Sunflower14

Personally, I think they portray it in a negative light. But I'm glad you can find the humor in it!

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I are super happy together and he's very supportive of my situation. But I still struggle with my own self esteem often and am constantly working to better my positive energy and thoughts towards myself. But if I'm still struggling to accept myself, it's natural that I'll always be a little concerned that my partner may have his doubts occasionally too. What I mean is, when I disclosed to him, part of the conversation consisted of me convincing him that herpes isn't that big of a deal and it's very over-stigmatized. And when people/friends/television shows make jokes that perpetuate this stigma and reinforce how terrible it is to have H, it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with The Office. It's one of my favorite shows and I finally convinced him to start watching it. But since I've already seen it, I know he's approaching an episode where the entire plot revolves around making fun of herpes and portraying it as awful, dirty, and disgusting. You can see why I wouldn't want him to just sit there and watch 30 minutes of that, right? How can I tell him that I want him to skip that episode? I want to be honest but even after dating him for a year it's still a hard topic for me.

Thank you for all your suggestions! My doctors suggestion to me was to double my dose of medication- she said it can't hurt either way. Because my main goal isn't to help solve the problem after it happens, it's to prevent it all together. Since of course no one wants to have any kind of pain during sex, and no one wants to have an OB when they're having sex with their partner especially. I appreciate all the responses. On a happier note, I decided to be open and honest with my boyfriend and tell him that this particular doctor suggested these cuts I can get during sex may be the virus. And he was absolutely wonderful. I could not have asked for a better response. He said he would never resent me, and that it's as much his responsibility as it is mine. He doesn't want me to feel like I need to figure this out alone just because I have, and that we will do it together, as a team! I think it's time I write a post in the success story forum, because I certainly found a good one. :) thanks again for the help everyone. This has been a rough learning process for me, I'm still getting to know my body post-H.

NothingGoodGetsAway: I am on daily suppressants, and I never have any symptoms at all. If I felt anything "off" before sex, I would be more precautious. But before sex, I have no symptoms. I've only had the first primary OB. I feel the pain as I'm having sex, and then yes immediately after there's the small cut that stings when I touch it, quickly heals and no sores are ever present. Which is why doctors look at it and say "abrasions from friction" I'm guessing. But then I also am aware H can show itself in the form of these paper cut things. And that sex can be a trigger. It's frustrating if it were the case, that sex, the thing to avoid when having any OB, may be the very thing that's causing it. My gyno suggested taking 2 doses daily instead of one, and see if it makes a difference when I have sex. If I stop getting the cuts on the higher dose, it points to H. But if nothing changes, it could be the friction. I'm not sure how my BF would feel being my guineepig but I suppose he's already slept with me so it can't change much at this point. I'll talk to him and hopefully he doesn't freak out. He's a bit of a worry wart. He can get paranoid about things like thIs

Thank you for your response! And yes, there's been an increase in infections since H, but I also had cultures taken to confirm it was yeast or BV at the time.. But that could be a coincidence. I'm not naive that there's a big possibility these cuts are actually the virus. But it's frustrating that my doctor left me with "there's really no way to know for sure". It's sentiments like that that make me feel helpless. How can I protect my boyfriend when I can't even be sure what's really going on with my own body. And he expects me to know, because of course he assumes I'm the herpes expert here and trusts me when I say it's okay for us to have sex.

Its not easy for me to ask for help, but I'm really struggling with carrying this burden alone, as I'm sure many of you are. So I'm hoping to get some insight and encouragement. Maybe some of you can relate. I am lucky enough to have the most amazing boyfriend (a beautiful success story I've been meaning to share with all of you). But first, I need some guidance. I provided my current boyfriend with the statistics on transmission provided on this website, reassuring him that without symptoms present, and with me taking the daily suppressive therapy, there was a very low chance I would pass it to him. I never get symptoms, have never had even a second outbreak. At least that's what I had been led to believe. As I've come to realize in other threads, I'm not alone when i say that my vagina has become a foreign place to me since my diagnosis. I feel like a close friend betrayed me and I can't trust them anymore. I get more yeast infections and BV than ever. Sex has become more painful. Which leads me to the highlight of my predicament. I've been having sex semi-regularly in the past 1 and a half since my diagnosis. Often, whenever I would have sex, i would be left with a stininging little line, in the same place, that would resemble a paper cut or little crack. It would ONLY happen to me after having sex. Of course, my paranoia led me to investigate many times. I've had the cuts looked at multiple times by a variety of doctors, and each one of them has said with complete confidence that it was NOT herpetic. They attributed it to friction from sex, or a yeast infection. And, call me crazy, but I trusted and believed my healthcare professionals when they told me it's not a herpes outbreak. They proscribed me some topical cream and suggested I buy some lubricant. And i continued to have (unprotected sex, as per his choice), with my boyfriend. Until today. My incessant worrying led me to ask my gyno again today. I had just had sex the day before, there was a lot of friction and I was not very lubricated, and I was left with that all too familiar pain. I'm 22 years old, and understand that I am too young to be suffering from dryness during sex. This can't be a normal thing. It never happened in my relationship before my diagnosis... But who knows. Maybe my body is just different after H and I really do just need lubricant. My gyno that I saw today is the first doctor to suggest it is possibly the H virus being aggravated by sex. But EVERY time? With literally no symptoms any other time, besides post sex?? My fear now is not about me. The hardest part for me is not dealing with the way it affects my life personally, it's the constant worrying and anxiety that I'll give it to someone who is only taking the risk because he trusts me. It's such a burden to carry alone, it keeps me up at night. If these stupid little cuts are in fact an outbreak that means literally every time I've had sex there's a very good chance of transmission. Can anyone relate or give some kind input? I haven't done much digging on other forums but has anyone actually given their partner H? I can't imagine the feeling. Even if they know the risk is there, there must still be some resentment even subconsciously.

My amazing boyfriend, who does not have H, has decided to take the risk with me and not use condoms. I take antivirals daily as suppressive therapy so his risks are still reduced thanks to that. However, I've been having the same issue for some time now and it never affected me until I had him to protect. I sometimes experience itching, redness, and sometimes small rash like bumps. But there is no pain, and it is absolutely nothing like when I was first diagnosed. No painful blisters, etc. When Ive gone to the doctor they've told me it was due to a yeast infection, or bacterial vaginitis. And one doctor told me, when I asked her this same question, that I will know for sure when it is H because it will be painful blisters like the first time I had it. That if you experience an outbreak with symptoms you don't experience asymptomactic outbreaks or outbreaks with super mild symptoms. I really would love to have this cleared up for me because its important to me that I know when it is safe to have sex. How can I know for sure if I am having an outbreak?