FLNewH

@girlafraid. you seem to have other things going on here other than the herpes situation. coming to a place like this is what you need. but it seems like you are in denial and closed off a bit to opinions. at no point did I EVER say I was better than you or anyone else on this site. We are all in the same boat, dealing with this crap. But, to have someone admit they don't care about passing this along, that I can't deal with right now - or ever probably. sorry if you got offended, but all I did was give my opinion.

that's not the intention of the post. you need to come to forums and talk things out. But getting defensive is no way to handle it. Understand, most of us don't know when we got this. Most of us are new to this disease and are pissed off as hell that we have it. Obviously you are not. That's fine. @Adrial (Mr. H Opp) and @WCSDancer2010 maybe one of you can shed some light on this.

there is no need for that. you put a post out there - we are all entitled to our opinions. I just found out two weeks ago. Forgive me for being sensitive to hearing that someone is knowingly passing this on and doesn't care. I never called names or judged you. But you wanted opinions, so you got them.

"he never asked if i was clean, and i admitted to him that i haven't been tested in a long time. that's also his risk to take." You are kidding me, right? Yes, it takes two to tango. And both parties are responsible for the consequences of having sex (protected or unprotected). With that said, If you KNOW you have an STD you have a RESPONSIBILITY to tell that person before you sleep with them. As someone who "contracted it from who knows" I would think you would understand that basic concept. How pissed would you be if you found out that the person who gave this to you in the first place KNEW they had this shit and PURPOSELY said nothing?? And now you have to deal with this shit for the rest of your life. There was no judgment. This site does not judge. But I will damn well get angry and be honest about it! Ugh I Can't!!!! You are knowingly putting people at risk of getting an STD and you do not care! And, just out of curiosity, if it's "just a fucking skin virus" then why are you so embarrassed about it?? And what kind of relationship is it really if he's sleeping around and you aren't honest with him? And you are going to say he probably gave you something because you now have skin tags?? I'm sorry, I just can't. Sounds to me like you really need to learn your facts.

very interesting about the depo shot. I was on Trivora forever, then decided to go on depo shot June 2013. I came off of it Feb of this year. It took me until August to get my first period after coming off the shot. I'm wondering if that contributed to my first OB ...

hahahaha omg I wish there was a "like" button for some of these comments :-)

hahahaha no way @seeker! stay sweet!!! the side of him I've seen the last week or so was VERY different from how he was. He was very sweet, cooked me dinner, remembered my favorite type of wine (even though he was drunk when i told him hahahah). Now that he is an asshole he is deleted from my life. You know a woman is serious when she deletes you from her phone hahahaha

that is ridiculous! too expensive my butt!!! i'm holding back a theory I have, i guess maybe it can be considered a bit of a conspiracy theory .... but I will say that so much money would be lost if this disease stopped spreading so they would rather ignore any kind of preventative care. Anyway. Don't mind at all :-) I'm in the Tampa Bay area.

Hi All. So, I asked my doctor to send me a copy of my test results. Which, if I may jump on a quick tangent, the chick at the desk gave me such an attitude about it! "Why??? You want a second opinion or something?" "Ummmm no. I'm pretty sure the lab knows how to process a herpes test. I tested positive, I'd like to have a paper copy of MY health records. That ok with you?" Ya, I know that was a bit snotty, but it's been a rough couple of weeks. So, back to the post :-) I'm going to call my doctor and ask for clarification, but I just wanted to run this by you all. The doc called me and gave me the results over the phone last week and told me that I tested positive for genital HSV1 and HSV2. But now I don't think I have HSV1. Looking at the paper, there are individual sections with info about each test and then a summary section with detected/not detected. Reading this, I don't think I have HSV1 - your opinions please? Again, I'll call the doc, just curious if I'm missing something first. Herpes I Ab.(IgG) Result: less than .2 Negative Herpes II Ab. (IgG) Result greater than 8.0 HI Positive Herpes Simp I/II (IgM) (3) Result 1.99 HI Positive It says the results were obtained with the Diamedix immunosimplicity Is-HSV1 and 2 IgM EIA Test System. Then - the Summary Section says: Herpes simplex virus 1 Result: Not Detected Herpes simplex virus 2 Result: Detected My understanding was that the last one I have listed (Simp I/II) is to detect if either are in my system whereas the first two are to differentiate between which one I have. Am I totally off on this?

