Rj17

In the US, IGG was over 5.0, I forget exactly. I just thought I would hop on some meds to cut the risk of transmission down but I guess that is not how it works. Ill try planned parenthood. Thanks!

Background: Male, recently diagnosed HSV-2 few months ago but odds are its from a while ago. No symptoms. Partner is negative and we both would like to keep it that way so we are as safe as we can be for the time being. I would like to get on antivirals to help cut the risks even more but I am running into issues with Doctors. My Doc is close to 100 years old and was very kind but straight told me its nothing to worry about and he cant help. I pushed it and he sent me to an ID Doc. She tells me she will not give meds for HSV2 unless I have OBs a few times a year...I explain that I dont have any obs but understand that it will cut the risk of passing it on. She told me to wear a condom, it cuts the risk to close to 100%...ok...no...I know that is not true. She will only give meds without an ob if I was married can prove my partner is negative and we are trying to get pregnant. I dont want to have a baby in order to get meds for herpes...seems mildly extreme :) Is this normal? You can not get antivirals without obs? I understand that condoms + meds is not 100% but its better than just a condom.

I have been dating a great woman the past few weeks, but this cloud was just hanging over my head. It is still pretty early on in the relationship, i dont know her all that well but things were moving quickly in to the point I had to say something this weekend. I was all ready, had all my facts in order, knew what I was going to say. You know how smooth it comes out in those videos...yeah... it was nothing like that. We watched a movie at my house and when it was over..it was now or never. I went in with confidence but as soon as I opened my mouth to talk I just went blank...I was a complete bumbling idiot. It.was.bad. I kinda just stood there for a minute with my mouth open and her staring at me then this random stuff just came pouring out all out of order and confused it was a complete train wreck. It was so awful that I didn't even hear her say she didn't care! I just kept talking and she finally had to tell me to shut up and listen. It is a complete non issue for her. She was more impressed that I told her, thought it was sweet but silly that I was nervous about it. I explained the risks and she laughed said she understood and has been tested for it. She works in the medical field and understands what it is. She just shrugged and said we would be careful but if that is the worst thing about me it was not a big deal. I kinda just stood there like a fool, shocked. It was so bad...I started again like maybe you didn't hear me... lol! It took under five minutes and we just went on with the rest of the night and made plans for the rest of the week. She even laughed the next morning about my delivery, she thought it was cute ha! I am still in shock.

".. odds are they are terribly under-informed and they just don't know the truth" Yeah that was a funny part. I caught myself correcting them and thinking wow how do you not know this....Oh wait I had no idea a few months ago either :).

I jumped on the bandwagon...told a bunch of friends and family about my story this weekend. Reactions were classic. ha! Being a guy I was not too worried about what my guy friends would say. Most of them just shook their heads and laughed which I expected, they did not care. 90 seconds of wtf happened and we moved on. I got one "holy shit welcome to the club I never told anyone" which was entertaining. The reactions from my women friends was more surprising. I was not really sure what to expect. I got a few pity looks and longer talks but they all were fine. Even got a "who cares I'll date you" which made my day. I was so nervous to tell people but the overall reaction was that sucks, who cares, why are you worried. Maybe a few more pity looks then I wanted but that was it. Got a lot of free beers out of the deal so it all turned out pretty easy. Most were more concerned that I was saying something, like wow that really must really be weighing on you if you said something not like you. Felt good, needed to tell someone I guess.....now on to the dating talks...that is the next fun one. Thanks for the idea. Was awkward as hell but for me personally it was better than keeping it in.

You are not alone and I am sorry. I know that is a small comfort, but I hope it is something. I am absolutely heartbroken that my ex left. I wish nothing more then to go 1 day or 1 hour with out her popping in my head. And there I was thinking that breakups got easier as you got older! Then you add in HSV2 to the mix... ohhhh you silly HSV2...and the post breakup drama has been monumental. Down right epic. It has actually overlaid my thoughts on H to be honest, its hard to pick out what im sad about. The guilt/fear that she has something that I gave her compared to wanting her back, compared to I have no idea if she gave it to me and I honestly would not even care if she did... its all to frustrating some days. We have all learned the hard way hearing this news can come as a shock, people handle that differently. For whatever reason it has made me join here and write and open up to people which is 100% the opposite of what I do normally. I would shut down to process just about anything before ha. As PB said it has nothing to do with you. It does sound like he has shut down to process which I have done many times. The important thing is not what he does, it is what you do. I am just starting to realize that myself. Others will do what they do, no control over that, but we can control what we do. The hurt is brutal and its real but from past experiences I know it will get easier with work and time. I have found that goals have helped me so far. I have a few goals that im working on for dealing with H and her. I broke them down into short (very very very short) term goals. That way I can knock them off the list and see the progress, keeps me distracted and moving forward. I have a 4 month goal that I broke down into days, and listed the % each day (I love math ha) hit the 25% mark on my calendar and was like wow im ahead of schedule by like 3 weeks. I was happy for the first time in a month. Keep working on yourself and time will pass and slowly things start to heal. Good Luck!

Thank You all. I did decide to slow things down. I seem to change my mind every 30 seconds about things so I will let this be for awhile. The stories do help. You guys are doing a great service here. Thank You! This has really been the only thing to calm me down from running around in circles.

Thank You.

