My 20 years anniversary is coming up, 20 years of having this virus anyway. I was engaged to a man who knew he had it but was afraid to tell me. You can imagine my surprise when I contracted it. After all these years, I get it. I understand it was hard for him to have that conversation and that he as scared. I honestly don't know what would have happened if he had told me. I know I would have done my research and been educated about my decision. It would have been nice to have had that chance. Long story short, I was never married and learned to live a different type of life.
After 20 years of having the "talk" or relationships ending because my partner could never be comfortable with the risk, I think I quit. I have had my last talk where I watch as the look slowly changes on his face and I have to work hard to keep the heartache and disappointment at bay. I am just going to close up shop, stop waxing, and braid everything shut. If there's an H equivalent of a convent sign me up.
Don't get me wrong, I want what every girl wants. To grow old with someone, to have lazy Sunday mornings and hold hands for no reason. It seems the only partners available on the H sites are gentlemen looking for friends with benefits or simply seeking someone different from me. Its been ten years since my last boyfriend and I think my fear of rejection has finally crippled me. I don't think I'll die alone or with a life unfulfilled. My life is amazing. It's just every once in a while I get lonely for the one thing it seems I will never have - a partner.