience that is winning is telling me that I need to contact everyone I can remember (hahaha that sounds horrible) regardless of how long ago it's been. Any opinions?

@daisy - I'm sorry I just saw your question. My last exposure? Do you mean my last OB? My first OB (to my knowledge it's my first) seems to have started around a couple weeks ago and it's pretty much gone. I've completed 10 days of the anti-viral, but I'm going to continue to take them until Friday - makes me feel better and my doc said there was no issue taking them a little bit longer.

@CityofAngels Although it is a bit disheartening for someone in my place (newly diagnosed and had no idea I had this) to hear that, in some respects, our pool of potential mates may be reduced due to this virus (we all know how hard it is to find a quality mate), it is refreshing that you actually took the time to research and learn before making a decision. At no point did I ever read in your comments that we are bad people or disgusting or gross or not worthy of love - and I thank you for that. At least you are taking the time to try and learn about our emotions. Those that do judge us do not realize that their judgments of us are exactly what goes through our own minds when we are diagnosed. We feel gross, we feel unworthy, we get thrown into a depression. I feel that I am lucky because, after only two weeks of being diagnosed, I am handling the emotions that come with this virus fairly well whereas I see others on here that have had this diagnosis part of their life for months or years and still haven't come to terms with it. My ex-boyfriend never even took the time to come to this site or read my text messages or answer my phone calls before making his decision. He just dropped me. At least you gave her the respect of learning the facts before making a decision. To be honest, if I would have been asked the question "Would you date someone with herpes?" prior to a couple weeks ago, I would not have hesitated to say "Hell to the No!". But, now that I am in a different circumstance, my answer would obviously be "Sure, why not?" And to be even more honest, even today, if someone asked me if I would date someone with HIV, I would still say no. Not because I am uninformed, but because I choose to NOT get involved with someone who has a virus that can kill and there is potential to pass it on to me. Believe me, the day my doctor told me I had lesions and suggested I get HSV and HIV tests, I was researching the hell out of those sites. So, we all have our deal-breakers. I think you staying in this forum is really a benefit to all of us, including you. People that are H- are ignorant to the information. I don't mean that in a bad way. We are all ignorant of things we don't know (obviously). So, by having H- folks on these forums, at least there is information being shared with them and hopefully a better understanding of what us H+ people are going through. And, we get the perspective of someone who isn't judging, but just choosing to not take the risk - and that is 100% OK. Hopefully you can also help us some day by sticking up for us if you ever hear someone being less than kind about people in our situation :-)

Do not be so hard on yourself. I've asked myself the same question many many times over the last couple years since I've been divorced ... except remove the word herpes and put the word fat. For example: "Why would a man choose me? when there are so many other willing women who are likely not fat? " Why??? Because I am f'ing awesome .... and so are YOU!!! In our own ways. Sure, we all may have physical qualities just like the other millions out there - but there is that one "thing" or that way you "smirk" or the way you "look at him" or that "feisty sparkle in your eye" that makes you different than the rest. It's your "way about you" that makes You worth choosing. Chin up sweetie - please don't let a not-so-great relationship or a herpes diagnosis make you feel unworthy for someone else's love and affection. You know. The boyfriend that recently dumped me used to tell me something every day that just warmed my heart. It may sound cheesy, but I'd melt every time: "Has Anyone Told You How Wonderful You Are Today? No? Well, I think you are pretty wonderful" Don't ever forget you are wonderful, for nothing more than just being you. *hugs*

Thanks for the correction of the math :-) Either way - it's a lot of people :-) I just can't believe the lack of education on something that affects so many people. Maybe it's because I am a new H 'member' but I am feeling very passionate about this. I am going to start researching organizations I can join to help educate people about this. Eh - I needed a hobby anyway hahahaha

