S123

Update, STD tests came back clean. Ended up treating with monistat-1 (following Dr's advice) and it seems to be starting to clear up.

@Katidid @MMissouri Thank you guys for responding! I was thinking the prodrome may have been the itching. The swollen labia was a symptom I experienced right before my initial outbreak. But, it's been days and no bumps have occurred. The itching has greatly subsided, and it really only itches if I touch it (i.e. wiping after using the bathroom). I'm still waiting on my results from everything back. I've just never experienced a second outbreak, therefore I'm not really sure what the symptoms would look like (for me.)

My question for you was whether this is oral HSV-1 or genital HSV-1, which you said you do not know. 1. I believe they're not in routine STD tests because HSV-1 is so common. There is also no way of deciphering where you have outbreaks from the virus, without having an actual outbreak. I believe they should be included though. Many people assume they do not have it because they've never had an outbreak, and that is just not true. 2. From my understanding there is no real way to tell where HSV-1 is in your body without having an outbreak. Therefore it could be oral or genital. This also means that it could occur from the oral sex you performed (if she has genital HSV-1, however vaginal transmission rates for that are low. Not saying it cannot happen though). Or it could be from kissing someone or sharing a drink (which in my opinion is more likely). 3. I honestly don't know. sorry lol 4. No. Mono is HSV-4 and HSV-1 is something different. IGG tests tend not to give a false positive. I believe it is more likely to get a false negative. But I am not 100% sure. 5. If it were an outbreak, I don't believe you can spread it that way. You can't reinfect yourself with herpes in the same area. So drinking out of the same water bottle the same day should not spread the infection. From my understanding. This may need further research, 6. Don't kiss the baby. She's fine. Still come! :) 7. they've probably already been exposed. Don't put too much emphasis on yourself with that. As you said, HSV-1 is extremely common. You're not going to "pass it/infect" everyone you come in contact with. Also, many more people have it than are aware. It is also possible that they have passed it to you! 8. You can pass HSV-1 to a partner genitally from oral sex. That is actually exactly how I got herpes. So, yes, it would be nice to discuss it with a partner and abstain from sex when you have a known outbreak or prodrome symptoms. I, personally, am not on anti-virals. To each their own. I think if you were to be having numerous outbreaks then anti-virals would be a good idea. However, you haven't had one so it seems like the most likely route of transmission from you to someone else would be through viral shedding (which is also how I got HSV-1 lol). Anti-virals is really your decision, and is maybe something you could discuss with a partner. I've always thought that if I were to be in a committed relationship, I would discuss going on anti-virals with a partner because I do not really have physical herpes symptoms. Therefore, the medication isn't a necessity in my opinion. But to help protect someone else, and increase their comfort level, I would do it! So, really the decision is yours. Hope this helped a little!

I've has HSV-1 for 2 years and have not had an obvious second outbreak. However, I've been experiencing itching down there, (which was not a symptom of my initial outbreak). I read that that could be a prodrome symptom. After about 4-5 days, I noticed today that my labia minora are extremely swollen (which also occured during my initial outbreak. In fact it was the first sign of infection). I'm very red down there, and my actual vagina is also inflamed. I went to the doctor today to get tested for other STDs, as well as a yeast infection. However, the swollen labias have made me believe that this may be an occurrence. Has anyone experienced these symptoms as prodrome before, or as their outbreak overall? I know there are also many other possibilities. I'm just curious as to what other people's experiences have been. Thanks!

I love that response lol. Like WCSDancer was saying, it shows that he knows that herpes is not truly that big of a deal. I have had casual conversations with people who have said horrible things that make me terrified to disclose. Hearing his reaction makes ME feel a lot more hopeful. As you said, you are probably still carrying a lot of negative emotions and feeding into the negative stigma out there. That's expected in my opinion. Over time you will get back to loving and accepting yourself! This just seems like you're rejecting yourself so deeply that you're unable to see when someone else is accepting you! (I've also been there). *hugs* it gets better :)

and yes, HE was OKAY having unprotected sex with you. That also means that he was taking any risk into account and accepted it. Not the perfect situation, but nothing is. Like everyone else said, nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes :)

I agree with Katidid and hadvocate. I too have been in that situation and it literally made me feel so awful and uncomfortable. I don't see anything serious coming from it though and all it really confirmed is in the future I *Have* to disclose. It also revealed that I want to wait to be in a relationship before I am intimate again because I feel like an emotional connection (at least to some degree) makes disclosing easier. Don't get me wrong, it is NEVER easy per say, but knowing that someone genuinely cares for you as a person and that even if their response is less than ideal, they respect you as a human being, is helpful. Don't beat yourself up, and at the very least, protect yourself and him if you do it again.

