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threelittlebirds

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Everything posted by threelittlebirds

  1. @desertlove I'm happy to share!! I'm glad you enjoyed it and hope it helps.. Stay strong! Looking forward to reading your success story in the future :)
  2. Hi Lilly82... I'm sorry you were rejected. Rejection hurts. I know. Even though he says he wasn't feeling a connection, you will just never know what his true motivation to break it off was, so try not to dwell too much on that part. Congratulations on disclosing, whatever the outcome. You spoke your truth and that should empower you. He doesn't have to accept it, but now you are free to move on to someone who will love all of you. Someone who will be better suited to you. Stay strong friend, and enjoy all the possibilities life has waiting for you.
  3. Ok... For anyone who read this and thought- wow, this girl is completely nuts... well, yes I am a little crazy but hey, we're all a liiiiitle bit crazy in one way or another... right? well anyways, I remember posting this and feeling really nervous about what I was about to face. When I got to [foreign country] we instantly connected, as I had hoped/expected. He was extremely romantic and sweet surprising me with a big sign at the airport etc etc. We got to his house and almost immediately he asked if I would be his girlfriend... I hesitated and told him that there were things I needed to share with him still. He was calm and said, its ok.. me too. So, I agreed..with thoughts of herpes filling my mind. Later that night, we're in bed and things start to heat up. Now, I've read a lot of these threads and a lot of advice says not to disclose in the heat of the moment but I have to say that you gotta go with your gut. I stopped the action, and he was sweet, and concerned. He asked me if I was ok, and I said yes... I need to share something with you. I then proceed to tell him how my ex was not good to me, he treated me poorly... he said I'm sorry.. but those things are in your past. To which I said, wait.. that's not the point of this story. I told him how my ex had herpes and never told me, and that one day I broke out and thats how I found out that we now BOTH had herpes. I said, I understand if you don't want to be bf/gf, if this is something you cannot accept- I wanted to tell you so that you have the choice that I did not. He looked at me with tears in his eyes, and asked me- "will you be my girlfriend?" I said yes, as I started to cry tears of relief. Then he started to ask me about the symptoms I experienced when I have outbreaks. He was describing them in great detail as I answered yes, that's what its like.... Then he told me... He has herpes too. He told me he felt SO relieved because it was his deepest, darkest secret. He never had any education on the subject and had no idea where to get information or help. He told me he would "pop the water bubbles" when they showed up and that it hurt and he has little scars now. Also, he had been afraid that no woman would ever accept him. He said he was hoping that I would be empathetic and maybe help him since I am in the medical field and he thought I might be able to be understanding. You guys... This experience felt like sheer magic. It instantly brought us closer to one another, and I was able to educate him on how to manage living with herpes, and assure him that he no longer had to feel alone or ashamed about it. In his country, you can get acyclovir over the counter, so we stocked him up. To this day, we are still together. And guess what... We're getting married! In conclusion, for anyone who is reading this that is afraid, nervous or ashamed.. my best advice- Stand in your truth, and it will set you free. Before this, I had disclosures that didn't go well, and I was rejected. Be strong and courageous and stand in your truth. If you allow it, living with herpes can guide you and empower you. Thanks for letting me share my happily ever after.. my success story :)
  4. Ok.. So I met someone while on vacation.. Didn't think it was going any farther than "can we get lunch".. We didn't even get that far, seeing as I was busy doing touristy stuff with my girlfriends.. Anyways fast forward a few months and he has swept me off my feet. I'm going back to visit him for a week in about a month for Christ sake. Anyways, as fun as this whole thing has been and as much as I would like it to continue, i still have reservations.. Aside from the fact that he may not accept my herpes status (ghsv). I'm not sure what to expect when I get there.. So far he's been a perfect gentleman but who really knows... Anyways if I do tell him I don't think I'll be ready to do so in a month. Also, I don't want to ruin my trip if he rejects me seeing as I'll be in a foreign country. But at the same time, I feel like it's a good opportunity to talk to him face to face about it which I prefer.. There's just so many unknowns about this situation I'm sure I sound crazy to a lot of people. Anyways... Anyone have any advice on the best way to approach this situation? Oh and did I mention there's a slight language barrier? Lol
  5. just had to post an update... The clouds seem to be lifting... Won the battle I've been fighting for work. And I have a casual sexual partner who I've disclosed to (prior to this I hadn't had sex in almost a year and I was beginning to think that herpes would prevent me from having a "normal" sex life). I'm where I want to be for right now. It was a long road to get here and its not over (it never is though, right?) but, I just wanted to end on a positive note and let anyone know who might be reading this that IT GETS BETTER. Herpes and all :)
  6. Thank you @WCSDancer2010 ... I like that perspective. I've started to become more able to see it in the dating realm but I feel so desperate in my career that I feel like the rejections in that area are harder to swallow. I am my own worst critic and I think I need to spend some time with some positive affirmations and becoming comfortable with selling that special quality in myself that would make me right for the job. The right guy will be there when its right and the same will happen with my career.
