I was officially diagnosed with HSV1 on Nov.7. I disclosed to someone I cared about for the first time last Friday. And this is what I learned...
1. Actually saying the words HSV and episode is a lot easier than saying Herpes and outbreak. Using these words made it easier to actually tell him. Thank you to this site for teaching me those tools.
2. After I told him, he did not run away screaming.
3. When telling someone that you have Herpes, you should not be in the middle of a passionate make-out session. No one is thinking straight. I did this, and what happened next was sex (with a condom).
4. Do not expect that when telling someone you have Herpes in the middle of a passionate make-out session and then having sex, that they will be all okay with it afterward. Remember, when hormones are dictating actions, people are not thinking clearly to make any decisions.
5. Do expect that he will go home and immediately research the Herpes on the Internet. He (or she) will see the bad info and the rare horror stories first if no direction is provided. It's best to provide them some sites to go to in the beginning. This would have helped all of us after we learned of our diagnosis; it's just as smart and kind to provide that for our potential partners.
6. Avoid expressing all of your own fears with the diagnosis when you disclose. Your partner will have their own fears and questions; the focus is on helping them understand your diagnosis - not to unload on them right away. There will be plenty of time for that as you build your relationship.
7. Do not feel shame, guilt, or less self-worth due to the Herpes when you disclose. We are not less of a person. We are better, stronger people because we had the strength to disclose to our partner, just as we wish our H-givers would have done for us. This makes us incredible, caring, and strong people.
8. If he decides he doesn't want to continue in a relationship with you due to the Herpes factor, such as in my case, then realize that there is someone else out there with everything you still want in a partner, and on top of that, that person that accepts all of you will have the understanding that Herpes doesn't define you, and that really, it can be a minor factor in the relationship. This person will be outstanding, and Herpes does not mean you have to settle for less.
9. If your potential partner does bow out after you disclose, such as mine did, don't be angry at yourself or tell yourself to get over it because you hurt. Give yourself permission to hurt and be sad, and then walk through it with the knowledge that you will come out the other side okay. And you'll try again.
And there is my good, bad, and really, it wasn't so ugly. And I'll try again.