Hi All. Those of you that have read some of my posts know that I am new to this world. One of the worst feelings when you first find out you are positive is that you feel alone. Can't tell anyone. Nobody else should know. My specific words were "this is a Need to Know and you don't Need to Know". And then you start to research and learn about this virus and the stats ... about 16% of population has this ... 80% of those don't even know. Hell, for arguments sake, lets lower the percentage to just 10% of the population. US population is about 316,000,000 people (in 2013 per Google). This means that around 31,600,000 people have herpes. Which means that about 25,280,000 people (in the US alone) DO NOT KNOW THEY HAVE IT. This is MILLION!!!! Even if you cut this number in half - that is still a lot of millions of people. The point? We are not alone!!! YOU are not alone!!! Calculating these numbers makes me so angry that there is not more being done to help identify people that are positive and then educate to prevent the spread of this. HSV, HPV, HIV - ALL of these viruses need to be part of STANDARD STD tests done. AND, a standard STD test should be done as part as EVERYONE'S annual checkup. Guys, every year you finally give into your nagging girlfriend or wife and go to the doctor for your annual check-up, THIS should be something that is automatically included with an annual exam. Ladies, every year we go and have our hoo-ha checked, this should be part of our regular annual exam. And, when a patient says "I want to be tested for everything" the practitioner should TELL that patient exactly what is and what is not included in that test. I am so floored by the fact that Insurance Companies, the gov't, the health practitioners (WHOEVER!) do not feel this is important! I feel like I need to do something about this. I feel like I need to be contacting someone and raising hell!

:-) thank you both so much. I've got a call in and should be getting a call back today or tomorrow.

oh of course! have good night :-)

Also, I have heard that there is no way to really pinpoint how long I've had this, other than more than the 3-4 months it would take to get a positive result. But, I know that the higher the result, the longer the antibodies have been building up in my body. Is there anyway for me to find out, based on my results, if I've had this more than a year, less than a year, 10 years? ugh just at least a general time-frame?

@wcsdancer Ya. I hated the shot. I gained 20 pounds and spotted all the time, so it didn't really even benefit me with not having a period. hmm this is all so interesting. there is so much that I'm thinking back to wondering "was that really an OB?" or "did that help kick start this?" I know you are all over this site, but if you get a chance in the next day or so, can you check out my post "Question about my results". I'm very curious what you think about it.

Dancer is right. This Friday will be two weeks that I have known I have HSV2. I have told 6 of my friends and my mother. I didn't plan on telling THAT many people, but each one of my friends found me crying outside at work and hounded me until I told them what was wrong. You know what they told me? Friend #1: "Oh honey - I've had it for 10 years!" Friend #2: "Oh, my sister has had that forever!" Friend #3: "Oh, my husband has had it for years and I'm still negative" My Mother: "Oh, Brenda's daughter got that the first time she had sex! BTW - don't use my toilet" hahaha the second part was her attempt at a joke. I didn't find it funny, but she got a giggle out of it. That is over 50% of people I told that are either directly affected by this disease or know someone who is. Those are just the ones I told, not everyone I know. And the others that weren't, well, they didn't give a crap. One of them said "better get some valtrex bitch! hahahhaa" (that is a term of endearment for us) My friend who is married - they had sex for 3 months before he disclosed to her. She didn't leave him or get angry. They have been together for 5 years and she is still negative. Point is, the anxiety you are feeling is probably more inside you than what is really going to happen. Chin up girl. You will figure it out. And if he leaves, well, there will be others. Mine just dumped me - I cried for a week, had a few caramel milkshakes and got over it. Oh, and bitched about it on this site. This site is great - I hope you choose to stay and learn how to deal with this so you won't have to struggle with the emotions on your own.

you're young. you need to research this - when I said that in an earlier post i wasn't trying to be an asshole. you sound misinformed and that is ok because we were ALL misinformed and uneducated on this ... until we got it. Hell, I've known I've had this for two weeks, so I'm no freaking expert either. and when I said you have other things going on, your comments about yourself are very negative. you thinking it is OK to not think this is something that needs to be disclosed isn't a healthy outlook. you need to talk to someone about whatever else is going on. no matter how lame you may think it is. you are too too young to be worried about a reputation - you're 22 - you don't have a reputation right now. and, you are too young to be settling for someone who (1) sleeps around (2) you don't respect and who doesn't seem to respect you, from what I can read between the lines and (3) you feel that hiding this from and lying about it is ok. I hope you stay on here - just maybe learn to take the opinions. And you know what, fucking up in life makes us who we are. I'm 38, I've fucked up a lot. Just because someone points out that you have fucked up doesn't mean it's a bad thing, it's keeps our asses in line.

just out of curiosity - do you usually get it that far up? sorry to sound dumb, I'm kinda new to this. I've noticed pimples on my upper thighs, all around, not just inner like on my butt cheeks (hahaha geez) and was wondering if that was just a "side effect" of the herpes or if those are able to transmit the virus as well. just wondering if that is what you are also getting. they aren't anything like the lesions - just like little bumps. can't really even see them, just feel them.