Iris4

Yes Carlos, ditto to what everyone else is saying! And emily, I feel the exact same way about how amazing his analogy is to the clumps of sugar in coffee cups. Carlos, I've said it to you before but I absolutely adore your insightful comments. I love your perspective, you always bring the issue back to the reality of our situations: that h is really about our relationship to ourselves. It's also funny that you mentioned the True Blood thing because I was just thinking that last night when I watched the latest episode. Many of the comments Tara was making referring to being a vampire, I substituted for h and realized how much of a connection there was. I also read your post about the show Girls on HBO as well and thought the same thing about their HPV episode. If herpes was discussed more openly on television, and possibly endorsed by a celebrity, I bet people would be more open to it. There's this wonderful blog I've read that has a post about that same issue if you're interested called "Love in the time of herpes" (Not sure what post it is but I love all of what this woman has to say on her site) Inspired, I've had dreams where I tell someone I have h and get rejected, or I'm with a group of people I don't know and someone makes a horrible joke about herpes. I always wake up feeling slightly off but I know this is my own subconscious mind working out its judgments and outdated beliefs on h. Like I said before though, h gives us more of an opportunity to take a closer look at ourselves and who we really are. It's up to you how you want to think and feel about having herpes; once you decide how you want to view it, you will see how your world will change as a result of your perspective. I personally choose to not see it as a big deal, and know that whatever is going to happen in my life from now on is meant to happen. I suggest choosing to view it in the best light you can, to me it's really my only option, and it feels really good to view life positively. I hope you are having better dreams!

College guy, I know what you mean about feeling naive when asking questions about how to be safe with sex now. I have read so many things on herpes, and I know probably most there is to know about the virus, yet when it comes to having sex I still don't feel like I know what is "right" and "okay" to do. I went to a herpes live chat a few weeks ago and ended up speaking to this woman who I was asking some of the same questions you were asking. In my specific situation, I have genital HSV 1, and was wondering how oral sex feels with dental dams, in which she replied "they are not popular for a reason." She went on to tell me that she has had herpes for 14 years and has not been rejected once, also that the majority of her partners after a little while of being physically intimate decided to take the risk and not use protection. I was more excited about the fact that she said she never got rejected in 14 years, that gave me a lot of hope. The part about her partners taking the risk gave me hope as well, I just wonder if I would be willing to take the risk of passing it on. I wish I had the answers we both are looking for but I have yet to find someone to tell me their own personal accounts of having sex with herpes. I, like others on this site have said, go through my ups and downs with it, and that's fine. If it wasn't herpes I was thinking about, it would be another issue I was dealing with. I really do have moments, as strange as this may sound, that I'm happy I have it because it's changed me in ways that I can't really explain. Yes, I do miss my life before where I felt more free with my sexuality and was able to do as I wished. I don't have that exact life now, but I feel like I've made changes that have made me a better, more thoughtful person because of it. I like to think of it this way as well: I go on a lot of forums and read many people's experiences with herpes. Some of them that I read are very depressing and after reading it I somewhat internalize what the person has said, then believing that his/her situation is going to be my own. But the reality is that there are MILLIONS of people out there going through our exact same situation, thinking our same thoughts, feeling the same way we do. Some of those people have beautiful experiences with herpes, have the disclosure talk, are immediately accepted, etc. yet they don't go on forums and tell their story. I know this is a little off beat here, and ranting, but what I'm getting at is we still have beautiful opportunities, relationships, sex lives, ahead of us. Not all of what we read about this virus and other's experiences is going to be exactly like ours. I think h is what we choose to make of it, and if we look at it as just a small part of who we are, if we are honest and upfront with our partners and realize how it's not a big deal, then our life might be better than it was before. We are being more honest with ourselves and the people in our lives, I think that's a great foundation to start any relationship. If you'd like to talk more on it, message me. It sounds like we're both in the same boat with wondering how to continue a safe sex life with h haha. Hope you are feeling better :)

