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Everything posted by NSgreenville

  1. Hey everyone. So this weekend coming up is my Birthday weekend. As many of you know already it is also now the anniversary of me finding out I had herpes. It has been 4 years since my diagnosis. I have to say my growth as a person has surprised even myself. I went from having a very negative approach to relationships and intimacy to then having my diagnosis take the rug out from under me. In a way it was the end of the world for me. It ended that world of being that type of person. It wasnt easy swallowing that pill of knowing my actions were the cause of all my pain. Rather than feel sorry for myself (well I tried not to) I got back into the swing of dating with my new outlook on life after 18 months. I still remember how nervous I was to disclose to the girl I was dating. Not nearly as nervous as I was when I dropped to 1 knee though. I know I've rambled on here a lot. But for anyone wondering does it get better in 4 years (took me longer to finish college) I got herpes. I discovered how to have real intimacy through conversation. I disclosed and lost some. I disclosed and won a lot of respect. And I found the woman of my dreams and married her 4 weeks ago. As I approach the anniversary of that doctors visit I can firmly say thank goodness I got herpes when I did because I can't believe I wasted so many years on foolish endeavors, and chasing the wrong women. Now Im happily married and working towards the important things in life.
  2. Thank you for the kind words everyone. @Miji69 I really appreciate you saying that. The day is coming quickly 9 days out. I'm not sure if I am the ultimate success story. I really think I've just followed a lot of advice from the people on here that worked. Its extremely difficult to adjust after your initial diagnosis. Its personal, its lonely, it makes you feel awful. But the term "this too shall pass" is so relevant. I have found a woman who I love more than anything. Our relationship really has nothing to do with Herpes. When I have an outbreak (which Im lucky I have one about once every 7 months at this point) we merely take a break from that part of our relationship. My advice to most is to just keep being you. Be brave. Take chances. Fall on your face. Herpes does not make you a worse person unless you let it. If you become sour, miserable, depressed and self pity, then you're right, it will make people not want to date you. Not because of your H but because thats a nasty attitude to have. I love my wife to be because her ability to overcome adversity. I try to be better at that each day. I know I dont post on here as much as I should. But I will always have a spot in my heart for you guys. Dont hesitate to reach out to me. Love as always, Nick
  3. WOOOOOWWWWIIIEEE! Hey everyone I wanted to touch base with you. I know that I haven't been as good about posting on here recently and Im sure I wont get much better over the next few months. I recently took a new position that is a great fit. Everyone knows a bad job can cause stress and the herp doesnt like stress. We also bought a house last month together and have set our wedding date for 9/17/16 here in the Upstate of South Carolina. I have to say that when I first logged on here. I was looking to find some other miserable people and we could all have a pity party. I discovered a lot of positive people and some people who I felt were worse off than myself. Everyone was helping each other and trying to pick each other up. Now I'm at a crossroads. Im healed of the herpes stigma. I just don't care about it anymore. I understand it. I know it affects me once in a blue moon and honestly Im more concerned about not getting a pimple on my wedding day than I am of a H breakout. I also dont know how much more positive vibes I can provide for you guys. I sense I've become somewhat redundant. All I can say is don't consider this a death sentence, because its not. Go out there be vulnerable. Lay it on the line. Be honest with yourself to the point it scares you. If someone judges you, so what. Didn't you judge yourself when you didn't know either? Remember to love yourself and look inward when feeling down. If you've made it this far the rest is pretty easy. Love you guys and I'll try and keep you posted on the wedding stuff. Nick
  4. Thanks WSdancer! Right now I think we are aiming for this time next year. Just had our engagement photos taken this past week and then Im turning the big 30 in a couple weeks so all sorts of excitement. It certainly has been a wild wild ride.