Oh - I told two more people today. What the hell is wrong with me!??! hahhaa I mean, I get the idea that people need to realize this stigma is incorrect, but I feel like I've been running my mouth about this!

Thank you for the words of encouragement :-) Now that the man drama is done I can focus on me! I seem to have an issue with allowing other peoples problems to take priority over my own. I think it's just a woman's way - we just want to make sure everyone is ok, whether it affects us or not :-) I had a "focus on me" period after my divorce (once I stopped drinking a bottle of wine a night) and felt better. I've let that slip lately for a number of different things. So, really I'm trying to look at this diagnosis as a wake up call to become healthier and take better care of myself.

Well said @positivelybeautiful :-) @seeker I completely agree. Ever look at someone and think to yourself "how can I be friends with such an asshole?" or something like that. I've known this chick since I was 12!!! I was FLOORED she thought it was OK! I couldn't believe the words - and the attitude behind the words. I am also so mad that herpes and HIV tests are not STANDARD as part of a regular STD check. I've had 3 in the past. Each time I said "I want to be tested for everything". I know it's my responsibility to know the facts but I question the level of responsibility of the healthcare professional to then say "ok, you know this includes blah blah blah and not blah blah". IDK, seems like the ball is dropped on this.

Lying about when you got the results isn't going to make anything better. I agree that you need to come clean. You can't base a relationship on a lie. And it's not fair to him that you haven't told him, especially if you had sex so close to a breakout. Not that the timing matters, but the probability of passing this onto him is greater. There is always the possibility that he will not forgive you, but that's a risk you have to take. As far as the risk of people finding out - don't you think the risk of him unknowingly passing this on to others and then them passing it on and so on and so on far outweighs you feeling a little embarrassed? How long have you known you've had herpes? Why do you think he has given you something?

oh - and NO question is a silly question :-)

I'm very knew to this, but I think that as long as there is not contact between where you have the OB and your daughter's skin, you should be fine? Maybe wear board shorts or something like that when swimming? just something to cover that up a little bit more

One of the first people I turned to when I found out I had this was a childhood friend of mine I'll call "Amy". Turns out she's had it for 10 years! As we are talking, it hit me - all the conversations we've had lately about her conquests from her out of control online dating to find "the one". Some of those "dates" have turned into one night stands. So I ask her if she discloses she has herpes with these guys. Especially since she has told me that she does not always use a condom. She said NO! There must have been an immediate "look" on my face because she says to me "Don't give me that look - you'll get lax about it too". She told me how she was very careful when she found out those years ago. But, as time went on and the OB's got less, she didn't worry about it. She said she hasn't had an OB in a couple years. Then she says to me "One day you'll get drunk, bring a guy home and just have sex with him, knowing you will never see him again. And you WONT tell him. I'll bet ya". Another friend I talked to was "Sally". Sally is married to "Tom". When I told her, she told me that Tom has it and they had sex for 3 months before he disclosed it to her!!!! Unprotected most of the time. And she wasn't mad about it! They have been together for 5 years and she is negative. I cannot imagine EVER sleeping with someone again and NOT disclosing to them. Drunken one-night stand or not. Mainly because I would never want that done to me. And, if I ever found out that someone had it, knew they had it, and STILL had sex with me without disclosing it, I really don't know if I could ever forgive them - whether they gave it to me or not. What are your thoughts?

hahahaha is it that obvious that I am still in shock? :-) I think now that the man drama is done, and once I start focusing on me, it will be better. This diagnosis has really been the icing on the cake for me. Kind of a wake up call to change some things.

So, I've known that I've had this for about two weeks. And my initial reaction was 'what the hell' as well. I placed blame, thought I was disgusting and thought I would never want to have sex again. As far as being hurt because your partner did not care enough to get a test - if most people are like me, it is assumed that herpes is part of the panel of a standard STD test that is given. I only found out last week that it is not. Had you been tested yourself before this happened? If not, you may have had it and not known (80% do). I don't know you or your partner so I cannot really comment too much on the caring piece. But I can say, that if your partner is like me, the other assumption is that, if you have herpes, you should know you have it. How wrong I was. I never knew it could snuggle up and be dormant in my body with NO SIGNS, For Years. There is no point to make blame. Blame is toxic. The only time blame should be placed is IF the person who gave it to you KNEW he had it and STILL had sex with you without disclosing. I get the anger, believe me. I am pissed I have to deal with this forever. I am pissed this has ruined my relationship (although, if this ruined it, I'm sure something else would have as well). Move past the anger. Move past the blame. As you research and learn about the disease itself, you will feel better. This site is a very good support group that truly does not place blame or judgment. The best I can advise is to focus on YOU. The best thing you can do for yourself, for this disease, is to make sure you are healthy. And Healthy is as much for the mind and emotions as it is for the physical. Good luck to you