Hi everyone, I was just wondering if I could get some advice on a certain topic if you have any. I have genital HSV 1, I haven't had an outbreak since my original one last September, and I don't feel any signs or symptoms from the virus. It's been almost a year that I've had it but I still feel somewhat new to it, especially when it comes to having completely safe sex with a partner. My first outbreak occurred in spots that would not be protected by a condom, so I was wondering if I were to have sex, if the safest way would be for the guy to keep his boxers on? I'm not sure what other kind of protection I could use to cover those parts of my skin. Does anyone have experience with this? When I think of telling a potential partner that we would probably have to have sex like that, I kind of wonder if the person would even want to do that still. I was also curious if any of the women on this site could tell me about having oral sex with dental dams and if it still feels good to receive oral sex that way. I've never used them in my life, I don't even know where I would find them. And last question, is it possible for a guy to get an outbreak on his hands if he were to touch that area without any kind of protection? I'm not sure if this sounds naive but I've read so much about herpes, but I haven't read anything that tells you all of those little technicalities when practicing safe sex. I also don't know anyone else who has it that I can talk with and relate to, so I'm relying on this site. To be honest, it's at moments like these when I think of having sex with someone again, and it not being the way that it used to be that makes me really sad. I think about how I won't really be able to just have sex in the moment without preparation and so much protection involved. But, I also have only been with one partner since I was diagnosed, and it's still fairly new to me so I don't know for sure what my sex life will be like. I just know it feels limited at the moment, and any advice, or answers to any of those questions would really help me out. When I disclose to someone I would like to feel like I know what I am talking about, and am not putting anyone at risk. Thanks so much in advance!

Hi Carlos, I love so many of the things you write, you write beautifully. I still go back to your response to one of my posts about needing some advice on disclosure, and makes me feel stronger and more confident in myself, regardless of having h or not. You are a wonderful example of someone who is not letting something rather small affect your life, and I see from your story, in many ways h has changed you for the better. You've got to know yourself a lot better from having it, which is a great thing in itself. You seem like a great guy, thanks for writing your story and sharing. I'll keep looking out for your posts, I love what you have to offer on this site!

Lelani I feel like I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to having bad days like that. Lately I find myself having lots of them. The other day I could not stop crying, thinking about having h, and getting annoyed that I can't live my life exactly the way I used to. It was the first time since my initial outbreak eight months ago that I really, really let myself cry and just be upset, and it actually made me feel better in some ways. To let myself feel mad, angry, and depressed allowed me to let go and release some of those feelings that are not serving me anymore. I've realized that I'm just going to have days where I feel completely fine and content with myself, and others where I do feel like I'm back at square one. But I've seen many of your responses to other people's posts and like B said, you are very wise, and you know that this is a process, along with everything else in life. How we choose to view the virus is entirely up to us; if we believe it defines us, makes us less attractive, or as Carlos said, makes us "damaged goods," then that is what we will be. We have the power to choose how much we are going to let this affect our lives. It's in those moments of sadness where it's up to us and our higher selves to choose what thoughts will benefit us the most. I know where you're at and I feel for you. What helped me was just letting myself feel the emotions that I might have pushed down in the past for fear of dealing with them. Sometimes having a good cry is really healthy, but afterwards make sure you know how beautiful, lovable, and deserving of love you are. I watched this video on youtube about how to disclose to someone, and at the end of the video the girl said that she views herpes as a gift because it's led her to find more of the "right" kind of partners, whether she was in a relationship, or just having a purely physical relationship. She met open minded people who saw her as she was, and not just a small, over stigmatized virus. I hope you're feeling better, sending you lots of love!

Hey Penelope and Carlos, thanks so much for your insightful comments and for taking the time out to write to me. I really appreciate it and feel better after reading what you had to say. You both make great points; Carlos I really love how you said disclosing isn't opening a can of worms, and that protection is two-fold. I never really thought of it like that before. I don't know why the past couple of days I've felt really depressed about having HSV, whereas the past 8 or 9 months I've felt positive and okay with it. I thought I got to a point where I was almost 100% okay with it, but this guy brought up some stuff I still haven't dealt with I guess. Anyways, reading your responses really made me feel better about it all, and let me see, yet again, that I'm not alone in this. You guys are awesome, and I'm glad to be connecting with great people like you :)

abby83 I am so happy for you! That is such an amazing disclosure story and put a few smiles on my face while reading it. I'm in a situation now too where I am really afraid to disclose, I can't tell if it's because I'm somewhat terrified of being rejected, or if it's my gut telling me that the guy I like wouldn't really be interested in pursuing a relationship after I disclosed. Regardless your post made me feel a lot better and more confident in just letting go and telling him. Congratulations on finding such a great guy; open minded, funny, and totally into you :) Sounds like you two are already great together!