  7. That is exactly how I feel @MalicePalace.. just pile on the crap! thank you for the reminder that this too shall pass. I was doing really well for awhile telling myself that but I guess after awhile I started to find it hard to believe or, remember. I will look back on this time some day and, things will be okay! Thank you for contributing, so much appreciated :)
  8. thanks @ann122 it helps to know we are not alone :)
  9. From what I know, it is possible to have the virus without any symptoms. So, even if you didn't have aching or pain there is still the possibility. If you don't have any open sores they won't be able to swab for results and I believe it takes 6 months after exposure for the virus to show up on a blood test. My best advice here is to keep that doctors appointment and show them the spot on your leg you mentioned, along with telling them of your other symptoms. Then, make sure to follow up in about 6 months time to get a blood test. Also, would it be possible to confront the girl about what you have experienced and your questions about what her status is? Whatever the outcome, this site is a great resource and we're here for you! Good luck :)
  10. Thank you for posting! Gave me somethin to chew on and a little bit of gas to keep my engines running today :)
  11. My first disclosure was not the worst as far as an initial reaction goes, he seemed ok with it but needed to think. Then he did a 180 and completely stopped calling me except when he would see me out and then wanted me to come over at the end of the night... All basic booty call behavior except it blew my mind because we weren't intimate and I assumed he didn't want to be after my disclosure. Anyways, eventually he apologized for the way he acted but ultimately, its the end of the road for us. The experience exposed him as someone I wouldn't be able to move forward with in an exclusive relationship. It also showed me how I really felt about disclosing and gave me some things to think about when I'm vetting a guy to disclose to and how/when I would disclose. I have to learn to trust my gut too because I had this feeling like maybe he wasn't someone worth disclosing to (or sleeping with, I must add that I do feel that any sexual partner deserves disclosure). It might be that I couldn't put it into words and on paper it seemed all right but I just had a "wrong" feeling underneath it all.
  12. sorry for the double post, got an error message thought that meant it wasn't working!
  13. Hi all, just wanted to post up here. Nothing really herpes-specific per se I'm just feelin a tad bit down. I know this site is geared towards herpes issues but I have come to appreciate the type of support I find here. Life has been difficult lately, I feel like I'm bashing my head against the wall trying to move forward in my career. Dating is still a part of my life and although I'm not currently ready to share with anyone my status, its constantly on my mind. I've had one experience with disclosure and I feel like I learned ALOT from it. I hate to be so negative and I apologize if this brings anyone down but I could really use some uplifting thoughts from anyone out there. We all have our battles to fight and I know my situation could be much worse but I need something to rally my troops. Just trying to keep my spirits up in the face of rejection from every angle! Thanks y'all :)
  14. Hi @who and welcome. First let me say I'm sorry you weren't given a choice in the matter. I'm in the same boat.. Partner of 6 years gave it to me, didn't tell me until I started breaking out and I told him "I think I have herpes!!!" And this was 6 years into the relationship. I was devastated and felt so betrayed. I also know how you feel about dating. When I was newly single with H i felt sort of hopeless... Like I should just stick to these online herpes dating sites but it made me sad to think that my options had been cut to such a small fraction of the population. Read some success stories on this site, it's proof that this isn't your only option. Adrial talks about it in one of his videos. There is ALOT of helpful information on this site. I'm on my phone so I can't provide any links. @WCSDancer2010 has an arsenal of them ;) Take time to educate yourself about the realities of living wih herpes and you may just find it's not as big a deal as you once thought. I too am looking for that real love, someone I can build a life and a family with. I was recently rejected after a disclosure but through it, it revealed to me his true character. In this situation, herpes was my wingman. Finally, make that doctors appointment. If possible, try to get one who is educated about herpes and isn't a big fat prude. Once you know exactly what's going on you'll feel a weight lifted and then you can treat and, heal. Stay strong! You're not in this alone :)