@2Legit2Quit that's the other ironic thing. she's had cold sores ever since she was little. She's more likely to give someone genital herpes from giving them head than I am from sleeping with them, seeing as how I have HSV1, but "genital herpes is gross." I've tried to correct her see that they're virtually the same and it helped for a little while but she still makes mindless comments. Thanks for the video!

@2Legit2Quit Thank you! Yes, one of my friend's comments are actually ironic. There's this guy that I have already slept with post diagnosis and she makes comments about me getting in a relationship with him before he catches herpes (due to him being so attractive and the school he is at). It's an awful thing for her to say, and infers that if he had herpes he would be ineligible to date (which of course I take personally every time she says it). But it's mainly ironic because..I can't catch what I already have. Herpes jokes are inescapable though. I've even heard them on television. I just need to realize that it's an inconsiderate joke at herpes and not at me, or millions of other people, for having it.

@WCSDancer2010 Yes, in general he was a very wishy washy man. Would say we needed to go on a date, it would never happen. Would confess having deep feelings for me, wouldn't act on them. Would say herpes wasn't a big deal, then make a comment about not being okay with possibly getting it. Even after that we remained in contact and finally he had planned to spend a week with me before our semesters started and he never showed up. Go figure. But yes, it really has magnified my real fears of rejection, self-esteem, confidence, and relationship issues. Even if this is not something that someone ideally wants to deal with in a relationship, the rest of me may be exactly what they are looking for. Everyone has their baggage, it just takes the right person to accept whatever it is :)

I don't owe it to him to disclose, but I owe it to myself to not feel shitty about it or accept his shitty comments. THIS! This is what I need to constantly remind myself, in regards to my friends. Thank you :) @sanngrior

I'm a 19 year old female, who has had HSV1 for a little over year. I have disclosed to two close friends, and one partner, all of which I got various levels of good responses from. Initially, I was devastated when I found out I had contracted herpes. It took a lot of research, crying, and feeling sorry for myself to get out of the rut. I had accepted it quickly, or so I thought. Every time the word would come up or someone would make a joke or comment about it, which I can say happened a lot more after diagnosis than post-diagnosis, it would emotionally destroy me. Countless times I came home crying because someones comment made me feel worthless again. Nevertheless, I'm realizing it wasn't so much their comments as it was my own personal hidden feelings about my diagnosis. I had never emotionally accepted it. Intellectually, I knew it was not a big deal. However, already suffering from previous spouts of depression, emotionally I was extremely unstable about it. Fast forward to my disclosures. I disclosed to my best friend during the time of diagnosis. This is because she was who I talked to when I first started showing symptoms. When I found out it was herpes, I ignored everyone. She did not allow it. She called me and forced me to tell her. Once I did, she simply said so. I was fighting back tears. She said it wasn't a big deal and that she gets cold sores all the time. Her boyfriend also has had cold sores. She told me I was over-exaggerating. Which honestly down played the emotional tole that diagnosis has on someone because cold sores are not stigmatized as much as genital herpes. Although I had the same virus as her, I knew my experience would be different. Nevertheless, her support made me feel better. My second disclosure was to my roommate at the time, who had also became a best friend. I came home sobbing, from a night out with friends. One of my close friends made a herpes joke about a girl that she disliked. This was 3 weeks after my diagnosis. I held my response in, attempting to hide that I actually did have herpes (because I assumed everyone would reject). Nevertheless, when I got home I broke down. She forced me to tell her what was wrong and again, in tears I confided in her. She has been a great source of support, also telling me it wasn't a big deal. However, she has made a few comments which inferred the opposite. This set me back mentally about whether or not I could truly tell friends. I felt like she wanted to be supportive, and positive, because it was me, and she loves me. Nevertheless, some of her true feelings weren't what she was saying. This is how I interpreted things; but again. I was rejecting myself. My disclosure to a romantic partner was simple. I told him I carried the virus for cold sores, it was unlikely he would catch it...etc. Nevertheless, I disclosed like it was a confession, and like I was scared that he would reject me. I didn't even look him in the eyes, but was turned away from him. He didn't exactly care, and we had sex anyway. It was meant to be purely casual and I felt very good about it the next morning. However, he made a comment that also hurt my feelings. It felt like rejection, and in hindsight was in fact very insensitive of him. I had asked if he missed me and his response was "not if you gave me a cold sore. haha" I didn't laugh, obviously. It also really hurt my feelings. I confided in him, and I quickly realized that his positive response wasn't because he was very interested in me, or trusted me. I had the idea that anyone that accepts this must be IN TO you, but that's not the case. He accepted it but it was only because of how badly he wanted to get INTO me. So, unfortunately, I went into a long time of ignoring herpes all together. I didn't disclose and didn't discuss it with my friends anymore. In fact, I even forgot I had it until someone made a comment about herpes and I felt rejected all over again. The problem with this was that all of my relationships from there on felt halfway done. I allowed my friends to make comments that were ignorant, and hurt my feelings, and I never said anything because a part of me felt like it would be instant rejection. The truth is, it's not others refusing to accept me, or love me. It's me refusing to accept or love myself. I reject myself before others have the chance to. I constantly feel myself not pursuing guys because I feel like they won't respond well to herpes. I feel myself avoiding conversations that I need to have, because I don't want to feel the negative feelings associated. I even skipped a sociology class because we were studying the stigmatization of having an STD, and felt like everyone in class would know. (How silly.) ***The moral of this entire post, and feel free to skip to this part because the rest was a lot of back story: Nobody will accept you if you don't accept yourself. Your friends can offer great support, but they will not be there every day to hold your hands. This is a journey that you have to take alone. Before you can disclose to someone else, you must disclose to yourself. I mean this in the sense of allowing yourself to see the facts, and EMOTIONALLY accepting it. I accepted things intellectually, but not emotionally. This simply led to me losing confidence and rejecting myself before anyone else had the chance to do so. Do not sell yourself short. Everything that you believed you deserved before herpes, is still what you deserve now. Before disclosing, remember, you will be okay regardless of their response; positive or negative. The key, as I am learning, is to accept yourself first.