Hi everyone, I just wanted to hear some people's opinions on this topic or see if anyone has any experience with this they could share. I have genital HSV1, it's been asymptomatic since my initial outbreak ten months ago and I've only told and been with one guy since. I've been going on dates with this new guy for about three months now on and off, and I really like him but am fearing so much more to disclose to him than I was to the last guy. My first disclosure was really great, the guy was totally accepting and made me feel really comfortable; I thought I would feel more confident in future disclosures because of it but I kind of feel like I'm back at square one, really fearing rejection because I honestly don't know how well I would handle it. Anyways, the other night me and that guy were together and after many drinks we ended up at my place and I gave him oral sex, but that was it. I don't have oral HSV so I know I wouldn't pass anything to him, but I felt weird when I woke up this morning, almost like I was wrong by doing that before telling him I have herpes, although I didn't put him at risk of contracting anything. What are your thoughts on that? I am wondering if he would be mad at me for doing that before telling him about it, can anyone relate?

Thanks so much for sharing this! I think that is so amazing that something is FINALLY on TV about herpes...and how brave is that girl for going public with it? So amazing, I hope more things come up like this so people won't feel as bad for having it.

I just found this amazing post in another herpes forum from a few years ago and thought I'd share it with you because it really helps to change your perspective. It's a little long but totally worth the read. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! There is ABSOLUTELY a silver lining to having genital herpes. I would love to see people add to the list below. Then maybe we can have a very LONG list of things to turn to and think about when we get an outbreak or someone rejects us or we start thinking we’ll never find someone to love. Here are just a few things to consider: 1) You’ve got it. You got herpes. I know this doesn’t sound like a typical “positive,” but here’s the silver lining: You don’t ever have to worry about getting it from someone else. You’re not ignorant anymore. You’re educated about it. Now you know the importance of having that STD discussion before you get involved with someone. Now you know that a huge portion of the population has genital herpes, that almost ALL of them don’t know it, and that you’re not one of the many people walking around NOT knowing and possibly infecting others. Now you will be smart and safe about your sexual choices and partners for the rest of your life – and once you get past the undue shame that herpes can bring, you will realize that this is a very empowering thing (and especially for us young people – to take control of your sexual future and to be wiser and more mature for it is VERY empowering). 2) This is fresh in my mind because my doctor, who I respect highly, used these words a few hours ago: Herpes is spread through skin-to-skin contact. Condoms do not provide full protection against herpes. Even in practicing “safe” sex with condoms, there is a chance of contracting herpes. Again, at first this does not seem like a positive, but look at the silver lining: Herpes is not your fault. It is a “sneaky” virus that affects 25% of the population and no one is entirely safe from it unless they are celibate. While the thought may seem “scary” upon first glance, I look at it like, “Well, unless I had asked every guy I was planning to sleep with to go get a type-specific blood test for herpes, then waited a week or more for him to get good results back from the lab BEFORE sleeping with him, I was always at risk.” My point here is that it’s not realistic that we are always 100% careful when it comes to sex. That, for me, diminishes a lot of the burden and guilt I feel about the sexual situation that exposed me to herpes. There are “promiscuous” people who never contract anything and there are people who get a chronic STD the first time they have protected sex. You are not a slut, you are not irresponsible, you simply got the sh*t end of the herpes stick. End of story. 3) Herpes is not life threatening. It is a recurring rash with no health complications. It is not by a long shot the worst STD to contract. As with many, many things in life, I personally find that putting bad things into perspective is the most effective way to accept them: I do not have a terminal illness. While my condition is chronic and incurable, I do not have to (knock wood) give myself insulin shots every day or take antiretrovirals or undergo chemotherapy or radiation. I have a harmless virus. Everyone has their challenges in life, some MUCH more serious than a contagious skin rash. PLEASE remember: It could be SO MUCH worse, and my heart truly goes out to those for whom it is. 4) I know, believe me, I KNOW, that the thought that keeps us all up at night is not the outbreaks (pills, creams, and sheer strength of mind can get us through that), but rather it’s the thought of: a) telling that certain someone, b) that that certain someone will reject us because of it, and c) that we will pass it along to that certain someone. Of course this is what makes herpes as “bad” as it is. So let me show you the silver lining when it comes to sexual partners: First, telling someone is scary, but it gets easier every time. You learn what guys will be receptive and which ones will walk out on you – and who the hell would want to be with the type of guy that would walk out on you without even researching it or asking you questions? Clearly, my guy #1 was a bad choice – truth be told, my gut told me this early on, but I was very attracted to him and horny and needed to eventually have my first “telling” experience and there it was. I survived. Guy #2 was a friend from high school that I have hooked up with a handful of times in the past 5 years, but had never slept with. A few months ago, we were hooking up and I knew that it was leading to sex and I was going to have to tell him. It went MUCH better than with guy #1, but he still decided not to have sex with me. We continued to hook up that night, but I let him decide how far he wanted to go. It did not hurt my feelings because he is a great person and I know now that we are not meant to be in a relationship, especially if he is not OK with my herpes. Guy #3 is a different story. I have been dating him for two months now. We were very into each other from the start, and I told him about the herpes on our third “date,” before having sex. Maybe the two guys before him were practice and I’d learned the best way to approach it. His reaction: “That’s not such a big deal. I thought you were gonna tell me you had a boyfriend or something. So when do we get to do it?” Best ever. I tell you this story to prove that there are wonderful, mature people out there that will realize that you are more than a virus and that will totally want to sleep with you no matter what! We are still together, and he is nothing but kind and supportive. It is much more my issue than his, which continues to surprise me and give me strength. And if by some chance I infect him, I know that at least I was honest from the beginning about the chances, that it was ultimately his risk to take, and that really, so what? So I give him herpes. People have given each other much worse. And maybe it will last and maybe it won’t, but I was honest and we were responsible and we all endure consequences for choices we make. Getting back to the original concerns in #3, of course there is always the risk that someone will reject you because you have herpes. It is the sad and honest truth because of how today’s society thinks about STDs. But you have to look at the silver lining: You dodged a bullet there! Hey – maybe that person has herpes and doesn’t even know it! Or maybe the next person you meet will have herpes too, and it will be a non-issue; the chances are 1 in 4! I KNOW that rejection is painful and that it makes the shame issues resurface all over again, but seriously, the one realization that gives me the most comfort is this: Herpes will ensure that anyone I get seriously involved with will love me for me, will be able to look past this thing inside me and love ME. It will ensure that the relationships I cultivate are mature, honest, real, deep, and based on genuine mutual respect and love. Because I have to be honest about this from the start, the relationships I get into will be for real. And that is the only type of relationship I want to be in. When I think of this, I see herpes as a gift – something that I got, that I did not ask for, but that has given me knowledge, power, and the ability to identify and connect to people romantically who share my perspective, maturity, and unconditional love. 5) You are alive. Enough said.

