Angel

It's the 1 year anniversary of my HSV-2 diagnosis and I am thankful for so many things!! OMG how I did I struggle through the first 4 months after the diagnosis, with my heart broken, my body itching, my self image destroyed and my future outlook bleak. I am thankful for my amazing friends who helped me through this difficult time. I am thankful for my parents who raised me with love which makes it easy for me to love myself and to see that the H does not define who I am. I am thankful for my strength and my ability to pull myself out of the hole I was in and to not be discouraged. I am thankful that I continued dating despite the fear of disclosures. More than anything, I am thankful that I met my boyfriend (who's not infected) ~7 months ago, and that our relationship continues to grow and to become more intimate and amazing as time goes by. I am thankful that I met his family on Thanksgiving and that they totally love me. I am thankful for the countless adventures my boyfriend takes me on and that we are planning a big trip for Christmas. Oh, and I'm thankful for the great sex that we have ;) I am also thankful for seeing things more in perspective now, for appreciating life, for being a more thoughtful and pleasant human being and a much better partner than I was before. I am also really thankful for this site! I found it tremendously helpful and supportive in the months after my diagnosis. I am not on here that much anymore though because the H is not playing a big role in my life anymore. Have a great day everybody!

Well, on a positive (punch) note, Genocea just reported positive results from their trial testing a new HSV2 vaccine http://www.genocea.com/news-events/press-releases/press_release_GEN003_ICAAC_091213.pdf

Yeah, Aicuris is definitely lagging behind in their response to the termination of the trial... I'm curious if they continue trials in non-FDA regulated countries... And yes, I am living my life now, but it would still be nice to have a drug available that reduces the chances of infecting somebody else even more than Valtrex does. There literally hasn't been any new innovation since Valtrex, which was released decades ago!

Hi guys, I'd like to get your input on this because I'm honestly puzzled. Recently a clinical phase II trial was terminated studying the efficiency of a new viral inhibitor, AIC316 (also known as pritelivir, developed by Aicuris) against Valtrex http://clinicaltrials.gov/show/NCT01658826. There was quite a bit of promising talk about this new drug which was shown to be safe in the phase I trial. It targets a new mechanism of viral replication and was expected to be much more efficient than Valtrex. There's even a petition to congress to fast track this drug http://www.petition2congress.com/4807/fda-fast-track-aic-316-hsv2-therapeutic-drug/. So why on friggin earth was the trial stopped? I read rumors on safety concerns (even though it passed phase I, weird...), but I could not find any official press release, explanation by Aicuris http://www.aicuris.com/, and there is no info on the clinical trial site!? Not even a word on whether just this particular trial was terminated or whether the development of this drug was stopped altogether. Has anybody heard anything? Thanks!!

It's been about 3 months since I started dating an amazing man (see my last post from May), and as of last weekend we call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, woohoo, yup, I'm in a relationship again :) :) I got infected with HSV2 a little bit more than a year ago, I found out ~8 months ago, and I was so completely down on myself in the beginning. At the time of my diagnosis, I got dumped by a guy that I was really into, and it broke my heart. But herpes or not, due to other circumstances it may not have lasted anyway. Luckily, I found the strength to continue looking for a partner, first mostly on positive dating sites, then also on "regular" sites, and sure enough, that's where I found my man. The last 3 months were absolutely amazing, we share all kinds of awesome hobbies and interests, and have great sex. I have fallen in love with him, and I am so happy. I am a very self-critical person, and the herpes has been a complete bummer for me. There are still days on which this infection is occupying my thoughts and dragging me down. But I also daily remind myself that -I have a virus that is very common and affecting the majority of the adult population in one form or another (more people are infected with HSV1 or HSV2 than having no herpes) -It's not threatening my health, and at this point it in fact isn't doing anything at all (no outbreaks) -I am dating an amazing person who in many ways is better for me than the guy who dumped me -I am on suppressive therapy and use condoms with my partner, which reduces the chances of transmission to ~1% PER YEAR (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14702423, comparing this number against prevalence of HSV2 in society it appears that my partner is about as likely (or possibly less likely) to get infected by me as he would be if he was sleeping around, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidemiology_of_herpes_simplex#United_States). -I am still the same amazing person, and I have no reason to feel bad about myself, the only person who should feel bad is the assh** who infected me and lied about it -I might even be a better person now, less arrogant, and more appreciative of the good things in my life. I really hope I can encourage folks here to not let the H rule your life, or ruin your day, to instead move on from this negative experience, to put the infection into the right perspective and to focus on the opportunities ahead of you. Half a year ago, I thought my life was over, and now I am supper happy! Have a great day!!!