  5. Whew. So its been almost 5 months since I last got back to you folks. Even more has happened. We adopted a dog back in July and she is the sweetest pup we could ask for. We are still working in separate cities (40min apart) but we still get thursday-monday together. Also in the process of selling her house so we can buy one down here. But the biggest news is that over Labor day weekend we went for a morning walk in our local park and I got on 1 knee and asked her to marry me. She said yes and we are now planning our day for September 2016. Hard to believe that its been around 3 years since my diagnoses and the low point I had then. I found the greatest woman I could imagine and am now getting ready for her to be my wife. I know that I came here in one of the darkest points in my life and found some really amazing people all over the world and would have never thought I would get through what happened. But life pushed me in the direction I needed to go. I found out about myself and then found a life partner. One who accepted me for me and who understood my hopes, dreams, and goals. Thank you all for all of the support and I will hopefully get some updates and will have to post some photos of our engagement after we get them taken. Love you guys, Nick
  6. So over the past month I have had a whirlwind of things happening in my life. I was fulling planning on moving to be closer to my girlfriend and then got an opportunity dropped in my lap at work to stay put where I am. So after much discussion and working through some of the difficulties. My girlfriend and I are going to be moving in together at the end of August. So with that being in the works. I have actually started shopping for the "R" word. Some people would say hey you've only been dating a year but to be 100% honest. This site taught me to be open and communicate and we have blown through a lot of the conversations that takes some couples years to get figured out. I can't thank you guys enough and will keep you posted as the day approaches when I take that leap into the other big talk. love you all, Nick
  7. Welcome LS, I have Herpes type 2 and my girlfriend doesn't I know that she has her concerns and such similar to you. Luckily when she met me I had known for 2 years and had come to grips with a lot of things. Its one of those things that I can tell now when I'm about to have an outbreak or that moment when my body might fight it off. I take care of myself much more now as well. Here is my advice to you. If you feel uncomfortable about the chance you may get it and then be in a compromising spot down the road, pump the breaks and lay off the physical side of your relationship. Grow and discover the other aspects of your relationship. Its also a great way to find out if the relationship has any staying power (this I know all too well) But about your boyfriend being mad or angry. 100% understandable. Honestly, if he wasn't upset wouldn't that be weird? I would talk to him about your concerns, open up to him and explain the concerns you have. Let him be safe in his vulnerability. Often times we even push aside our own struggles to help loved ones who are in need. It could be a great moment for him to provide that for you and allow him to "be a man" The key right now for you guys is communication. Don't be quite for the sake of keeping the peace. Silence is the death of a relationship. Even if what you say hurts its better to be honest with each other. Best of luck and if you want to read my ongoing post its been a wild ride for myself and my girl since we started dating almost a year a go. Best of luck and dont hesitate to reach out to us here. Nick
  8. Sometimes I enjoyed the focus of work. Kept my mind from wandering. I took some time off work when I first found out. Actually my first disclosure was to a female co-worker who I had a crush on. Sometimes its good sometimes it bad...Kind of like work. Just remember that you are still you. People get sick. People get mentally zapped for all sorts of things. At the end of the day remember not all is lost and you have a heck of a lot of people on here willing to hold you up when you need a place to lean.
  9. Yikes, I almost miss the days where I thought there was no hope for me. All these positive vibes and normalcy goes WAAAAYYYY too fast. Still in the relationship coming up on 1 year. But I don't determine the success of that by the length of time, but by the fact our arguments and battles are just like normal relationships. Surprisingly since I have gotten much better about communication since my first disclosure we talk things out where as before I probably would have said SCREW IT IM DONE! I know I havent been the most active on here recently but its amazing how life is such a whirlwind. I am still going to keep you guys posted on all the updates as best I can. But remember if you want to get caught up in something you have to let go and let it happen. Be yourself, be vulnerable, so what if someone rejects you. So what if they dont get it. Be you and you will attract the type of people who you want in your life. Besides when you find that person who accepts you for you, even with your ol buddy Herpes. It makes all those no's seem comical. Love you all, Nick
  10. This makes me so happy. CONGRATS ON being cancer-free. And the disclosure. Sounds like you're just checking things off the list. Best of luck going forward. Nick