I love everything you said Ty! I keep going through these stages with myself where I feel like I've completely healed my feelings on having herpes, and then randomly one day a negative thought comes up in association with that and it almost feels like I'm back at square one. I've come to realize that it's just a matter of staying positive and learning that there's still more to work on with myself. I always think, how will we ever know what we need to work on with ourselves if nothing comes up? Those negative days are just an indicator that there's more I need to heal with myself, and that's a good thing. Your message is inspirational and beautiful, it makes me realize, yet again, how small having herpes is in the grand spectrum of things. Thank you for taking the time out to write such a wonderful post, this is something I'll come back to and read when I need a little reminder of how herpes isn't a big deal, it's a chance for you to get to know yourself better and to connect with others on a deeper level.

Hi MplsMan, This is really delayed, sorry about that, but thanks for your response. I have no idea how I got to acceptance so easily, sometimes I wonder that myself lol. That's really great that your first disclosure went so great, it's a good feeling right? And it really does seem to set the pathway that you'd like to walk on in your future disclosures/relationships. You don't have to be jealous in a happy-for-me way lol, be proud of yourself for getting to a point where you are at peace with it as well! Even if it took a little longer, there's a reason why you went through that the way you did, and now look at where you're at. Amazing stuff!

I really enjoyed the support group that night. It was a really great experience connecting with everyone, and I like the way you conducted everything. It felt like a really safe, open space for everyone to be. Thank you for creating this beautiful website, and the amazing virtual support groups, that inspire me more and more every time I visit.