So, I've posted on here a few times and have put my general story out there, but for some reason tonight I am feeling the need to put the full thing out there. Not that it's a particularly interesting story, but I am feeling a bit crazy at this particular moment and honestly, writing this shit down will make me feel better. I don't keep a journal (although I have been thinking about it lately and thinking that may not be such a bad idea) so I figured this would be the best place to do it. Not sure how much of this is "my story" of getting herpes, but maybe it will at least be a bit entertaining. So, grab some coffee, or liquor, or whatever and sit back and enjoy. I really don't know when I got this. I'm 38, I've been sexually active since I was 16. Had a 15 year marriage in there from around age 21 to about 1 1/2 years ago (yay for divorce! hahaha, not really). We did split for about 6 months in '05/'06. I just tested positive, so, who knows when I got this. Now that I am diagnosed, it makes me think of things and wonder if those were signs. Like, I've always broken out on my inner thighs, high up where the upper thigh meets the crotch area. I've always gotten boils - but I've never had an OB, or what I now know is an OB. So, now I wonder things like, WHAT IF that was really a mild OB or something? But I've had that since as long as I can remember. So, idk. Enough of that tangent :-) I met a guy (at my 20th high school reunion, geez!). Yes, I slept with him. That night. Without a condom (we never used condoms. Not a good decision, I know). Even after I told him 4 times I wasn't going to sleep with him. HAHA! Not that he asked me to, I was just drunk and was really just telling myself that, out-loud apparently. Anyway, the next few weeks are great. Haven't felt this way about a man in a long time. And, after the divorce I really didn't think I even still had it in me. But, I did and it felt wonderful :) We spent almost every day together. I let all my guards down and just went with it. It started as a yeast infection, or so I thought. I wasn't really surprised because I had just gotten off antibiotics, I had gotten strep throat. So, I do what I always do, took my 3 day Monistat and it got better for a day or so. By Monday afternoon my lower back was killing me! Headache, upset stomach, an overall blah! feeling. I've had a UTI before and those were the symptoms, so I called the OB/GYN, told them I thought I had a UTI. Yep, bacteria and blood in the urine, here are some antibiotics. Cool. That was Tuesday. No visual check was done that day btw. By Thursday it hurt to bend over, hurt to sit down, hurt to walk. I called the doc. They HAD to see me - something isn't right down there (those were my words to the lady at the desk hahaha). By Thursday night I could not even wipe myself - I had to pat dry after I pee'ed. And the peeing - OMG. My stomach was swollen too. I've lost 16 pounds over the last 3 or 4 months and pants that were loose around the waist were tight, that's how bloated I was. And, the worst cramps ever. I never get cramps. I think I kinda knew by Thursday night that I was going to walk out of the doc's office Friday not very happy. They got the results of the urine taken the Tuesday before and it had come back negative for a UTI. A visual confirmed lesions. Lots of lesions. On my right labia and cervex. My NP sat with me and held my hand, slowly told me some basic facts and told me about the blood test. I told her, test me for everything, I don't care if insurance covers it or not. Good news, everything else is negative. But I am positive for HSV2. So, first thing I do is call the BF (I didn't have the blood results back yet, just the visual confirm). His response? "I'm so sorry you are going through that babe. Chin up, it'll be OK". Ummm - OK, thank you for being so understanding but you do realize that I have herpes and we have been having unprotected sex for a month AND it's a pretty good chance that if you DON'T have it, you probably do now?!?!? (I am aware I did not disclose that information properly now) "Babe, it's ok. It goes away eventually. We will be fine - we will get through it together." So, he was getting sick at this point. Swollen glands, fever, upset stomach ... I think you know what I'm thinking at this point. I'm thinking I gave him herpes and he's having an outbreak. He swears nothing is "going on down there", "it's just a cold babe". So, I go over and cook him chicken noodle soup from scratch and bring him more Tylenol Cold. And he holds me while I cry about this new development and tells me it's ok. And we spend the night together cuddled up and telling each other we love each other. Are you barfing yet? Let me explain why this is such a development for me. You see, I divorced my husband of 15 years because I found out he was shooting up drugs behind my back. He was crushing up pain pills and injecting it between his toes and in his ankles. So, needless to say, I have some trust issues. I mean, if you can't trust your Partner in Life, who can you trust? And the so called men I've dated since the divorce have been real douches (sorry guys, I know you ALL aren't douches) so I've had my walls up. And I finally let them down. OK - fast forward. I spend the rest of the week being ignored by the BF and crying. He said he loved me. He said we'd be together. WAAAH WAAAH WAAAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Whatever, I'm over it hahahaha. When I originally started writing My Story, I thought I wanted to talk more about him. But, ya, not so much. Why spend time thinking about someone who doesn't think I'm worth it anyway. Long story short with him - his actions show him as being a man I did not want to be with anyway. And, his loss, cuz I'm awesome (at least that's what all the guys that have dumped me have told me ...). I am still crying, but I don't think it's just the herpes or the ex-BF. It's been a shitty few years. Divorced, heart broken, my father died last year (on my parent's 47 wedding anniversary), trying to be there for my mom, work is a bitch .. and now herpes. I think it's just all hitting me emotionally at once. Oh ya, and I'm switching birth controls right now soooo, got the good old hormones all worked up right now! Anyway, it's just life I know. I do have to say that I have realized that I do have some wonderful people in my life. At first I didn't say anything to anyone. I just needed to process the info and let the shock wear off. I couldn't have done that without this site, so thank you to all of you that have posted your own stories, asked the hard questions, responded to my posts and reached out to me. I did end up telling my one friend, who told me "honey - I've had it for 10 years. what do you want to know?". I told my other friend, who told me "oh my sister has had it forever! it's really not a big deal girl!". I told my other friend today, who told me "oh ya, (her husband) has it. I'm still negative and we've been together 5 years!". So, I told my mother tonight. Who also treated it like no big deal. Which, if you know Catholic Italians in their 70's from Brooklyn, you know how shocking it is that they treat ANYTHING as NOT a big deal! hahaha. Anyway - that is 'my story'. Hope you all enjoyed :-) I'm always open to a buddy. I'm a 38 year old female in Florida. Feel free to message me if I can help you ... or if you read my posts and think I need help myself! hahahaha