  11. Where has the time gone people!!! Its coming down to the end of 2014 and I'm thinking what in blue blazes has happened??!! I started 2014 with the idea that meh maybe this year Ill find someone special. Heck maybe this is the year I finally have sex again. Well as you all know by now I found someone special. We actually went to my parents last weekend and she spent the whole day with my mom(FAR more terrifying then disclosure) and they love her and she loves them, which isnt always easy. Now we get into the Christmas season and while life can be tough. I am gaining a better understanding each day of a healthy relationship. Based on communication and trust. Throw in a dash of physical attraction and its been all I could ask for this holiday season. I hope this finds everyone well. And I know this year Im thankful that I had all of you around to keep my hopes up. I love you all Happy Holidays and Happy new Year Nick
  12. Another successful weekend folks. She met my parents. It snowed while in Asheville at the Grove Park inn. Everyone got along and they were very impressed with her. If they only knew how accepting she was of me too! Amazing how this has turned from a worried post of will she reject me to 'HEY SHES MEETING MY PARENTS!" update. I couldn't have done this without all of your support. It truly is amazing how much my life has changed in the last 2 years. Ups downs and all arounds, but at the end of the day I feel good about myself and the direction things are going. Who knows. Maybe if this works out all the way Ill have to send a few people on here wedding invites. Love you all Nick
  13. Just got off the phone with them. It is interesting but I'm mulling the 11 trips to UNC (3.5hr drive). Work is flexible but I don't think that flexible. On top of that I have to confer with my partner about me going off of suppressive therapy, which I dont know if I feel comfortable putting that strain on this relationship just yet. Going to mull it over for the night and get back to them in the AM. As for the secondary statements in here. I tend to prefer an "older" woman with a good shape. Age is a number but taking care of yourself is far sexier than youth. Shows you have staying power :)
  14. Hey there everyone. So this weekend is going to be a huge weekend for us. My parents are potentially coming into town and if so I am going to be introducing my girlfriend to them. Given my history I don't usually let someone in that easily, so this is a huge step. Actually more nervous about this than my disclosure to her. Amazing what this site and 2 years has done for my perception on what the tough stuff actually is. Hope everyone is well. Love you all Nick
  15. I know there are plenty of negative stories you can read anywhere. But one thing I will tell you is that you need to stop making his choice for him. Throw it out there tell him yeah I like you to. I want to tell you something and explain how it doesn't always affect your day to day but you are taking the steps to limit the outbreaks and exposure to others. Explain to him that its made you think a little bit more about the people who you open up to. The fact that you are trusting him and showing him you care will go a long way. And Remember if you keep doing what you've been doing you'll get what you you've always gotten. Im hoping to hear on Saturday morning a story of great success. You got your swim suit on and your hanging onto the rope swing now run jump and get in the water. Its not too cold.
  16. So had a very up and down weekend. Had some positives and had some negatives with the girlfriend. Surprise Surprise they were all about normal relationship stuff. Its amazing how we always worry about how H is going to affect our relationships, both currently as well as in the future, when in fact a healthy and successful relationship is way more than just 1 thing. We need to continue to communicate and be loving in our relationships. those 2 things will break down any sort of H barrier. Miji69 no worries. Hope things are going well and keep laughing, I know it always helps me.
  17. I told my girlfriend after an amazing date. We live about 90 min apart and we were going our separate ways after a great night. And I knew I couldn't keep it any longer. So I just flat out told her. If the guy is worth a damn he'll listen. Sometimes you gotta say screw it and just go for it. Have some information ready should he have questions. But honestly, its a skin disorder that sometimes flares up. Let me put it this way. The herpes have not been the thing my girl and I have fought about during our relationship. Its not a big deal if you address it and treat it exactly for what it is. And the idea of "heavy". Wanna know what kind of bad heavy is? If you said listen I expect to be engaged in 4 months. I want kids right away and a big ol diamond ring. That would send him running 9 times out of 10. But this nah, not heavy. You're opening up and communicating concerns you have for you, him and the relationship. For all the gruff guys get for not communicating to have a woman tell us how she really feels about a tough situation is truly a great gift. It opens up him to see, hey shes gonna put it all on the line. Guys don't want to get hurt just as much. We just typically and unfortunately put up our asshole shield to protect us. Best of luck and keep us posted, Nick
  18. I have heard that this is not a 100% protection. I know personally my outbreaks don't usually occur on the condom protected area. Anytime I even feel a tingle I avoid sex to make sure I am protecting my GF who is negative. Just my 2 cents. Hope it helps a little.