I love your confidence and self empowerment lelani! Wow, you are so amazing and such an inspiration to other people. Thank you for posting such a beautiful message about this, a message that so many people need to hear. I would say I wish you the best of luck in your future relationships, but it doesn't really sound like you need it. Although you said your physical symptoms haven't gone away yet, keep a positive mindset! I believe that your mindset and feelings are as powerful as any kind of medicine to cure any physical symptoms; I'm sure soon your body will soon be reaping the benefits of all of your self-love and positivity :)

I couldn't have asked for my first disclosure to be as easy and pain free than what I experienced just a short while ago. I've had herpes for about five months now, and although I had gotten to a place of peace and acceptance with having herpes, I still had my fears about telling someone. Around the time I disclosed, I was talking to a guy I had met in one of my classes. We hit it off as friends right on the spot. We continued talking for about two months, solely as friends. As things began to progress into something more, we would hang out, but always leave the night off with just a kiss. I tended to make excuses whenever it felt like things were going to go further because I wasn't ready to tell him. To be honest, I wasn't and am not embarrassed about having herpes; I was afraid of what his perception of herpes would be (especially considering my first opinion of herpes when I was diagnosed was not the best). I know he really liked me, and I didn't want his image of me to change because of something as simple as herpes, so I decided to wait it out until it felt like it was the right time. Timing I think is really everything when it comes to disclosing. Timing, how you speak about it, and your body language is key to a successful disclosure, in my eyes. So after a while of going over everything I had wanted to say in my head, (and aloud in the mirror sometimes) picturing how I would act, what his reaction would be, every single detail, I decided that I was ready to be cool about it all. When the moment did happen, I felt a little nervous, and "the script" that I had created in my head didn't come out exactly as planned, but nonetheless I was really calm and told him as if it wasn't a big deal (because it isn't!). Anyway, to my shock, he was actually more cool with it than I was, and I was being really cool about it! For some reason, I wanted to word it as "I carry the virus that causes herpes" instead of "I have herpes." Virtually both are the same thing, but I like the former better because it sounds like more of the truth to me considering I haven't experienced an outbreak or any symptoms since my initial outbreak. I don't remember his exact words (I wish I did because they were amazing), but he said something along the lines of it really not being a big deal considering it's 2012 and obviously there are going to be a lot of people who have something, STD or not. He had dated a girl for two years who had herpes as well, so he was completely accepting of it and still viewed me as the same person he started to really like once we met. I felt so great after that disclosure, it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Before that I thought I had reached the highest level of acceptance of having herpes that I could feel, but that disclosure showed me that there was an even higher level of acceptance, and it feels really great. I barely think about it now, and when I look at myself, I don't see a girl with herpes, I just see me. The same girl that I always was, but just stronger and more wise, because of herpes. Although things didn't work out with him, not because of herpes, but because of other reasons, I am so happy to have met him and had that beautiful first disclosure because it has given me the confidence in myself to stay positive about future partners. Like I said before, I really think that timing is key, and when you have that gut feeling to disclose, just go with it, and realize that herpes is such a small thing to tell someone. Things didn't work out with that guy, but when I did tell him, I felt a certain degree of closeness that I haven't felt with anyone before, and that really is such a great feeling to have. My one bit of advice would be, as with anything in life, don't judge. In this case, don't judge having herpes until you've really gotten to know your relationship to it. You may surprise yourself in how you actually really feel about having it once you sit down with yourself, and figure out what having herpes means for you. It may open some doors that you otherwise might have kept closed in your life. I wish all of you successful disclosure stories! :)

This is a bit delayed leslie_c but I love your disclosure story and am so incredibly happy for you! (You're a great writer by the way!) When I first read the line how he made a joke about herpes, my heart literally fell into my stomach, but reading the rest of your story brought up genuine feelings of happiness for you, and not to sound corny, but I'm proud of you for disclosing even after the fact that he made a joke. You set your mind to it and you did it! Congrats on such a great experience, I know only the best is yet to come for you :-)

Thank you again so much for your thoughtful input; you definitely have a way with words! Haha. And I would love to check out the next virtual support group; I wasn't free to do it tonight, but I think connecting with others on the subject would be very healing for everyone involved. And love the analogy to strapping a condom around your heart! Keep em' coming! Lol. Genuinely grateful for your thoughtful and thought provoking responses.