hahahahah I am Jenn-nay!!! I'm done :-) when he texted that I was like whaaaaat????

I thought that was the case at first too @forgivenessandpeace however my blood test came back positive, so I've had this for more than 3 months. We've only been together for a month. I'm not sure if he has gotten tested or not. At this point I have to stop caring about that. I did all I could do for him. I gave him the info to this site and some basic facts. If I did give it to him then I didn't know so I gotta stop feeling bad about that too :-) if only i could take my own advice! hahahaha

you are so right girl! what a jerk. guys say we are hard to figure out??? they are the ones that are hard to figure out! hahha I ended up going to his door, he wouldn't answer. he texted something about not wanting to go to jail AGAIN for a domestic situation. What??? Soooo, you want to punch me b/c I want to talk to you? ummm ok. Sounds like he's a bit of a psycho. so, F him! I'm done! Me and my moscato are just enjoying watching TV and typing up My Story :-) Thanks for everything you do on here :-)

great points! Thanks Dancer :-)

:) I originally named my cat Theo - until I found out she was a girl hahaha I hope your blood results will at least let you know if you have had this for a while or if it's somewhat new. I myself thought FOR SURE that my current boyfriend gave this to me ... until last week when I got the positive result. Unfortunately though, if it comes back positive, you may never know when/who. I thought for sure that I would still know even if I had a positive result - until I then learned that you don't even have to have sex to get this. And, a condom is only 50% effective. So, ya, that's that. And if you are like me, I live for closure so that has been the most difficult part of all of this, well, that and the fact that my boyfriend is no longer speaking to me, so maybe I don't even have one by this point. Anyway - I really do hope the result gives you the closure you are needing, just prepare yourself for the fact that it might not.

I don't have much experience with the disclosure piece as I've only been diagnosed in the last couple of weeks But, just an observation of the sexes, my general conclusion is that guys seem to shut down and push away whenever dealing with something big. That could just be my observation though :-)