I haven't been on here much lately because things have been great! The herpes talk success stories keep on rolling in! I met a wonderful person who wasn't scared by the h at all because his ex-girlfriend has it. Things didn't work out because he didn't want a long distance relationship which is fine. I then met an amazing guy who isn't too happy about the herpes, but it doesn't stop him from seeing me - all the time :) Also, he has HPV, so is used to dealing with STDs and disclosures and can possibly relate to my situation quite well. The sex is great, we get on great, and if things continue the way they do right now I think we are heading straight towards a relationship. Don't give up folks and don't be down on yourself. You'll be just fine!!

What about the new anti-virals? What's the expert's guess how long it will take for them?

Yay, great news. So happy for you and thanks for sharing!

Hi everybody! I thought I’d share my happiness about how my second disclosure went. But first a little flashback to my first disclosure story. That one didn’t end so well. Three weeks into dating this amazing guy I was diagnosed with HSV-2 that I had contracted from a previous partner. I was freaking out and I drove my new boyfriend nuts with my anxiety and a few weeks later he dumped me. What a surprise. Discouraged and frustrated, I signed up on a positive dating site, and started seeing a guy I met on there for a little while, so no uncomfortable disclose was required. Then, not long ago, I went out dancing, and I ran into a friend who used to live in my neighborhood, but had moved away and was just visiting. I ALWAYS had a major crush on him, but at the time he lived in my city both he and I were in relationships, so didn’t even ever flirt. We immediately clicked, had a fabulous time dancing, started making out, and then I asked him if he wanted to join me and some friends to go back to my place for a few drinks. He said yes, and while I was really happy, the worries about where this evening was heading towards started to creep up in my mind. My friends of course at some point discretely left, and we were alone. It didn’t take very long and we found ourselves in my bed and about to take our clothes off. My mind was racing, and right at the point when I realized that I could not delay it any further and that I HAD to say it now, HE said “you know there is something that I have to tell you and it is not very sexy”, and he disclosed that he was HPV positive. I was so stunned that I started laughing. The last thing that I had expected was a disclosure from HIS side. So I told him what I had to disclose, I told him that I took Valtrex every day, and what the chances of transmission were with Valtrex and condoms. He listened to me without being put off. We acknowledged each others honesty, and after this conversation launched right back into making out with each other and spent an incredible night together (obviously with condoms). A few days later he came over again and the second night was even better — in fact, one of the best nights I've ever had. I feel unbelievably blessed that I had this experience with him at a time when I thought my sexuality was seriously compromised. He and I are in no way compatible for a relationship (he is younger than me and in a different stage in his life), but my heart makes a little jump every time I think of him. Can’t wait for him to visit again :) What I learnt is that it is really important how you talk to the person that you disclose your herpes to and how you present yourself. If you are scared, you will scare you partner. If you are calm and explain your partner the facts, your partner will stay calm and weigh the risks in a reasonable way. It worked for me, it will work for you.

My close girlfriend told me about another occasion where he slept with somebody and did not disclose, not sure if this person got infected. He started dating two women right after me that I personally know, and to my knowledge he is still with both of them. I do not know if they got infected, what exactly he told them and if they are using precautions now. I had a brief conversation with one of them (before I knew that he was aware of his infection for a long time), and she made it sound as if he told her the same story and he made me believe, that he wasn't aware of the infection until I asked him to get tested again. This is all totally bizarre. He's not a random guy I picked up at a bar. He is a computer engineer with a high level of education and a great job. We have a lot of mutual friends, so, unfortunately, I run into him all the time.

I talked to close friends who said that he disclosed to his partners in the past that he knew he was both HSV-1 and 2 positive and that he knew he had genital herpes. There is no doubt that he knew. Just at some point he decided to not disclose it anymore...

I agree, I feel bad that suing someone over it will just make the stigma worse, which is of course not what I want to achieve. I thought about the aspect of it a lot... However, in my particular case, there is no doubt that I got it from him. I did a herpes blood test just before I met him, which was negative. Before that I was only with my boyfriend at that time, who is negative (just recently tested). After my giver, I was with several other people, and asked them all to get blood tested and they are all negative. I am particularly upset because I specifically asked my giver several times, if he had anything to disclose in terms of STDs. I am also upset because he didn't only lie to me but as it turns out also to other women in my circle of friends (and he may just continue with his behavior in the future if nobody stops him). I think what he does is criminal, and that he shouldn't just get away with it. Just as a comparison, let's assume he was violent and had broken my arm instead of giving me herpes, would I be more or less upset? Probably less, because a broken arm isn't permanent, but the herpes is. Would it have legal consequences if he broke my arm, yes, it would!