I just read your "Could herpes be a symptom - a physical manifestation - of something deeper?" and am somewhat blown away by your wise perception of not only herpes, but life in general. Each time I have a new profound thought on living with herpes or possibly the true significance of attracting it into your life, I read something from your website and you take that idea even further and deeper into its true essence. You have a real gift for expressing your ideas, and you obviously have wisdom beyond your years. I've said it before but it really is so, completely amazing what you have created and how you really bring out the truth of herpes to the people who really need it the most. Every time I come back to this website for positive affirmation and reassurance, it's like I get kicked back into reality and realize how small this virus really is and how in a way it's comical that our society has created this horrible stigma about it. The real truth of the situation is what you have been saying all along, that it is not the herpes that makes us mad, angry, upset, or whatever- it is ourselves that are creating those feelings. We can simply choose to let go, forgive, and move on in a way of living that may be more beautiful than we were before. I know I feel that way lately; so thank you again for being such a positive inspiration for the millions of people out there who really need a change in their mindset :)

Hi Guys! I'm 22 and found out at the end of September that I have genital HSV 1, and as everyone else can relate, it was news that I did not want to hear. I was upset for a little while, playing the victim role I guess, and judged the virus from the ignorant views I acquired of it over the course of my life. Around the time that I found out I had the virus, the last thing I wanted to think about was having sex; now that it has been a few months I've learned to view the virus from a higher perspective. I've had some negative experiences with dealing with herpes so far (due to my own actions), where I've had a great night with a guy and at the end of the night lied about having my period, or some other excuse because I didn't want to tell him about the virus. And it's that limited feeling that has been bothering me lately, and makes me feel angry for having this. But what I always find myself thinking after I get upset or feel pity for myself, is that there is a reason that this came into my life. I know not everyone believes that everything happens for a reason, but when I think of many other events that have occurred in my life so far, I feel like everything fell into the right place at the right time, regardless if it was a negative situation or a positive one. Herpes, like anything else, is all about perspective. How you choose to view the virus, and yourself for having the virus will affect how you live your life dealing with it. I look at my sexual history before herpes and I see a girl who tended to have sex as a way to deal with her insecurities or ideas of her own self worth. I actually at times never fully enjoyed it and often just wanted it to be over because it didn't feel good for me. This got me to thinking about this whole forums idea of herpes offering me an opportunity to get to know myself and what I really want. Now that I have this virus I am forced to really think about who and what I want to let into my body, and although I haven't had many sexual partners in my life, I never really looked at sex in that way before. In many ways having herpes opened my eyes to sides of myself I didn't know I was hiding. For one, it made me realize how judgmental I was of herpes, (or any other virus/STD for that matter) until I actually had it. It has made me view my body as something more than just a tool to feel physical pleasure with, with any given person, and allows me to see how much more meaningful sex could be when actually given thought and consideration into who you're sharing your body with. It has also brought up issues I've had with myself that I never really knew existed before, because nothing ever happened for those issues to present themselves. So even though it has only been a few months that I've had it, I've grown wiser about myself from it. I know this is a tad long, but when I was first diagnosed I would have liked to read a post with a positive message about the virus that I wrote about in this one. So I guess what I really wanted to say is that everything in your life is how you look at it; how you view something is what creates your experiences. For those out there who are nervous or scared of not having the sex life that they had before (which I do feel myself sometimes), I think we need to realize that the opportunities we had before herpes, we still have now, it's just now we have a better mindset of being safer with sex than thinking that nothing will ever happen to us. If we can learn to see herpes not as a burden, but as a doorway to getting to know ourselves and others on a deeper level, than I think some of us will be grateful to have this little virus because in the long run it may be one of our greatest teachers.

Hello everyone, I have a few questions about genital HSV 1 that I haven't found answers to yet on the internet. I found out I had genital HSV 1 in September and despite the initial upset, I've been really good with dealing with this new aspect to my life. I haven't had to have the disclosure with another person yet, but now as I see myself becoming involved with someone, I'd like to see your responses to these questions. Firstly, I've read a ton of articles, blogs, and e-books on herpes and I've read some statements that say the transmission of genital HSV 1 is so low that it's really nothing to worry about. My first reaction to that is that it's not true, any opinions on that? Another question that keeps coming to mind now that I can see myself becoming intimate with someone else for the first time with herpes (and not to get too personal) but does oral sex still feel good even with condoms/dental dams? I'm maintaining a positive attitude and outlook on having herpes, but sometimes when I start to think of a sex life with it, I tend to fall into a negative mindset (although I know that's only the fear talking). Can sex still feel like it's something out of the heat of the moment and passionate when there is more preparation, and caution put into it? Sometimes I wonder how sex can still feel fulfilling when there is so much latex or whatever sort of protection you use involved, especially if your outbreak covers areas that not only a condom can protect from. If this sounds negative, I don't mean to be; I'm just so new to this all and am genuinely curious about how to continue my life in a fulfilling way without letting these minor fears get in the way. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated, thanks for your time :)