I can relate @threelittlebirds. I am still having such a difficult time with this. I am a beautiful, intelligent, loving, and caring person inside and out and I can't stop feeling that I am permanently tainted. I have lost my sparkle, fire, and confidence. My ex- boyfriend claims that he didn't know that he was a carrier. I have my suspicions, but that is beside the point I guess. I have been reading this site for some time and I have mixed feelings about some of the things said on here. I guess I decided to post today because I am facing my second rejection. I really liked this guy. And he doesn't even know his status and has decided he just can't. It stings very badly, and I'm feeling like if he cannot accept this, who would? Before this happened to me, it would have been a deal breaker for me. I would love an H buddy. It would be great to have a male (just might make me feel better that there are men out there living with this and actually be able to talk to them), but I would also love talking with a female.