  19. @ithappebedtome, this breaks my heart for you. I cant even imagine what you must be going through. I know how hard it is to experience finding out, let alone having someone force themselves on you and leaving you with this "gift". But you are right about it being a psychological disease. Mainly because people don't understand it and that's what people fear the most. Do what you have to to feel better about things. Be mad, be sad, cry, scream, and yell. I did them all and then some. But never give up on yourself. This won't kill you, it can break you down and make you feel worthless but it wont take you down forever. There is nothing but love on here and I hope that the people on here can help you as much as they helped me. If you ever need someone to talk to don't hesitate to reach out and message me. I have my 2 year anniversary with herpes tomorrow. Good thing I bought ice cream cake. `Nick
  20. Thanks Miji, I hope it all goes well. Its tough out there sometimes because we want to think that no one understands how we feel. But in the long run its amazing how much compassion humans can have for one another. Best of luck. Reach out to me if you ever need someone to talk to or bounce ideas off.
  21. Don't worry I don't see myself leaving here. While there are days/weeks that I have been gone its tough to leave a place that within 48 hours of finding out I have herpes I made a profile on here. I put my photo out there because that was a photo from 2 years ago for my birthday (in case you guys didn't know I got my test results on my birthday) that photo was the last photo taken before I knew I had herpes. And you know what I'm the same damn person if not better. As I am coming up on 2 years with herpes I had a talk with her about how my birthday isn't the happiest time for me because of what is now associated with it. And to be honest I feel like this year is going to be better and getting better each one after. I've said it once and Ill say it again, getting herpes was one of the best things that could have happened to me as far as being a better person. It sucks it took that to get to this point in my life. But I now know and realize its not that big of a deal, other than taking meds each morning. But hey, I eat healthier, I workout more, I drink less, and I sleep better. I also have a better job and a healthy relationship in which I can communicate all my fears and desires whenever I want. The old Nick would have thought this type of person was weak or not 'manly'. But I'll tell you this Seeker. It feels damn good to be a man on this site. Because there are a lot of women here who have been let down by men who gave them herpes and bounced or rejected them. But we get to be the strong ones. the ones who give them some validation that there are so really good guys out there and we have herpes. Just like they have shown me there are some really amazing women out there who have herpes too. That and you will never hear me complain about too many women. Love you all, Nick
  22. Wow, so I hadn't even realized that its been since late July since I gave you guys an update. We are still plugging away. Having a very open relationship in terms of communication. We have discussed future plans as well as what we would like to take on as we go forward. Its been very nice that since I first met her I have (knock on wood) not had an outbreak in 4 months. I am taking valtrex and being very cautious with eating proper, sleeping plenty and trying to take care of my body in general, not just because of my herpes. We were actually talking about my disclosure last night. And she made the comment of how much she loved seeing me so nervous. She said it showed her that I was a good guy because I could have just not told her and been reckless. She has been amazed at my ability to express myself when I'm not happy about something as much as when I am happy. Its been great to have that with someone. Hope everyone is doing well
  23. So I always see people post who wonder what they are supposed to do going forward? Is sex life over? Will I ever be loved? And Im just curious to get some quick responses to how people felt when they first found out to when they learned to grip or even the before vs after diagnoses. For me Before Herpes: Unsafe and superficial relationships vs After Herpes: Safety in knowledge and meaningful connections with other people First found out: Devastated, honestly thought my favorite body part would never see the light of day again vs Almost 2 years later: I have my condition under control and am having the most mind blowing physical and emotional relationship of my life. Would love to hear how people have adjusted, adapted, and how they are moving forward with things. Love you all, Nick
  24. For anyone exercising. I have found that the new Gold Bond Spray powder is magic. Especially after a sweaty workout and a hot shower. It has a nice cooling sensation(not like icy hot lol) and really helps keep everything dry. I know for me this is crucial especially in these hot southern summer days. I use it religiously.
  25. I feel for you. Being single through it sucked for me because I felt it would have been nice to have someone to go through it with. But I would certainly tell the guy. Let him now that you went for your routine check up and they told you this and that he should probably get tested. After that just arm yourself with knowledge, and believe me there is so much crap out there. I say look on here and ask the fellow members. We have all been there and all felt just like you. I know its hard to imagine right now because we all know our own story is unique but trust me when I tell you this site and the people on here are life savers. Nick
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