  15. Hi all! I wanted to do a follow-up post as a kind of "closure" for myself and for this particular story... To update anyone who has followed along, I still hadn't heard from this guy and so came to my own conclusions about his feelings about this and his intentions with me. I went out with my friend and a new guy showed interest and we ended up planning a date for last friday. it was going to be in the area where I last ran into the guy i disclosed to and i couldn't shake the thought of how awkward it would be to run into him again and this time with another guy without ever putting any real closure on the whole thing. I called him Thursday night before the planned date and big freakin surprise no answer. So I was content in that I had done my "due diligence" and FUCK IT if we run into eachother and I'm with someone else. Friday night as I'm driving home the guy i disclosed to saw my car, and called me.. then texted me "I just saw your car lol where are you going?" to which I replied, home. he called me again so I answered. He proceeded to try to get me to come over (mind you this is like 2 am). I said "what makes you think you can give me the silent treatment for 3 weeks and then ask me to come over suddenly when its convenient for you???" He laughed and said, "convenient? come on don't try to act tough." Wow you guys... I can't begin to tell you how disgusted I am with this guy. How did I not see this sooner? On monday I went to dinner with one of my best friends, and we were talking about the above interactions when she said, "if you don't mind.. what WAS that conversation about that made him do a 180?" I have never told ANYONE besides this potential sexual partner and doctors about herpes and I didn't have any intentions of letting my friends in on it... But for some reason, in the moment, I just felt like I needed to tell her. Her response couldn't have been more perfect. Without batting an eye she said "OMG I'm so sorry... but the right guy will be able to see past it." It took me a long time to come to that very same conclusion. To hear that from someone who cares about me was huge and, she didn't even have to think about it. In hindsight, as I analyze this dating run and my interactions with this guy and his actions and everything leading up to my disclosure.. I have learned so much. Herpes was a true wing woman to me in this situation... it bounced this douche bag right out of my life before I might have been able to realize on my own that he just isn't it for me. I've gained more resolve for the future in setting strong boundaries and gained a better sense of how to do so through reading, reflecting, and experience. I believe that next time I will be more aware of who I am dealing with before I share this part of me. Thank you to all who have helped with your words of encouragement, guidance, support and references. And to anyone reading this, terrified of rejection, nervous about a disclosure... know that you have the power to frame your experiences in a positive light. I know I will be nervous and scared the next time I find myself disclosing but, I look forward to it. To finding someone I feel I am able to open up to. This rejection did not discourage me, no, it has only strengthened my resolve to find someone that can equal my intention, effort, and respect. Dealing and living with herpes has pointed me in the right direction to find that special someone :)
  16. Thanks for sharing @Faith512! I love reading success stories that are products of being authentic, vulnerable, and respectful. It encourages me to continue this way on my journey. You deserve this happiness! And kudos to your man, I can't wait to find me one of those! ;) These stories replenish my faith that they exist!
  17. @forgivenessandpeace I'm glad this thread is helpful... I feel a little crazy sometimes! haha. And thank you for the reminder of encouragement :) I have to agree, I feel like this guy is making me an option. Stringing me along. If he wanted me or cared about me he would make it happen. I had mentioned in an earlier post that I was going to send something to end it. At this point, I've kind of settled in to the silence. He doesn't care to let me know what's going on, I don't think he'd care to hear that I'm moving on. I'm still thinking about the possibility of saying something versus not saying anything but, the more time that passes the less relevant I feel it would be to say anything.