Hi Sassy, this totally feeds into the question I recently posted http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/560/legal-implications-of-knowingly-passing-genital-herpes#Item_2. I believe in California, it's considered a misdemeanor. I feel more and more empowered to contact a lawyer about this, as I truly think someone who knowingly passes HSV-2 without disclosing should be held responsible.

So, I'd really appreciate some feedback from this forum on my question, what are the legal implications if somebody knowingly passes genital herpes? I am asking because the story of my giver turned pretty bizarre yesterday. He so far left me under the impression that he did not know he had genital herpes (HSV-2) until he took the test upon my request. Yesterday, I met with a girlfriend, who knows my giver very well, too, and it fact was romantically involved with him a little while back, before he and I met. He told her back then he knew he had genital herpes!!! When he and I started sleeping with each other I specifically asked if he was STD tested and aware of anything. He said he was tested (he didn't say how recently), but should prob get tested again, and that he did not know of anything of concern. I do not mean to defend my own risky behavior. Obviously, I WAS stupid trusting somebody so easily, but nevertheless, I DID give him the chance to disclose whatever he had to disclose. So, it seems he straightup lied to my face the entire time, and there seems to be plenty of proof for it. Apart from this being really frustrating and making me lose my faith in humanity, I do wonder if what he did is illegal. I found this site http://www.levineblitca.com/std-lawyer.php which says according to California Public Health Law §3198 "any person who, knowing himself or herself to be infected with an infectious venereal disease, has sexual intercourse with another shall be guilty of a misdemeanor." Also, this article is pretty interesting http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2012/06/herpes_verdict_in_portland_wom.html Has anybody ever heard of someone suing his/her giver? What are the chances? I know I should probably let go of the whole issue, but I am really upset. Thanks!

Does anybody have any feedback on hsvsingles.com? I signed up, but am hesitant to pay, as the number of people living in proximity to where I am seems fairly small, and along the lines of what Adrial said, I am hesitant to limit my search to people with the "same condition".

I really like OK Cupid (www.okcupid.com). It's free and I ran into a bunch of my friends on that site, showing that there are people on that site with similar interests like me. Before I was diagnosed with HSV-2, I met a few really nice guys, some of them were quite serious about finding a partner and having a serious relationship. Not sure how things will turn out after the diagnosis. I started going on a few dates again, but nothing has led yet to a situation where I had to disclose anything. As I keep on meeting pretty cool guys though, this may change in the not too far future. Will keep you posted.

Yay, thanks for your refreshing no-drama post!

Hitting the nail on the head, as usual, Mr. H Opp ;) Will let you know how my search for happiness goes and hopefully we can learn from each other! xoxo

This site is the first support online forum I’ve ever signed up for, and I found it tremendously helpful. Some of the posts here are pretty heartbreaking though, with phrases along the lines of “I have never been so depressed”. It’s understandable to be devastated to begin with, being unsure about your dating future, the medical implications and so on. I can totally relate, because I have never felt so lost before. A friend of mine lost his wife to cancer (melanoma). Recently he posted about a young man who had started treatment at the same time as his wife, but ultimately passed away of this disease as well. He linked his post to the support site of the Melanoma Research Foundation, where the wife of the deceased young man described their last moments together. That made me surf that site a little more, and I found it amazing that so many phrases and questions closely resemble those of our herpes forum, with people being uncertain about their diagnosis, feel like their doctors cannot answer their questions, ask others for morale support and help… Except that their problems are about LIFE and DEATH, and not about an annoyance!!! It made me realize to see things in perspective. I am lucky, and there are people out there with much bigger problems. Just sayin’.

That really sucks, I considered myself lucky in the beginning that I didn't have an actual outbreak with blisters, but the ongoing burning sensation seems even more annoying. In the past few days I also had a pressing feeling in the lymph nodes in the groin (I know that this is a normal symptom) and had a fever last night. Seems like my immune system sent an army, because since the fever the burning sensation has gotten better. The really frustrating thing is that this "episode" as well as the first one in November both got kicked off by having sexual intercourse. Is this how things are going to continue? Every time I have sex I risk making the symptoms worse?

Sorry, I should have made clear I got the blood test done and also culture (both positive for HSV-2), so yes, I know I am HSV-2 positive, I am just totally confused by how much my symptoms seem to differ from what is typically described. Thanks for pointing me to the handbook, I will check it out!