@WCSDancer2010 I see what you're saying. When I was mentioning the difference between disclosing with casual sex and someone who you were seeing potential/building to be in a relationship with, I considered the difference being the level of exposure they would have. If it's someone you're sleeping with once and will probably never sleep with again, it may require a less intimate conversation. Whereas if it's someone that you're potentially sleeping with everyday, they would be exposed more often, therefore they may want more information. I didn't see it as putting my immediate needs before the other persons though, although you make extremely valid points. Thanks for your reply :)

I've only disclosed once but I asked them if they ever had a cold sore before and then I just said that I hooked up with someone that had a history of getting them and they transitted the virus to me down there. So instead of on my mouth I get it there. That it is extremely unlikely that I pass it on but there is still a very small risk and I wouldn't feel comfortable without telling them. I also added that he was the first person I told so I was nervous to tell him. It was enough for the situation (casual sex with someone I knew before I found out), but in my mind I feel as though I kind of down played it because I didn't mention the word herpes and didn't go deeply into detail, but the guy didn't seem to care. I feel as though for someone you are considering dating, disclosure may require a deeper conversation maybe? Not sure if I'm downplaying it or not..but I tried to say it in the simplest least frightening terms, that didn't ignore the facts. Also, he didn't ask any additional questions, which may be why the conversation didn't get much deeper. @hippyherpy What is your advice/opinion on disclosure this way? @WCSDancer2010

@WCSDancer2010 Exactly! When I was referencing how worst case scenerios are presented in most pictures for things I could see the expression on her face change as she considered it. Then I brought up that most people don't even have symptoms. She seemed to know a good amount of info about HSV1 being cold sores and "normal" but I kept reminding her that the main difference between HSV1 and HSV2 is their site of preference. I feel like as I get older and more comfortable with being open with people, in general, maybe H will become a standard coversation for me too :) @stillmebutwiser It is DEFINITELY a trust thing. I've told 2 close friends, one has completely forgotten, gets cold sores and told me it's no big deal nobody cares and I'm being dramatic. The other told me the same thing when I shared my status with her, but has made some comments since then that were not exactly sensitive (yet she seemed to realize it hurt my feelings immediately afterwards). Everyone else I have been too afraid to tell because I generally don't trust people. @anna01 and as @WCSDancer2010 said, before I learned of my status, I was extremely misinformed myself. To only think of my initial reaction! The way I cried and locked myself away you would've thought I was told I had 3 months to live and would kill anyone that ever touched me. I thought my sex life was over, I felt dirty, gross, ashamed. I thought God was punishing me for being sexually active, and at one point I thought I was never going to be able to have kids. Not to mention what I thought was destined of my love life! If I had these thoughts, How could I ever blame someone else for having them too? :) Learning facts changed my opinion, so I should feel comfortable enough to inform others too. It's not a big deal at all, and we're all just people. It's amazing how all of this has made me grow as a person.