  18. I should have been more clear.. It's good that there were no visible outbreaks... There's always the possibility of shedding which is invisible, so you can't know that. Definitely check those links out. The information Adrial has put together is reliable, clear and for me helped point me to positivity instead of dispair
  19. I understand not being disclosed to, that is how I contracted hsv2. My ex-bf of 6 years kept it from me... for 6 years! It is extremely dishonest, deceptive, and self-serving. But, I have compassion for how difficult it can be to disclose. Was it right? No. Do I expect that kind of behavior from myself? No. Anger is a completely normal response but, forgiveness (however long that process may take) will serve you well. This is not "the end" for you... I promise. There is a lot of good information on this site that can help you understand that. It helped me when I felt like I wouldn't be able to get past it. From what I know, it takes 4-6 months post-exposure for those blood tests to show a positive result so, when that time comes.. get yourself another blood test. Its a good sign that you didn't see any outbreak symptoms and that you used a condom. that reduces your risk (as a male) to about 2%. If she was on meds (it's possible that she really was) it cuts your risk to 1%. Did you talk about STIs and eachother's status before having sex? Before you get intimate with someone it is always a good idea to have an STI talk. That way, you've done your due diligence. I don't mean to preach on that last part, I am well aware of how "unsexy" it can be to talk about sex and STIs before engaging in the act but, if you are really this concerned about contracting one, be careful. Having that talk can strengthen a relationship and show to that person that you are open and trustworthy. The "herpes talk" for those of us who are H+ is a very similar thing. I hope this helped. Good luck to you, my fingers are crossed :)
  20. @risingsun I feel for you 100%. I'm going through a very similar situation. After I disclosed I noticed a 180 in the behavior of my guy. It worried me, I tried to reach out and he said he was thinking. I reached out again to see if we could talk and he left me hanging with no response until I ran into him at a bar... bleh! We got together a few days later and he was acting "normal" as if nothing had changed between us. I had to bring the convo up and when I left the next day I felt I didn't address what I had really wanted to know. I didn't hear from him so I said fuck it and text him to let him know I still needed clarity. No response. At this point *I* am ready to walk away. In your case, I think its a good sign that he is willing to meet up and talk with you about it. Its also good that he is taking time to think about it. Make sure you know what you expect from the conversation... what you need to know from him. Bring information with you as a jumping off point. the disclosure handout from this link presents accurate information in a positive way and also gives him jumping off points to do his own research... because google can be scary! http://eepurl.com/b4IPP Good luck, we are here for you! :)
  21. I have hsv2 and my partner of 6 years gave it to me without disclosing. Let me just say there were tons of other red flags that I chose to ignore. Eventually, I was so fed up with him that I ended it. If he worries you now, those worries likely won't disappear. WCSDancer2010 recently showed me this link that helped clear things up for me in my current situation... http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes As for being able to forgive him... I struggle with the same thing. It is really difficult but, I agree with @inka that it needs to be done for yourself. I've tried to expand my understanding of forgiveness and something that seems to stick with me is that ultimately, forgiveness is something you give yourself. It's been a year since my diagnosis and I'm still working on it :)
  22. The Fuck Yes or No article makes a ton of sense. Why am I chasing? He's obviously not Fuck Yes so my answer is NO. Even if he was considering it he would still be showing some sort of concern or interest for me, I would think? And he can't seem to meet me halfway on anything. I haven't pushed for a "final response" from him but when I ask for clarity on a few things he leaves me hanging... for a second time. It bothers me that he thinks he can do that. It seems clear what I need to do. This is the end. I'm disappointed but, I'd way rather figure this out now than later down the road. I've been busy with some career pursuits yesterday and today (which has done wonders for my self-esteem) so I haven't had the time to sit down, think about how/what I'm going to say and sEND it. Just knowing that is what I'm going to do has given me peace, though :)
  23. Thanks so much for sharing AmeliaP! and for your understanding and acceptance... its HUGE. I'm dealing with a disclosure and complicated aftermath. whatever the outcome, I maintain the hope that there is a guy out there for me that is going to be as understanding and willing to accept my H+ status for the chance at a good relationship and real love. I guess when you know, you know! Best of luck on your journey :)
  24. I want so badly to believe that, and for that to be true... I texted him the link to the disclosure handout from this site about a week ago. I reeeally really wish I had probed him more about it last night when I had the chance. I fear that if he really is processing and considering and all that, I'll be nagging if I want to talk about it again tonight. I just can't help but feel that a relationship shouldn't feel like this, I shouldn't be so afraid or nervous to contact him, or talk with him about things.
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