So, I got infected with HSV-2 last summer. I got diagnosed ~3-4 months after the initial infection, but not because I had any typical symptoms (sores, blisters), but was generally sore and itchy, which might have possibly been caused by a BV (bacterial vaginosis) infection I was diagnosed with at the same time. It's now 5-6 months after the initial HSV infection, and I still haven't had a "textbook" outbreak. However, for the past ~3 weeks I have a burning sensation all around the genitals which is almost always present. It's not very painful, but I can tell it's there. I saw my OB/GYN a few days ago, but she could not find any irritation, redness, blisters or anything that would resemble a herpes outbreak. Tests showed, I don't have any bacterial or yeast infection either. Does anybody here have any idea if the ongoing burning sensation could be related to the HSV-2? But then why isn't it leading to an actual outbreak? And why isn't it getting any worse or better? My OB/GYN wasn't able to answer these question.

Hehe, thanks Adrian! I started to wonder if anybody had actually read my post ;) Thanks, Whoopsidaysi, for your encouraging words and compliments on my writing (English is my second language). So true that everybody comes with “stuff” and this is basically what my update is all about. Shortly after Mr Wonderful got the negative results back and the amazing evening we shared, he started avoiding me. I was devastated thinking that he obviously was too spooked out by the infection to continue dating me. I was pretty puzzled, because it didn’t fit into the picture that a reasonable person like him would react that way. So, after several days of trying to understand the situation and thinking through it a little more, it finally dawned to me that it’s not the infection that spooked him out, but the fact that we grew so close to each other so quickly, and that he probably didn’t feel ready for a relationship. BECAUSE of the infection, I had definitely stepped on the accelerator and said things I would normally not say after a few weeks of dating, such as how important he was to me, and how much potential I saw in us. So, when we FINALLY talked about this on the phone, I told him that I understood what was going on, and he was very relieved that I came to this conclusion myself. He hadn’t had a relationship since his wife passed away, and he admitted that he usually stopped dating girls before things got too serious. He couldn’t quite pin-point down the reasons, but suspected fear of attachment and feelings of guilt, and admitted, it would do him good to see a therapist. I have never dated a widower before, and these were of course things that I was concerned about when we met. He said he really couldn’t tell if he was ready or not to move on, and suggested it would be better if we stopped seeing each other because he was not what I was looking for and that I deserved better. Not willing to throw the towel quite yet, I told him that I realized my mistake of putting all this pressure on our new romance. I suggested to take a few steps back, and approach our whatever-we-have in a more casual way, without expectations and demands, and to just see where it goes, and he agreed to it. We did not see each other for another week, and I started to suspect that he wasn’t interested after all, but then, a day before I left to go traveling, he came to a party that I had invited him to. He was really kind and told me how much he had missed me. He was with his friend, who told me how he wouldn’t stop talking about me, but how difficult it was for him to open up to somebody new after the painful loss of his wife. We ended up at his place, and had sex the whole night (with condoms) - the first time since this whole tragedy started. So, I guess this is kind of proof that he is not too concerned about the infection… So, in conclusion, everybody comes with stuff, he apparently with more than I do. And while I am a patient person I won’t sit there and wait until Mr Wonderful eventually makes up his mind, so I reactived my account on the dating website where I had signed up in the past (in fact the site where I met him). I have been thinking a lot about how the infection is going to affect my dating behavior. I have a few female friends with herpes who are all very sexually active. One of them is in an open relationship with her husband, and had many lovers over the years. She said that she had gotten rejected only a couple of times, so I am not too concerned about rejection. What I am concerned about is that the infection takes away the silliness and light-heartedness normally surrounding a new dating experience, and adds a layer of seriousness and complexity, like in my case with Mr Wonderful, who I am sure does think about catching the virus and then being “stuck” with me, a situation he does not want to be forced into right now. What it will mean for me is that I don’t see myself sleeping with someone anymore, before I REALLY get to know this person well, and know that I could see myself being in a relationship with this person. Ultimately not a bad thing I guess.

Oops, I just noticed I posted this under "Success stories". Well, I am not quite sure at this point if this is indeed a success story, but let's hope for the best ;)