Hello all, Read as much as I can but have a few questions. Little background: Male, early 30ies. I tested positive for HSV2 Igg of 5.0. HSV1 was neg. No idea when or where i got it. I have never had an outbreak that was noticeable as herpes. Not saying I have not, I may have had a mild one but ignored it, been racking by brain but cant come up with anything. So... 1) I understand that anything over 3.5 is a sure thing. I accept that, also understand that anything above 3.5 does not mean much. Is there no meaning at all about timing? No research at all? Not looking for an exact a 5-6 igg = 1-2 years. But there has to be some sort average, a bell curve of in general terms what these number mean, no? Any thoughts? 2) I get that this is transmitted skin to skin from infection point. How, with out any symptoms, or mild ones that I don't realize what they are can I be sure where the point is? I understand that there is a 97-99% that is has to be down there somewhere and I am maybe going down the rabbit hole here but lacking an ob to test is there anyway to find out where this is? Again rabbit hole... and I get that its very rare but this can affect your mouth? No reason to think that, but would be nice to know. No tests with out a sore? Thanks

Thank you all. Honestly Thank You. I know slowing things down is the right way to go. I just had the need to do something... if I kept moving forward, get back out there I thought it would help. It would be like I wasn't giving up...but it is way to soon. I thought I was attacking the problem but that was just running away, I knew that but still tried. Its not about the sex, not at all. God knows if I tried now I would be a mess. It was just about finding someone as soon as possible that would accept this. But that is a selfish reason. I don't even accept this yet so I could not be a caring person in a relationship. Just trying to fill a void, dont want to be alone...which is a bad reason and unfair to them. If I disclosed and one of these dates accepted this today I would probably ask her to marry me on the spot which is awful... ha. Plus im sure at this point I would be a bad ambassador trying to explain herpes when I dont even understand yet. And I am angry. Angry at alot of things. Thought if I believed I was not angry then it made it true, so silly. I am angry I have herpes. Angry I did not know i had HSV2. Never had a outbreak, or I should say now that I never had one bad enough that I realized what is was. I just assumed I would know I had herpes. So very angry at that one....just assumed...ha. Angry that I dont know who or when, angry that I could have put my ex and others at risk, angry she was the only one I have told and the only one I have to talk about this. Angry that I cant talk to her. Angry that I go out, have fun, laugh around others and it is 100% fake. Angry im alone. Angry that this make be feel weak, less of a man that I could have put people I cared about at risk. Im even angry that im angry because there are so so so many things that are worse than herpes, it feels selfish that im mad about something so small compared to what others deal with on a daily basis. Thank you for the quote...it stuck in my head all day. "Peace is the result of training your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be." If that is peace, wow. Just wow. I am no where close to accepting this. Intellectually I understand I have this. But I am still trying to attack a problem, trying to find a work around so i can ignore it. Thanks again

First thank you for the site, this has been beyond helpful. Great info and everyone's uplifting tone is outstanding, I cant thank you enough for having this out there. I'm a guy in his early 30ies, just out of a long term relationship. We both had STD tests before we started dating mine was honestly longer before than it should have been. Of course neither of us were tested for herpes then. I had just assumed the Doc says your good to go, that you are actual good to go... Doing the math it could have been either of us, I am honestly not sure if I ever was tested for it. That two responsible adults were so silly about this is the most maddening thing. She left about a two months ago. So I decided to get back out there pretty quickly, dusted off the weights, comb my hair, buy some new threads ready to go. A few weeks ago an idea: Hey! Lets get an STD test! Boom you have HSV-2. What. The. Hell. In hindsight paying some place so you get your Labcorp results online was not the best plan. Reading it on your phone at work in the coffee room was a worse plan. Ok...call the Doc, Google Herpes 2...oh this is great...doom. Call her...she flips the f out. Great. More Doom. Flips out on herself convinced she gave it to me and is looking for some comfort, which I give but she cant stop saying how she will do awful things to herself if she was the one that ruined my life. Wait what? I'm ruined?, great thanks...Doom. So i spend a few days comforting an ex, whom mind you is still waiting for results, no idea if she even has it. Was draining. Went through a week of my life is over which was a blast. Few moments of why me pity. Never really mad, no one did this on purpose, there are a million things worse. Mostly depressed. My issue is that I'm few weeks out from finding out about this and not doing as well as I thought. In some sort of denial or lack of acceptance I am not sure what, not of my status I get that. I decided early on that it wont stop me, its a gut punch but ill keep going, but Im not sure if i really believe that yet. Decided that the best plan (I have awful plans) was to hurry up and meet someone because Im going to have to date around 30,000 women before I find one that is ok with this. Funny thing is I was never very good at it but all of a sudden getting numbers, online dating which i never tried is funny, great responses. Gone on a a few first dates, few second ones. But I caught myself yesterday thinking..wow I like her, she is very nice. I hope she does not call. Or I get a message and Im...oh why did you respond. Now im going to waste your time and drop a bomb on you if we really hit it off. Guess I am not as accepting of this as I thought. Do these go away? Im so very tired of thinking about herpes. I want a cure from thinking about it. I dont even care that I have it at this point...just stop thinking about it. Lets get a salad...you have herpes....lets get gas..hey! yep! still have herpes. In a meeting...who else here has herpes...So very tiring. This was way longer than I thought Ill post the med questions elsewhere. Sorry for the rant Needed to tell someone about this. Thanks for reading.