Hi there, after quietly surfing this site for a few weeks I thought it’s time to introduce myself and to tell the story of my recent HSV-2 diagnosis. But first, thank you, Adrial, Breatheandletgo, and Lelani, for being such positive spirits in this community of broken hearts and self-esteems, and for providing your support and helpful feedback! 3 weeks ago I was sitting on cloud 9. I had just met the “man of my dreams”. I had gone through a pretty rough time earlier this year. My long-term boyfriend and I had split up in June, and I immediately started dating a new guy to numb the pain. This new guy wasn’t a big fan of condoms, but assured me that he was tested and safe. He may have mentioned that he gets major cold sores, but he didn’t have any during the time we hung out. I asked him right from the beginning that I wanted him to get tested again, but he was “too busy with work” and kept on postponing it. I left him after a few months because we had a different outlook on life, and kept on looking for Mr Right who crossed my path end of October. We immediately perfectly connected on every level, intellectually, sexually, and culturally. He is someone who plays safe, so we used condoms, and agreed to get rid of them as soon as I get tested again. We had pretty passionate sex, and I got sore. The soreness didn't vanish, and after a few days I went to the doctor because I suspected a UTI or other bacterial infection, which was indeed confirmed, but on top of that the results also revealed that I was HSV-2 positive. I had tested negative as recently as May, and the person to blame was quickly identified (yup, the temporary lover who told me he was safe, he forgot to mention that he got tested the last time about 3 years ago….). So, 2.5 weeks ago, immediately after the positive diagnosis, I had “the talk” with my lover of 3 weeks. I took off work and met him at his place to tell him the news. He reacted fairly cool, and we ended up spending a good deal of the weekend together. It was also my birthday, and I had the feeling he wanted to be nice to me. The same day, he also talked to a close male friend who has genital herpes, who presumably assured him that it’s not “such a big deal”. But he also told me a story that he had left a girl when he was very young because she had herpes and had such bad complications that she had to be hospitalized. I should mention that my lover’s wife died of cancer at a very young age about 1.5 years ago, an event that strongly shaped his personality and behavior. At some point he made the comment that his wife’s disease made him more capable of dealing with imperfections. A few days went by, and the guy I dated over the summer tested positive (what a surprise) and I mentioned to my current lover that I may have caught it from oral sex, because he had no symptoms whatsoever “down there” but occasionally had pretty bad cold sores. That totally freaked him out, because he had gone down on me, and he even joked afterwards about how “sore his tongue was”. While still waiting for his own results he started panicking that he may have caught it from me, and even if he hadn’t that he was not sure if he could really be with me considering the potential of catching the virus. We acknowledged that the innocence of our new romance had vanished, and he realized that rather than being in the honeymoon phase, the phase we were supposed to enjoy right now, he was thrown straight into a situation of having to make serious decisions, aka “ is it worth dating this girl who can make me potentially sick”. We had a very unpleasant conversation over the phone during which he felt bad for being such a hypocrite who on one hand assured me that I was a “wonderful person with or without the virus” but on the other hand was thinking of dumping my ass over it. He also mentioned how uncomfortable he felt due to the passing of his wife to committing to anything serious too quickly. The evening of this argument was certainly the lowest point ever since my diagnosis, which had been a complete roller coaster of emotions already. He ripped a piece of my heart out during this conversation and I began to detach myself from him and this situation, and to see him in a different light. But to make things more complicated, the very next evening he called me and asked me to come over as if nothing has happened, and we spend the most wonderful night together, fooling around in every possible way without having any actual intercourse, and he said things such as how much he liked me and how often he thought about me. So, yesterday, he got his negative results back (what a surprise). Obviously, we are aware that he has to get tested again in a few months to be certain. That’s the limbo I find myself in right now. I have no idea what his decision on our dating situation will be. He is a smart guy and knows the odds. I should mention that I am a scientist, and I obviously immediately decided to go on Valtrex. I read the papers about the odds of transmitting HSV while taking Valtrex and sent him the link (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14702423), and obviously, the statistics are on my side. I should also mention that I have never gotten any blisters or sores, not at the time of the initial infection nor during the soreness a few weeks ago, which turned out to be mostly caused by the bacterial infection. I did get a fever one night, and could feel the tingling, but no blister ever showed up. After the bacterial infection got treated, I feel like “being back to normal” except that I am aware that the virus is circulating around or hiding somewhere … As mentioned, the time since the diagnosis has been an emotional roller coaster and exceptionally challenging. I am at a point in my life where I am looking for a serious relationship, someone to have kids with, and feel that the infection could strongly limit my dating options. Until now, I was a very playful and sexually open person, and I am scared that the infection may limit me in the ways I want to experience and live my sexuality. There are days I think I am doomed. But then there are days where I think “what is all this fuss about??” I don’t even have the typical symptoms? So what? What is everybody freaking out about? Annoying skin condition indeed, that’s all it is!!! One in 4 women have it, and ever since I started talking to close friends about it, I got to learn who some of those 1 in 4 women are, they are gorgeous, sexually active, attractive women like me! All I want is screaming this fact at people who stigmatize herpes for some unknown reason. Oh, and by the way, the guy who gave it to me of course never apologized…